The day before yesterday I almost lay in bed and had trouble going to the toilet, so I didn’t write an article. Because of the severe pain in my body, I could hardly sleep. People will think wildly when they can't sleep. Why do people like to think wildly when they are sick? I think it may be because of helplessness and vulnerability. I looked at the smallpox and asked myself, if I am paralyzed, what will happen to my family life in the future? Can I still afford the mortgage? Can my son still attend various interest classes? Can my wife still buy new clothes? Even thinking about the past, people have countless regrets when they recall it. If they had studied hard back then, they would not have been able to get into that shabby school of Harbin Normal University; When you have a choice, it would be better if you go to another unit. In short, no matter what choice you make, life will be very different from today. Of course, I thought about a lot more, but the main thing was a sense of insecurity and anxiety.

People of my age have a greater sense of insecurity and anxiety than the average person. People who are a few years older than us are either retired or second-tier, and most of their children are married. Although our parents have to support us, there are usually a few brothers and sisters who can share some of the pressure, and life is generally so-so. . As long as you don't pursue any ostentation, it won't be a big problem. Those who are a few years younger than us are all struggling. The children are still young and the elderly do not have many health problems. In addition, this generation has many opportunities and their income is not very bad. The most embarrassing thing is that our generation has seniors and young children, and their children have not yet been married. Although some people are doing well, most people still have a mediocre income. Just the question of one child's future marriage is enough to make you drink. Yes. So, it’s really big now.

As for me, when I am under the pressure that everyone of my generation has, I am still in danger of entering at any time. One day, Ye Haiyan posted on Moments that the daughter of a woman who went in to petition for petition had no place to stay. I had mixed feelings about staying at this house for two days and at that house for two days. I looked at the change and saw that it was only one hundred and forty yuan. So, I gave her one hundred and asked her to give it to the child. In fact, I know that this one hundred yuan is just a drop in the bucket and cannot solve the child's current predicament at all. The only way to give the child a safe environment is to release her mother. However, these things are not something I can decide. However, this child's experience has left me unable to let go for a long time. If I go in, will my son also be homeless one day?

Even if we didn’t go in, it would still be very sad given the current situation. Yesterday and today, two articles that I wrote with great pain were deleted. One is about Ice Flower Boy, and the other is about revising history textbooks. I have chosen the subject matter to be very blunt, and the language is also very moderate. I try not to analyze or ask why. In this country you can’t ask why? Ask why you are considered an unstable element. Even though I didn’t do any in-depth analysis, the article was still deleted. As you all know, for people like me who rely on coding to reward people, once an article is deleted, it is equivalent to a hawker having his stall opened by the urban management, not only losing income, but also making him very angry. It's okay for the hawker. If you are anxious, you can learn from Xia Junfeng. However, for a coder like me, if my article is deleted, I don’t know who to turn to for explanation?

Without income, let alone seeing a doctor, there is also a problem with eating. Fortunately, the mortgage payment has been deducted this month, but there are still two credit cards to be repaid. If I keep deleting them like this, I will probably have to pay interest in installments. The key question is still, what disease do you have? I haven't gone to the hospital for a check-up yet. I mainly want to survive for two days. Why should I survive? To put it bluntly, I am still afraid of spending money. Go to the hospital now, check it out, and prescribe some medicine. Is there anyone who can't come out? Although there is medical insurance, minor illnesses cannot be reimbursed, and serious illnesses can cost lives just by paying for them yourself. So, in a situation like mine, I’d better survive if I can.

For a person like me, physical illness is still tolerable. With my current illness, apart from the severe pain that makes me unable to sit for long periods of time and the difficulty of walking, there are really no other major problems. However, being unable to speak is fatal. A third of this month has passed, and except for a few indifferent posts, all of them have been scrapped. In fact, before writing every article, I try to warn myself not to irritate them. However, you have no idea that your subject or sentence will touch their sensitive nerves.

For original authors like us, it’s like fighting guerrilla warfare with them every day, always trying to hide ourselves. However, the devils are too cunning. No matter what you do, people will find out that you have evil intentions and delete your posts. Let it go.

One day the scholar said that he would stop speaking, and I understood. Indeed, he had paid a heavy price for speaking, so if he didn’t speak up, just stop speaking. However, both the scholar and I have no memory, and we still have to speak out when things happen. Just like Ice Flower Boy, there are so many public account authors who have written so many articles, but no one directly mentions the government's responsibility. I stupidly said that this matter is actually the government's responsibility; for example, they revised textbooks. , other people wrote articles until they were clicked. I am not telling the truth, saying that someone instructed them to modify it. How can you still tolerate such an article without deleting it? Scholars will not be silent, he just chooses to speak less; I will not be silent, even if my body is in severe pain, it takes two or three hours to write an article, during which I have to stand up and walk countless times. Who told us this is our destiny? In addition to living a life, you also have to live up to those expectant eyes, right?

I don’t want to be an upright hero, nor do I want to challenge anyone’s authority. I'm just an old man who doesn't want to pretend to be a grandson. When I see some people acting recklessly, I can't help but say a few words. If they don't tolerate this, there's nothing I can do.