Text | Bailu

As soon as my salary in early April arrived, I paid off my credit card and had 2,000 yuan left. I clicked on the Ping An Bank applet to see if the limit had been restored. No more.

After taking a look, I found that there was still 8,000 yuan that I had not paid back. At that moment, my heart collapsed.

When I saw the arrears of 8,000 yuan, I knew that I had not lived well in the past 2021.

Next, I thought about paying off the remaining money. After I talked to Xiao Chen, he immediately transferred 8,000 yuan to me. In fact, I also had a few thousand yuan in reserve. But it has been useless. If something unexpected happens at home, I can immediately take out the money.

I thought about it and didn’t take his money. Because it’s not easy for him, he has a mortgage of nearly 70,000 yuan, and he occasionally has to travel between Kunming and Maitreya for me.

After turning it around several times, I still returned it intact.

As an adult, talking about money suddenly feels a bit sad. He is also a very motivated boy. In my impression, he is very frugal and good at living. Compared with my lavishness, I feel ashamed.

The reason why I owe nearly 10,000 yuan on my credit card is because I paid rent twice last year, both annually. It was the end of the year and I had to rush home to celebrate the New Year. My dilapidated home also needed I support it, but I have no choice but to use my credit card to pay the rent.

Coupled with the monthly living expenses for my family and the transportation expenses to and from home, I have already been unable to make ends meet.

Every time I go home, as long as my father opens his mouth or says something casually, I will remember it in my heart. I never talk about my pressure in front of him. As long as he needs something, I will do it. I will buy it for him even if I swipe my credit card.

At the end of last year, he said that eating camel powder from Xinjiang is good for your health. I happened to have a classmate who teaches in Kashgar. When I went home for the New Year, I asked him to buy it for me.

A can of camel powder, only 20 bags, cost 680 yuan. Although I thought it was expensive, since my father asked, I bought it with my only pocket money.

I started using a credit card last year. When I was hospitalized or paid rent, I would only use it when I was out and about a large amount of money. Because my family couldn’t do anything to help me. In the past few years, I only had a Bank of Communications card. A credit card with a limit of 10,000.

Later I came up with the idea of ??buying a car. On the advice of my colleagues, I applied for a Ping An Bank credit card with a limit of 35,000.

I went to look at cars at the end of December and decided to buy a second-hand white Sail. The person who took me to look at second-hand cars was a proficient mechanic who was a netizen.

He is indeed very professional. The car belongs to a friend he knows, and it is considered a market price. The final price may be around 32,000. This is the first time I want to buy it with a Ping An credit card.

That night, my dad asked me on the phone if I had bought a car. I said I didn’t have enough money and needed a loan. My dad immediately said to me: "I thought you had the money to buy a second-hand car."

His tone was full of disappointment and complaint.

Finally, I said to him quietly: "You don't have to worry about my business."

After hanging up the phone, I looked at the twinkling stars outside the window and poured the wine in the glass. Full, drink cup after cup.

When I woke up the next day, the car dealer asked me: "Little girl, do you still want the car? If so, pay a deposit and transfer the ownership as soon as possible."

My best friend gave me I transferred 10,000 yuan, and Uncle Pan in Zhejiang Province immediately transferred 5,000 yuan to me.

Looking at the words of encouragement and comfort in the WeChat dialog box, I suddenly lost my emotions and decided to accept money from my friends to buy a car.

At this moment, the epidemic situation in Kunming rebounded again, and nearby parks were closed. A series of questions gathered in my mind. What should I do if my credit card expires? What should I do if I can’t pay my friends back? What to do if you lose your job?

In the end, I gave up my favorite Sail.

Then it was time to pay the rent.

The various property fees, deposits, and rents were nearly 10,000, so I swiped my credit card.

I had to bear all the expenses of going home for the Chinese New Year. I didn’t go to work for two whole months. You can imagine how anxious I was because of my credit card.

My dad is just a simple rural man. He works in a flower company in the town and earns about 2,500-3,000 yuan per month. He also has to go home every day to take care of my grandma. .

I feel that I am useless and have no ability to give him a better life. I have already exceeded my capabilities and tried my best for the person I love most.

But life is like putting a comma on it, and keeps standing still.

