Setting off firecrackers is to drive away the fear of the unknown in the future, such as when you get married.
Now there are boyfriend and girlfriend for rent online. How do parents distinguish between true and false boyfriends and girlfriends? Ask him at the dinner table, didn't our child's infectious disease infect you? Say nothing is false, jump is true.
The star makes a guest appearance and you play a walk-on.
The goddess said: my piano 10 level, clarinet level 6, English level 8. What's your specialty? Wang Jianguo thought for a long time: I am level 60 in World of Warcraft.
My wife always asks me: Is there always a piece of clothing missing from my closet? Yes, you always buy skirts.
She said: I will chop my hand if I buy it again. After I buy it, I will send it in Weibo, chop my hands. You cut it. Isn't there a knife on Taobao?
When you get married, the scene is like this: the master of ceremonies asks: Will you marry her in the future, regardless of whether you have a cold or an upset stomach and don't want to play with you or watch the ball with you? I really thought for five minutes. Then ask: wzj, when you are poor and have no house or job, are you willing to let her live? This guy is her ex-boyfriend.
Everyone's circle of friends has an idiot. I looked at my circle of friends and found that I broke this rule. Why is everyone an idiot?
I ask you again, I am not convinced. Just don't help! Well, you're good. You don't have to help me stand up.
The only thing couples don't have to argue about is who has children.
Teacher Rui
There is an American animated film Transformers. I ate a screw while eating popsicles. What was it? A: Transformers Edition. Say: what is it? A: The remains of Optimus Prime. .
Eating less kimchi can cause cancer, which is also the reason why two people in Korean dramas get cancer when they just get together. Some people think it's dog blood, but it's not. It's kimchi.
It's silly to wear famous brands every day and get a Starbucks in that high-end office building. Obviously, the other party has a particularly local Chinese name and has to call him by his English name.
To tell the truth, China's culture is profound, and we will learn a lot of pretentious and very useful things from an early age. These things are called idioms. A man without a wife, a child without an affair, in the foreseeable future. Explain, why bother? Young children are innocent. Yaoyao is single because she has no wife. Right? This shows that we in China have had the habit of this festival for a long time, called Singles Day.
In fact, bachelors are not only boys, but also some girls. Are they all called bachelors now? I met a little girl. She is a bachelor. Nobody really wants her. Finally, I had no choice but to persuade her. I said no, so go to religion. Why? What about after you believe in religion? You will have a Lord.
As a married person, I always think that the setting of Singles' Day is unreasonable, because in my eyes, bachelors have holidays every day. Why should they have a Singles Day? Is unreasonable.
Why do many people who have girlfriends or are married pretend to be single outside? At this time, there is a way to tell whether these people are fake singles. Because now everyone will definitely play mobile phones when eating, right? Real bachelors brush Weibo, while those with girlfriends play WeChat.
Today's Father's Day, I said that I happened to be working in Shanghai, and I couldn't get back to my background. I said to call my dad and wish him a happy Father's Day. Telephone, Dad, Happy Father's Day. My dad said, you too. I said, Dad, happy Father's Day, which is my father's holiday and my father's happiness. Yes, you, not your father. Do you have any hope this year? There is no hope. Is there any hope for next year? It's hopeless. What about the year after next? Hey, hey, hey ... then I'm not happy.
My good friend Dandan, one year 1 1 month, he went home by train, and the first thing he did when he entered the house was that his parents came back alone, looking sad. Come in for dinner. Eating a meal, his father said there, I'm telling you, our old egg family is pointing to your house. If you are still alone next year 1 1 month, don't come back, okay? You are not allowed to enter this house. Li Dan left in tears. A year passed quickly, and it was eleven again. what can I do? I didn't have a girlfriend, so I found a good friend named Wang Jianguo. Jianguo, let me discuss something with you. Are you going back to your hometown this year 1 1 month? No, I celebrated my birthday in Beijing this year. People's Republic of China (PRC) was founded, 1 1 birthday. Don't spend your holiday in Beijing. November is autumn, and our mutton in Inner Mongolia is the fattest. Come back to Inner Mongolia with me for your birthday. After the founding of the people's Republic of China, there is food to eat. Can it be bad? Can round-trip air tickets be reimbursed? No problem, let's go, so Li Dan and Jianguo went home together. Then the holiday will soon be over and the two of them will go back to Beijing. Before leaving, Li Dan's father took Li Dan's hand and said earnestly, Son, my parents won't force you. If you come back alone next year, come back alone. Don't bring him to eat all our sheep again.
