Don't let trivial matters of life overshadow love, and the relationship between husband and wife warms up. 7 Tips: Since you got married, do you and your partner still have the habit of celebrating festivals together? Or, the big and small things at work, the daily necessities, sauces, vinegar and tea in life have already drowned you, and you have no interest in festivals? This article provides you with 7 tips to help couples rekindle their past enthusiasm and add sweetness to the plain life.
"Intimacy, * * * and commitment" are three important elements of perfect love, and we often use them to look at the state of a couple in love or marriage. In real life, it is not uncommon for couples to fade away after marriage, but as long as the sense of intimacy and trust is stable enough and they are still willing to continue to work hard for the family, they can still maintain a good marital status; However, if you rashly enter the marriage just because of * * *, how to improve the intimacy and trust relationship in the future will become an important topic that lovers must actively face, because after marriage, the town is surrounded by daily necessities, or you often have to worry about livelihood, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, emotional situation and other issues, which will quickly kill the satisfaction brought by * * * and make the marriage structure face the crisis of collapse. If there is a stable intimacy and continuous commitment in marriage, occasionally add a little interest in life (* * *), which can not only add points to the relationship, but also help love continue to heat up. How to allocate the proportion of working V.S. families < P > In today's society, most of them are "dual-income families", so that they can afford to cope with family expenses; However, when a family relies on only one member to make a living, the heavy responsibility and pressure on its shoulders can be imagined. Economic stress is an inevitable and important problem for most families, and it will also affect the distribution of family and work ratio between husband and wife. Busy with work, little time to get along with each other
In a dual-income family busy with work, couples don't necessarily have time to have dinner every day. The mode of getting along with each other is often to take a short rest after returning home and go to bed in a hurry. There is little time to talk to each other during the day, and even get along more closely with colleagues. But getting along with the other half requires deliberate management ... The tension of taking care of children is no less than the pressure of work < P > Another common situation is that women give up their jobs and become full-time mothers after the birth of children, because it takes almost 24 hours to take care of children and they are in a state of mental tension for a long time; The father of the child is naturally under great work pressure because of his financial burden ... What can we do
If the couple intends to enter the marriage, it is suggested that they can communicate for their future life before marriage. If they expect to be placed in each other's hearts, even details such as work, living habits, money use, making friends, etc., they may wish to discuss and agree on mutually acceptable knowledge to reduce future friction.
Whether you have children or not, you should arrange dating time occasionally after marriage. Whether it's watching a movie or having a cup of coffee, you can give each other breathing space and temporarily relax. If it is a typical family where the man is the master and the woman is the master, the husband might as well understand that his wife works at home without pay. The wife can take the initiative to cut fruit for him and chat with him after his return from work, and the husband should also take the initiative to switch hands with his wife to take care of the children, so that the other party can feel warm support. Different growth backgrounds lead to different values
People's values come from their personal growth background. If they come from financially secure families, they are more willing to spend money, but if they come from families with financial pressure, their attitude towards using money will be relatively strict, and many disputes will often arise. Wu mengzhang, a psychologist, said that the coordination in the use of money must be adjusted according to the income type:
The one who makes money with single salary may wish to think of the other half as "working at home without pay", and make money by himself in order to give his family a better life. The money earned should be owned by the family, and he should hand over the control of money to the party who is more sensitive to finance, and then further discuss the distribution and use of money.
Everyone is a member of the family and plays an equally important role. There should be no idea that "more money earned means more pay". If husband and wife are used to managing their own money, after all, their incomes are not necessarily equal, as long as they coordinate the proportion of paying for their families. Some families also allocate a public fund each month to support their families, but they also keep some money that can be used flexibly, and then make plans to help their children save education funds, family travel, etc. Planned arrangements make the goal of their efforts more clear. The living habits of husband and wife are quite different
For example, should toothpaste be squeezed out from the front or the back? Do you want to lift the toilet seat when you go to the toilet? Do I need to close the toilet lid after going to the toilet? Differences in living habits sometimes seem insignificant, but they can easily become the key to the outbreak of quarrels. In addition to improper habits, there is room for correction based on health considerations. Other differences in habits such as how clothes are folded and where items are placed are not necessarily right or wrong, but we may as well look at them in a big way and open our hearts to accept them.
Wu Mengzhang's psychologist takes the case he met as an example: "My husband is very demanding about the cleanliness of the environment, so he often cleans the surrounding environment from time to time, and my wife sometimes complains about it. My husband's clean-loving behavior often makes her feel stressed, and she is always worried that she will make a mess of the environment, or her husband thinks that she is not clean enough ..." In such a situation, you might as well avoid cleaning in front of the other half, so that you can achieve your goal without making the other side feel stressed. Don't let trivial matters of life overshadow love. Couples' feelings are warming up. 7 Tips: You can do this when negative emotions appear. < P > Couples get along with each other for a long time, but they often omit the "please, thank you and I'm sorry". In fact, no matter how big or small, they should be polite to each other in time and not take each other's kindness for granted, so that they can feel respected. Intimacy is based on understanding each other. Only when we are familiar with each other's temper can we know how to deal with the emotions of the other half in different States. When a dispute occurs, there is no standard answer to how to deal with negative emotions. After all, every relationship has infinite possibilities, and you are willing to try different ways to find the best tacit understanding.
