Modern crosstalk "Mr. Worst"

Author: Niu Niu Feng Gong Xiaogang Feng Xiaofan Xu Li Yi

Performer: Niu Niu Feng Gong Ni Ping

Ni: Back then, Bao Gong did something that everyone knows, that is, he took Chen Shimei for Qin Xianglian. Of course, it has been many years since this happened, and people like Chen Shimei are rare, but now, Recently, among some gay men, we held a contest for the worst gentleman. The so-called worst gentleman is elected by men who have the least respect for women and the least understanding of women. Then, after the evaluation of the masses and the discussion of experts, only two gentlemen got the most votes, namely Niu Niu and Feng Gong. Everyone's opinion is very consistent. Don't worry, so which of them can be elected as the worst Mr. Tonight depends on the final result. Once it is produced, Mr. Worst will receive a small hay cutter sponsored by the Qin Xianglian Foundation. Ok, now I declare that the contestants are in, cattle.

Niu: no.

feng: no, I was on a business trip. I left at seven o'clock.

ni: well, according to the regulations of the organizing Committee, if one party abstained, the one who abstained was elected as the worst Mr., if both abstained, both were tied as the worst Mr. Then I declare that Mr. Worst is Niu ...

Niu&; Feng: er ... don't introduce ... it's not ...

Niu: Well, I've long wanted to pay a New Year call to you, sister.

Ni: (laughs)

Feng: Are you sour? At your age, you call people elder sister. Ignore her. I'll tell you about my aunt.

Niu: Go (push Feng)

Feng: No, our children call him aunt.

Ni: You two, it's no use befriending me, because all the lesbians present here today are judges. It's up to them which of you will be elected the worst.

Niu: oh, oh, they have the final say. Say it early.

feng: it's a net waste of our time.

Niu: Female compatriots, female compatriots, you have worked hard.

feng: dear ones, dear ones, I miss you so much.

Niu: Gee, you can live a long life just by looking at this lesbian. To say that you can live to be 2 years old is like playing with you.

feng: this is sir. would you please take a seat to the side to squeeze our young lady? This young lady, at first glance, looks beautiful. A closer look is more beautiful than at first glance.

Ni: Wow, you are both very enthusiastic about lesbians today!

Niu: Well, I always do, because I'm not interested in men.

feng: I'm ashamed to say that. As a gay man, I'm not interested in men. You think I'm interested.

Niu: I think

Feng: Ah

Niu: A man who is not enthusiastic about lesbians is by no means a good man.

feng: yes. A man who is particularly enthusiastic about lesbians is probably not a good man.

Ni: Yes, the lesbian who is working is a judge, but I am not the director of the jury.

Niu: Aye, Director Ni.

feng: what are your instructions?

Ni: You two, just relax. It's this little hay cutter who caused them trouble. Whether you two want it or not depends on the result of tonight's final. Let's start the game now. In fact, it is very simple, that is, four words "praise women"

Niu: which women still need praise. I have always thought that women hold up half the sky.

Feng: Seriously despise women. Do you hear, comrades? Women hold up half the sky and still hold up half the sky. I think at least half of them.

Niu: You seriously despise women. More than half, at least one and a half.

feng: seven or eight.

cows: twenty-nine.

feng: thirty-seven.

ni: stop, stop, stop. That's a compliment. I have to tell the truth. Even criticism. Well, let's change the way, and call it "criticizing women". Because to some extent, criticism is also an attitude.

Niu: Criticism, not criticizing me is the worst.

Feng: Criticize, criticize that little hay cutter and I'll take it.

ni: you two don't approve, do you?

Niu: absolutely not.

feng: whoever says it will be approved.

Niu: just don't approve it.

Ni: tied for the worst gentleman.

cow: eh, criticism.

feng: criticism.

Niu: criticism.

feng: that's outrageous. And it's getting worse. How many times have I criticized Ni, but I just won't listen. Tell me who I approve.

ni: well, this one. All-China Women's Federation.

feng: specifically. Ten is enough. First, what does the Women's Federation do?

ni: director Liu, specifically, ten mistakes.

feng: the first rule.

ni: the first one.

feng: you, that's too much.

cattle &; Ni (at the same time): Specifically.

feng: aye, that was serious last time. Cattle, you continue to batch, I'll calm down first.

Niu: Alas, he tried to abstain, he, uh.

Ni: Don't talk about him, the cattle, and you will continue to batch.

feng: hey, you continue to approve.

Niu: I will continue to approve.

ni: you continue to approve.

feng: you do it.

ni: director Liu.

feng: he's still shaking his head and tail (yi).

Niu: Director Liu, Director Liu. Have you got all the new year's goods?

feng: er ...

ni: you criticize.

Niu: Ah, yes, criticize and criticize. I see, criticizing you is likely to offend you, even the lesbians all over the country. But I still have to criticize you. Because you are really outrageous. You don't pay attention to rest when you work. If you don't eat on time in the future, I'll eat everything.

feng: are you criticizing this?

ni: you continue to approve.

feng: ah, I will continue to approve. who do you think I approve?

ni: this one.

feng: that's outrageous.

ni: female soldier.

feng: female ... I will criticize you when you stand up. Female soldier. Your big army didn't come. I just want to criticize you. You are always like men. Rescue and disaster relief, poverty alleviation donations, be brave and help others, go up when you see difficulties, and let them be honored when you see them. Giving us all the honor, isn't this spoiling all our men? Ah. It's over, it's over. I've offended the aunt of the People's Liberation Army.

