the way to take care of both parenting and work "I don't think everyone has to go home to take care of the children to play the role of a good mother. If you think so … it's too painful. Not only do you feel uneasy at work, but you also feel guilty when you come home to see the children. Are you also a working mom who has to take care of the children and work, burning candles at both ends? Let best-selling writer Crocus and Japanese writer Tsinghua Hotan share with you how to overcome fatigue and anxiety and leisurely swim between work and family. Can't play the role of a good mother at work?

In this fast-moving society, the family division of labor and the responsibility structure have already changed, and more and more moms have joined the workplace, whether out of the need to share the family's household expenses or to pursue the sky of self-development.

However, this society has many expectations and restrictions on the role of mother. From the beginning of pregnancy, you can't run and jump, you can't eat indiscriminately, and you can't go anywhere. After the child is born, you must not let the child cry, make the child sick, bring up a good child, and even wait for the child to enter school age, you must worry about his poor grades and make bad friends …, and the responsibilities are endless. In the book "Mommy Will Be Better at Work", the author Tian Tsinghua described women's feelings of "wanting to be a perfect and competent mother" as "elephants tied by twigs".

In India, it is said that when an elephant is young, it will be tied with strong trees to instill in it the idea that "it is tied and cannot escape". In this case, an elephant who grows up will not escape even if it is tied with a fragile twig, or it can be said that it does not want to escape at all.

The ideal of being a perfect mommy may be just like that twig. Although it has no substantial binding force, it is also irrefutable. It is impossible to realize the idea that you are bound, even if you have more dreams. This idea also limits mommy's development and self-confidence.

what if you try to get rid of this twig that makes you think you have to do this? Perhaps, you will find that without it, family and work life will not collapse, but will be more and more successful.

Common problems of working moms 1: inadequate

Besides working and raising children, working moms often have unfinished housework, and sometimes they encounter unexpected situations such as working overtime too late to pick up their children, and the children are sick and unable to go to work. They can only be described as "exhausted". Even if they want to spend more time with their children when they get home, they are often unable to do so, and even sleep is relatively lacking.

Try to reserve contingency time

Hotan Tsinghua thinks that when time is tight, it is usually this intense psychological pressure, coupled with unexpected situations, that will make Mommy exhausted. Therefore, it is suggested to finish the work as early as possible and reserve some contingency time, which can make mommy feel at ease at work.

Don't spend too much time surfing the Internet

Saffron, the author of "Life for Children", said that although she is a blogger, she still urged moms to control their online time in the years when their children were young. Many moms spend their rest time surfing the internet, but they obviously don't have enough sleep. Why leave messages or play games on Facebook in the middle of the night? In fact, hanging around the internet is not a rest at all. In addition, even if you surf the Internet, you should spend your time reading useful articles and informative things, and reduce the use of social networking sites, because it will be of limited help to parenting and deprive you of valuable sleep time.

just three or five years, just be patient!

If mommy is in a bad mood occasionally, she will think it is a sacrifice or a drag, but she should try to think positively. The writer Saffron shared, "I will always tell myself that just three or five years will pass, and even if I think so tired, there will be no chance in the future, because the child will grow up and drag you down for a long time. When he goes to primary school, the situation of burning candles at both ends will be much improved."

outsource if you can!

The writer Crocus believes that in order to survive the hardest years, if you really feel overwhelmed, outsource what you can! For example, if you are really too tired to walk, take a taxi instead of insisting on the MRT; If you feel that your home is too messy, please invite someone to help you clean it once a week. For example, the Peng Wanru Foundation provides this kind of housework outsourcing. By saving money on one or two clothes, you can keep your home clean for one month. This will at least make the whole family feel more comfortable at home during the holidays, and Mommy won't have to work so hard.

question 2: the trouble of child care

the most worrying thing for moms in the workplace is the problem of child care. Because of going to work, it is necessary to leave the children in the care of others. However, if you bring it to your elders, there will often be helplessness in not implementing your own parenting concept; Leave your child with a babysitter, nursery or kindergarten, and worry that the child will get sick easily or will not be able to pick up the child on time when working overtime.

