Author: Li Yan
Qian Liyan, female, from Wuhan. 1989 began to publish poetry and prose works. In 2004, he completed three novels: Love in Futures, Safe Exit and Love Doudou, all of which received high click-through rates on the Internet. Love Bean won the first prize in the second Sina China Original Literature Grand Prix.
He used to live in Beijing, and now he works in a university in Wuhan. I like the tall and hard city, catching and touching the fleeting green with soft eyes. Like a person on the road, carrying simple luggage, the wind behind the hair, the lights of towards the distant.
Eager to walk, always walking, looking for and tasting inner peace and wealth in a wandering and turbulent life.
[1]: Wedge
Name: Xu Doudou.
Age: 26 years old
Marital status: unmarried
Family status: orphans
Appearance: long hair, big eyes, white skin and dimples.
……
What else do you want to know about me? Please look down!
chapter one
( 1)
Anything else? Here, watch it again, okay? I sat on the sofa in the lobby of the hostel and stared at the waiter nervously. I don't want to stay in the guest room, it's too expensive. Now I just want to live in the basement. For me, it is my greatest enjoyment to have a bed for me to lie down before the night comes. The waiter dressed in white gives the impression of a nurse. I have been afraid of injections since I was a child, so I have an inexplicable awe of the white clothes in front of me. There was a man next to her, peeling salted peanuts and throwing them into her mouth.
I swallowed my saliva.
Id card? White said deadpan.
Well, here it is. I quickly got up, took out my ID card from the small leather bag hanging on my chest and handed it in through the rectangular window.
Xu Doudou? White rolled his eyes.
Hmm.
Okay, there's another one. This is Beijing, and the basement is hard to find. One night in 25 yuan. How many days will you stay?
Many days! I said. I really didn't think about it.
Pay 200 first. I'm telling you, this room is still for you to move out. It was decided by others first. Let's stay for the time being. Let's go
An aunt-like man grabbed a bunch of keys to lead the way in front of me, and I followed with my bag on my back.
I just got off the train. I come from Shanghai.
I live in the basement, and the room number is 9.
Aunt twisted the door, and a musty smell came to my nose. Aunt stopped at the door, ready to turn around and go. The room was dark, so I pretended to smile and said, won't you go in and sit down for a while? After that, I hid behind her like a dog in front. Aunt smiled and said, sit down? I'm sitting in this stupid basement. Am I crazy? Girl, there is boiling water on it. Get it yourself!
Can I take a shower now? I hope we can talk here for a while.
Take a shower? What day is it today? Oh, what a pity! On Saturday, you can't bathe the girl today. There is a bathhouse not far from the hostel, and people don't go to work on Saturday and Sunday! I'm leaving! After that, I knocked on the door and went upstairs.
I had to bite the bullet and walk into the room.
I collapsed on the bed without even taking off my shoes. I have forgotten the musty smell in the basement.
Now I just want to have a good sleep and think nothing. I feel hairy on my back, very uncomfortable and itchy. So I raised my hand over the back of my head and lifted my long hair. My hair is too long. I want to cut it off, but I can't bear it. I don't have any relatives, so to speak, hair is my only relatives. It keeps sticking to me and keeping me warm. I like to put my fingers into my hair and feel the feeling of my hair wandering between my fingers, just like playing an interesting game.
I lifted my hair and lay flat, feeling much more comfortable. I turned on the fluorescent lamp in the basement, but they didn't know I was sleeping anyway.
But I can't sleep.
My eyes wandered in the basement, where there were four beds and narrow boards. Four bedside tables are arranged neatly. There are two washbasins under the bed. I don't know if it is used to wash my face or feet. Stacked, with a pair of surprisingly large slippers inside.
I got up. I feel hungry. I remembered the bread I hadn't eaten on the train, so I opened my travel bag and found it. Bread has lost its plump body and posture, just like a shriveled old woman. I don't care that much. I bit it down and the bread was squeezed into a line. I gulped it down with boiling water.
I haven't cried for years.
I don't know what is salty except the smell of sea water and salt. A long time ago, when other girls cried for a doll or a delicious meal, I learned to bite my lip tightly and look at the world quietly with calm eyes. My eyes are big and beautiful. A lot of people say that. But I think my big eyes will only increase my anxiety and fear of the world. I saw a lot of things I shouldn't have seen. Whenever I comb my long hair in front of the mirror, I stare at my eyes for a long time. It is like a lake in the dense forest of Mississippi River. It is clear and transparent, but it has a huge shadow, so it can't see the sun, so it reflects an innate cold in people's eyes. This kind of cold does not come from the epidermis, but through the layers of films, reaching people's hearts, well, yes, hearts.
