Campus classic sketch script

Cheating Notes

Characters: Student A, Student B, Invigilator

(In front of the classroom)

(A and B are walking and chatting, B Carrying a schoolbag, A has nothing in his hands, only a pen stuffed in the breast pocket of his jacket)

B (annoyed):... I heard that the invigilator this time is one of the four famous arrests in our hospital. This is terrible. what to do?

A: Don’t worry, buddy, I have a solution.

B: Do you have any clever ideas?

A (taking out his cell phone triumphantly): Use this! I have a buddy from the Information Institute who just finished the computer science exam in the first two periods, and the papers were the same as ours. This time there will only be 100 multiple-choice questions. I have already agreed with him that it will be done with three short messages.

B (disappointed): How about receiving answers via text message? What's so great about it is that even though you have set the vibration on your phone, it can still be easily discovered by the teacher, who is very sensitive to this.

A (mysterious): No, no. I just didn't adjust the vibration and just let the text message ring sound. (The text message beeps, A looks at it) Ha, my buddy has returned to the dormitory now and is ready to look up the answer in the book.

B: No? ! Wouldn’t it be more blatant to leave your phone ringing?

A: You don’t understand this. This is called putting oneself to death in order to survive. The mountain man has his own clever ideas, just wait for the answer to come to your door automatically.

(The class bell rang, B was in a hurry, A walked to his seat leisurely and sat down)

B: Are you still sitting in the first row?

A: This is called the most dangerous place and also the safest place. You don't understand.

(Teacher brings a stack of test papers)

Teacher (clears throat): Students, I will invigilate your basic computer exam today. Hope everyone can cooperate. (Distribute papers) Two test papers and one answer sheet. Question 1 is 100 questions, all of which are multiple choice questions. Please check it out. After finishing, write down your major name and student number. (After handing out the papers, he walked to the front) Although it is a cliché, I would like to emphasize the discipline of the examination room to everyone here. Don't do something you know you can't do. I have been a teacher for so many years and have proctored countless students. I know very well the tricks of those restless classmates. If I find out whoever makes a small move, I will be aware of the consequences. That's all I said. (Looking at the watch) Okay, now everyone starts answering the questions. The time is two hours.

(Everyone lowered their heads and started to answer the questions. B scratched his head while reading the questions, and A dragged his cheeks to sleep)

(The teacher was inspecting, and later, he held up a sign seriously and wrote "Ten "Five minutes later", indicating to the audience. Put it down.)

(Suddenly there is music)

Teacher (serious): Which student brought a mobile phone into the examination room? ! Hand over your phone or turn it off! ...Oh, it's mine. I was negligent and affected my classmates. I'm sorry. (Hurry and turn off the phone)

(The teacher continues to patrol and shows the sign saying "in half an hour")

(The sound of "di-di" text messages on the mobile phone)

Teacher: Who? ! (Xunsheng walks forward)

A (raises hand high): I am teacher. (Sincerely) I'm really sorry, my watch is broken. To make it easier to tell the time, I brought an alarm clock, but I may not have turned it off properly. (Took out a huge alarm clock from the desk)

Teacher (sweating coldly): So big? ! Okay, okay, just make sure to close it.

A: Okay. (Sit down and snicker at Person B)

(After the teacher was inspecting, Person A openly took out his mobile phone and copied the answers. Person B looked over to copy)

(The teacher turned back, Person A and Person B immediately resumed working on the questions The teacher walked away and continued copying.)

(The teacher showed the sign "In half an hour")

(The "beep" sounded again, the teacher walked forward quickly)< /p>

A (stands up): Teacher, I’m sorry, I think there may be something wrong with my alarm clock.

Teacher: How can this be?

A: Well, to reassure you, I have removed the battery.

(Take out the battery and throw it away)

(The teacher nodded and continued to patrol, A and B copied the answers)

(The teacher showed the sign "in one hour")

< p>(The "beep" sounds again)

Teacher (facing A angrily): What did you say happened? ! Will the alarm still sound if the battery is removed? !

A (excitedly): Teacher, please stop talking, I am also annoyed by it! (Hands over the alarm clock) It's really amazing, it still rings when the battery is out. Just put away my broken alarm clock so that everyone can feel more at ease. I am deeply sorry for disturbing the order of the examination room.