How much you want your elders to help you

Many people are very dissatisfied with the elderly taking care of their children, because they may show their children a lot of TV, or eat some food that mommy doesn't approve of, and they can't tell their children picture books, * * *, and listen to classical music from morning till night, but these don't mean that the elderly won't take care of their grandchildren with care and love. At the very least, you don't have to worry about child abuse. When you work overtime.

Do what you can.

According to the writer Crocus, don't expect the old people to help you do things that are highly out of their ability. This will only increase your inner guilt, pain and anxiety at work, and will also increase the bad blood between you and them. For things that can't be changed, try to accept it and make some remedies that can be "added points". "My own way is to prepare a lot of toys and. Take it to the children's parents-in-law's house, and then politely ask the old people to let the children use it when they are free. If you talk about it every day and take it every day, they will feel embarrassed if you don't do it for a long time, and there will always be changes. "

Accumulate annual leave to treat children

Writer Crocus said that with so many flu and other deadly viruses, when children get sick, I will definitely find ways to take time off to take care of them at home. "So I dare not ask for annual leave casually, and I will save it for my children when they are sick. Some people will use it to do what they want, such as traveling. In fact, I also have many things I want to do, but in those years, I decided not to do it because of me.

Exercise your child's health

Since you are worried that your child will take a leave of absence when he is ill, you must exercise your child's health normally. Moms must remember to do some preventive actions:

1. Cook nutritious food for their children, establish their good eating habits, and prevent them from eating fast food and snacks, so that children are naturally less likely to get sick;

2. Children need exercise, so don't stay up too late on holidays, take them outdoors for an outing, climb mountains, or engage in activities that can stretch their muscles;

3. Take children to crowded places less, such as shopping in department stores, to avoid the risk of being infected with diseases.

Believe in others other than yourself

Hotan Tsinghua thinks that compared with children who are only in contact with their parents, children who are often in contact with others when they grow up tend to have more flexible thinking modes, because they have many opportunities to absorb diverse wisdom and culture extensively and become more thoughtful children. Therefore, mommy should take her children for a trip, and trust them to be taken care of by others! Question 3: Emotional stress, lack of time for yourself

Once you have a child, there will be many things you want to do that you can't do, especially when the child is still very young, you can't go to the movies, you can't attend parties between friends, you can't enjoy the bath leisurely, and if you add the busyness at work, the working mother can say that she has almost no time for herself.

if you encounter a bottleneck, hold on for another 3 months!

Hotan Tsinghua encourages moms to hold on for another three months, even if the pressure has reached the zero point, they feel tired and want to give up because their children and work are very difficult, and they believe that there will be a turn for the better. Because children can say that they will grow up every three months. They will look up at three months, sit for six months, stand on things for nine months, and walk for twelve months ... Therefore, no matter whether they are always littering or imitating, these headaches will usually improve after three months. Such an idea can help Mommy get through this hard time.

Squeeze out one's own space

The writer Crocus believes that although everyone has different ways, moms must give themselves a period of time to do what they like. "Because the candles are burned at both ends, I won't go out for dinner and chat with my colleagues at noon, because it is more tiring for me. I like to use my lunch break to wash my hair and visit bookstores, and be alone, because office workers have no chance to be alone, especially when I am a mother. So I regard noon as my own time. "Of course, every mommy has different relaxation habits, so long as she can feel less tired, she can keep a little bit of things she likes and a little bit of expectation for herself in her busy life.

