This is my illness. I hurried to the hospital. This is a brand-new door I opened.
The first time I heard Heart is Reason, Unity of Knowledge and Action, To Conscience, the first time I heard Flowers in the Rock and Talking about Grass among Flowers. ......
The first time I heard "cautious independence", "sincerity", "tempering things" and "introspection and restraint" ......
For the first time, I understand "doing nothing without doing anything", "moving against the Tao, using the weak Tao" and "keeping promises lightly will break your promise, which is even more difficult" ......
For the first time, I learned that "people who don't do well will ask for it" and "there are more saints than villains." ......
I realized for the first time that going home is not a reasonable place, but a place to talk.
I realized for the first time that there is no right or wrong thing. If I am right, it doesn't mean that others are wrong, but everyone can be right.
My first time has many, many more. ......
This year, I spent a year studying, I spent a year studying, and the whole family made progress.
I saw Han Han's rapid growth, and I also saw his father's responsibility and wisdom.
I saw the selfless love, infinite support and warmth of my parents and family.
I saw the tolerance and care of my parents-in-law.
I saw others' efforts and dedication. ......
This year, I learned to respect, respect my family, respect my friends and respect everyone's differences.
I learned to be grateful to my family, my friends, my colleagues, teachers and classmates.
I learned to look, see the progress and advantages of others, and also see my own shortcomings and deficiencies.
I learned to wait, let the flowers grow alone and wait for them to bloom.
I also learned a lot. ......
Respecting children is the first lesson I learned on the way to parent-child, but how to respect children is a major issue for me.
I hesitated, wavered, tried again and again, summed up again and again, corrected again and again, and gained a little.
One of my psychology teachers once said: Listening, not interrupting and not drawing conclusions is the basis for the dialogue to continue.
I study hard and practice hard. It seems that I feel something.
Let the child fully express his thoughts, no matter how absurd or wrong it seems to me, let him state what is in his heart first.
I will ask questions about what children don't understand, so that children can express themselves more completely. No opinions, no judgments.
Ask the child, are you finished? If he answers no, then I won't speak.
Don't worry about the misunderstanding of children in the process of expression, and don't worry about the emotional excitement of children in the process of expression, as long as you understand your complete understanding of things.
Make sure that the child has described the matter and try to repeat what he is struggling with from his point of view.
For example, what do you think children have done? Do you feel hurt? You don't think what he did was right, do you?
He will basically reply that he feels hurt, or that there is something wrong with the child-I have understood the reasons for the child's emotions.
Affirm the child's mood from the child's point of view: well, from this point of view, he may be wrong. If it were me, I would feel wronged or angry.
Find out the truth with the child: but why did he do it? Usually he will answer because he did something, but he did it for a reason. What is the reason?
Go back to 2 and agree with his emotions: So although you did it, for what reason did you do it? So that's what you think I see.
5 Guide the child: Since you have a reason, does the child have a reason?
Maybe you think so, but I still have some opinions. Can I tell you?
If the children agree, we will share. If the child doesn't agree, so be it.
Many times, he and I figured out the ins and outs of things, and his problems were basically solved.
Don't worry about his wrong cognition. We have plenty of time, and we will instill correct ideas in him in our daily communication.
"Believe in the power of faith", as long as my father and I silently influence our children, set an example and practice, I believe our children will gradually move towards the broad road!
I have always been afraid that my child will be sad and that he will become a pessimistic person.
I know how bitter a pessimist is, so I am particularly afraid that he will experience it.
"It's wrong to be afraid."
Excessive fear made my mood soar with his mood. I am happy when he is happy, and I am afraid when he is sad.
I'm worried that he got lost!
In order to make him happy quickly, I tried my best to enlighten him: others didn't mean it, so don't argue with him; Don't be so stingy, you let him; Maybe he doesn't think so.
I remember my mother's thoughts when she comforted me like this when I was a child: Should good people be wronged? Why do you put in a good word for others? Why am I stingy when others are clearly wrong? Am I your daughter or is someone else your daughter? In my eyes, I will never be worse than anyone, even a pig!
I remember saying to my psychology teacher countless times: "I don't want to be a good child, I don't want to be a good daughter, I don't want to be a good daughter-in-law, I am too tired and wronged myself!" " "I remember one time I complained and cried in my husband's arms in the middle of the night.
People are all of one mind! It turns out that the more I comfort him, the more sad I am!
It turns out that all I have to do is hug him when he is sad and ask him, "What can I do for you?" "Do you want me to stay with you for a while or do you want to be alone?"
