Yes, not only that, but our daily behavior is inseparable from the fear of death. Consciously aware of the end of death, but also afraid of death, is a unique dilemma of high IQ human beings.
How to break the predicament and deal with the fear of death? The high IQ of human beings invented two shields: cultural values and self-esteem. Almost all mental pain stems from the fact that these two shields are not strong enough.
After 30 years of unremitting research and more than 500 experiments, the three authors have rigorously and accurately uncovered the roots of all worries, anxieties and desires for us, and accordingly provided methods for repairing and strengthening the protective cover.
Brief introduction of the author
Beauty Sheldon Solomon, etc.
Three social psychologists are psychology professors from skidmore College, the University of Arizona and the University of Colorado. After 30 years of cooperation, they integrated existentialism into modern psychological science and used the most advanced scientific research methods to explore the theme of death, which has long been considered beyond the scope of scientific research. His research was supported by the American Natural Science Foundation and won many awards.
Jinghua Du Jie
Part I: Two shields against fear
First, how to deal with the fear of death.
The unique dilemma of mankind
When death approaches, all living things will feel fear, but only human beings will feel fear after the danger disappears or before it appears.
This is because of a high degree of self-awareness and thinking ability across time and space, so that human beings can not only realize their present existence, but also realize their future death fate.
So the fear of death always lurks in the shadow of human psychology. Consciously aware that you will die, and always afraid of death, this is a unique dilemma for human beings.
The author says this is a big shortcoming of human high IQ.
The way of human coping
Although high IQ has shortcomings, it is the fundamental weapon for human beings to effectively imprison the fear of death. Human beings have evolved two psychological ways to solve the problem of "realizing that they can't live forever" by using their IQ.
First, the cultural worldview enjoyed by * * * gives the whole human race a sense of meaning and contribution to the eternal world.
The second is self-esteem, which makes every specific person feel the meaning of the individual and believe that his existence is lasting and valuable.
Firmly believing in the correctness of the world outlook and proving personal value are two shields that keep us away from the fear of death.
Second, the cultural world outlook: repel fear
Learn the order of things.
People grow up from a newborn baby. Every time they play games, go to school, watch movies, go to church, listen to adult dialogues, watch heroes in movies, watch news stories, watch national flags in squares and banners on buildings, they feel the order of things, and learn and accept the good and bad in their lives. In this process, human beings gradually find themselves living in a world full of meaning and symbols, and are individuals in a larger world, thus establishing cultural values.
In the process of growing up, people gradually discover the truth of death. But the cultural values cultivated since childhood also make us feel the order, purpose and significance of survival and stability, thus overcoming the fear of death.
Unite around the national flag
Twenty-two judges participated in a psychological experiment to try prostitutes. One group was asked to fill out a questionnaire about death before hearing the case. One group started the experiment directly. As a result, the judge who filled in the questionnaire was fined nine times as much as the judge who did not fill in the questionnaire.
In another experiment, two groups of students from Canada completed a spelling game. Before starting, a group of people read the article "Down with Canada". As a result, this group spelled out many words about death.
When people feel fear of death, they will show their psychological loyalty to their cultural values more strongly and unite around flags and other symbols to repel this fear. When the core idea is challenged, the fear of death will also be awakened.
Third, self-esteem: the basis of perseverance
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem means feeling that you are a valuable participant in a meaningful field. This means feeling good about yourself.
However, the source of self-esteem is not completely formed, but comes from the inner self. On the contrary, it is only a reflection of the role and value provided by cultural values. Your understanding of "good things" and valuable social roles depends on your worldview. Different cultures cherish and promote different contents. Indians regard colored feathers as a symbol of power, while women in the Tang Dynasty regard fullness as beauty. Only when the cultural worldview we believe in thinks that certain behaviors and achievements are valuable will it give us a sense of self-esteem.
How does self-esteem relieve anxiety?
Self-esteem is the foundation of all our mental fortitude, which can provide psychological security, protect us from fear and relieve our anxiety.
