Before Xuanxuan went to elementary school, I thought a happy childhood was the most important, but now that I think about it, was her childhood really happy?
When she was two and a half years old, she learned folk dance and couldn’t move her legs while crying. After learning it for a semester and crying for a semester, we gave up and didn’t find out why. It’s just that her mother-in-law said she didn’t want to dance. She likes to dance. As for whether she likes it or not, I have not asked her.
When Xuanxuan was in elementary school, we moved. Because we didn’t do homework for many things in advance, and I wanted to give my children the best education, so I hurriedly sent Xuanxuan to the best local school. I went to a private elementary school and didn't have enough money, so I stamped my feet and swiped my credit card.
Xuanxuan was very happy when she first went to her new elementary school. She had a beautiful school bag, exquisite uniforms, spacious classrooms, and a gentle class teacher. Everything was so beautiful. But when we went to school, reality gave us a hard blow. It was only a week after I entered school, and I was already called to talk to three main teachers. After a while, I received a call from the school, which was a bit shadowy. They all said the same thing. , the school's learning progress is too fast, and the children cannot keep up. Parents are asked to spend more time educating them in private.
I don’t have time, my father is even more busy, and I only have a grandma who has the same irritable temper as me and can’t read. It will only urge Xuanxuan to hurry up.
After running to school again and again and being advised again and again, I finally decided to put down my work and see what was wrong with Xuanxuan.
It seems now (I didn’t know it at the time) that Xuanxuan, who had not paid attention to training since she was a child, lacked hand strength and had imperfect fine movements. At that time, she could not tie her shoelaces or button her buttons. , writing is also a mess, and I really don’t know when I am in my 20s. I only know to tell Xuanxuan that if I can’t write once, we will write it twice or three times until we can write it well.
She didn’t know pinyin, so we taught her one by one. I remember that in order to let her know b and d, we learned it at 2 o’clock in the morning. The sequelae are that even now, Xuanxuan, a senior, still knows b and d. d was confused, that incident left a shadow on her heart, and also left a deep sense of frustration on me.
Growing up, my parents didn’t have to worry about my studies, and my work was recognized by my leaders. I couldn’t accept this.
I changed my career. I studied a bachelor's degree in human resources management by myself, passed the Level 2 certificate, and changed my career to a 9-to-5 job with weekend breaks. There was no challenging job. The advantage was that I spent more time with Xuanxuan. Now, I started to learn "Positive Discipline" and "PET Parent Effectiveness Training", and watched "A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher", "How to Speak So Your Children Will Listen", "Raising Girls"...
When the methods and tools I learned were ineffective on Xuanxuan, I would lose control and scold her with the most unpleasant words I could think of, "How could you be so stupid?" "What on earth do you have?" I don't have a brain." "Can you please be angry?" I hit her, hit her in the face with her homework book, and hit her with a coat hanger, full of anger.
Later, Xuanxuan, who was in the second grade, stopped writing, didn’t turn in her homework, and got a blank in the exam. She began to doze off, sleeping in all classes, including the guzheng class. We took her to the hospital for a trace element check, and there was no problem. I also controlled the time for homework. I struggled with the dilemma of not getting enough sleep every day and not being able to finish it. I went to bed very late after doing my homework, and the teacher complained. And because I couldn't finish my homework because I went to bed early, the teacher still had to complain. This happened again and again. At that time, I broke down almost every day.
Looking at other children as if everything was simple, looking at Xuanxuan, I once wondered if this child had an IQ problem, but apart from studying, she was still so lively and happy. Her small mouth keeps talking and her smart eyes prove that she has no problem with her IQ.
My mother’s most common saying is that those who can read will always be able to read, and those who can’t read will not know how to read even if you snore.
But I was unwilling to give in. I began to think that she was just lazy. After Xuanxuan was persuaded to transfer to a public school for third grade, I became a full-time student. My daily task was to accompany her to study. I read all her books. After reading it all, Xuanxuan never had a good rest after school, holidays, weekends and summer vacations. I remember that every night, I would hit her little hands with a ruler and yell, like a madman. "If you don't write, you won't sleep."
It was effective at first. Xuanxuan's memory is very good. As long as she writes the words correctly, she can keep up with the teaching progress in class. Fortunately, I found the right method. , when I felt a little bit relieved, the problem gradually became more serious. Xuanxuan's problem of dozing off became more serious. She could fall asleep anytime and anywhere. The intensity of spanking her became stronger and stronger, but the lasting effect was getting worse. The shorter the time, in the end, it was useless to fight again. I often covered my face on the balcony late at night and cried bitterly. I felt helpless and felt guilty and distressed for hurting Xuanxuan in this way.
Angry, hitting, self-blame, and pain have plagued us throughout our elementary school years. Looking back, I hugged Xuanxuan and said, "I'm sorry, it's all my mother's fault." Xuanxuan replied to me generously. , "It'll be fine if you change it."
(To be continued)