There is no need for self-confidence, just some courage

Many moms who have just returned to the workplace after giving birth often wonder whether they are no longer suitable for work, thus losing confidence, and even can't help but wonder: "Is the brilliant achievements made in the past at work just a dream? 」。

Hotan Tsinghua thinks that it's natural for mommy to have no self-confidence, because you didn't have the life experience of raising children and working at the same time before giving birth. Self-confidence, however, can only be built up in your mind through constant trial and accumulation of achievements. Therefore, what Mommy needs at this moment may not be self-confidence, but a little courage. It's just like bungee jumping. Even if you want to wait for the fear and anxiety to disappear before jumping, these feelings will not disappear. You can only jump down with fear and no self-confidence, and then … accept everyone's affirmation and admiration. Question 4: Worried that family and career can't be balanced

Everyone has only 24 hours a day, and moms in the workplace are always worried. If they want to balance family and career at the same time, will they not be able to handle both sides well, finish their work and be close enough to their children?

quality is more important than quantity

does the relationship with children really depend on the length of time spent together? The writer Crocus believes that the key point is not how much time you spend together, but how you get along when you have time. "I don't think a lot of getting along is equivalent to a very close relationship, including with your husband. Instead of worrying that going to work will make you not know enough about your children, ask yourself first. Now that you feel that you have little time with your children, have you tried your best to spend more time with your children after work? Or will you go and do something else? To relieve the psychological pressure, you must take concrete actions to make up for the negative parts you think. "

Tsinghua Hotan also suggested that mommy should look into the children's eyes when she gets home from work, instead of vaguely responding to the children while thinking about work. Instead of saying, "Wait, I'll play with you later" while cooking, it's better to play with your child for five minutes first, and then cook, and the child will be happier. In fact, what children care about is not whether mommy is with them, but whether mommy cares about him equally. Therefore, it doesn't matter even if the time is short. Focus on the children!

Plan every holiday well

Because mommy in the workplace has limited time, the writer crocus suggests that evening and holiday time are precious and should be reserved for her husband and children as much as possible. "My personality is to plan ahead. Every Friday at noon, I will browse some tourist materials and do some homework first, and then send an E-Mail to my husband for discussion, so we won't wake up naturally on Saturday and Sunday. 』」。

Applying parenting skills to work

Because parenting moms are more limited in time, they often work faster than ordinary people and can use their time more effectively. In addition, applying the tolerance and motherhood learned in the process of parenting to work will also have a great bonus effect.

Hotan Tsinghua thinks that many moms are worried that everything will be finished quickly, and they may not be able to do the details well. Surprisingly, the time limit often stimulates people's potential. Therefore, in most cases, it is just the opposite, and the results will be better if things are finished in a short time. Mommy's way to happiness in the workplace loves her job

The writer Crocus believes that mommy should do the job she likes and work for herself, and don't think that work is for money or children. Moreover, because it is a job that I like, when I encounter difficulties, I can work hard to overcome it. After all, when the child is sick or has other conditions, many times mommy still has to go to work. At this time, if she does a job that she doesn't like, it is really painful. Only think about the present

Don't worry about children all the time at work, and don't think about business while accompanying children. Only by living in the present and doing everything wholeheartedly can you appreciate the fun of things. If what you are doing now is different from what you think in your mind, it will be difficult to feel happy! Think for no more than 3 minutes

Hotan Tsinghua believes that children's troubles will never end. If you take care of children at home, troubles may be regarded as a sweet burden, and even as a kind of enjoyment. However, once you enter the workplace, you can't think and worry all the time.

Therefore, please observe the principle of "think for no more than 3 minutes", and concentrate during this time, concentrate on thinking and make a decision. Once you think for more than 3 minutes, it will often become a pure empty worry! It doesn't matter if the reality is different from the ideal

Everyone always has many expectations for the coming career stage when they are newly married, have a baby or just enter the workplace. However, when the reality doesn't meet their expectations, disputes, conflicts and complaints often follow.

In fact, ideal and happiness are two different things. When you no longer deny the current situation different from ideal, you can feel happiness, and you will not let ideal become a miserable bondage if you are aware of this fact. Therefore, Tsinghua Hotan reminds moms that besides trying to make the present situation closer to the ideal, please cherish the happiness in front of you! After all, it is not the environment that gives people happiness, but the attitude towards things. Caring for the husband is more than caring for the children

The writer Crocus believes that many people take care of the children after they have children, but the husband doesn't need to take care of them.