Classic Internet funny quotes 1

1. If you see a shadow in front of you, don’t be afraid, it’s because there is sunshine behind you.

2. Falling in love is like countless dinner parties, and getting married is just like a dinner party.

3. There are two major tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want, and the other is getting something you don’t want.

4. Life is like a cup of tea. It will not be bitter for a lifetime, but it will always be bitter for a while.

5. Anyone can become vicious, as long as you try to be jealous.

6. The reason why people live a tired life is because they can’t let go of their arrogance, tear apart face, and solve the plot.

7. What is the most miserable job? Just do things he doesn't like. What's worse than the worst? I have to do this for the rest of my life!

8. God has decided who your relatives are. Fortunately, it leaves you room to choose friends.

9. If the heart has no place to rest, it will wander wherever it goes.

10. The greatest sorrow in life is not that you can’t get or lose anything, but that you don’t know what you want.

11. I summed up three words for myself: first, you must know how to persist, second, you must know how to be "shameless", and third, you must persist in being "shameless".

12. Hey, why haven’t I seen anyone more handsome than me yet?

13. I am a white-collar worker: I received my salary today, paid the rent, water and electricity, bought oil, rice and instant noodles, touched my pockets, and sighed, this month’s salary is white-collar again...

14. As a monster, my desire is to destroy at least one Ultraman.

15. Use the blues spirit of hip-hop to live a life like the erhu.

16. People who do not have medical insurance and life insurance should not act bravely after dark...

17. I am not RMB, how can I make everyone like me? !

18. You have to figure out the script of your life - it is not a sequel to your parents, not a prequel to your children, and not a sequel to your friends.

19. Do you want a discount? Tell me my name and I will beat you until you have shattered bones!

20. I originally wanted to eat my sorrow one bite at a time, but unexpectedly I became fat one bite at a time.

21. A colleague likes playing mahjong very much. She said: "10 years ago, I never played mahjong, and when I saw anyone playing mahjong, I thought he was a beast. Now when I see someone who doesn't play mahjong, I just thought he was a beast.”

22. A friend worked as a temporary worker in a government agency. The employer asked her to write anti-corruption materials. She thought of her rich and powerful colleagues and wrote: "Anti-corruption, they are corrupt, I am clean."

23. Women use friendship to reject love, and men use friendship to exchange for love.

24. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

25. Do you think the most sour feeling is jealousy? No, the most sour feeling is that I have no right to be jealous.

26. When pain comes, don’t always ask: “Why me?” Because you haven’t asked this question when happiness comes.

27. People, it is better to live beautifully than to look beautiful!

28. The same bottle of drink costs 3 yuan in a convenience store and 60 yuan in a five-star hotel. In many cases, a person's value depends on his location.

29. Everyone is "original" when they are born. Sadly, many people gradually become "pirated".

30. When most people are concerned about whether you fly high, only a few people care about whether you are tired from flying. This is friendship.

31. To like someone means to be happy together; to love someone means to want to be together even if you are unhappy.

32. When you can’t bear it anymore, just bear it again.

33. There is always a gap between ideals and reality. Fortunately, there is still a gap. Otherwise, who would care about ideals?

34. Not every "I'm sorry" can be exchanged for "It's okay".

35. A friend is someone who sees you through and likes you.

36. Love is like sand in your hand. The tighter you hold it, the faster it flows away.

37. Let the future come and let the past pass.

38. Being beautiful can only provide eyesight to others, but it does not necessarily lead to happiness.

39. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationships.

40. As soon as I get up in the morning, I feel the urge to take a nap.

41. The more you learn, the more you know; the more you know, the more you forget; the more you forget, the less you know; why do you learn?

42. If being handsome can be eaten, then my handsomeness can feed 1.3 billion people.

43. What is yours is always yours, and what others give will be taken away by others.

44. Work is so interesting! Especially watching other people work. Classic Internet funny quotes 2

1. Don’t look back, I only love your back.

2. It is said that women are like clothes, and sisters are brands that you cannot afford.

3. It’s been a long time since anyone has made cowhide look so fresh and refined!

4. Freedom is not to rely on others for charity, but to be pursued by oneself.

5. Don’t come to me if you have nothing to do, and don’t come to me if you have something to do.

6. Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are different.

7. Human life is like shit. Sometimes you have worked very hard but all that comes out is just a fart.

8. If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card

9. There may be several women in the world who don’t eat, but there is not even one woman who is not jealous. .

10. The tongue lasts longer than teeth, and software lasts longer than hardware.

11. My wife said she wanted to see lightning, so I used a kitchen knife to cut the wires.

12. Lao Tzu said: You can sleep well, but sleep well.

13. You even believe the advertisements. You will be stupid by reading!

14. My dear, you must believe me. I feel dizzy even on a boat, let alone riding two boats.

15. Money can’t solve any problem. question.

16. There are only two things I don’t know in my life, that is, I can’t do this and I can’t do that!

17. I know that more than half of my efforts are useless, but I don’t know which half.

18. If you want to make chopsticks in your next life, you won’t be lonely.

19. It’s strange that you breathed in so much courage, but all you spit out are sighs.

20. Don’t say I’m arrogant, it’s just that I refuse to deal with animals!

21. It’s not that I was careless, but that I did it on purpose!

22. Don’t argue with a fool, otherwise others will not be able to figure out who the fool is.

23. Money is not everything, sometimes a credit card is needed.

24. Most women like a man for one reason, that is, she can’t understand him.

25. What kind of bastard are you pretending to be?

26. You are small among the crowd, but great in the pig pen!

27. Life is like a millstone that never stops turning, crushing hope bit by bit.

28. I allow you to enter my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in it.

29. I will miss you very much after you leave. Why haven’t you left yet?

30. I would rather be proud and moldy than humble in love!

31. A woman’s wardrobe is like a harem, with countless beauties but only a few to love.

32. Women often miss men; men often miss women.