If you want to talk about Xinglin, you can never say "She used to be beautiful" because she has always been beautiful. Although a cruel chronic disease "rheumatoid arthritis" torments her appearance, her heart is healthier and more beautiful than anyone else. Even for the disease itself, she forgave it in a big way, euphemistically called "fancy". If you lack a good outlook on life, you can only "tolerate" at best, but not "forgive" sincerely. Xinglinzi is such a lovely person, so cute that he can "treat" his illness. She also has a "rebellious" heart, that is, she refuses to compromise with bad luck and help friends who have similar experiences. Therefore, she is engaged in the reconstruction of the disabled and also writes essays to praise beauty and life. Xinglin has never been "not beautiful"! ) Maybe I've been ill for too long. When people mention Xinglin, they will think of my illness, as if I were a born patient! In fact, I also had a lively childhood. I was twelve years old at the beginning of my illness, and I was about to graduate from primary school ... First of all, my left arm was sore. At that time, my sister was just born, and my family thought I was tired and didn't care. At the same time, just before the junior high school entrance examination, no one had the spirit to pay attention to this little thing. Gradually, my left foot began to hurt, swollen like a big bread. My parents found out that the situation was wrong and kept seeing a famous doctor. Finally, they concluded that I had a rare rheumatoid arthritis. The symptoms of this disease are: destruction of joint soft tissue, atrophy and spindle deformation of surrounding muscles, persistent severe pain, fever, joint redness and swelling, causing stiffness and turnover. Up to now, more than 90% of my joints have been damaged; Legs can't walk, shoulders can't lift; Don't bend your hands, turn your head more than five degrees, eat bigger and harder things, and wear thicker and more clothes. You have to wash your face, take a shower and comb your hair. In addition, the joints of rheumatoid arthritis are usually symmetrical-that is, the left and right knees, or the left and right feet attack together. The example I gave is quite special, such as left shoulder, right elbow and left hand, or right hip, left knee and right foot. I call it fantasy. I have been a playboy since I was a child, and I like to be unconventional. Being sick is also "extraordinary"! So far, the cause of rheumatoid arthritis is still a mystery to the medical community. If you can't find the source, you can't prescribe the right medicine. All drugs stop at diminishing inflammation and relieving pain. My doctor once said, "If you don't regress, your illness will progress!"! In recent years, I only take some newly invented rheumatic drugs, anti-inflammatory drugs and painkillers with the least side effects on weekdays, and I will not try other strange treatments. Thirty years ago, there were very few patients with rheumatoid disease, and it was even rarer to treat me as a "baby" patient. At that time, I tried all kinds of new treatments first. I was the first to taste the new drug that the pharmaceutical factory was still studying, and sometimes I was carried to the podium to explain special cases. The secret floor below was filled with medical students and doctors of all sizes, and the speaker clearly explained the formation, development and possible evolution of rheumatoid disease in the future. Listen to people with relish, concentration, only I sat on the stage, humiliated, consciously like a monkey in the zoo, to show people, really want to get into a hole. Because of the pain caused by arthritis, I divide it into five grades, "mild pain, moderate pain, great pain, great pain and crazy pain". Rheumatalgia is notoriously elusive and has nothing to do with weather changes, temperature, etc. He is completely a Wulin master who has come and gone without a trace. Sometimes it is sore, sometimes it is stiff pain, and sometimes it is hard to say what it is. In addition, the deformation and wear of joints often oppress neuralgia, from acupuncture and electric shock to cutting fire with a knife, which makes people sweat and incontinence. I was so angry with the pain that I lost my temper and rushed: "All right! You are hurt, although it hurts! I don't believe you will kill me! The strange thing is that the more I fear the pain, the more it hurts, and I don't care. It doesn't seem as bad as you think. Humphrey, the former vice president of the United States, said after suffering from cancer for more than ten years: "The greatest medical treatment in the world is friendship and love. I deeply understand the meaning of this sentence. My whole family sacrificed everything for me and made great efforts. This is not a day or two, but a long and endless effort and warm friendship from all over the world. How many people enthusiastically introduced doctors to me, how many people cheered me up and prayed silently, and many of them were strangers to me. How lucky I am to be loved by so many friends. Of course, life is still hard, and every day seems to be a hard battle. But when I think of my family and friends, and thousands of disabled people in Qian Qian who are struggling in adversity like me, how can I give up running away? Watch! I will win this beautiful