Yesterday I talked about 300 questions about the UK. Today I will talk about something about the US. If you like it, please share it. Reprinted from MIT BBS The professors filed out, and when they came over to hold me with their hands, I saw that my husband's face, which had been trying to be relaxed just now, finally relaxed completely. I went over to hug him and said: Congratulations. I know that he has been waiting for this day for almost ten years. Every time he is close to his dream, every time he returns to the starting point for various reasons. For five years, some people gave up and some moved away halfway. The pressure of survival has always threatened these new immigrants: should they leave or stay? The topics my husband studies are very cutting-edge and cannot be applied in practice today. When I went with him to visit professors at my alma mater in China, the professor saw that I was about to fall asleep while listening to their talk, so he joked that there were probably not more than a hundred people in China who would be interested in our conversation. In the United States, apart from the National Space Center, they have almost no options, and as Chinese, there are almost zero job opportunities. Many people have advised him, you have such a good computer background, why don't you learn the most popular CS? He said, I came here for this degree and I don’t want to give up easily. I remember he mentioned a friend before, a Taiwanese friend who studied in the United States in his early years. He worked as a professor in the United States for nearly ten years and later returned to Taiwan to work in industry. This older friend once asked her husband: What exactly are you going to do in the United States? He said that if you have great hopes, you will be disappointed. If you have no idea what to do, you will immediately become depressed after the novelty wears off. At that time, my husband replied that he just wanted to get a doctorate and see how big the world is. Why did you come to America? I once asked everyone here. Unfortunately, there are not many answers. For the expectations of parents, for the dreams in my heart, for curiosity and being strong, and so on. Anyway, here we are, in Dali’s words, embarking on a “path of no return.” Is it true that only "losers" can turn back? What exactly is success? From a secular perspective, the four words "success and fame" are the best portrayal. But looking around us, how many people who seem to be "successful and famous" have become losers in the true sense? The United States has given relatively fair opportunities. With diligence and intelligence, the Chinese have almost achieved "achievements" that most Americans have not achieved in a long or short period of time. But why, I always feel that the Chinese are not "arrogant". An old American driving a Broken Bodyguard is more prestigious than you driving a Mercedes-Benz; an old American family of six living on relief is happier than you earning an annual salary of 60,000 to 70,000 yuan. You complain that this country does not give you a "security". Indeed, it is much harder for new immigrants to get the same living conditions as the indigenous people! If nothing else, the "identity" issue will strangle people to death. When looking for a job, in the first sentence, people will first ask you if you are a citizen, and then ask if you are a permanent resident? When you have the same voting rights as Americans, you may suddenly realize that the world is empty. Because America is not yours. The United States is not yours, because your skin is not white enough; your words are not smooth enough; your steak is not rare enough; what is even more irritating is that when you work hard to become "successful", you really want to let the so-called "mainstream society" When he is "impressed" by you, the old "escort" whizzes past your "Mercedes" and doesn't give you credit at all! The sense of accomplishment supported by money can only be unimpeded in a money-worshiping society. The United States is a money-based society, but it is also a society that ignores money in many aspects. Hollywood first challenges the "upper class", not to mention that Tantanik unabashedly satirizes the so-called "upper class", "beautiful women", "knowing women by their scent", "increasing beauty", etc. are all aimed at the wealthy class. slander. The huge space created by the United States does not actually provide people with money. It's strange that over the years, the impression that the United States has left on me is actually a quote from Chairman Mao: Don't be afraid of not being able to do it, just be afraid of not being able to think of it. Compared with the stereotyped old Americans, the Chinese people are far more imaginative and creative. The United States has made the Chinese people who have been restrained for a long time finally feel that they can take a long breath: they no longer need a household registration book to change jobs, and they no longer have to "go through the back door" to go to school. When traveling as a couple, don't worry about not being able to live in the same place without a marriage certificate. room. The United States has set a "bottom line". As long as you lift your leg a little, you can easily cross it without any hindrance. What we want is not the freedom to cross over easily? Unfortunately, our hearts are still "unhappy".