The same thing, some people's emotions come and go quickly, but others can be angry for a long time, so when to repair their emotions is related to our understanding of each other in the process of getting along. Wu Mengzhang, a psychologist, also reminded that the worst behavior demonstration of parents is to use their children as intermediaries and ask them to send a message or apologize to the other half. Although this may not have a bad effect, if the other party has not cooled down, it is likely to turn to vent their emotions on their children and let innocent children be affected by the typhoon.
below, we put forward three small ways to make up after a doubt. The next time when negative emotions occur, as long as both sides' emotions tend to ease, you can also try this way:
(1) Write a small note: after the dispute, if the other party is still angry, then communication may be suspended for a while, and when both sides' emotions are stable and they will not be easily provoked by words, you can leave a message with a small note or use a mobile phone. Because only when the mood is calm, can we write down the real thoughts in our hearts, and the words organized by calm thinking can avoid emotional words.
(2) Don't bring your emotions to bed: Even if the quarrel is fierce that day, it's agreed that the emotions will not last until the next day. After all, everyone is depressed sometimes. Based on the trust in intimate relationships, the other half should understand and tolerate each other's emotions. Although they may feel a little sacrificed and wronged, they can make each other feel understood and supported.
(3) Call each other's nicknames and give them a quiet hug: Did you call each other by nicknames during your passionate love? How long has it been since you gave each other a hug? Doing so shows the closeness of the mind and can bring us closer together. Seven tips for warming up feelings
The emotional situation of each couple is very different. Wu Mengzhang's psychologist reminded that intimate actions that can promote emotional warming vary from person to person, and there is no best but only the most appropriate method. Only by trying more can we find out the tacit understanding between them. 1 need to simplify life
In addition to economic considerations, after the birth of the baby, it is necessary to worry about the health, safety and education of the child. Husband and wife should be able to understand each other's hardships and difficulties and let go of the mentality of "having to accomplish a certain goal", which will make each other's life easier.
For example, if novice mothers devote themselves to taking care of their children, they will only put too much pressure on themselves and tire themselves out if they still require housework to reach the standard of 1 points as before, but if they are willing to lower the standard or let their husbands do some housework, they will have a chance to create a win-win situation. Therefore, only by learning to choose and simplify the needs can we gain more freedom of mind, get along with our families in a relaxed and happy state of mind, and find more small happiness in the plain life.
2 gift, originality is better than price
We often see such a plot in movies ── the boy excitedly prepared a candlelight dinner and a gift to surprise his girlfriend, but in the end, because the clothes of the gift were not the right size and the red color was wrong, the romantic atmosphere was destroyed and ended in a quarrel.
We give things to others, mostly to express our love and gratitude. Therefore, when we receive gifts, we should express our gratitude no matter whether we like them or not, and the giver should also hold the attitude of expecting nothing in return. Returning to the giver himself, is the gift prepared for the festive occasion, or do you really want to surprise the other party? There is a proverb in China that "courtesy is light but affection is heavy", precisely because sometimes the value of the object itself is not high, but it shows its meaning because of its unique ingenuity. Of course, the situation of "courtesy is more important than affection" is not completely absent. As long as the financial ability can afford it, expensive gifts can also have different meanings. The real key lies in whether you have taken the time to understand each other's preferences and needs. 3 Proper physical contact < P > Whether touching the head, holding hands, hugging the shoulders or hugging gently, proper physical contact can help to relive the familiarity, and even arouse enthusiasm and moderately warm the couple's emotions. Before the other half leaves for work tomorrow, give him a hug and let him feel the warm support! 4 do more things for each other
Wu Mengzhang's psychologist explained that just like the principle of gambling, winning the prize occasionally will make people look forward to winning the next prize, so if we occasionally give each other some intimate surprises, it will usually have a positive effect on the relationship between husband and wife. For example, if you see someone reading a book, turn on more lights or pour him a cup of hot tea, buy a dessert she likes when you go home, etc., and spontaneously surprise them. As long as you are willing, many small things in life can be the source of happiness. 5 reliving memories and planning for the future
reliving memories and planning for the future belongs to the "commitment" part of the three elements of love, and the family also needs to run a business, which is very similar to running a company to some extent. However, in this company, the relationship between members is very close and lasts for a lifetime, so not only do you have many good memories of working together in the past, but you must also work together to plan for the future.
Most people are used to the mechanized lifestyle, and always forget to look back and see how much they have achieved in the past. Therefore, after marriage, they can occasionally take out their previous wedding photos and travel photos to review them again, look back on the sweetness of the past and the state at that time, and see what changes they have made along the way, and how they need to adjust in the future and continue to work hard towards the unfinished goals. 6 arrange an appointment or a small holiday
Take a break from work, or leave the children with trusted relatives and friends, arrange a half-day or one-day short holiday, take the other half out for a cup of coffee or a movie, and if you have enough time, you can also take a small trip and revisit the old places to relax and brush up on the sweetness when you are in love. 7. Send a small note or message
If the other half doesn't get up before going out to work today, you can leave a small note to remind him to put on more clothes, or send a message at noon to remind the other half who is busy with work to remember to eat, or even if it is just a short "I love you" or "I will go home to have dinner with you tonight", it can shorten the distance between them and make the other side feel valued and needed.
Wu Mengzhang's education: Department of Psychology, National Chung Cheng University. Currently, he is a clinical psychologist in Songde Campus of Taipei United Hospital. His specialties include parenting, sexual marriage, intimate relationship and gender issues, sex education, sex counseling, stress adjustment and emotional management, adolescent issues, and Internet addiction.