He has joys and sorrows, and like me, they are all expressions of his feelings. There is no right or wrong, no good or bad.
I believe he has the ability to get out of his depression.
I believe that joys and sorrows are all experiences that he should feel.
Let him feel his depression, let him feel happy when he is happy! Deprived of the right to be sad, you are deprived of the ability to be happy!
Believe in the power of faith!
At the stage when our son recovers his energy, every time he gives vent, we can feel that his inner burden is lightened, his anger is reduced and he is softer.
It turns out that anger is also one of the seven emotions, which is normal, so don't worry.
When emotions are expressed, anger will naturally disappear.
Just like quarreling is a way of normal communication, not a scourge.
Every quarrel makes us know each other better, get closer to each other, understand each other's bottom line more clearly, hold the bottom line, and let us get along more harmoniously.
Allow children to grow up at their own pace, not encourage them.
Before children come for help, I believe that children have the ability to solve problems by themselves and believe that children can grow up.
I especially like what my sister said: "Every child is a sunflower, and they will grow up in the sun." Even if we do nothing, children will try to grow up in the sun.
Our problem is precisely that we have done too much and gone too far.
If you really want to do something, then lead by example, lead by example and practice!
"When I succeed, people call me a natural." I think this should be the highest level of educational guidance. ...
Once my pet name for my father was "stupid", and I always thought he was stupid and stupid.
His language ability is not strong and he is not very flexible. A science man can't read drawings, whether Lego or self-assembled furniture drawings!
I have been pointing fingers at his affairs: colleague relationship, family relationship, parenting education, and even small things in life.
"Benben" is not only my nickname for him, but also my "looking down" on him now.
My psychology teacher once told me: "Your son has a great opinion of his father because you despise your husband's way. Although you didn't make it clear to your son, he could feel that it would affect him and make him feel that his father was not qualified. In fact, the reason why their parent-child relationship is not good is because of you. You should allow dad to love children in his own way and allow dad to communicate with children in his own way. "
At that moment, I was like thunder. I was extremely resistant and denied, but I also began to re-examine my attitude towards him.
Allow fathers to love their children in their own way? Is his way right? I don't think he has any advantages in treating children. He is bossy, dictatorial and fascist!
Can I allow him to communicate with children in his own way?
When I first tried to trust my husband, I was very upset. In order not to let myself participate, I deliberately hid in the bedroom! But I don't trust, I have to lie on the door and listen carefully to their every move!
Dad is as angry as ever. As usual, I will rush out and accuse him of being wrong and not understanding the essence of parenting education!
At the moment, I can't help pointing the finger at Maimang. I'm very excited. I choose to wait.
After the fierce collision, my father and I fell silent. I thought it was over, but it wasn't. After a while, my father calmly told my son the reason why he was angry, that he had positive expectations for my son and that he was deeply worried about my son.
After feeling his father's affection, his son will also communicate with his father sincerely.
So this is what he loves!
For so many years, I personally shaped the image of my father's "love doesn't matter" and even personally shaped the illusion that he doesn't love his son.
I allow them to communicate in their own way, and they really have their own parent-child relationship.
Now he loves and respects his father. In the past, he despised and hated his father. These changes are all because I allow my father to communicate with his children in his own way.
It turns out that all this is really caused by me!
Perhaps by analogy, I allowed my father to love his children in his own way, and I learned to allow him to solve problems and handle things in his own way before I realized how narrow-minded I was!
Maybe he doesn't have my perceptual and emotional ability, but his pattern is bigger and his realm is higher than mine.
He can grasp the essence of things better than I can and save the day.
How I wronged his "stupidity" before
If I looked down on him before, I look up to him now, even.
Since my brother was born, he has been full of resentment towards us, thinking that we neglected him and didn't love him. Although we try to balance, pay more attention to him and spend more time with him, and his relationship with us and his younger brother has greatly eased, we can always see various disputes between him and his younger brother. We always appear as arbiters, judging who is right or wrong, or telling my brother that he should let his brother go.
The teacher said that two children were allowed to communicate in their own way. But how is that possible? My brother is as tender as a snail. Yes, how could he be ravaged by his big brother? Do you have any excuses?
Before the first exercise, I made full preparations: every time my brother brought food to my brother, I praised my brother for loving him. Every time my brother helped my brother, I expressed my responsibility until I asked him to take care of my brother, and he readily agreed.
I gave my brother to him with a feeling of distrust and trust. When I was busy in the kitchen, I left an ear to pay attention to the situation of the two brothers.
At first, the two brothers laughed happily.
