Colleague circle: active participation and positive response.
"I find that I am becoming more and more' unsociable'." Xiaoling works as a planner in the company and is introverted. She is always unaccustomed to dealing with others. She felt like an "invisible person" in the office. Last week, a colleague celebrated his birthday and several other colleagues invited everyone to dinner after work. Colleagues get together to discuss what gifts to give. Looking at colleagues chatting in full swing, Xiaoling was left aside. "I also want to talk about my thoughts, but I can't open my mouth." In desperation, I had to sit on the edge and watch pitifully. After work, colleagues are going to go to the restaurant together and buy gifts by the way, but no one comes to greet Xiaoling. After a long struggle, Xiaoling finally crustily skin of head caught up with a colleague, reluctantly put on a smiling face and left with everyone. "The topics discussed by other colleagues always feel that I can't get in. I want to join them, but I'm afraid I can't talk together. " In this regard, Xiaoling is very upset. "I don't know if others want to talk to me, and I'm too embarrassed to ask them."
Xiaoling recalled that when she first arrived at the company, her colleagues took her to chat or get together and asked her if she would go. Because she was unfamiliar with everyone at that time, she couldn't let go and was embarrassed to participate, so she always made excuses to shirk. "Maybe everyone thought I didn't want to attend, and then few people asked me to go." Gradually, Xiaoling found that even in meetings, everyone always ignored her and rarely asked her for advice. I used to be embarrassed and didn't want to talk, but now I want to talk, but I don't even have a chance to talk. "I always feel that I am not with them. Does everyone dislike me? " Xiaoling is very confused about this.
Psychologists' suggestions:
To integrate into the circle of colleagues, we should participate more, respond more, praise more and listen more. If you are a new employee, a new transfer, etc. Your colleagues don't know much about you at first, so there will be some distance. You can establish a relaxed dialogue with your colleagues sincerely and humbly. Listen more, pay more attention to and observe everyone's preferences, pay attention to their favorite topics, and do their favorite things. For example, some people care about diet, others care about beauty and make-up, and cater to other people's interests. It doesn't matter if you don't understand, because your suggestion can arouse the interest of the other party, and then increase the chance of contact with the other party. This is not hypocrisy, it is called interpersonal harmony.
When colleagues invite you to participate in various group activities, you should usually respond positively, and try to participate as much as possible unless you have to. Don't be out of tune with everyone at the party. You can participate appropriately if you are interested. If you are not familiar with it, you can smile. Sometimes in order to close the distance, we can share some of our own secrets and jokes when chatting. Of course, little secrets don't include privacy. If you feel that there is really nothing to talk about with your colleagues around you, you might as well sincerely praise your colleagues, such as your beautiful clothes (hairstyle) today. In short, treat others as you want them to treat you. Colleague circles generally have one or two hidden thoughts. If you want to enter the circle of colleagues, you must first find the leader and get on well with him, and soon you will be integrated with a large number of people.
Leadership circle: usually treated with careful observation.
Xiao Li, sitting in the consulting room, has the kind of vigor that people in the post-80s workplace often have. It can be seen that he is serious about his work and is eager to get the appreciation of the leaders and get promotion opportunities. But on the way to promotion, he didn't go well. He is the secretary of the leader, and all the work plans of the leader are arranged by him, but this does not make him the "right hand man" of the leader. "I always feel that leaders don't like and don't trust me, and there are many activities without me. Not only can I not enter the sight of the leader, but I also feel excluded. " This lingering sense of alienation from the leader made him feel hopeless for promotion.
Xiao Li wants to get close to the leader, but he feels helpless. This state of love and hate, longing to enter, a little worried, a little scared and a little jealous is an emotional experience that many people in the workplace have had. On the one hand, I want to do a good job in the relationship between superiors and subordinates, which can not only eliminate the sense of distance from leaders, but also seek more opportunities to express myself or even be promoted; On the other hand, I have a sense of fear. I don't know if I should enter, how to enter, and even doubt my ability. The entanglement of your feelings in the circle is like a barrier to keep yourself out of the circle.
Psychologists' suggestions:
Objectively speaking, many people have a biased understanding of the workplace. Or when I hear the "circle", I break out in a cold sweat and fear this kind of office "clique" for no reason. You feel that the word directly points to factional struggles, mutual struggles and so on. Or it feels mysterious, and the circle of leadership makes people feel unattainable. Before they went in, they felt that they were missing half. This misunderstanding of the circle will directly hinder people in the workplace from entering the circle. It's important to have someone's place. Circle is just a synonym for a relationship, a form of communication between people, neither evil nor mysterious. For the post-80s professionals, if they want to enter the leadership circle, they need to let go of their love, hate, greed and jealousy, and look at the circle normally in order to let go of their own obstacles. Once this psychological "hurdle" has passed, the rest need to be carefully observed, sensitive to find opportunities, confident and bold to enter.
Most people in the circle have similar goals, interests, likes and dislikes, etc. Find out these similarities and cultivate similar characteristics, and you can find the starting point of the circle. Looking for opportunities to properly express your desire to join the circle (for example, to participate in an activity), you must be sincere, not too humble, and not too careless. Even if the first request fails, you can find another opportunity to make a second query. If you want to enter the leadership circle, you have a normal heart, and the leaders will not worry too much.