01 Being forgetful of form and emotion, Zhuangzi teaches us the wisdom of transforming from inferiority to strength

Among the seven chapters in "Zhuangzi", my personal favorites are "Equality of Things" and "De "Charging Talisman".

"De Chong Fu" is basically about a failed person, or a strange person in the eyes of the world - he is not very good-looking, not very healthy, and has little money, but he is It's a collection of super charming stories.

Most of the time, I vaguely feel that this represents a kind of psychological expectation of Zhuangzi.

Many times, we people will use the theories we have developed to make our lives seem better, more philosophical, more meaningful, and more complete. Therefore, I once thought that "De Chong Fu" was Zhuangzi's "spiritual makeup technique" for himself, a "soul version of beautiful pictures" for his own life.

However, as I studied "De Chong Fu" more and more deeply, I became vaguely aware of a new situation: No matter what we look like on the outside, we all feel that we are not enough on the inside. Well, I feel that I am a "brainless person", a person who is not beautiful enough, not rich enough, not smart enough...

If this is a deep worry among many people today , then in "De Chong Fu", you will find that Zhuangzi has given us a wisdom and method to become better - forgetfulness and forgetfulness.

Forget about your appearance - do you have acne, are your legs thick or not, is your belly a bit big, is your son not that good... these are all our external "appearances".

If a person can slowly discover that his appearance is just a series of illusions, current illusions and illusions caused by a series of past habits, he may be able to change his life. Metamorphose into a new state - not caring about it all. 02 People with quiet charm will make others find them attractive

I often find at the dinner table that suddenly no one speaks for a period of time. In this silent process, it can actually reflect Whether everyone present is full inside.

In fact, there are always some people who can't help but speak first to break the solid air that makes them feel uncomfortable. But the question is why some people don’t find this matter particularly uncomfortable. Even though everyone was silent, he didn't feel that the so-called silence was so embarrassing.

I think the difference behind it is that the latter is more able to live with themselves. He does not have such strong judgments and emotional reactions to everything that happens externally; nor does he have such high requirements for what kind of state he should be in; he does not think that he should play the role of a dinner leader or an active person. Just stay there quietly and contentedly.

Then, something strange happened. Those who speak in a hurry will secretly think that the person who is neither in a hurry to express nor listen, who neither takes out his mobile phone to look at it nor is in a daze, is full of a wonderful charm.

This kind of charm is probably the charm of quietness. It is probably when you suddenly discover that there is a person who has the ability to harmonize his frequency with the entire space and make you feel comfortable.

I later discovered that this is actually a very elegant personality quality, because it can be extended to almost every other scene in our lives.

For example, when two people go through a certain amount of attraction, entanglement, conflict, and the combination of various karma, they become husband and wife. When these two people close the door, maybe one day there is nothing to say, or there is nothing special to say, the person who has the ability to be content in silence is like a light in the house. The agarwood slowly releases the oxygen of the soul, making you calm down and letting you naturally learn to get along with yourself.

You don’t have a strong desire to discuss anything with him, you don’t need to take care of him, and you don’t need him to take care of your emotions at all times. You just feel that when he gets along perfectly with you, I was infected by his aura and naturally learned to get along with myself.

This inherent quiet ability is so valuable that once you come into contact with someone who has this ability, you will find that he has a strong attraction to you.

In "De Chong Fu", almost all the characters - whether it is Shen Tujia or Wang Ji mentioned in the opening chapter, several of them appear to be people with so-called physical disabilities, or People who are not handsome, but they all have such abilities, and people are attracted to them.

One day I said to my son: "In the future, among the people you like and the people who like you, who will you choose?" He asked me: "Who will you choose?" When I saw the look in my son's eyes , knowing that he may already have such troubles. Maybe it was my inner projection, I told him, choose people with gentle personalities, choose people who are not tired when you get along with them.

