I often have friends leaving messages on WeChat or backstage, chatting with my mother-in-law and asking if there is any way to make the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law less complicated.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same as that between husband and wife, and there is no shortcut. But there are always some ways to make the relationship develop healthily.
0 1 live separately.
How much of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law stems from the fact that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live under the same roof. China's original sense of border is unclear. For two unrelated people, especially two women who love the same man deeply, it is tantamount to planting a time bomb at home.
At this point, one of my literary friends is particularly wise. When she married her husband, her salary was not high and she had no savings. Everyone advised her not to spend money indiscriminately, live with her mother-in-law for two years, and save enough down payment to buy a house before moving out.
She stuck to her guns and borrowed money to buy a 35 square meter studio. Most of her salary is used to pay off the loans and debts of relatives and friends, and her life is very tight. However, I put a bowl of soup away from my mother-in-law. I just visit occasionally during the holidays, and I get along well with my husband.
None of the little sisters who lived with their in-laws when they were newly married told the history of the struggle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law bitterly at the party.
Don't take your son's home for yourself.
Thousands of years of China tradition have made many mother-in-law feel that their son's home is their home, and then they want to establish their favorite family model in their son's daughter-in-law's small family: the good things at home are left to the men at home first, and the housework women take on more responsibilities. Taking care of children is mainly a woman's business.
It is true that a mother-in-law loves her son dearly, but if other women want to love her son as much as they love themselves, it is basically asking for trouble. -Daughter-in-law is looking for a husband, not a son.
Therefore, when a mother-in-law goes to live with her son, she must think of a problem: she is a guest and should respect the way her son and daughter get along, so they are the people who live together forever; We should respect the parenting style of our sons and daughters-in-law, who are the guardians of our grandchildren.
Similarly, if a daughter-in-law has to live with her in-laws, she must understand that she only lives together temporarily. The hostess is her mother-in-law, so we should respect her living habits.
Well water does not enter the river on weekdays.
Help each other in front of big things.
Parents-in-law and daughter-in-law are the best: they are financially independent, have more parties on weekdays, and are not so overbearing to their families.
But in the final analysis, China is a human society, and the kinship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law linked by close relatives can never be unrelated. The pension mechanism in 3354 countries is not perfect, and one day the relationship between in-laws and their children will become messy.
Therefore, when the daughter-in-law enters the house, her in-laws should be more tolerant in previous years. When holding a wedding, as long as you can, respect the woman's opinion; Daughter-in-law can help reach out when she is pregnant and has children; Daughter-in-law bought a house and got a home. If she can help, she can help.
Nowadays, young people are under great pressure, and not everyone can afford a nanny to take care of their children. Even if you have the ability to hire a nanny, you will not necessarily entrust your child to a stranger. The high house price makes people breathless. If the elderly are financially acceptable, they can lend money to their sons and daughters-in-law, and then pay them back when they are well off.
When the elderly are ill in hospital or unable to take care of themselves, the daughter-in-law has no legal obligation to support them, but she should try her best to help others, pay and contribute, otherwise it will chill people's hearts.
A good husband should be the adhesive between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law He doesn't have the idea that "mom is always right", nor is he too alienated from his mother because of the pillow breeze. Filial piety to the mother and coaxing the wife not to oppress her husband may be called "unfilial" in a short time, but it is not harmful to long-term family harmony. On the issue of mother-in-law, she will call herself clay sculpture sooner or later.
Never expect to be as close as mother and daughter.
If you treat your mother-in-law as your own mother and your daughter-in-law as your own daughter, just listen. The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. Since there is no blood relationship, how can we be as close as mother and daughter? My mother-in-law was so noisy that she ran away from home, and her heart was still full of worries. You can never get through sitting at a table with your mother-in-law?
No, there is such a mother-in-law relationship in this world, but it is by no means the mainstream. If she lowers her mind at first, the daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law as a neighbor, customer or boss, giving full respect, being close occasionally and greeting frequently; If the mother-in-law only treated her daughter-in-law as a junior, partner or subordinate, and gave her full welcome, occasional love and continuous concern, there would not be so many contradictions.
No matter what good expectations we had, after countless sparks and collisions, we will finally understand that the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is peaceful.