I was not in Beijing when I was single, and later I worked in other places. I called you from Monday to Sunday at that time. Xiao Jian, how are you getting along in Shanghai recently? Do you have a girlfriend? I tell you, it's good to find one in Shanghai. It doesn't matter. We don't have any complaints at home. I said yes, auntie, I'm hanging up. I'm in a meeting. I hung up. The next day, hello. What happened, Xiao Jian? How about Shanghai? Aunt hung up. She's working. I called you back and forth like this every day, but there was really nothing I could do. What should I do? I'll lie to them. I said I had a girlfriend. Have a girlfriend, bring it back to Beijing to have a look. No, I have a job here too. I'm busy. what am I supposed to do？ Well, I'll send you some photos back, so you can relieve your hunger first, okay? Then where can I take pictures of beautiful girls? It's in the computer. So, I sent the photos of the beautiful girls in the computer to my father and aunt, and they were very happy to see them. However, they soon became suspicious. If my uncle is the smartest old man, call me Xiao Jian. You always send us photos. Is this girl's job unstable? How do you know this job is unstable? Look at the photos you sent. She was a teacher last month. How does she become a nurse this month? There is nothing we can do about it. But fortunately, it took a long time. Today, I have my own program. I'm already a celebrity. Here, I must solemnly thank Miss Xinye who is far away from Japan through this program.
In fact, a person who has been single for too long will become very lonely, and a bitter feeling arises spontaneously. Once I went to Shaoxing, you know there is a kind of daughter red in Shaoxing. I have got a jar since my daughter was born. Shaoxing yellow was buried underground and in the wine cellar. 18 Take it out when your daughter gets married. That trip to Shaoxing was also a local reception. Come, Miss Wang, try our Shaoxing daughter red. Isn't it common? It's nothing. The level is different. At first glance, my daughter is red, which means ordinary 18 years, followed by VSOP, 30 years old. The most terrible thing is to see an XO. How tragic this woman is. She has not been married for 50 years. Finally, she brought a treasure from the shop in town. Let's try this. What is this? This was a hundred years ago.
When you are single, you will feel that your life is very tragic, for example, a wedding. Don't you feel particularly uncomfortable sitting there when you arrive? Don't you feel sad to see others come in pairs and pay the same money? When I realized this later, I would pick up the phone book, find a woman I haven't contacted for years and call her at another wedding. Hey, what have you been up to recently? Let me treat you to dinner. After attending so many weddings, I spent so much money every time, and then I couldn't eat it back until one day I went to a wedding, and the entourage was about 5 100 yuan, that's all. After going in, I found that the meal was completely different, in a very luxurious hotel, like Shangri-La. After going in, I found abalone with wings and belly, wild geese in the mountains, fresh cattle and sheep on the land, shark wings in Hericium erinaceus' bird's nest and deer tail tips in scallops with bear's paw. Everything. Oh, my God. Oh, let's eat. I am very happy after eating. When I finally left, I took the groom's hand and said, buddy, your meal is delicious. Call me next time you get married, you know.
In addition to the pressure from parents, there are actually many annoying people around you. These people call friends, which will stimulate you, right? For example, a friend whom I haven't seen for years suddenly appears in front of you, with her husband and children, calling you from a distance, Wang Zijian. Hello, Xiaohua. After a greeting, I am still alone. I'm almost thirty years old and still single. That won't do. I haven't met anyone yet. I'm too busy at work. Look at me. This is my husband and this is our child. Isn't it cute? Come on, my boy, call him uncle. How embarrassed are you at this time? What should you do? At this time, of course, some skillful methods are used to get back at her, but you can't say it directly. It's boring and easy to fight. You must say that she can't jump at all, but she and her husband are very upset, right? Bring the baby here. Come on, call uncle. Call uncle. I'll take the children directly. Look at the beautiful child. She looks like her father. Look at her husband. what do you think? Is there anything wrong with this sentence But when they got back, they were both sure. . . Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. . .
In fact, there is nothing wrong with being single. Sometimes people who have wives and girlfriends envy the freedom of being single. As a result, they heard a rumor that they shared love in Weibo.
Sometimes being single is an enviable thing. For example, my friend has been single for so long, and finally he is depressed. what can I do? It's so depressing One day I was really dying, so I went to the mountain to find a temple and went there to pray for Buddha to bless him with a girlfriend. This is ridiculous. Please bless Buddha and give him a girlfriend. Go to the temple, kneel underground, put your hands together and look at the Buddha devoutly. Of course, you don't know if he saw it. Thinking of my bachelor life for so many years, tears slowly seeped from my eyes. The monk was very moved when he saw it. This young man must have a clear understanding. Come and persuade him, Amitabha, benefactor, have you come to our temple to become a monk? No, I'm looking for a girlfriend. What, did someone go to the temple to find a girlfriend? No, you don't understand. I'm here to pray for Buddha, because I've been single and have no wife, so I want to make a wish and see if I can get married and have a wife or something. Hearing this, the monk's eyes suddenly darkened. Well, young man, you see you came to the temple because you don't have a wife, and I came because I have a wife.
When I don't have a girlfriend, I am carefree and do whatever I want. One day, you have a girlfriend, or you get married, and suddenly you find that the world has completely changed. When you go to the movies, you need to buy two tickets, two drinks and two popcorn. Forget it. You have to carry two bags when you go out, one of which is a female bag. You need to meet two mothers during the holiday. The gift you bought for her mother is more expensive than the one you bought for her. It doesn't make sense. You feel sick. Most importantly, I want to talk about this matter so far. I really can't stand it. Two people go shopping together or go to the bathroom. You can't leave after that. You have to wait for her at the door of the ladies' room like a pervert with your handbag.