I opened the drawer of the bedside table. I was very curious since I was a child, and I like to rummage through everything. I can find many things in the drawer that others can't find. For example: Chairman Mao's badge, agate-like glass buttons, silver spoons for pulling ears, and so on. Then, I will put all these little babies I found in a small iron box I found. I cherish what I find very much, even if it is a pebble, I will put it in the goldfish bowl, because I think that since these things fall into my eyes, it means that this thing has a fate with me. Since there is fate, I will treat it well.
I really found a gadget in the corner of the drawer-a red ball. I took it in my hand and found it was a small ball made of plasticine. To be honest, I like it very much.
[2]:(2)
My family lives in an alley in Putuo District, Shanghai.
Two rows of crooked houses face each other silently. As time goes on, they feel closer and closer. As a result, the alley became narrower and longer, and the bluestone became more and more familiar.
In my opinion, no matter how strong the stone is, it can't stand the ups and downs of the years. Although I skip rope and rubber band on the slate in front of my house every day after school, I can't feel the change of the slate under my little feet, but one day when I came home with my schoolbag, I found that I had no home. My home has been reduced to ashes. It was dark and smoky. Then, I searched my parents with my eyes. In people's evasive eyes, I didn't find the answer I was looking for. At this time, grandma Cao from the neighborhood Committee came over, hugged me and said, be good, go! Go to grandma's house for dinner.
I said, Grandma Cao, where are my parents?
Grandma Cao turned away, her nose was red, and she said, Doudou-
I said, Grandma Cao, are they all dead?
Grandma Cao opened her eyes wide and said, Doudou, you little man! Why do you say that?
I raised my little face and said, I know they will die one day. Because I wake up in the middle of the night and they are always arguing. I always hear my mother say, Xu, listen to me! You can't live if I die!
I feel grandma Cao holding my hand tightly, and my hand is a little numb. Then, I heard grandma Cao say, Doudou, stop it! Let's go back to dinner!
Grandma Cao's house is in the park.
I carry my small schoolbag, which contains the certificate I just got. I won the first prize in the school composition competition. When I was at school, I was wondering where this award should be posted. At first, I wanted to put it on my bedside, but I don't think my mother would agree, because every time I got the certificate from school, she kept it in her hand for a long time. Then, she fried the batter in the kitchen, and when it was cold, she put it in the most conspicuous position in the room. She was still there for a long time after posting.
Grandma Cao prepared a meal for me. She moved the bowl of fried meat with green peppers to me, looked at me and said, Doudou, are you hungry? Eat quickly! Huh?
I nodded. I said, grandma Cao, I know my mother is coming to pick me up. They said that a long time ago.
Grandma Cao said: nonsense! How did you find it?
I ate a mouthful of rice and said, if I don't answer it, why didn't they call me when I went to heaven? They slipped away. My mother said that when people die, they will go to heaven and live a happy life!
Grandma Cao sighed lightly and went to the room.
Grandma Cao came out with a flowered skirt in her hand. She sat next to me and said, Doudou, take a bath after dinner. Does this flowered skirt look good?
I said, grandma Cao, I don't wear a skirt. My mother said that the man in the skirt is a demon.
Grandma Cao patted her head and said, I forgot that Doudou really didn't wear a skirt, I know. Ok, ok, grandma, find it again! See what Aunt Yun Yun used to wear.
Grandma Cao came out this time with a floral blouse in her hand. It's a small broken blue flower, and I like it very much. Because Banya Arno in our class also has such a dress, which is very nice. I've wanted one for a long time, but I dare not tell my mother.
Grandma Cao said: Doudou, silly girl! Your mother didn't come to pick you up! I'm not sure if someone else picked it up. You, your mother kept me busy when she gave birth to you in the hospital! Your mother's suffering is dystocia! Well, if you say you picked it up again, you will have no conscience!
Oh, I didn't say I picked it up. Grandma Cao, I'm finished. I should go home. My mother is still waiting for me! I put down my bowl and got up to go out.
Stop. Grandma Cao said, where are you going?