Teacher (putting the alarm clock away): That’s good. Don't worry about this, just do the questions carefully. (Turn around and walk away)

(A makes a victory gesture to B, and the two of them copy the answers)

(When the teacher shows "an hour and a half later", A and B put down their pens, Chang Shuyi B made an OK gesture to A. The two looked at each other and smiled)

A (just stood up to hand in the paper, and suddenly the phone beeped again): No way? ! (At a loss)

Teacher (angry): This classmate, I have always felt that there is something wrong with you. Now you have nothing to say, right? !

A (turned to other students in an extremely excited manner): Tell me! Come on, tell me, who brought an alarm clock to the exam like me and didn't turn it off properly, which seriously affected the order of the exam! If you are so uncooperative with the teacher's invigilation work, are you worthy of the teacher, worthy of the school, worthy of the parents who worked hard to nurture you, and worthy of the society that nurtured you? ! (B innocently spreads his hands and shakes his head)

Teacher (being at a loss): Uh...student, don’t get too excited, the exam is not over yet.

A: I’m sorry, teacher, I’m a little out of sorts. Well, my paper is ready.

(A and B handed the papers to the teacher one after another, and the two left their seats. A was serious, and B had an uncontrollable pride on his face)

B (after going out): Wow! You are so awesome, you can think of such a great way, you will definitely be fine in this exam, hahaha!

A (satisfied): Little Case!

B: Oh, by the way, haven’t all the answers been sent to the previous three text messages? Why is there a fourth text message? It made me break out in a cold sweat for you.

A: Oh, that’s right, it scared me. Fortunately, I’m very witty.

B: Look what the text message said?

A (takes out mobile phone): What else is there? It’s not the kind of deceptive advertisement that says “Your mobile phone number has won a prize!”, it’s family doctor information.

(A and B are looking at their mobile phones together)

A (word by sentence): All the answers I just sent you were wrong. They were last year’s exam answers.

A and B: What? !

(End)

--------------------------------- ----------------------------

Funny script - Tang Monk accepts a disciple

Sun Wukong After making a big fuss in the Heavenly Palace, he was pressed down by Tathagata Buddha under the Five Elements Mountain. With a "biu", five hundred years have passed...

Guanyin: Wukong!

Wukong: Damn! Is it you again? For the past five hundred years, you have come here every week. Do you know that it is very annoying to you?

Guanyin: This is your fault. I am here today to tell you a good thing!

Wukong: If you don’t let me out, there’s no need to talk. I'm very busy now. The World Wildlife Fund has invited me to be its spokesperson, and the Special Olympics has invited Arnold. I just earn some pocket money.

Guanyin: But are you pressed under the mountain now?

Wukong: Mountain? If it weren't for giving Tathagata some face, I would have turned into a fly and flown away. It’s just that there are fees for living in other places. The mountains and rivers here are beautiful, and Guanyin MM comes to see me, so I have to go to work during the day and come back to sleep at night?

Guanyin: Then why didn’t you go to work today?

Wukong: Damn! Weekend, understand?

Guanyin: SURE!

Wukong: So what are you here to tell me today?

Guanyin: Listen.

(While speaking, he took out a small notebook from his pocket) ... Sun Wukong, male, was suppressed under the Five Elements Mountain for causing trouble in the Heavenly Palace five hundred years ago. Now, after a show of hands vote by all the aunts of the Tianzhu District Street Management Committee, this person has been He was assigned as an apprentice to a monk in the Tang Dynasty. If he doesn't obey his orders, he will be fucked, splashed with acid, trampled on his little dick, and his membership in the "Henan Outdoor Alliance" will be cancelled.

Wukong: What?

Guanyin: Hush~~~~~~

Wukong: Hush?

Guanyin: Damn! Boo your mother! I asked you to stop talking, that monk is here! I want to dodge first!

Wukong: Huh? Is this the monk?

Tang Seng: According to the map, this should be right here?

Wukong: Ah! You stepped on my hand!

Tang Seng: Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice you, this big turtle.

Wukong: Turtle?

Tang Seng: Yes? But I have never seen a turtle like you carrying a turtle shell as big as a mountain and having a face like a monkey. Wukong: It seems that Guanyin is right. With your IQ, a person cannot reach Tianzhu...

Tang Monk: Oh? Do you also know Guanyin? She must be the most popular girl in the local area. I wonder if you know the monkey here named Sun Wukong?

