In this era where online communication accounts for almost half of social life, everyone may have encountered this trouble: I saw that he just posted in Moments, but why didn’t he reply to my message?
If you search on the Internet, you will know that this affects the hearts of all walks of life. There are new posts on Baidu and Zhihu almost every few days, trying to answer this puzzle from various angles. Some start from the relationship between the sexes and social etiquette, some just chat and curse, and some use scriptures and classics to explain the reasons using psychological or sociological theories. Of course, chicken soup for the soul is indispensable.
But you, who have been sending and receiving messages for so many years, should know the answer best. So we launched a vote through the interface’s official WeChat not long ago. The question is direct, and it’s you. Tell me, why don’t you reply to WeChat?
“You”, why don’t you reply to WeChat?
Adhering to the principle of scientific rationality, we fully considered subjective and objective factors when preparing options.
We believe that there are always people who really encounter objective difficulties that prevent them from picking up their mobile phones to edit messages.
For example, tenosynovitis. Every year, many urban newspapers publish one or two reports about game enthusiasts or office workers suffering from the disease due to excessive use of mice or mobile phones.
For another example, some people may really have a lot to deal with and are so overwhelmed with information that they inevitably miss reading or returning messages.
The WeChat team endorsed this reason. According to the "2017 WeChat Data Report" released by the team in September 2017, as of that month, the average number of daily login users on WeChat exceeded 900 million, and the number of daily messages sent reached 38 billion times. If converted, that is, on average, each WeChat user has a daily Need to send and receive text messages at least 40 times. This does not include the 139 minutes of WeChat calls per person per month, the energy consumed by posting and browsing Moments, the time spent receiving fraudulent calls and spam text messages, and the work of at least a dozen messages and as many as more than a hundred messages. The pressure to respond to emails.
But leaving aside the reason of "can't go back" - not to mention how many people are just making excuses for themselves, "not wanting to go back" should be the bigger reason. After all, there are too many things that can make people It’s no longer pleasing to my eyes: I’m asked to vote, but I don’t want to reply; I’m asked to repost it, but I don’t want to reply; I’m promoted by Amway, but I don’t want to reply; “Are you there?”, I don’t want to reply, and I don’t dare to reply...
Something special to note Yes, the above situation will also have a bonus effect in certain scenarios.
Example 1 "Vivian sent you a message: Are you there?" Within 3 seconds after seeing it, your brain waves fluctuate: Vivian, which Vivian, is it the Vivian of the client company or the Vivian of Party B's company? Oh my god, who is it? Why is there no more content? If you really want to ask me for something, just say "Are you here"? ! Forget it, don't reply. She will come to me again if something happens. Example 2: "Brother, we met while drinking at xx's birthday party. Remember me, guys. Money is a bit tight lately. Can I borrow some money from you?" Within 3 seconds after seeing it, your brainwaves fluctuate again: Oh my god, brother, you don’t know that our relationship is just like a “like-a-friendship” that was scanned for the sake of face. Forget it, for the sake of face, I will endure it one more time and pretend I didn’t see you. Not deleting you is a sign of my high quality.
In fact, there are many times when I don’t want to go back and I don’t have that much mental activity. Aren’t they all talking about “Buddhism” now? If you don’t want to go back, you just don’t want to go back. This is also very Buddhist, isn’t it? I just hope that the person receiving the message can also be so Buddhist. Otherwise...it's nothing else. It's hard to crawl along the network cable to hit people...
But there are always exceptions to everything. No matter how uneasy you are when your boss or partner sends you "Are you there?", you will respond enthusiastically. Your mother or sister asks you to repost the voting post. No matter how embarrassing it is, you have to vigorously repost it and reply with emoticons such as flowers and love to show your support.
In front of important people and important relationships, you will definitely be able to give full play to your subjective initiative and overcome all difficulties and dangers. You know in your heart that even if the reply to some people's messages has missed the first time, you must still give a response, even if it is just a "smile".
For such an exception, American psychologist Max Blumberg has made a theoretical summary: In modern society, everything is a circulating commodity, and so is time. Therefore, when someone does not reply to your message, it is probably because You are not high on their priority list, so they are unwilling to invest their time in you.
