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Parents are often confused when punishing their children.
Confused 1, "The child doesn't want to be punished standing, is it invalid?"
A father said that sometimes when a child made a mistake, he would let the child stay against the wall in a quiet area at home for a while. But children cry and say "no" every time, and they need strict orders from their parents to enter the cooling zone. Does the child's reaction mean that the penalty station is invalid?
Confusion 2. "Is it invalid for children to stand and wriggle as punishment?"
B mother said that when her daughter made a mistake and was punished, she would wriggle around. I can't see that the child has the meaning of repentance, but the child didn't resist punishment. Isn't this behavior of children suitable for punishment?
Confusion 3. "Children don't care, is it invalid?"
Mother C said that when her son stood at the penalty station, he not only fidgeted, but sometimes stood in a calm area to tease his 8-month-old brother, "Brother, you are so stupid" and "Brother, your toy flew away", which looked very indifferent.
Confusion 4. Children's punishment is like "playing house". Is it invalid?
D Dad said that when children are asked to stand up and accept punishment, they will play "house games" while walking into the quiet area, and they will also shout "I'm coming, Little Cloth Bear". After the punishment, the children will shout "goodbye, little bear, I'm going back to play with toys". "Little Cloth Bear" is a child's imagination. He thinks there is a little cloth bear in a calm area. The whole process of children is like playing "play house". Stand as if the punishment is invalid?
Is it useful for parents to educate their children through punishment?
In children's theory, it is often mentioned that if parents adopt the education method of beating and scolding their children, it will stimulate the emotional alarm system of the children's brain, rather than the rational system, which will not only easily bring shadows, but also make the children emotional. Moreover, the effectiveness of beating and cursing will gradually decrease and eventually fail. Therefore, parents try to avoid the way of beating and scolding their children.
However, many parents said that sometimes the effect of soft education for children is not obvious. For example, in a second-child family, my sister always bullies my younger brother, and every time there is something delicious, she will grab it, as will any toy she plays with. When being resisted, my sister still loves to reach out and scratch my brother's face ... My parents often educate me, but my sister never changes. In this case, sometimes it may be effective to punish the child appropriately.
Generally speaking, compared with gentle upbringing, punishment will cause children's negative emotions, such as fear or anger, so some children will refuse to accept punishment;
Sometimes children stand and twist as punishment, isn't it invalid? The child's twisting just shows that the child has already felt uncomfortable, and this punishment restriction is already working on this kind of child.
It doesn't matter if the child stands as a punishment, but what about teasing the younger brother? Some children will deliberately relax themselves or deliberately create an "illusion" that adults think is invalid.
Is it like "playing house" to let children stand as punishment? Sometimes, if the time for children to stand up as punishment is too short, it will not play a restrictive role. Children in the restricted area are no different from those in other places. At this time, parents can make the punishment longer.
It seems that we should not judge that punishment is useless to children so quickly, but when punishing children, parents should pay attention to their sense of security. In order to impress their children, some families put their children in a dark room, causing great fear to them. This is not right.
In addition, before you plan to punish your child, you'd better tell your child in advance, "If you make such a mistake again next time, your mother will punish you and let you stand in the corner 10 minutes to reflect on your mistake." Why are you doing this? As popular science reporter Dan Gardner said, children will accept punishment more easily if they are psychologically prepared. For example, when a father suddenly says "stand in the corner" to his son because he sprinkles water on the sofa, the child is likely to be afraid because he doesn't know what will happen next. If the father had told the child this educational rule before he made a mistake: "Next time you sprinkle water, you should stand in the corner 10 minutes. Dad hopes that you can reflect on your mistakes in this way. "
Finally, if parents punish their children without the following three skills, the punishment may be ineffective.
Tip 1: When making a penalty, children need to reflect on their mistakes at the same time.
A child psychologist named Ross Parker once did a comparative study.
For example, he said to group A children, "Don't touch the lamp, or I'll lock you up."
He said to the children in Group B, "Don't touch the lights, or I'll lock you up. Because the desk lamp has electricity, I am worried that you will get an electric shock. "
After comparing the educational results of the two groups, the researcher found that the children in group B listened more.
By the same token, when we punish children, don't forget to remind them to think about their mistakes when standing at the penalty station. For example, the mother reminds the child, "You should tell your mother in the future, because such a mistake is not suitable for your future growth." If a child can reflect on his mistakes when he is punished, the effect will be better than that of a child standing for no reason, or a child standing to accept punishment but thinking about other things.
After the penalty station, parents had better encourage their children to tell their mistakes and their plans for future correction.
Tip 2: When punishing, parents should not be vague about the purpose of punishment.
You can't eat ice cream if you don't accept toys. You can't confiscate them if you don't eat toys. As a result of this dislocation punishment, children will pack toys for ice cream or eat for toys. This seems to have achieved the effect and can blur the purpose of education. Because the purpose is misplaced, the child will make the same mistake next time. As a result, parents didn't realize the real purpose of education.
The correct punishment should be the "natural consequence punishment law", for example, if the child does not accept the toy, the parents will confiscate it; For example, if children don't eat, punish them for not eating. Only by focusing on the purpose can children understand the meaning of punishment and have a direct memory connection in their brains because of the punishment of natural consequences.
Tip 3: Parents should be serious.
"Don't rob toys in the future," a mother whispered to her son, but before long, the child began to rob another child's toys. Some parents even exaggerate and laugh while criticizing. When parents are not dignified and serious about their children's education, children often don't take it seriously.
At this time, parents should be serious enough and raise their voices slightly: "You can't rob children's toys anymore, do you hear?" If you can cooperate with body movements, the effect will be better. For example, adults hold their children's hands with both hands to make them feel that you are different now, so as to send a message to the children that this mistake is very serious and needs to be corrected. Mom and Dad are not joking!
Next time, if the child wants to grab the toy on impulse, it is easy to think of your majestic discipline this time, which will help the child stop himself in time.
No wonder people often say that educating children is to awaken their souls. When you don't know enough about children, "saliva" is only spilled on children, not in their hearts!
(End)
The child said: The author is Huang Xingzhen, a popular science writer for children, a psychological counselor, and a mother of two children. The book "Psychological Counsellor's Mother's Scientific Parenting Methods" has been published (won the national and ministerial excellent publishing award, the first edition of the book has been sold out, and the second edition is reprinted). Pay attention to early education and growth, and only share scientific and valuable knowledge.
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