Thinking that it would be very annoying for him to take care of the elderly every day, I went home and pulled an Internet cable for him and taught him how to use a smartphone. He could watch videos to relieve his boredom when he got home from get off work.

I bear all the phone bills, electricity bills, and water bills at home every month. I go home twice a month to visit the elderly, fill the refrigerator, and replenish some seasonal clothes and daily necessities.

This may seem like a trivial matter, but I am already deeply in debt.

Every time, my aunt would ask me to keep some money for myself, saying that my dad was still young and there was no need to worry too much, but I always felt that I was young and could make money more easily than others of their generation. Take some responsibility.

At the end of last year, I closed Huabei.

The only credit card I owe is more than 10,000 yuan. I thought about changing jobs, but new jobs require an adaptation period and the wages are very low, so I decided not to change.

If I didn’t have these pressures on my shoulders, I think I would be free to choose the life I want, or at least do a job I like.

But there are really no ifs in life. Some people are born to pay off debts and are destined to carry forward with a heavy burden.

Credit cards are like a bottomless pit that can solve urgent needs, but they are also addictive. Although they have solved many of my difficulties, the high interest rates also prevent me from saving money properly.

Although the home is still dilapidated, at least it has everything it needs.

Refrigerator, washing machine, bed, sofa. I changed my grandma’s bed as early as 2019. She used to sleep on a wooden bed made of straw mats. I replaced her with a new bed and installed guardrails for her.

Dad’s bed was only changed this year. He is a bit “old antique” and doesn’t like trouble. This year, I also helped him clean the room and replaced the old bed with a new one.

If there are regrets, there are still some. I just want to renovate the house, but for me, it is far away.

I have obviously worked very hard, hard, and down-to-earth these past years, but I still can’t figure out why people want to make money when they can’t live well for themselves.

Now I understand that if I don’t save money, I will have to use my credit card to get by.

After discussing with Xiao Chen yesterday, I decided to borrow money to pay off the credit card first and stop using it from now on.

My best friend lent me 5,000 and accepted 2,000 from Xiao Chen. Although we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I still issued an IOU.

The moment I paid off my credit card, I was relieved. It's like the stress of this year has been relieved in advance.

Xiao Chen hopes that I won’t bear the burden alone, but just tell him if I have anything, and we can share the burden together. And I don’t want to drag him down, and it’s not easy for him either.

He is a very frugal person. One time I asked him how he spent his money when he was alone outside. He said that he would keep a few hundred yuan for living expenses after being paid, and that he did not smoke or drink. , just like this little by little.

Girls may want to live a more refined life, and their favorite skirts and high-end cosmetics will make them feel excited.

Credit cards can occasionally be used for emergencies, but they are really not good for long-term use. It is like a bottomless pit, and the happiness found in it will be returned as scheduled when the loan is repaid.

I have never dared to face myself. I never thought that I would still owe 10,000 yuan on my credit card for all the hard work last year. Because I don’t have the habit of spending money randomly. Where did the money go?

Two-thirds of it is spent on taking care of my family. I don’t want to blame myself. If there is a faster way than using a credit card, I will not choose to use it.

As human beings, we all live hard.

When you reach a certain age, you no longer have the original love between children and your ignorant affection, and you have one and only one goal: to make money, live a good life and respect your family.

The day I left home, I used the only 500 yuan balance in my WeChat wallet to buy probiotics to aid digestion for my grandma and two bags of rice for my family. My father couldn’t bear to eat breakfast, so I bought them. I put the beef rice noodles in the refrigerator.

On the day I left home, after buying the ticket, I saw the balance was 38 yuan.

Xiao Chen sent me to the high-speed rail station from home. At the station, he handed me a package of things and refused to allow me to open it. He told me to open it only when I arrived in Kunming. I tried to open it secretly on the way, but he beat me. Hands on several times.

When I arrived in Kunming, I opened the bag immediately and found out that it was a bag of lard and meat. He was afraid that I would be reluctant to eat it, so he prepared it for me from home.

At that moment, I was stunned, as if the suffering of so many years had come to an abrupt end.

God seems to be fair and has given me new hope.

Today, I closed that credit card. In the future, my ability will shine as brightly as I can. We are all small individuals, and if we go too far, we will be strong. In the end, we will be tired.

***Mian.

I am Egret, thank you for reading.