After a while, my brother screamed and laughed at my brother, which was in sharp contrast with madness and pride. No, only my brother is crying. I am extremely uneasy: should I go to arbitration? Should I tell my brother that I should make way for him? Should I keep letting them go? Is what the teacher said useful? I should ...
Just when I was at war with heaven, I found my brother coaxing him with his favorite snack. After a while, my brother was happy, and then the two brothers played happily together again.
After several experiences, I plan to travel to Sanya, and I brought two sons.
I firmly believe that my brother can help me!
It turns out that I was right.
Countless times when I went to help the children get things or wash clothes, my brother took my brother alone. When I came back, I met many people who praised my brother for never leaving, taking good care of him, how to love him and how to tolerate him.
Once I took my brother to the swimming pool to play. My brother accidentally fell down and drank two sips of water. My brother scolded me angrily: "You were so far away from him. He fell, waiting for you to come over. He drank several sips of water! I never gave him a drink when I looked at him! You are not as good as my child as a mother! "
I am very happy. His anger expresses his full love for his brother, his meticulous care, and his responsibility and trust! I am proud to have such a son!
It turned out that he was allowed to communicate with his brother in his own way, which made me gain a full responsibility and a son worthy of entrusting!
My brother's responsibility and responsibility won the praise of his family. Family members are more willing to trust him.
In this way, parent-child relationship, brotherly relationship and family relationship have been greatly improved and promoted.
And all this is just that I allow them to be themselves and communicate in their own way.
It turns out that the root of the problem really lies in me …
I think every parent wants to be strict with their children. But what are the strict requirements?
The child made a mistake. I will give him a good meal. Is this a strict requirement?
If the child makes a mistake, he must fight to make him remember it for a long time! Is this a strict requirement?
I used to think it was very strict, so my brother lived in a high-pressure and violent environment.
Teacher Jin Ming and other senior sisters have taught me to tolerate and accept children, but what is tolerance and what is connivance? Wouldn't it be more lawless if I didn't take care of him? Where tolerance goes, we must resolutely stop him from slipping into the abyss.
At first, my acceptance was even more helpless. The teacher said that when I don't know what to do, the best choice is to do nothing!
I really don't know what I should do, so I really don't do anything. I don't interfere with what children do. I can't bear to tell my child what I think he should do. The best thing I can do is not to worry too much, not to be too angry and anxious, and try to stabilize my emotions.
I'm struggling with this left-right approach.
The sentence "Growth needs thousands of swings" is really reasonable.
Finally, on the tail of 202 1, I understand that the strict requirement is that children should objectively point out their mistakes and talk about things without extension or expansion.
It doesn't matter if the child doesn't understand. It takes time for children to grow up, not overnight. Allow him to grow slowly.
This is full of love and blessings. Children can feel it.
It is not strict to teach a child a lesson, clean him up, or even beat him up to make him remember for a long time. It's just that our parents want to take shortcuts and save trouble, hoping to solve one problem or even several problems at a time, without giving their children time to grow up, at least not enough time for him to grow up. This is a sign that we are powerless to our children.
It is full of panic and curse, and children can feel it.
This is effective in the short term, but it has great side effects if it is used for a long time.
Allow children to grow up at their own pace!
I have been exploring how to "guide children". I think I can be a good mother as long as I find a way to "guide my children".
I once read in a book that the author said that she didn't like the idea of "guiding children". This statement feels that parents are above, and it seems to tell children what is right and wrong from the perspective of God.
This description has brought me great shock. I have read this text for a long time, but I still can't understand it.
I always think that parents should guide our children and tell them the correct view of right and wrong and values. If I don't guide him, can he teach himself without a teacher?
Some time ago, my son had a little trouble. He felt that his friends were somewhat exclusive to him and came to me for help.
I have always seen the shortcomings that plague my son, and I have got a general understanding of his classmates' comments through the teacher, but I also saw that he was actively changing, so I didn't intervene. He is already working hard, so I believe him.
Now he has a chance to tell me his troubles. How can I guide him?
I don't know! ! !
I asked his class teacher for help, and the class teacher gave me a good suggestion.
I also carefully reviewed my troubles similar to his in junior high school, and carefully recalled and summarized how I walked at that time.
At that moment, I thought his shortcomings were not a problem. What I should do is how to integrate him into his group, how to give him inner strength, how to let him learn to feel the kindness of others, and how to learn to be grateful.
This is his problem, and it is also my problem!
I didn't directly give him suggestions to improve his shortcomings. At that moment, I felt that I walked into his heart, and we faced problems together and grew up together.
We are comrades-in-arms in the same trench and face difficulties together; We are comrades-in-arms, moving towards a happy tomorrow together.