Niu: I request to criticize the female construction worker.

feng: then I will criticize the female nurses.

Niu: Listen, construction women. I have the biggest problem with you. There are overpasses everywhere in Beijing. I turned when I got up and walked back to me ever since.

Feng: Nurse, aren't you angels in white? Anyone who has a fever will get a shot to reduce it. Our kettle is hot, please try it back. Then you can't drink it, right?

Niu: I ask to criticize the female teacher.

feng: then I will criticize the women farmers.

Niu: I criticize female entrepreneurs.

feng: I criticize self-employed women.

ni: ok, ok, ok.

Niu: Ni, don't stop me. Let me go on ...

Ni: Stop. It seems that I can't tell the outcome at the moment. You know what? Let's play overtime. The herd starts with you. Come

Niu: Eh.

Ni: What about your test topic? It's also called "Understanding Women".

Niu: Understanding Women.

ni: alas. In order to reflect Ni's understanding of women. From now on. You're not a herd.

Niu: Then who am I?

ni: you play your wife. You should answer my questions as your wife. Say what your wife wants to say most, do you understand?

Niu: (pretending to be a girl) I see.

feng: yo, this is Mrs. Niu. Oh dear. Great, it's really "the cow has changed eighteen times, and the more it changes, the more ugly it becomes."

ni: you are a typical professional woman.

Niu: a professional woman.

Ni: Your husband has a very decent style. Good for you, too, but you slapped him hard. What do you think?

Niu: I think so. The reason why I want to slap him hard, how can I say so?

ni: you said that.

cow: ah, no, no, no, that's impossible.

(Ni raises little hay cutter)

Niu: Yes, I, I, I told you. But I have a reason. Why should I slap him? Because my husband's style is too decent, I'm going to slap him severely. Uh-huh, not that, uh-huh, that I'm that professional

Ni: professional woman.

Niu: a professional woman. Yeah, because I'm a professional woman. Comrades, professional women. It is not equal to a professional killer. No, this, that, right. Professional women, it is too difficult for us to be professional women. You need a career and a family. You have to work hard at work, and you have to work hard at home. I have to help my children with their homework, and I have to take them to learn piano, play chess, calligraphy and painting. Anyway, the children have learned nothing in the past two years, and I know all about piano, chess, painting and calligraphy. So I'm going to slap the father of the child. Why don't you just slap me?

feng: you can have this little hay cutter.

Niu: Yes, that day, I went out and met Feng Gong. That Feng Gong said sister-in-law, Niu Ge, he was so outrageous. Now it is rumored outside that he follows the wheel in the morning, the plate at noon, the dice at night and the skirt at night. You are so kind to him. Do you think he is worthy of you? I said, Feng Gong, you're talking nonsense. Cattle are not that kind of people. He is too enterprising, no matter how busy I am, I will take time to take care of him. Well, what I said was that I took time out to take care of him, or I "slapped him" for short.

feng: are you tired? this is not this. this is not this.

Ni: Hey, Feng Gong, stop it. It's your turn. Your test topic is also four words, called "evaluating mother" You come with me. Feng Gong, a person may have no wife, sisters or children. < P > Feng: Will it be boring?

ni: but everyone has their own mother. Motherly love is the greatest love in the world. Please evaluate your mother. Okay, these four viewers, now play four mothers. Please stand up and give me a hand. Okay.

feng: yo, this mother is quite young. Thank you for your cooperation.

Ni: The first one is Liang Sanxi's mother in A Garland under the Mountain.

Feng: (Salute) Hero's mother, if you don't mind, I am Sanxi's own brother. He is Sanxi and I am Sixi. It's broken. I'm a meatball, everyone.

Ni: Yue Fei's mother in Song Dynasty.

Feng: (kneeling on one leg) A sensible mother, you stabbed Brother Yue Fei with four words, "Serve the country faithfully". You can't be partial, but also stab me with four words, "Friends of women".

Ni: the mother of crosstalk performer Feng Gong.

feng: (salutes) I haven't seen him before. Glorious mother. You have a good son. Friends, let's be proud that the old man has such a son.

Ni: the mother of crosstalk performer Niu Niu.

feng: (salutes) shameful mother.

ni: please start the evaluation.

feng: well, I'll start here.

Ni: Sanxi's mother.

feng: you've suffered a lot, and thousands of families are happy.

Ni: Yue Fei's mother.

feng: he understands the great righteousness and teaches his children well.

Ni: Feng Gong's mother.

feng: like son, like mother.

ni: the mother of the cattle.

feng: shame, shame does not belong to you. That mother is not chilling. Whose mother doesn't want her son to become a dragon, and the cattle have become the worst husband. It's unfair to let you lift your head. Comrades, it doesn't really matter. Male compatriots, don't be discouraged. When a cow falls, thousands of Feng Gong stand up again.

Ni: Audience friends, everyone has seen their performances. Do you think this little hay cutter is for the cattle or Feng Gong?

cattle: Feng Gong, Feng Gong.

feng: cattle, cattle.

ni: to whom?

feng: Ni Ping.

cow: Ni Ping. Oh, by the way, I suggest that hay cutter Ni Ping Jr. take it home.

feng: a holiday gift for your husband.

Niu: We sincerely wish you, sir, that the alarm bell will ring.

Feng: Cattle, get out, get out.