When self-esteem is enhanced, even if people are reminded that death is coming, the degree of anxiety will be greatly reduced.
In an experiment, students were first asked to take a word combination test, in which the former group was told that the IQ of the test result was higher, while the latter group was not told the test result. Then, let them undergo an electric shock experiment to observe their anxiety and sweating when receiving electric shock. As a result, the latter group sweated more, while the former group, who was told that IQ was high, sweated less. But in fact, the so-called IQ test is fake and electric shock does not exist.
Destroyed self-esteem
People's self-esteem is usually destroyed in this way: first, let individuals or groups lose faith in their own cultural world outlook. For example, since modern times, traditional culture has been completely denied, and China people have fallen into a persistent and stubborn inferiority complex. Second, the mainstream culture denies a person's social role. Represented by the hero in Death of a Salesman, those who have no money or special skills and are judged as failures struggle to seek self-esteem.
Behind people's desire for everything in life is the pursuit of self-esteem. Unfortunately, all kinds of failures, criticisms and exclusions have poked holes in our self-esteem. In order to maintain self-esteem, people do not hesitate to set obstacles for success, so that failure can be used as a ready-made excuse.
The price of inferiority complex
No matter what kind of self-esteem is destroyed, it may lead to: poor health, depression, irritability, suicide, alcoholism, self-harm, addiction, deception and other results.
Some people who lack self-esteem will accept a brand-new view of the world, for example, worshipping foreign things and obsessing over foreign things as compensation. Some will take rebellious actions, turn to gangs, cults and marginal groups, and alienate the mainstream society.
Seung-Hui Cho, the mastermind of the Virginia Tech shooting incident, is a typical example of lack of self-esteem. He comes from Korea. He was bullied and laughed at in America for a long time, so he went it alone and finally killed 30 people on campus and committed suicide. Although most people who lack self-esteem will not become butchers, there is indeed a shadow of lack of self-esteem behind many violent acts.
True self-esteem and false self-esteem
People often confuse high self-esteem with narcissistic personality. Although some data in the self-esteem scale are similar, narcissistic personality can only resist fear through boasting and extremely distorted defensive behavior because of its lack of self-worth security in childhood. Their self-identity will fluctuate dramatically, and they need constant comfort and confirmation. Once threatened, it will show violent attack tendency and strong jealousy.
And true self-esteem is lasting and stable. Such a person looks calm, satisfied, confident but humble. They are frank, self-deprecating and enjoy the present. They know that they have made many mistakes and will admit it, but they will not be unhappy. As Confucius said, they are not ashamed to stand with people who wear foxes in royal robes.
How can we gain self-esteem?
One way is to encourage individuals to form diverse self-concepts. Everyone has many aspects. The same person can be a China native, a lawyer, a father, a table tennis fan and a member of a book club. Different aspects of identity correspond to different standards, and some aspects are always more valuable than others. Putting psychological "eggs" in many different "baskets" makes it easier for us to gain a good impression on ourselves for a long time and choose the most suitable "basket".
Another way is to help those who are marginalized and excluded to cultivate their social roles and get opportunities for development. Help the disabled to find hobbies and give the elderly the opportunity to become mentors in a certain field.
The second part: attempts to deal with fear in different periods.
Fourth, from primates to humans.
Develop supernatural ideas
From primates to humans, it has crossed the cognitive gap represented by language and symbols.
After the appearance of language and symbols, human beings can imagine things that don't exist. About 40,000 years ago, with the arrival of the "Late Paleolithic Revolution", the concept of the supernatural world began to appear, and people were buried after death. Once you believe in the existence of the supernatural world, assume that death can be surpassed.
The driving force of culture.
Ancient humans expressed their beautiful dreams through various rituals. Ritual can repair people's anxiety or sadness, and can also change the tragic situation by performing what they want. Sacrifice and death ceremony are transactions between human beings and supernatural forces. It is hoped that in the transaction with the gods, one can fulfill one's promise in exchange for the other's, so as to gain a sense of control over life and death.