It turns out that I really didn't "guide the children", but I grew up with the children.
The teacher once told me: learn to be a parent, children are the best teachers, and he will tell you what to do!
My son and I are equal, respect each other, promote each other and grow together.
When I was a child, I had lofty ideals. Although I don't know what to do, I know I must make contributions to society!
Seeing the state of people around me after work, I gradually feel that I am no different from them.
Everyone is running for a living. My husband and I have long been at the same level as our colleagues who have worked five or six years earlier than us.
At that time, I felt that there were so many successful people and so many ordinary people in the world.
I mistake mediocrity for mediocrity. From then on, I gave up my efforts, gave up my progress, began to muddle along and began to fish in troubled waters.
I am familiar with my work, and my leader tolerates the support of my colleagues. Husband and wife love each other, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live in harmony.
As time went on, my son went to school.
"There is no limit to learning the sea." This was my life creed when I was a child, and now I take it as my son's motto.
The child began to be tired of learning, and the parent-child relationship began to be tense until one day the child was completely desperate. ......
The psychology teacher asked me: What do you pursue with your husband? What is the ideal? Why do you work?
I'm completely confused. I don't know. I am very satisfied with my life and work, just like a blind donkey mill, which keeps grinding according to my habits. What do I pursue? Isn't that what everyone does? What should I pursue?
I asked myself: What am I pursuing? What should I pursue? I gave up my old dream a long time ago. Do I still need ideals? What does my ideal have to do with children?
The psychology teacher told me: You have no goal and no pursuit, so your children don't know what to pursue and why to study. You told him that studying now is to find a good job in the future, but what is a good job? What is this job for? He is hopeless.
I can't understand it, but my psychology teacher told me to give my son a hope, even if this hope is that the glory of the king will be a king!
Can playing games also be a goal and a wish? Can you be the hope of my son? Isn't this to quench thirst with poison?
I don't know how to give my son a hope, so I can only accompany him silently.
When he started to get angry, I watched him play games and brushed Tik Tok with him.
Slowly, I found that he likes microorganisms, paleontology, epidemics, infectious diseases, immune system, circulatory system and rule of law.
I remember that the first book he read was Only Doctors Know, and the first book he borrowed from the library was about microorganisms. Before that, I didn't know what a microorganism was.
It turns out that my son likes microbiology and medicine!
We started talking about viruses, bacteria and human immunity.
On one occasion, my son vividly expounded the confrontation between AIDS and human body with the game of the king, that is, Li Ang's "King of AIDS" theory.
I started talking to him about Zhang Wenhong, his ambition, his pursuit and his greatness.
I told him: son, I believe you, and you can be like them! You don't have to be a celebrity like them, you can make your due contribution to this society. As long as you have contributed to this society, your parents should be proud. Just like the courier brother, he can deliver the package we need to our hands accurately and on time every time; Just like uncle cleaner, always let us have a clean and comfortable environment; Just like the farmer's uncle, he will always provide us with safe and secure fruits and vegetables. As long as they make due contributions to this society, they are great people. As great as ordinary people!
I agree that there is no end to learning, but now I really don't want anyone to "work hard". With interest, autonomous and spontaneous learning is no longer bitter.
At the same time, I also practice hard, study hard, help my parents and children around me, and contribute my meager strength to this society.
I know my strength is small now, but I believe I will grow up bit by bit and I can do more and more.
I really understand now that setting up lofty ideals is not empty, but really our own needs!
The year 202 1 is coming to an end.
This year, I met many outstanding people, outstanding people in my life, outstanding people in my son and outstanding people in my family.
Everyone helped me grow up, and so did my family.
I thank everyone in my life, everyone.
I appreciate everything that happened to me, everything.
For a gentleman, everything is good.
I can't be a gentleman, but I know everything is fine.
Bless everyone who appears in my life.
May we all have a bright 2022.
Goodbye, 202 1!
Hello, 2022!
202 1 This year ended unexpectedly, which really touched me deeply. ......
No one knows how sad I have been this year. ......
No one knows how many tears and laughter I have had this year. ......
No one knows how lucky I am this year, meeting so many distinguished people in my life!
No one knows how much I have grown this year, from pessimism and despair to gradually feeling that I have strength.
Such a precious year is gone forever, and I think I need to tidy it up. A fashionable word is called "repeated offer".
After several years, I hope I can keep this heart at this moment, and I won't lose it.
Maybe I will be better in a few years. Looking back on my 20021year, I was promoted again.
May all children in the world be happy!
May all the children in the world be the pillars of the future country!