Wukong: This is my business card.

Tang Seng: Oh? Is your name also Sun Wukong? What a coincidence, then you must know the person with the same name as you nearby?

Wukong: shit! Thinking with your heels, you should also think that I am the monkey you are looking for, right? I was trapped under the mountain!

Tang Seng: No way? Don't lie to me. Do you think I'm a fool?

Wukong: Fool? Are you a fool? Are you praising yourself or calling a fool? How can there be such a stupid fool as you?

Tang Seng: Have you seen this too? If I wasn't stupid, who would be willing to do this job?

Wukong: Okay, okay, you go to the top of the mountain now and take off the seal, and I can go with you to get the scriptures.

Tang Monk: Okay, just wait

Wukong: Hello~~~~~~~Have you found it~~~~~~~~~

Tang Seng: I found it~~~~~~~~~but I don’t know which one~~~~~~~~

Wukong: Damn! How many notes are posted on it?

Tang Seng: A lot! “If you want to be rich, have fewer children and raise more children”, “It’s better to have only one child”, “If you don’t get rich in Stephen Chow’s community, you won’t get rich”, “There are no three hundred taels of silver here”, “Photography is prohibited here, and violators will be fined "...

Wukong: Yes, yes, that's the one that was taken.

Tang Seng: Okay! I've taken it off!

Wukong: OK! You go farther away!

Thump, thump, thump, thump... (the sound of horse hooves)

Wukong: Further away...

Think, thump, thump...

Wukong: Again Farther away...

Think, thump, thump...

Wukong: Further away... Tang Monk: Damn! No matter how far, we’ll reach India~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wukong: I’m out!

Tang Seng: Huh? The mountain didn't fall, so why did you come out?

Wukong: When you climb out of the cave, you still have to climb the mountain?

Tang Seng: Did you climb out? That seal?

Wukong: Just a formality... In fact, the seal has already expired, and no one has come to replace it. The after-sales service is really bad! let's go?

Tang Seng: You are completely naked, isn’t it?

Wukong: Do I have hair?

Tang Seng: Is it so great to have hair? If I hadn't become a monk, I would be hairier than you! Come on, put this on.

Wukong: Master, it’s a long way to the Western Heaven. If you keep doing this, I’m afraid you won’t be able to reach the Western Heaven.

Tang Seng: What’s wrong?

Wukong: It’s true that I have no clothes on, but if you put this iron ring on my head, it won’t do anything, right?

Tang Seng: Why is there so much nonsense? Put it on when I tell you to put it on!

Wukong: Damn! If it weren't for the sake of Guanyin MM, I might have beaten you to death with a stick! (After that, Wukong put on the diamond ring)

Tang Monk: §▲※〓◆◎☆■↑

Wukong:? My head!

Tang Seng: Hahaha! Are you scared?

Wukong: Is this the long-lost "Shaking Head Curse" in the world?

Tang Seng: Yes, once you hear this shaking head mantra, you will immediately become addicted and unable to extricate yourself. If you don’t listen for one day, your muscles and veins will flow backward; if you don’t listen for two days, your whole body will rupture; if you don’t listen for three days, you will lose both your energy and blood, chloasma will appear on your face, your prostate will swell, and you will also experience menopausal symptoms. Even taking the Gaizhonggai oral liquid produced by Harbin Pharmaceutical Factory No. 6 will not save you!

Wukong: So vicious!

Tang's Monk: Haha, as the saying goes, he who is not poisonous is not a husband, but he who is petty is not a gentleman!

Wukong: People will just listen to you from now on... Damn you, you still do the "shaking curse", I hate it!

Tang Seng: Not good!

Wukong: What’s wrong?

Tang Monk: Tiger!

Wukong: Master, tigers are not scary. Haven’t you heard that poem?

Tang Monk: Poetry?

Wukong: Yes! As the saying goes, "One, two, three, four, five, go up the mountain and hunt the tiger. The tiger doesn't eat, but only eats the bad guys..."

Tang Seng: Please, this is a children's song...

Wukong: I It means that as long as I am here, the tiger will not die!

Tang Seng: Damn! I asked you to protect me, not to be the ambassador of a wildlife protection organization!

Wukong: Got it! Look!

Tang Monk: Wukong, why don’t you leave?

