"Getting your hands on you was an accident" by Hong Jiu
Er ... How to put it, this article is quite sweet, quite warm, quite small white and quite funny. The woman is stupid.
Xiao Xiang: No. I don't know you well.
Yan Yu: But you just got your hands on me.
Xiao Xiang: It was an accident.
yanyu: you said, you really don't need me as your girlfriend?
Xiao Xiang: No. We don't know each other well
yanyu: but you just got your hands on me again.
Xiao Xiang: That was still an accident.
Yan Yu: Xiao Xiang, I've decided to give up on you.
Xiao Xiang: How dare you! I have got my hands on you!
Yan Yu: However, we are strangers; It was an accident.
Xiao Xiang: I love getting my hands on strangers, so what?
Author of How to Seize the Cash Tree: There is a rabbit slowly
. I just found it a while ago, so I hurried to present my treasure. What a loving man! That little callousness, that little awkwardness, that little shyness, that little narcissism ~ ~ elite temperament ~~
Excerpt:
Yao Xiaoshu drives a pink QQ, driving in tears on the expressway from A city to B city, and the things that are even more hit are coming. The Golden Week has always been the wedding season, and the wedding cars on the expressway have passed one after another.
humph! ! ! What's posted on the license plate number: A Hundred Years of Harmony, love is like oxygen, deliberately stimulate her!
humph! ! ! You have beautiful scenery and a full moon, leaving me alone!
She gets upset when she looks at the wedding car. She sees one wedding car after another. Good! The target is coming, and there is another wedding motorcade ahead!
Go ~ ~ ~ Kill ~ ~ Step on the gas pedal ~ ~ ~ Little QQ drives to 13 yards, 13 yards ~ ~ The body flutters to the left and to the right, as if to float out of the ground. Is this the drift that Jay Chou plays in the movie?
All the way up and down, the wind whizzed past the high-speed surveillance camera, and all I saw was 2 yuan of white light flashing, and then 2 yuan. She paid the fine, so she ignored it. Who made this team too arrogant? At the end, two black Mercedes-Benz BMWs made the base, and then all the way was black Martha's Tiny, black Lamborghini, black Porsche and black Spyker. She was even sadder in tears. All these cars were driven by Sheng Code, which reminded her of her sadness ~ ~
Driving pink QQ all the way, first overtaking Martha's Tiny, then Lamborghini, and then
It's a little strange. Although the famous cars were overtaken, they didn't mean to catch up at all. In fact, the famous cars were all depressed there. Who told me that it was the bride's car? The bride's car should have been in the front. I can't bear it anymore!
She drove and drove, and she overtook the Rolls-Royce with a great sense of accomplishment. I smiled proudly ~ ~
However, when I got to the expressway, I still had to honestly pay the fine and admit my mistake to the uncle of the traffic police. Just after being dealt with, black shadows came over one by one, first Mercedes-Benz BMW, then Martha Tini, Lamborghini, Porsche, and World. Let's drive back to A city from B city again, and fight it out again. When we got back to the car, we just wanted to start it. The black Rolls-Royce with the heading silently drove up, surrounded the pink QQ with flying daggers, and there was no way out ... < P > Rolls-Royce came down alone, and the English was unparalleled. It was her' ex-'boyfriend's code that made her look at him ... Ah, he wore it today.
Sheng Code ignored her, and directly shouldered her into the car. Yao Qianshu was still crying sadly. "You heartless person, don't you want to marry Ren Yingying? You promised not to marry her the day I was poisoned by ash in the bottom of the pot, 5555555555．．．．．．”
Author: I am sauerkraut and you are fish
. The hostess is very cute, and she is my favorite subordinate.
Excerpt:
I got a stack of redemption tickets with my points. Rushed to the prize-winning scene on the third floor outside the enclosure, the podium was filled with household appliances and kitchen utensils, and the host loudly encouraged people to consume and then consume, because unexpected gains were in the prize-winning tickets in their hands.
"Ladies and gentlemen, scratch the prize and wait for you to take it, and everything here is waiting for you to take home." Sure enough, someone rushed onto the stage with a red and excited smile, holding a small piece of paper in his hand. The appearance of being so excited that his wig was half crooked made you think that he had won a plasma color TV, but in fact he had won a bread machine.
The great economist Mr. Man Kun always emphasized that there is no such thing as a free doughnut. In the material world, because of the scarcity of resources, people learn to allocate limited resources to achieve maximum effectiveness. People are economic people, so once the words "free" and "gift" appear, it is enough to make the scene out of control.