I stopped, and then, suddenly woke up, threw myself into grandma Cao's arms and burst into tears: grandma-I want my mother-
Be good, my darling, Doudou, don't cry-Grandma Cao put her arms around me and I saw her constantly wiping her tears.
My dear, I will sleep with my grandmother and eat with her in the future. Don't be afraid, huh? Grandma Cao wiped my tears with her spiny veteran. My face hurts a little, but I feel warm.
In the crystal tears, I stole a look at grandma Cao's home from her arms.
[3]:(3)
Footsteps rang out in the corridor in the basement.
I looked at my watch. It's already two o'clock in the morning. I hurried to the door to see if the lock was locked. The footsteps faded away, I gave a gentle hiss and lay down again. I drew a cigarette from my cigarette case. My lighter and lipstick are together. Sometimes I really can't tell which is which. I held a cigarette in my left hand and saw smoke lingering at my fingertips. I took a sip gently and then spit it out slowly. This process of inhaling and exhaling is meaningless to others, except for harming health. But I've been used to it for years. I feel that while I am smoking, I am actually greedily absorbing bits and pieces of the past, and then let these smoky past events filter and precipitate in my heart, spitting out resentment and depression.
I still have that little plasticine ball in my hand.
Suddenly, I have a desire to destroy beautiful things. I want to twist it into powder, just like the man-made fire destroyed everything for me more than 20 years ago. I want to do this. Besides, no one will notice me doing this in this empty basement. I put the ball in my left hand with a cigarette in the middle, and then rubbed it hard with my right thumb and forefinger. It's broken.
A small piece of paper fell out of it. I took it apart.
It says:
You are lonely now. Can you try this number? I won't let you down. (an outstanding doctor)
I threw it aside with a smile.
I don't know why I came to Beijing. I yearned for Beijing since I was a child. When I was at Grandma Cao's house, I saw the photos sent back from Beijing by Aunt Yun Yun's father, that is, Grandma Cao's lover. In fact, it can't be said that it is grandma Cao's lover, alas! I don't know what to say. Anyway, grandma Cao's lover is a great painter. She left home early and never came back. However, I always send money to send things back. Grandma Cao has two children, one is called and the other is called. Grandma Cao wipes her tears every time she receives something sent back from Beijing. I don't understand. As she watched enviously, she thought, I will go to Beijing when I grow up, and I can buy whatever I want. I also said to Grandma Cao: Grandma, I will send you a lot of things when I come to Beijing in the future!
Now I am in Beijing, but Grandma Cao is dead.
I do feel a little lonely, just like the note said. I picked up the paper from the ground again. I looked at those words, which were beautiful and ethereal. I don't understand why the owner of this note put this little plasticine ball in the drawer in the basement. I told you, I'm curious. And as a liberal arts student, forum moderator, network writer and freelance writer. I am eager to find out the story behind this paper. I have a hunch that this story must be very attractive.
I dialed the number on the paper. Although it was already late at night, I didn't think much about what I did. Because, it's not that I want to call him, but that he wants me to. Because that's what the paper says. I was lucky that the phone in the basement was actually connected, because many times, the cell phone signal in the basement was not good.
Hey, who are you? I asked.
After a while, a woman's voice came from inside, and her mouth seemed to be talking in a dream: you ... who are you? I'm surprised: why ... why ... are you a woman? The woman smiled: haha! Are you disappointed? You want me to be a man? You are so strange!
I said, no, you are! How do you say you are a doctor? Trouble!
You! You! You woke me up from my dream and talked to me for no reason, you! You are the problem!
You! I hung up angrily. I took out my phone book and prepared to write down this number. I will get even with this naughty woman tomorrow. I first gave this woman a name, called: nightmare. I woke her up because she said she was dreaming. Besides, she played tricks on me with practical jokes, so she was called a nightmare. I won't name her Marilyn. When I copied the number, I found that the number on the paper was a little different from the number I just dialed. Take a closer look, my god! I dialed the wrong number!
I was wrong. I misunderstood her.
After this night's tossing, I don't know if I will fall asleep. I think: I'd better sleep for a while, even for a short time.
It is very important for girls in their twenties to maintain their skin. Although I haven't decided how to marry myself, I still like the envious eyes when others look at me. That kind of vision, from my eyes to my face, to my hair, to my face ... has to be examined countless times every day. I cast a tight net from the corner of my eye and collected the vanity and pride that a beautiful woman should get.
Fluorescent lamps are dazzling. Actually, I'm more used to sleeping in the dark.