Wukong: There is a river blocking the way ahead!

Tang Monk: What is the river? Wouldn't it be over if you beat him to death?

Wukong: Look, this is the river.

Tang Seng: Oh, this is river!

(As he spoke, there was a flash of white light, and Tang Seng’s horse disappeared)

Tang Seng: Wukong, my master’s horse has disappeared!

Wukong: The horse is missing? Depend on! What else can you do? Are you still wearing your underwear?

Tang Seng: (reached out and touched it) Fortunately, it was not lost!

Wukong: It was taken away by the little white dragon in the river!

Tang Monk: White Dragon? It was so exciting. I didn’t expect that today I would meet a talking monkey and a white dragon that could eat horses.

Wukong: When will you be able to see the big scene? Just wait, I'll go down and catch him!

Tang Seng: What? Can you swim too? Awesome!

Wukong: **Water Brain!

(Not long after, Wukong pulled the little white dragon out of the water, and the white dragon turned into a human and knelt in front of Tang Monk)

Bailong: Are you a monk from the East?

Tang Seng: Exactly.

Bai Long: Master!

Tang Monk: Who? I? Wrong person!

Bailong: Yes, it’s you. Guanyin JJ asked me to wait for you here.

Tang Monk: Is it Guanyin again? How did you end up here?

Bai Long: I was originally the third prince of the Dragon King of the East China Sea, but I didn’t expect that my son would hook up with another kid behind my back, and the two of them would elope on my wedding night! I smashed the bridal chamber in anger. I burned a luminous pearl by chance, but I didn’t expect that this pearl was sent by the Jade Emperor as a follower. The Jade Emperor punished me for telling tongue twisters. I couldn’t, so he demoted me here!

Wukong: Tongue twister? What's the meaning?

Bailong: It means "the old monk brings the soup to the pagoda, the pagoda slides the soup and pours the soup to scald the pagoda."

Tang Seng: Oh? Isn't what you said very good?

Bai Long: Nonsense, I have been practicing here for more than fifty years!

Tang Seng: So that’s it, why don’t I teach you a new one. "Eight hundred pacesetters ran to the north slope, and the artillerymen on the north slope ran side by side. The artillerymen were afraid of stepping on the pacesetters' mark, and the pacesetters were afraid of touching the artillery cannons."

Wukong: Why is the stopwatch so crazy? Speaking of tongue twisters, I'm going to go crazy!

Tang Monk: Wukong, you don’t understand this. Tongue twisters are a language game widely circulated among the people. Words with initial consonants, finals or tones that are easily confused are combined into overlapping and tongue-twisting sentences. The requirements are: Say it quickly in one breath. When you speak quickly, it is easy to make mistakes in pronunciation!

Wukong: Damn!

Tang Seng: Did you hit me again?

Wukong: Let’s get down to business!

Bailong: Oh, I'm sorry, master, I ate your white horse, so you let me turn into a white horse to carry you~~~~~~~You go to get the scriptures?

Tang Seng: Huh! Good idea! I want a BMW!

Bai Long: What a luxury car!

Tang Seng: Are you afraid?

Director: cut!

Tang Monk: Hello! No need? Do you come out and shout cut every episode?

Director: BMW! We don’t have much funds anymore, where can we get props for you?

Tang Seng: BMW, the best one only costs a few hundred thousand.

Director: Hundreds of thousands? No, let alone BMW, PUMA can’t afford it either?

Tang Seng: OK, come again!

......

Bai Long: Oh, I'm sorry, master, I ate your white horse, so let me turn into a white horse to carry you~~~~~~~You go Learn from the experience, right?

Tang Monk: Amitabha!

(Tang Seng took out a sword from behind and pointed to the sky)

Tang Seng: Give me power~~~~~~~~~~I~~~~ ~~Yes~~~~~~Tang~~~~~~Monk~~~~~~~

Wukong: Xirui?

Bai Long: It’s my turn!

(White Dragon transformed)

Tang Monk: Mule!

Director: Sorry, the funds are really not enough, so we will have to change the show for the next episode.

Bai Long: Then please change it to a white one. This black mule damages my image!

Tang Seng: Yes, who has seen Tang Seng riding a mule?

Director: Everyone, let’s make it easy. I’ll treat you to dinner tonight.

Bai Long: Okay, that’s it!