When Xie Yingzi jumped and grabbed Zhu Meng's collar, and successfully pulled down one of his shirt buttons, Zhu Meng knew that the woman was out of control.
"Oh, my God, it's the third prize. I'm rich. I'm rich. I'm rich." Xie Yingzi kissed Zhu Meng with excitement and dragged him to the redemption desk.
"Here's a lady who won the third prize. It's a tandem bike. Where is this lucky lady? Where is it? " The host, with a Hong Kong accent on the stage, jumped and pulled Xie Yingzi onto the stage. "Miss is very lucky, what's your name?"
"Last name is Xie." Xie Yingzi, who was invited to the stage, blushed and had a healthy complexion. It was really good luck. I am so excited that only the words "I am rich" are left in my mind.
"Miss Xie, let's interview you. Do you like this bike? Double. "
"yes, very much." In fact, my heart is that I am rich.
"who will ride this car with?"
"My boyfriend." Ah, I'm rich.
"Is Miss Xie's boyfriend here?"
"coming."
"Where is Miss Xie's boyfriend? Where is the boyfriend? "
At this point, Zhu Meng, who was standing under the stage, smiled helplessly and thought, If I don't raise my hand, the excited host will continue to look for a "boyfriend" in Hong Kong and Taiwan. People who are surrounded in front of the stage are envious, and their men are constantly scraping hard, hoping to be the next lucky one.
"Ok, there's my boyfriend. Would this gentleman please come up? Understand this love tandem bike with your girlfriend. "
The host first agitated and waved Zhu Meng to the stage. Zhu Meng couldn't help but look at the woman on the stage, and she was in distress situation. This chicken flies and a dog jumps.
Xie Yingzi smiled "I'm rich" at Zhu Meng around him, and then his eyes drowned in the red tandem bike, thinking that red is good, not tacky, not tacky at all.
"Who says elephants can't dance" Author: Taotao Round
I want to say that this article is 4P, three men and one woman. Originally, I didn't like this kind of article, but! But! This is quite funny. I sat in front of the computer for a long time, and it was so funny! ! The men in it include women's great love, iceberg type, black belly type, naive type ~ I'm crazy ~ ~ ~
Excerpt:
Seeing that everyone is preparing for the Spring Festival, I can't take care of myself in the hospital. After a boring, empty and lonely night, I fell asleep in the morning, but I didn't know there were Han people, no matter Wei and Jin Dynasties.
I opened one eye and looked at my mobile phone. It's only half past ten! The nurse's footsteps coming and going are very annoying. A five-year-old girl in the next hospital bed is always crying, so I hate it that I want to go up and slap her twice. Why do you think these people have nothing to do to get up so early? Do you know the truth of "sleep today"? I turned over, pulled up the quilt and wiped half of my drooling face. I was surprised to find that my pillow was half wet. The quality of pillows in hospitals is really poor, and the drainage function is as poor as that in Sichuan Basin.
I vaguely saw a black shadow shaking in front of my eyes, but I guess it was definitely not a person. Everyone knows that I don't wake up easily, and no one will come to see me in the morning. I slept in a daze for another hour, and my stomach was so hungry that I couldn't eat after the operation. It is said that I can't eat until I put a P. I spent my whole life waiting for P ... < P > I turned over again and was surprised to find that the other half of the pillow was wet, sticky and disgusting. (Pillow: This patient is so disgusting)
That black shadow lingers and is nailed there motionless. It's really an eyesore.
"Sister Nurse ~ Give me a new pillow ~ ~" I sat up with my eyes half closed and spoiled the nurse who didn't know where she was. The little girl who always cried next to me said to her mother, "Mom, that aunt drools when she sleeps well. Why don't we lend her my brother's diaper to cover her mouth?"
Her mother covered her mouth in time to save her from being killed. I glared at her and said fiercely, "That's sweat! I can't tell the difference between saliva and sweat, huh! "
The little girl's mother was unhappy and dared to refute me: "It's just saliva! If you don't believe me, let your boyfriend judge. He came at eight o'clock in the morning and sat watching you drool until noon. "
"What boyfriend?" I looked back in the direction indicated by the woman, and it turned out that the shadow that had been haunting me just now was really a person!
I couldn't close my mouth when I opened it. I saw Lord Ye, who looked as cold as before, sitting in a chair beside the hospital bed, like a statue, without saying hello when he saw me turn around. I was dressed in a black X-shirt (the brand designated by the professional president) suit, a silver-gray silk tie, neat black hair, and dark eyes staring at me, which made my little heart jump for a while.