To put it more bluntly: "You don't know how important you are, don't you?"
What do I care about when I don't get a reply?
This self-esteem-injuring truth may have passed through the minds of many people. But no one believed that he would be the poor boy.
Many people would rather make up a short movie, for example, the person on the other end of the phone is sick, fell down, is on a long flight, or maybe the phone is out of battery, WeChat is broken, and they try their best to Looking for help for him, but unwilling to admit that he is a dispensable person.
The cruel thing is that there is something called a circle of friends in the world.
And he is afraid that whatever he comes up with will come to him, the movie in his head will not end until he comes across the jokes he tells in the circle of friends, the selfies he posts, or the enthusiastic interactions with friends in other circles - "X, he is free Posting on Moments, why don’t you have time to reply?”
At this point, those who are waiting for a reply are not waiting for a job approval, nor an acceptance of the invitation, “I love you.” No more waiting. What he cares about is his position in the other person's heart - he knew it wasn't important, but the facts have proven that it still hurts his heart.
Maybe it is to make everyone realize this reality - mainly to avoid taking the blame for system problems that cause information loss. WeChat and other instant messaging providers that can cause similar troubles have tried their best. Ways to tell users that the other party has really received your message.
WeChat displays "Inputting" to let people know that the person talking has at least opened the dialog box; WhatsApp's "double hook" setting allows the message sender to know whether the other party has received and seen the message. Double Insurance; iMessage writes "Delivered" and "Read" directly under the message, and when the other party clicks into the input box and starts replying, a rolling three-dot ellipsis will be displayed to indicate that the other party is "replying" "Whether you are really replying or not is one thing. At least if you see this scrolling dot, you will know that the other party has really seen the message.
This fear of being marginalized by the social circle does not only exist in the use of instant messaging tools. Face-to-face interactions or correspondence or email exchanges have always been distressing. The New York Times once published an article "The Anxiety Behind the Emails", which was about the reflections of a stay-at-home mother who never left her cell phone at work just to respond to emails quickly and developed an anxiety disorder. "Forbes" magazine published a special instructional post to educate readers on how to save a "checkmate" email that has not received a reply after 48 hours. However, that article also said that when you find that the other party's attitude has turned cold after a few emails, it is necessary to lower your expectations for follow-up replies in a timely manner.
To some extent, instant messaging tools only magnify this anxiety and insecurity.
A guide to social relationships online
Coming and going is the essence of social interaction. The person waiting for a reply will transform into the person receiving the message in another scene. At this time, the demands you once placed on others may become constraints on yourself at this moment. Shuttling back and forth between the two roles, it is really hard to say that one day I will no longer be able to adhere to my principles and "do what I don't want others to do", and in the end I will do it to others.
As the saying goes, no one will be spared by heaven. Therefore, we have compiled the following tips for your reference.
There is no guarantee that 100% of the practical tips will be answered
Don’t start with “Are you there?”. Talk about something when you have something to say. A thought-provoking "Are you there?" often ruins the possibility of a follow-up reply. No one knows whether you are going to borrow money after this sentence or whether you are going to assign a difficult task. This is especially true for some friends who have only met once and then added WeChat, or who are not often contacted on weekdays. Don't send voice messages unless absolutely necessary - such as an attack of tenosynovitis. Think about it for yourself, after seeing the 60-second voice message filling the screen, how much good temper do you still have to patiently reply to the message? If you really don’t want to type, just call. Remember, especially those in leadership positions, talk less about work during breaks, and don’t talk if you can’t. Making friends can also be regarded as an investment, so if necessary, cut your losses in time. If the other party fails to respond after repeated contact, then give up at the right time.
Strive to achieve 100% response to the chicken soup strategy
Reply to work information as soon as possible. Even if you need to address certain work assignments or offers, you should respond directly to rejection. If you are too busy at work and cannot reply in time, you can plan to set aside a period of time after get off work to focus on reading and replying to messages. Try your best not to miss the message due to overlooking it. Unless it is definitely spam or advertising information, out of politeness, you should reply to messages even if you don’t like them. As for what to say, if it doesn’t work, just send a “Laughing around” emoticon. Don't put too big a moral shackles on yourself. Nothing will happen if you don't return. After all, you know how important you are to others.