jihad against fate to show the greatest respect for life. In the eyes of outsiders, I will always be a obedient and happy child. In fact, under the weak appearance, there is a strong heart. At the beginning of my illness, I was lying in the hospital bed, just as the junior high school entrance examination was taking place, thinking that my classmates would fly high and start a new life, while I lived in the hospital like a defeated soldier. How many days of preparation, night lights and chicken efforts were all in vain. I'm not afraid of fierce competition, but I really don't want to be disqualified for no reason. Especially when I came home from the hospital, I found that all the textbooks and reference books were given away by my mother; I'm afraid. Does my mother really think that I will be isolated from the school forever? Poor last persistent hope was also cut off. Later, I gradually realized that I have lost more than that in my life. When I was a child, my mother was quick-tempered and strong-willed, and no children were afraid of her. In order to find the source of the disease, the doctor carefully examined all my internal organs and found my bladder. I can't stand it. Of course, it is also pain, fear and coquetry. I wanted to find some comfort, so I sobbed. But my mother is tired. She has never encountered such a heavy burden in her life. She was bored and scolded me, "Will you stop flirting? "! My crying suddenly stopped, and in that short second, I grew up from a twelve-year-old girl. Since then, I have never shed a tear or complained a bitter word for myself in front of anyone, and I have become indifferent to anything. I can be indifferent to life and death in the ward. Yes, it's the owner of the welfare society. The food in the hospital is not good, so we always order something else. The boss of the welfare society sends it with a big box and a bed. One day, the old lady beside the bed told me that the boss was rude and added the word "sister" at the end when calling me "miss". I didn't notice it myself, but an old lady in my room reminded me. Later, I listened carefully, and it was true, quietly. "Miss lady ... elder sister! "I suddenly turned around and asked coldly," what was your name just now? He was unprepared and turned red when he brushed his face. He flinched under the gaze of dozens of pairs of eyes. He apologized and I ignored him. As a result, he told people everywhere that I was amazing and had never seen a little girl like this. I am not fierce, but I am full of unspeakable resentment. Anyone who dares to mess with me will stab me with a knife. I have been quite conceited about my appearance since I was a child. When others praise me, they should say "beautiful" instead of ugly adjectives such as "beautiful". However, with the aggravation of the disease, the side effects of drugs, the deformation of teeth and joints, and long-term side sleep, this face gradually lost its shape. For a time, I simply hated myself. The man who took my picture betrayed me. I shut myself in a completely isolated world and made a secret agreement with myself. If I can't do it at the age of fifteen, I won't live. At the age of fifteen, I was too late to start work, not afraid, but vaguely unwilling. It is not easy to give up on yourself if you want to come to such a person who has knocked out his front teeth and swallowed blood. At the age of sixteen, I was baptized as a Christian. The biggest influence of my faith on me is that I have learned to live. A person's life is not about appearances. We also have a kind of life inside, which will develop more vigorously because of external shocks and * * *. People with good birth environment and high talent have his level of development; If you can only make small screws, play with them. Although I am ill, I still have some value to use and play. What God values is a person's efforts and how much we pay for life, not the achievements of appearance. I often think now: sometimes suffering is not a complete loss for us. When I was a child, I felt a little clever and strong-willed. I don't know what I would have done, E Lai, if this disease and God's law hadn't controlled me. Sister often says, "Sister! Rebel if you don't get sick! " It's my bosom friend! After my illness, fate drove me to the wall. At this time, I was inspired to win the final fight, which is why I still live so hard despite all my limbs! Suffering is not an excuse to complain, it should broaden our minds. I often say to my friends: I think the luckiest thing is that my illness made me know life early and realized the truth and beauty of life. Turn yourself into a book. My family is very happy. My father is a soldier. Although the family's economic situation is relatively poor, even if life is very hard, parents never frown in front of us. My family are laughing and laughing. They don't treat me like a patient, and I don't feel privileged. For example, my brothers and sisters who play tricks on me at home never "respectfully" ask me "what works do you want to publish?" Instead, he said, "Ah! Printing money again! One day, there was an article about me being a "famous writer". My sister-in-law smiled bitterly: "What is a" Ming writer "? Is a screaming writer! The only consolation is that if they have anything, they will definitely come to me, a resourceful dog head