A few years ago, someone asked me about the conditions for choosing a spouse, so I wrote a blog post in response, called "I Want You to Understand Me." Now, a few years later, looking back, the entire article seems like It is pretentious and full of girlish longing.

If you ask me now, I will definitely say that it doesn’t matter whether you understand it or not.

You know, it’s a huge concept, comparable to “sexual love” in psychology, but none of our friends are psychiatrists and have never received professional training, so naturally they can’t do it. Everything can be loved.

The old Mo family has a very famous essay called "You don't understand me, I don't blame you." It is still unclear whether this essay was written by Mo Yan. Logically speaking, he A man of his age, and a rough man who grew up in a rural area, would not write such pretentious things. Moreover, this title is both charming and self-pitying, as well as sour and self-admiring. From the moment I saw this title, I wanted to ask: I don’t understand you, so what right do you have to blame me? ?

Whether it is a chance meeting or a happy first meeting, whether it is a casual conversation or an old friend at first sight, the relationship between people will never be so intimate that they "understand everything". In the past, Happy Camp always liked to play a game where you guess better than me to test the tacit understanding between the two people involved. In fact, more often than not, the way of expression is witty enough and the guesser must be sensitive enough. Otherwise, no matter how they are blood relatives, Two people may not be able to have telepathy.

I like singing. When I was young, the standard for falling in love was that the other person must have a good voice, so that when we order love songs and sing duets in karaoke, we can sing in tune. If He doesn't sound like Jacky Cheung, but at least he can handle it and imitate Jordan Chan. Worst of all, when we speak at the same time, he won't lead me off-key to a place where I can't find the north.

I like to write articles, whether it is compositions, diaries, blogs, or space. I have written hundreds of thousands of words over the years. I used to read Weibo and someone said: You have to believe that there will always be someone who has silently watched every post of yours and visited every place you have been, and then makes you believe that the appearance of such a person is In order to overlap the tracks you left before. ——It sounds very picturesque and beautiful. It instantly reminded me of Akana Rika in "Tokyo Love Story". She insisted on going to the place where Wanzhi studied and carved her name in his childhood. ——It’s a pity that the reason why TV dramas make people obsessed is that such episodes in life should be almost impossible to happen.

Especially in today’s fast-paced world, the most basic trust between people has been transferred from real life to the circle of friends on the mobile phone: you don’t reply to my messages but you like others, before I go to bed I silently liked everyone but missed you. You opened my Moments at four o'clock every afternoon and liked them all at once. When we had dinner together, I posted to Moments at the same time and she liked you. Pretend you don't see me...

Block someone if you don't agree with me, fall out if you don't reply to a message, break up if you don't agree with me - this kind of thing happens every day.

Let’s talk about birthdays. Apart from banks, credit card centers, China Telecom and China Unicom, and the QQ mailbox that has been with you for N years, besides your parents, how many other people can you expect to be there on your birthday? I called you in the early morning to say: Happy birthday.

Even if a friend thinks of this day and leaves you a message to send you blessings, don’t be easily moved. Not to mention that there is a memo function in the mobile phone, even if it does not, the automatic reminder function in QQ space is very heartwarming, and you can send virtual gifts with one click (anyway, I think sending red envelopes is true love).

A few years ago, I was very confused about the status of my work, so I asked a boss for advice. We talked in the office all afternoon. At the end, he summed up a sentence that I remember deeply. He said: You are not here to ask my opinion, you are just here to inform me. You will do it whether I agree or not, so you actually already had the answer before you came to me.

Later, when I fell in love, no one raised any objections. It was only after the breakup that many hindsight came up and said: I have long thought that he is not worthy of you at all!

But why didn’t you say this before?

Because you can’t listen even if I tell you!

The same goes for chatting with friends, especially when facing friends who have troubles. You will find that the focus of chatting is that you agree with the other person. As for what suggestions you have for him or her, how you treat things It doesn't matter what your opinion is. Because, during your chat, he (she) does not pay attention to what you are saying. He (she) only pays attention to what he (she) wants to express, and whether these things expressed are approved by you.

——I want to break up.

——Why?

——I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t love me.

——Then break up.

——What should I do if we break up? I will be in so much pain.

——Then let’s separate.

——But I don’t think he loves me! Why does he want to be with me if he doesn't love me?

——Uh... This... I don’t know either...

——Hey! I'm really in pain, I want to break up...

Actually, do you really want to break up? No, you didn't think about breaking up at all, you just wanted to express how painful you were, and it was OK to let the people around you feel your pain. But how can the other person feel your pain?

A few years ago, my child went to kindergarten. On the first day he entered the kindergarten, his hand was pinched by the life teacher when closing the door. He cried all day long. In the first week, I sent her to kindergarten almost every day, and then went to work with a strong sense of separation anxiety. I was basically restless when I went to work. I was always worried that the teacher did not take good care of the child and that something would happen to her. .

A colleague scoffed at my excessive anxiety and laughed at me several times, thinking that I was unfounded and worried too much.

Half a month later, it was her child’s turn to enter the kindergarten (our two children entered the kindergarten in the same year, but different kindergartens started at different times), and she was even more anxious than me. and.

As someone who has been there, I have calmed down and adapted to the daily separation anxiety, but I don’t want to laugh at her. The reason I don’t want to laugh at her is not because I am kinder than her, but because I I had just been anxious, and I could understand her anxiety.

It won’t hurt if the needle can’t penetrate the flesh.

It’s like two women chatting together, one saying to the other: My relationship with my mother-in-law is always bad. I have to quarrel over her every time. It’s really annoying.

Another said: I really don’t understand what’s wrong with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. My mother-in-law and I are as good as mother and daughter. Let me tell you, the problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is actually very easy to solve, just one way: If you treat her sincerely, she will treat you sincerely.

No one said anything, because any further explanation would be redundant.

A few years ago, I bought a red girl to record a program about her secret recipe for happiness with Sun Nan. She said: A woman must make a man feel guilty about himself. Once he feels guilty, he will always be good to you and put you in front of you. The most important position.

Later, Sun Nan cheated on her and married someone else. Mei Hongmei no longer dared to share the chicken soup of her marriage.

When I was a child, my body was not particularly strong. I liked to have night sweats, so I was very prone to colds. If I didn’t go to the hospital for an injection due to a cold for half a year, my mother would say smugly: Yo! I'm in good health recently! No cold. ——I often catch a cold within half a month after saying these words.

It can be seen that words cannot be full, otherwise they will overflow.

The same goes for choosing a spouse. You can ask for the other person's height, weight, occupation, income, family background, hobbies, etc., but it is hard to say: ask the other person to love you forever.

Marrying for love is indeed a happy and lucky thing, but if there is only love in the marriage, then one day the love evaporates, what should we rely on to maintain it?

And understanding you is also a big issue.

You know, many people never figure out what they like throughout their lives, let alone let them figure out you who are more complicated than themselves.

Don’t expect anyone to understand you better than yourself. If you can’t live out yourself, what if there is an angel who can understand you? If someone understands you, you can pin all your hopes on them. If one day he (she) no longer bears your hopes, then do you still have to take care of yourself in life?