If a person is not tired of getting along with you, you will not be tired of getting along with him; a person who makes you feel tired of getting along with him must be someone who is also very good with himself. . 03 How to become a lifelong charming person: learn to handle yourself without being annoying

If we, as parents, can help our children learn to handle themselves through various methods when they are very young, then he will He has received the most precious gift in life - he will become a person who does not hate himself, a person who will not be secretly disliked by others, and then become a charming person.

It's so simple, it's so simple that you can't believe it.

In the future, people will be more and more closely integrated with machines, and will be increasingly hijacked by the network society. Your every word and deed will be captured by the camera, recorded by the circle of friends, and become someone. Credit points. At this time, the most important happiness for a person is the ability to live without being disturbed by others. This is a precious life asset.

We can imagine that a person goes out to meet friends with his parents when he is a child. His parents have been talking loudly, maybe about international politics and economics, maybe about real estate investment, maybe they are discussing Buddhism and... Art, of course, may also be playing mahjong...

But the child was watching them quietly, not in a daze, not playing games, not losing his temper, not feeling bored, he just looked at the adults openly, It doesn’t matter how much you like this child.

If this child grows up and becomes your boyfriend, when you complain to him about how stupid the company leader is and how cunning your colleagues are, this person will be beside you, neither confirming nor denying , listening warmly, maybe nodding, or maybe just looking at you, without anger or impatience, he just listens, you will feel how good such a person is.

If this person becomes a parent and you tell him anything when you go home, or if you don’t tell him anything when you go home, he will not chase you to ask questions or educate you - forcefully share his Life experience does not force you to get married.

He doesn’t even compare you with others, and he doesn’t tell you how difficult it was for him to live in the past, or the differences between him and other old men and women in nursing homes or neighborhood committees. Feeling unhappy due to unfair treatment, or the problem of uneven salary distribution in the unit.

Later, such a person became a grandfather. He did not forcefully share his life wisdom in front of the younger generations, nor did he tell you the secrets of preserving life and health, nor did he thank you for visiting him. , but he expressed some kind of compassionate silence for your arrival.

You play cards with him, and he plays with you; you go home in the name of watching him, don't talk, eat fruit, and watch TV, and he doesn't chase you to finish all the fruits, he also He didn’t force you to eat anything while eating... He didn’t say anything, he didn’t do anything, “do nothing”. Such grandparents must make their children, grandchildren and daughters-in-law feel good. ——Not being annoying is the main source of a person's charm.

If you think about it seriously, isn’t this scene what “De Chong Fu” shared with us? A person can be old, ugly, poor, disabled...but you can't be annoying by nagging, you just need to keep quiet. This is not an act, it is sincere, because you are in good harmony with yourself - it turns out that charm comes from such a simple truth.

When I watched "De Chong Fu" over and over again, my heart was filled with joy, because I felt that I should be able to put all my self-righteousness into perspective before I was fifty, or even before I was forty-five. Everything has been said.

I believe that after I am in my fifties or sixties, I will no longer have the bad habit of forcefully sharing my wisdom with others; I will no longer tell others about gout and insomnia; and I will no longer need to please anyone. Old ladies - except the young ones.

At that time, whether others had money or not, it was not much different from me. Because I already know that people won’t give it to me even if they have money, and I don’t think about how those who don’t have money struggle. I know that poor people are poor for their own sake. I neither sympathize with them nor make any emotional judgments about them.

Well, I think being an old man like this wouldn’t be too annoying if he wasn’t in poor health.

When we can afford to be simple and quiet, and don’t need to be too smart or too stupid, everything will come back.

"If people can always be quiet, the power of heaven and earth will return to you." - If we can always keep quiet, the power of heaven and earth will return to you. This tranquility is more often the result of inner peace, uprightness, tranquility, and harmony.

Being aware of ourselves and then letting go is the most important lesson in our life.

This is the power of "De Chong Fu".

These are just the private notes of classmate Liang. There must be various inaccuracies. Please correct me.

The above content comes from "Liang Zhuangzi"

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