I often hear friends around me complaining that "I can't go back." Not to mention staying for a long time, even a fleeting visit to relatives is "too much to bear." Three aunts and six aunts, not to mention "reciprocity", the most important thing is "psychological pressure", because under the Chinese tradition of "returning to one's hometown with honor" we have to work hard to "whitewash" ourselves. Those who go back are "losers". If you can't afford a good car or a big house, you are really a "failure" in the eyes of ordinary people. (However, even if we "return with honor", what will happen if we don't see envious eyes when we come back?) So, why did we come to the United States? ! Perhaps you will find that many people’s original dreams of coming to the United States are completely different from what they “get” today. I have a friend who is nearly forty years old. She is a child of high-ranking cadres in China and grew up in an art troupe. When I arrived in the United States, in order to earn tuition for my daughter, I rolled up my sleeves and worked in restaurants, and even worked as a nanny for a professor's family. I often laugh at her: she carries dishes and walks around the stage. She is always laughing and joking, and comes to "report" her daughter's achievements to us regularly. Her seventeen-year-old daughter could not even speak English well when she came to the United States. Now her essay has won the grand prize in an essay competition across the United States. One day I sat with her in the sun and chatted. Life in the United States is too stressful. Everyone is so busy that they have no time to communicate. However, I remember that day she said that I was a complete "loser" when I came to the United States. I neither went back to school to get another degree (she was an English major in China), nor did I make a lot of money to buy a car. house. I often wonder, what will I tell others when I go home? Maybe I can only say this, but not everyone may understand: I feel that what I have experienced in the United States is far more than a degree and a certain amount of money. I feel like I'm "growing up". A woman who is nearly 40 years old can still admit frankly that she is "growing up", which makes me so excited. That day, she said, I am proud of my daughter, I am proud of my husband, and more importantly, I am proud of myself, that is, I have learned how to behave calmly! Peace of mind is such a rare growth. It is neither "inaction" as Lao and Zhuang call it, nor is it the "lofty ambition" to turn the United States into a "battlefield." Her daughter received a full scholarship overnight, and every knife she saved for her daughter now serves as a testament to her motherhood. There are gains and losses. Seeing her happiness every day, I understand that she is not trying to deceive herself and pretend to be chic, but is really "enriched". She said, people cannot lose to themselves. Live like a human being! Being a marginalized person does not necessarily mean assuming a "marginal" posture. I absolutely love those happy old beauties. I like chatting with veterans who have returned to school, I like listening to the cleaners in the teaching building talking about their ideals, and I like watching the naughty smiles of truck drivers on the highway. No matter what job they are engaged in, they can have confidence in themselves: I will succeed. Maybe this "success" is just wanting to buy a newer used car. Maybe this success is just wanting to vacation in Hawaii. And their current credit card may still be in deficit. I've always wondered why so many Americans "feel good about themselves"? Later I realized that starting from basic education in the United States, people are required to learn to "live like a human being." You can be selfish, but you cannot infringe on the interests of others; you can be conceited, but please respect the rights of others; you can be proud, but everyone around you may be more proud than you. This kind of "confidence" education, of course, also has many negative effects, but there is no need to question one thing, which is respect: respect yourself and respect others. Even elders and professors have no right to "criticize", and even millionaires have no right to "give alms" and ask people to be grateful. A place where millionaires can be created every day and people who jump off buildings can make many ordinary people recognize themselves. They no longer artificially imagine "enemies", but love life to the fullest. If you have money, you can drive a Mercedes-Benz, but if you don’t have money, you can drive a second-hand one; if you have money, you can go to Hawaii to watch the sunrise, but if you don’t have money, you can drive a shabby car to chase the sunset. In two weeks we will leave our first stop in the United States. It is said that where we want to go, we can see the sea. I often wonder whether this temporary "parking" will actually destroy our personality - a friend of mine once said that people's requirements are actually very small. Lying down is just the space of a bed. This is very easy to get in the United States, and things that are easy to get, we often don’t cherish very much. Will it? My husband said that after all these years he has always let you wait until midnight alone, you can finally have the leisure to finish your meal and go for a walk, and sit on the sofa together and watch TV in peace.

However, I am afraid, just like what Kundera said, "the unbearable lightness of life." People will fall into a kind of "lightness" of "no goal". This "no goal" may be caused by failure or "success". "It's boring" - many people who seem to be quite successful say so. My husband once said, half seriously and half jokingly, that my biggest dream is to buy an NBA team and invest in you making a movie. I don’t know how long this dream can last. I just want to say that we may not all make our dreams come true, but we must live like human beings. No matter whether it is good or bad, we must persevere. Never lose to yourself first. By myself. That Dali friend who is about to go back, I wish you the best: if you make a choice without regrets, then going back will not be an "empty bag" - because from the lines of your words, I have already read that you are "in your heart". The Growth of America.” Remember, if a person wants to lose, he must lose to himself first. Temporary gains and losses are not "losing". The real loss is the loss of all enterprising confidence in oneself. The word "enterprising" may mean buying a ticket to Rome, writing a love song to your lover, or planting a green vegetable garden. I write this for myself and for friends who feel the same way.