Art is also a concrete symbol to show people the supernatural world, so that what is not credible becomes credible. The myth that provides narrative reasons for the ceremony has become a religion after artistic modification. The only reason for its emergence and development is to promote social unity and coordination.
Five, the real eternal life
The driving force of culture.
Since the Paleolithic Age, some tombs have been beautifully designed and equipped with luxurious funerary objects. This shows that our ancient ancestors were full of desire to come back from the dead. Until now, this wish has not changed much.
People pursue real eternal life, hoping for eternal life physically or mentally. These wishes are not only reflected in the terracotta warriors and horses of Qin Shihuang and the pyramids of Egyptian pharaohs, but also in the diligent exploration of the concept of soul by theologians and philosophers, and also in the attempts of scientific methods such as alchemy and cryonics in ancient times today.
Sixth, it symbolizes immortality.
In addition to the authenticity of immortality, another way to achieve immortality emphasizes that death is inevitable and life is unsustainable, but after death, his identity and reputation, or the spiritual and material wealth left by him in his life, will continue to exist in this world, which is symbolic immortality. For example, poetry is to Keats and a dream of red mansions is to Cao Xueqin.
Symbolic immortality, with realistic realizability, attracts all living beings to follow suit.
Can be achieved through the family. Since the memory and understanding of ancestors can make them stay in time after death, we can certainly live forever through the memory and inheritance of family descendants. Therefore, China has the tradition of ancestor worship and having many children and grandchildren.
You can also go down in history because of your talent and contribution. All kinds of people we know through history books are proof of this.
It can also make people feel different, get respect and praise, and get rid of the shackles of ordinary people through money and wealth, so as to achieve eternity.
Finally, when people feel that they are a hero's mission or a member of an unbeaten nation, they will also have a collective eternal sense of identity.
The third part: the struggle and defects of modern people.
Seven, the analysis of the destruction of human nature
What caused this dispute?
Humans can resist the fear of death by virtue of cultural world outlook and self-esteem. Therefore, people strive to have a firm cultural self-confidence and a stable level of self-esteem. But there are always people who hold different cultural beliefs from us. Who is wrong?
If we admit that the belief system between us is reasonable, our cultural values, self-confidence and self-esteem will undoubtedly decrease, and then our repressed fear of death will be released. In order to avoid this situation, we must belittle our different lifestyles and values. In this way, disputes, evil and conspiracy will inevitably occur.
Burning heresy
The first encounter between European immigrants and Native Americans was harmonious and full of love. However, the unique religious beliefs and matriarchal social forms of the aborigines later made the immigrants more uneasy. Their evaluation of the aborigines became worse and worse, and finally they launched a massacre to eliminate the "barbarians."
When our cultural values and self-esteem are challenged, our first line of psychological defense is to belittle or vilify them and accuse them of barbarism, backwardness and rubbish. Secondly, we might as well try to point out a "bright road" for these "ignorant and guilty" people and absorb them into our world view system. If the above is not enough for us to gain psychological peace and security, anxiety will be transformed into action, carrying the banner of justice and destroying each other with action. But sadly, attacks always lead to counterattacks.
Eight, the contradiction between body and mind
Angel's mind, animal's body
Since human beings have been conscious, they have attached importance to decorating themselves, exercising themselves and idealizing their behavior. This is because human beings have to distinguish themselves from animals, and the physiological needs of the body often remind human beings of their animal nature.
In order to prevent the physical instinct from hurting the fictional meaning and value system, human beings despise animals and feel "disgusting". All excreta, viscera, bones and blood that reveal the nature of animals will make people sick. Human penance and flogging themselves, in order to beautify and decorate the body, do not hesitate to bear great physical pain and economic costs.
At the same time, in order to deny animal instinct, human beings have given various idealized definitions and rhetoric to sex, and used "slut humiliation" to belittle women who arouse people's desires.