My good friend Lai Bao bought a lot of holiday supplies for Singles Day. Waterproof spray, wedding notebook, peach blossom crystal, bought a lot of these things, and then said I was rich, my singles day, I went out to sell them. Where can I sell it? I have to find a place with more bachelors to sell. Ask us, self-built, founding, Maruko, where do you say there are the most bachelors? The three of us are busy writing, who cares, single, the most in the temple. That makes sense. He went to sell these singles day supplies. Anyway, a few days later, we found him in the hospital, with a comminuted fracture all over his body and hanging there. I said, what happened to you? Selling this in the temple won't make people like this. You don't know, I went to Shaolin Temple.
I know several bachelors who go to the supermarket every Valentine's Day and crush all the chocolates. Go to the supermarket to get a needle and stick those rubber products on. Later, on Singles Day, they felt that they had turned over. This is our festival. We're going out to do something more glorious, called breaking up couples. It's also made up. Most of them are girls. I was here on Weihai Road that day, in front of the TV station. A girl recognized me. Are you Wang Zijian? Can you take a picture with me? We were chatting when suddenly a girl rushed over, gave me a push and cried. The acting is so good that she cried, dear, who is she? Ordinary audience, who else?
I came to Shanghai and met a girl in a coffee shop in Shanghai to talk about work, because my wife is in Beijing, right? My wife doesn't know if she has a sixth sense or something. She just flew to Shanghai and didn't know how to find me. She pushed the door into the cafe and pushed me directly. Honey, who is she? How can I explain this? This is an ordinary audience. I think she looks a lot like your classmate in cheung kong graduate school of business.
I have a friend. His family sells watermelons. It's nothing to sell watermelons. He made a lot of money selling watermelons. How did it come into being? There is a big vegetable cellar at home. If you store watermelons in a vegetable cellar every summer and sell them in winter, the price will double, but he just won't tell anyone. Every time a girl asks, what does your family do? Our family sells watermelons. At that time, the grade was a little low, right, but he was very troubled, so he asked me, what should I do if I built it myself? I said it's not that you have no money. Your family is really good. So, you are not. What can I say? You said selling watermelons was definitely not good. Didn't you say there was a vegetable cellar? You can make money by taking watermelons back and putting them in summer and selling them in winter. Yes, isn't this a watermelon seller? You said you were in futures.
In order to get rid of the bachelor life, many people try their best to find wives and girlfriends, so many marriage and love programs in China are all about a pair of female guests, all of whom are beautiful women. Then a male guest went to see the performance. Don't trust this kind of program. Basically, except for "one in a hundred" and "one in a hundred", they are all fake. Sometimes many people can't help it. For example, my good friend Jianguo was upset because he didn't have a girlfriend, so he put on all the wedding programs for guards in China, and there was only one line every time he appeared on the program, because all the lights went out as soon as he appeared. That's all he has. Thank you for giving me this opportunity. Thank you.
Later, we advised him that you should go out of the virtual, don't believe those TV programs, and always have a girlfriend in reality. Many things happen. He still met a girl in reality. Together, he always chats, sends short messages and chats online. After several months, he finally went to the girl's house one day. After going to the girl's house, everything went well at first. At the most critical moment, the girl said, wait a minute, I have to turn off the lights first. When the lights are turned off, the founding of the country is a reflection. Thank you for giving me this opportunity. Thank you. This is not destroying people, it is something that normal people will do. Brother, what will you do if the girl turns off the light? You don't cherish the opportunity given by the program group. .
Four men in leather shoes-gelatin, milk, jelly and capsules.
Wang Jianguo: I was bitten by a dog. Can I be a dog? You have rabies.
Passing a small note was seen by the teacher, who is the little girl's mother.
Dear earthquake volcano is not terrible as long as you are around, because you are even more terrible.
Take out a cigarette and shout at the volcano and light it for me.
Since the first day of stock trading, my qualifications have declined. Who asked me how the stock was: down.
Everyone has an advantage in his work, but everyone hates being called a leader.
Office workers are very hard, and the salary is a monthly salary, but the workload does not include traffic.
Every time the subway runs, several people fall down. I decided to take a cactus to work, and then I got off the subway and saw how aloe vera was.
You're like F 1 1. You've always been there, but you just don't know why. You can call me F4.
At the airport, someone asked me, buddy, do you have a lighter? I said yes, here you are. Oh, it's disposable. I have zippo, too
With such a lighter, you still expect others to borrow it.
I want to tell him that I am Lei Feng's younger brother: Reddy. I'm Lei Feng's brother Reddy. Are you a lady?
Hey, what's your last name?
Those who don't help others when they see others fall will definitely have no one to help them when they fall.
When the book is used, you will not be so annoying. Put your feet down if you don't put the insole on.
Robbed by a taxi driver: two youths: anything is ok. Can you stop the meter first?