When you grow up, you learn to understand that there will always be countless small disappointments in life, which is for others and for yourself.
Anyway, don't let these tiny disappointments ruin my hopes, and don't be too hard on yourself. Don't be too hard on people who love you so much. He is just a mortal like you.
Come on, let's talk about the case.
Case: My husband owed a gambling debt, but told me it was to give me the life I wanted. Not long ago, Han Xiao came to me and said, Teacher, I am so disappointed in my husband. I feel that he has no sense of responsibility and responsibility as a man. Later, I learned that Han Xiao and her husband, A Chao, met on a blind date. They have been in love for two years, married for five years, and their child is four years old this year. Last year, A Chao was temporarily transferred and the two separated. After staying in a different place for half a year, A Chao went home, but Han Xiao found that A Chao often hid and didn't play with his mobile phone. He often sighed and was listless. Han Xiao thought her husband was cheating on her and forced her to make demands many times. Finally, her husband told her the truth. It turned out that during the six months in different places, A Chao and his colleagues learned to speculate in futures. He not only lost all the money for buying a car, but also owed more than 300 thousand foreign debts. This is the total income of this family for two years without eating or drinking. In the face of possessed Chao, Han Xiao and Chao had a quarrel. Han Xiao scolded A Chao bitterly: "Have you ever thought about our young son, your elderly parents and me when you do this?" Unexpectedly, Chao did not apologize when he heard Han Xiao's words, but turned and ran to the sky.
On the rooftop, A Chao said to Han Xiao, "If you hadn't always said that brothers and sisters would buy a house today and a car the day after tomorrow, would I gamble?" I'm not doing this to give you the life you want! "Han Xiao said, in fact, this is not the first time Chao has been confused. When the child just turned one year old, A Chao and his colleagues gambled online and lost 60,000 to 70,000 yuan. Finally, Han Xiao used his dowry money to help him fill the hole. On that occasion, Chao's reasons were exactly the same as this one. "I thought he would learn from his mistakes. I thought this was the first time and the last time. I didn't expect forgiveness to end like this. "
Analysis: The leaves are not yellow for a day, and people's hearts are not cold overnight. Han provided forgave Chao for the first time because he believed Chao's sweet words and foolishly took the responsibility on himself. I think it was because I put too much pressure on him that he chose to take risks. However, the reality once again gave Han Xiao a blow and made Han Xiao awake. Now, she dare not expect anything from her husband, Chao.
When are girls most likely to be super disappointed in their husbands? First of all: I can't see the future and lose hope.
I happily married the man I love, and I found this man: lazy and enterprising; Never keep your promise; No responsibility, no sense of responsibility, only thinking about their own enjoyment, but regardless of family integrity or family management. In life, you can often see all kinds of last words from men, such as "I will never ignore your feelings again", "I will never go out fooling around again" and "I will definitely keep my word in the future". Men habitually paint grand blueprints for women, but they forget when they turn around. In the end, the promise turned into deceptive rhetoric, which gradually disintegrated the trust between them. Women choose to forgive again and again, but men pour out their hopes countless times. In the end, men are still the same as before, and there is no change at all. Even more terrible gains and losses, can not give her money, can not give her love, but also think that girls want love is melodramatic, and a better life is material.
Secondly: the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is right or wrong. It is said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law actually depends on how the husband reconciles inside.
But many husbands are always afraid of getting burned and choose to watch the fire directly from the other side; There is also a man who always stands in the camp of his parents, no matter right or wrong, thinking that there is only one parent and that there is no one in the world.
Men do not play a lubricating role in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. On the contrary, they make things worse and worse.
Many men find it difficult to deal with the relationship between work, family background and marriage, which leads to conflicts or differences with their wives, and even take it out on their wives, further causing conflicts between husband and wife.
Thirdly, ignoring women's contribution and dedication to the family. Men take everything women do for granted. Let women feel that marriage has lost its meaning to themselves.
Too many men can't see their wives' efforts, only to see their attraction fade with age and family care.
Finally, the wife doesn't feel loved and insecure. It is said that love is: some time before chewing gum, and marriage is the second half of chewing gum. A man's harm to a woman is not necessarily that he cheated on her or fell in love with someone else. But no one coaxed her when she cried, and she learned to be independent; No one was with her when she was afraid, so she learned to be brave. When she was bored, no one asked, but she learned to endure. When she was tired and no one relied on her, she learned to be strong. You always don't care when you want to talk. She learns to be interesting. When she gets through all her sorrows alone, she no longer expects your love. However, some people say that women are melodramatic.
But every step of the way you choose counts.
So what can I do to reduce my disappointment? First of all: understand that nothing should be. You can look at the word "husband and wife" in Baidu, even if the behavior between husband and wife is completely spontaneous. So in the final analysis, there is no such thing as "if he loves me, what should he do".
To put it simply, both husband and wife are independent individuals, so I told Han Xiao that in order to make her husband down-to-earth, we must first accept the fact that her husband lacks self-control and family responsibility to a certain extent. Only by accepting the objective facts first can we fundamentally avoid imposing the thinking of "I think you can, I think you should …" on your husband.
Secondly, we should know how to manage our expectations reasonably.
Look at her husband's advantages and what he can do.
If you put your wife's unilateral hope on the other side, it is not objective in itself; If you expect too much, it is blind and stupid.
We must admit the fact that everyone has his own three views and methodology. So I advised Han Xiao not to impose her code of conduct on her husband. This is tantamount to persecution in disguise.
Instead of criticizing her husband's shortcomings, it is better to observe and encourage her husband's strengths.
Secondly, a good husband who knows twenty-four filial piety is taught by a clever woman. As the saying goes, if you want to take it first, you must give it first.