Sanitary towel experiment
The researchers designed an experiment in which two partners entered the laboratory and started the so-called "team productivity" experiment. In an experiment, when a girl took out lipstick from her handbag, a sanitary towel fell to the ground. In another experiment, a girl dropped a hairpin, and then both sides filled in their comments on each other.
The experiment found that when a girl dropped a sanitary towel, no matter whether her partner was a boy or a girl, she tended to give her a lower evaluation. But if you lose things like hairpins, the evaluation will be much higher.
Taboos about women's menstruation, breastfeeding and childbirth express human's deep desire to avoid something too physical or physiological, because it reminds people of animals.
Nine, two mechanisms to resist the fear of death
Proximal defense and distal defense
Human beings are exposed to all kinds of information about death every day, such as accidents, news, animal carcasses, funeral supplies, etc., but most of the time they are free from fear. This is because humans will use two completely different psychological defense mechanisms to deal with the idea of death.
One is near-end defense, that is, psychological rationality or rational defense mechanism, which suppresses the idea of death, distracts one's attention and temporarily delays the idea of death.
One is the remote defense mechanism, which can be stimulated by the suggestion of unconscious death. It seems to have no logical connection with death, but by belittling those who deny our culture and destroying those who pose a threat to us, people can reduce their fear of death and believe that death will continue after death in real or symbolic form.
X. When the shield is cracked.
Undeployed defense shield
There is a student named Pat, who thinks he has a great mission like many great men. He said that Bruce Lee sent him a message through the microwave oven. In every job, he is anxious that his colleagues and leaders can't see his talents. The doctor diagnosed him with schizophrenia. He committed suicide after being fired from the last company.
People generally have "double shields" to prevent death anxiety and fear, namely cultural values and self-esteem. As long as S.H.I.E.L.D. is complete, people can spend their lives peacefully without being troubled by mental illness. However, some people failed to deploy the shield for various reasons, so they had to try to build their own shields. Such efforts are often futile, and fear will still haunt and torment them through the gap.
All kinds of cracks
Schizophrenia is a challenge to death. Patients often have extreme fear of death, but they do not participate in the same social and cultural belief system of human beings, so they have to build an imaginary world to resist their deep fears.
Phobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder are the transfer of death. Phobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder of certain things can help patients resist the disaster they imagine, and it shifts death to controllable details.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is the result of breaking the defensive shield and facing the most direct fear of death.
Depression comes from meditation on death, suicide is the realization of death, and addiction to alcohol, drugs and anesthetics is the hope of gently escaping death.
Repair cracks
For mental illness, we should not only adopt biochemistry, behaviorism and social psychology to treat complex causes, but also recognize the factors of improper management of fear of death and deal with them accordingly.
First, solve the problem of losing the meaning of life. Patients think that everything in the world is meaningless, often because they adopt an overly grand cosmic perspective to look at the world. Doctors can help patients develop a less grand perspective and focus on concrete and real everyday things.
Second, eliminate loneliness. If the patient feels very lonely, don't argue with him. Because human beings can only communicate indirectly through language and symbols. No one can fully understand you.
Eleven, life and death
How to better cope with death
Since being expelled from the Garden of Eden, human beings have realized that death will come to an end. In this regard, Epicurus said: When death comes, I will not be there. Camus said: compromise with death and accept the inevitable reality of death.
After reading this book, we seem to wake up from a dream and begin to open our eyes to face death. So what can we do?
We hope to transcend death, but these may be deeply rooted in various cultural values. What kind of cultural values should we choose? Is it a black-and-white "rock world view" or a flexible "hard world view" that admits ambiguity and ambiguity? In fact, we must adopt a cultural value, which has a clear path and can tolerate uncertainty and differences.
conclusion
It is frightening to realize that people can't live forever, but it also makes life more solemn.
We can't go back to Eden. In fact, humans have never been there.
We can only hold high the shield and make our limited life better.