We are like old lovers we haven't seen for more than ten years. We look at each other silently, especially me, with our mouths wide open, and the picture of him leaving me and flying away comes to our eyes. What? I use idioms indiscriminately? Isn't that what the female pig and the male pig write when they meet again? Director! Tell those onlookers not to interrupt!
With such a burst of self-hypnosis, my tears are bright. I will struggle again, hoping to shed a crystal tear.
Lord Ye was probably moved by my beautiful tears (Lord Ye: I was robbed). He shyly lowered his head and suddenly took out a paper towel. Don't look away from me, but his voice seemed to float from Cambrian: "Wipe the saliva."
My beautiful image was suddenly broken. I grabbed the tissue and wiped my mouth angrily. I secretly glanced at my little girl's mother, the anthomaniac woman, who just refuted me. While I was wiping my saliva, I told my landlord Ye (whose landlord Ye? ) desperately discharge, connect an ammeter to her eyes, and the ammeter may be burned to death. Fortunately, Lord Ye is a good resistor, and he never looked at the woman from beginning to end.
"I'll give it back when I'm finished." I tried to return the paper towel to landlord Ye, but he didn't want it. Really, it was such a waste. Maybe he meant to give me this as a token of love, so I'll just accept it. Suddenly, I found a dark circle under his eyes, looking a little haggard, unlike Ye Landlord, who is usually wise in SHEN WOO, and suddenly remembered that Qiu Zhenluo said that he had gone to Shenzhen on business yesterday.
"Aren't you in Shenzhen?" I glanced at the small suitcase beside him and frowned. "Why didn't you bring me a gift?"? I managed to stay in the hospital once, and you came here empty-handed? Go ~ buy me some boxes of brain X gold! "
When Lord Ye's face sank, I covered my head with a quilt, smiled obsequiously and comforted him: "Don't worry about it ... I'm more happy than anything to see you, hehe, haha." I sold my self-esteem here, and landlord Ye took out a small box from the compartment of the suitcase and threw it in front of me. I originally wanted to reprimand him and flaunt my noble quality of "being poor and unable to move", but at the sight of the shocking "LV" trademark, my eyebrows trembled.
"It is reasonable to say that we should resist LV, but I just want to study the reason why LV is popular in the fashion world. The so-called know yourself and know yourself, and win every battle ..." I snickered and reached for the box and couldn't wait to unpack it. It was a familiar wallet, similar to LV fakes that often appeared in street stalls, but it was definitely not a fake!
"Alas ..." I let out a long sigh and looked sad.
"what now?" Landlord Ye seems to have strangled me, with a long face.
I pinched my face. Well, fortunately, my face is as thick as before. Rummaging through LV wallet, I said with infinite regret, "Alas … why am I so miserable?"? I finally got a LV wallet, but I have no money to fill it. " As I said, my hand sneaked into the chest of the landlord, and I took out his wallet and opened it with a bang. There was not much cash, but the cards were in rows. I looked up and smiled at him. Seeing his indifference, I took out my cash more impudently, stuffed it into my new wallet and said, "This is like a real wallet ..."
"There are such shameless people in the world!" The little girl's mother was filled with indignation and her eyes were red with anxiety.
I'm holding my wallet, be in heaven, but I dare not be too happy, or the knife edge will crack again. Then Tan Chujing doesn't know what to do with me. Lord Ye's face suddenly appeared in my sight. I quickly stuffed my wallet under my ass and wrapped my whole body in a quilt, for fear that he would suddenly run away and take my money.
"Lin Haoran, how is the wound healing?" He gave me a cold look and asked me in that interrogation tone.
"If you talk to an adult, it's healing." I replied respectfully, this year, it is dad who gives money.
Ye Di stood up, sat on the bed and whispered, "Show me the wound."
"ok." I broke the quilt, just pulled up the ugly hospital gown, and immediately changed my face, clutching my lower abdomen and looking at him warily. I said with justice and awe, "No, the position is sensitive, so I can't show it to you."
Lord Ye pursed his lips, remained silent for a while, and was about to sit back in his chair. I changed my mind and grabbed him-look at his battered appearance, how pitiful it is. If you don't show him, the flowers will feel distressed. (Hua 'er: We feel bad about how landlord Ye met a shameless person like you)
"Why is it so embarrassing?"