strategist, to discuss it, and they teach it well! If my family and friends are the logistics forces that fully support me, then books are my solid fortress, in which I can forget my illness, tears and all my misfortunes. What I still remember is that when I was just sick, my mother went out to borrow books from me after dinner every day. No matter who I know or don't know, I have to knock on the door and ask questions. After borrowing from your own village, you can borrow from other villages, which often takes a long way. Books borrowed by my mother are often "clean" after reading them two or three times when I am hungry and voracious. Mom has only one way to go further. It was not until my father met a librarian that the burden on my mother's shoulders was put down. In a hospital bed three feet wide and six feet long, I can see the world from books. Slowly, books opened a new field of life for me, I found myself again and affirmed the meaning of life. I was very interested in writing and painting in those years when I was just sick, but I thought that I could only learn one thing if I wanted to learn well with my brain and physical strength. After careful consideration, I have to write rather than draw. The main reason is that besides writing, you can learn by yourself, and it is easier to earn the manuscript fee. Now I regret being so clever. A painter's paintings can be used by me for years! However, writing is really a job without competition. As long as you try to write your own article well, you don't need to socialize or look down on others, you are very comfortable. Over the years, I have written more than forty plays, including essays and novels scattered in newspapers and magazines, such as Happy Year, Song of Life, A Story in Xinglin, The First Home in the Arctic, Another Love, Returning to the World of mortals, etc., totaling millions of words. Although my right arm is swollen all the year round for writing, on the other hand, I need to read more books and absorb more knowledge. In addition to subscribing to many newspapers and magazines at home, I keep buying new books, reading books and writing books, which is very enjoyable. Recently, I have been focusing on the work in the Garden of Eden. My friends are worried that it will affect my writing, and I am reluctant to give up. For many years, writing has been the greatest comfort in my heart, or it can be said that it is a kind of entertainment. Every time I finish writing a manuscript, I am very happy. In other words, writing itself is enjoyment. However, you can't have your cake and eat it. You have to sacrifice it. Moreover, there are many people who write articles. It doesn't matter if I have one more or one less in the literary world. However, these children in the Garden of Eden need me so much that the welfare work for the disabled has reached the point where it must be done. I think I'd better turn myself into a book! My job is the connotation of the book, and it is also in front of the readers, which is clear at a glance. I'm only worried about the sudden 180 degree change in my future life, how can I face the complicated society and how not to lose myself in this complicated society. 20 years ago, my condition improved. Since God has given talents, let it work! . I went to the service center for the disabled and the community development experimental center of the South Airport to help disabled children voluntarily. At that time, the reconstruction of the disabled in China had just begun. When I walked out of my lovely little home and got in touch with the outside world, I found this kind of work difficult and full of thorns. The general public still discriminates against and excludes the disabled to some extent. We are regarded as aliens, as weathered books in old bookstores, and we are inferior only because of a little physical defect. I have had a dream for many years. I dream of owning a piece of land and a large hillside. I can run a shelter factory to let those children who are struggling in the dark and hit a wall learn a skill. I can take them to plant flowers and trees, raise chickens and deer, and so can I. I always thought I was dreaming, maybe I was really touched by the sky, and I actually met several idiots as stupid as me. They are attracted by my dream and are willing to dream with me, not only dreaming, but also studying the possibility of realization. We found that this dream is not out of reach. As long as we are willing to pay love, patience, perseverance and confidence, our dreams are not difficult to realize. Since May 197 1, we have met regularly to discuss the direction and objectives of our work and the difficulties we may encounter. From concept, conception to details, just like the blueprint of a construction company, it emerges more clearly every time. Starting from September, we began to do preparatory work, such as collecting information about disabled compatriots, visiting major welfare institutions for the disabled, and absorbing their experiences and strengths. Our colleagues even went to central and southern China to visit and record their experiences. We have also done some market research to see which products are suitable, profitable and have development potential. On the other hand, due to the enthusiastic support of the public, Eden Welfare and Disability Foundation was finally formally established in 197 1 year1February. "Garden of Eden" means heaven in the Bible. I hope it can really become a paradise for disabled children. We plan to have four five-year service plans: (1) Foundation laying period-training and reserving talents, establishing factories, developing and reclaiming land and raising livestock. During this period, because it is impossible to produce immediately, all equipment and expenses have to rely on social donations. (2) Growth period-at this stage, production has been on the right track, and the operation of factories and agriculture and animal husbandry has gradually gained. After the completion of this five-year plan, I believe we can achieve the goal of self-sufficiency. (3) Development period-profits can be used to develop small hospitals, schools and nursing homes in addition to their own welfare. (4) Feedback period-when the development reaches saturation point, there is still room for giving back to the society and participating in various social welfare work, so as to take it from the society and apply it to the society. The ultimate goal is to hope that children can broaden their horizons, from a passive person who needs to rely on others' lives to caring for and actively helping other unfortunate people, and then move towards an ideal world where everyone is for me and I am for everyone. "Eden" has set up sign language classes, blind music classes and Chinese knot handicraft training classes. All teachers, equipment and teaching materials are provided completely free of charge. Now, courses such as art design, international trade practice and writing have been added. , advanced, held at night. Each class lasts for two to three months, and tuition fees are charged as appropriate. "Eden" is funded by the Vocational Training Bureau of the Ministry of the Interior. It provides a one-year full-time course, free of tuition and fees, with a monthly allowance for computer, ceramics and advertising design classes 1500 yuan, and enrolls disabled teenagers above senior high school. Limited by funds, equipment and venues, Eden could not accept all the children who signed up for the activities. I am always sad to see them leave in disappointment. We will continue to seek external support to provide more opportunities for disabled people to study and further their studies. We also rented more than one piece of land from Taichung County Demonstration Forest Farm, hoping to plan it into a teaching experimental farm and give children another world. Many people can't help but be surprised when they hear the plan of Eden. Disabled people have limited mobility. What can they do if they don't stay indoors? The concept of being disabled, disabled and abandoned is deeply rooted in the minds of ordinary people. That is to say, even in Confucius' ideal of a world of great harmony, lonely, widowed and sick people will be "raised". Of course, improvement is only a negative way. In fact, not all disabled people are as serious as me. Most disabled children can become useful people through training and education consultation. According to the most conservative estimate, there are 600,000 to/kloc-0,000,000 disabled people in Taiwan Province Province, which is quite a huge number. Most of them are out of school and unemployed, living by their families, which has caused a heavy burden to the family and society and is also a waste of their lives. As far as economic benefits are concerned, assisting the rehabilitation and reconstruction of the disabled is actually a good investment. Why are public and private institutions in China unhappy to accept these children? What we really need is job opportunities, not benefits. Eden has six departments-consulting department, religious department, training department, enterprise department, administration department and finance department. The nature and weight of the work of each department are comparable to those of other people's organizations, but each department has only two or three colleagues, so the colleagues working in Eden are very devoted, and they know their role in Eden. I have been used to freedom since I was a child, and I never like being ordered, so I seldom tell them what to do, just give them a big principle and a big goal, and then encourage them to make their own plans. I believe that everyone has his own advantages and advantages. How to give full play to one's own advantages and strengths is the most important thing. I don't expect their work performance to reach any standard, just ask them to do their best. They can certainly make mistakes, but they can't make the same mistakes twice. I like these children and I like this job. I live wholeheartedly, work wholeheartedly and enjoy the beauty and happiness of life wholeheartedly. There is an idiom in China that says it very well: "Do your best and listen to your destiny. After being ill for more than 30 years, I can still fulfill my wish of "Garden of Eden". I know who I am, what I can do, have confidence in myself and live a quiet life. I deeply feel that some sufferings are unfortunate on the surface, but God may take this opportunity to achieve you. (Jiang finishing)

Reference: Xing Linzi's "Walking through the world of mortals still has love" and "People who wake up the sun" (Taipei County: Zhong Zheng Bookstore, 2008), pp. 36-52.