100 funny jokes or brain teasers

1: Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid. Squid begged him: Please let me go, don't roast me to eat. The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions. Squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test! Then the man grilled the squid..2: I once suffered from schizophrenia, but now we have recovered. 3: An international student was taking the driver's license test in the United States. The road sign in front of him told him to turn left. He was not sure, so he asked the examiner: "turn left?" He answered: "right" and... failed. 4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping from the fifth floor. When it came down, it bled a lot and turned into red beans; it continued to bleed and turned into soybeans; the wound became scarred and finally turned into black beans. 5: Xiao Ming had his hair cut, and when he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying~ he flew up... 6: There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked... 7: The little penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I A penguin? "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" , but why do I feel so cold?” 8: A pair of corns fell in love... so they decided to get married... On the wedding day... one corn couldn't find the other corn... The corn asked the popcorn next to him: "Have you seen us?" Is there any corn? Popcorn: My dear, she is wearing a wedding dress... 9: In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven. Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: "Do you know music?" Xiao Hua: "Yes. "Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?" Xiao Hua: "Piano." 10: Q: Two people fell into the trap. What are the dead people called dead people and the living ones? A: Call for help. La! 11: Question: What are you afraid of cloth and paper? Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of nothing. Reason: Don’t be afraid of ten thousand (cloth), just be afraid of something unexpected (paper). 12: One day, my mother-in-law was riding in a car... She didn't know the road halfway through the ride... My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, "Where is this?" Driver: This is my butt... 13: An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, but it turned into a tea egg; an egg ran to swim in the Songhua River, but it turned into a preserved egg; an egg ran to Shandong , turned into a Lu (stewed) egg; an egg was homeless, turned into a wild egg; an egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground, turned into a missile; an egg ran away An egg went into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; an egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; an egg got sick and turned into a bad guy; an egg got married and turned into a bastard; an egg got married and turned into a bastard; The egg ran into the river and swam and turned into a nuclear bomb; an egg ran into the flowers and turned into a Hua Dan; an egg rode a horse and held a knife and turned out to be Dao Ma Dan; The female was ugly, but turned into a dinosaur egg; one egg was male, and his wife committed adultery with other eggs outside, and he turned into a bastard; one egg... 14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? Eagle's quick answer: Yes! Moderator: Give an example! The eagle was in tears: That year, when I fell asleep, the cat climbed up the tree...and then there were owls...15: Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. A said: If I want to win the jackpot, I will use all the toilets within 50 miles. Buy it and eat enough every day! B said: You are too vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day! 16: answer to why the chicken cross the street to get another side17: A: What is that person doing? B: He is shaking. A: Why is he trembling? B: He is cold. A: Oh, it turns out that you won’t be cold if you tremble. A: ... 18: There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend. They were walking on the street. The weather was very hot. Mr. Banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down... 19: A sausage was covered with I felt very cold after being locked in the refrigerator, and then I looked at the other one next to me. I felt a little comforted and said, "Look at how frozen you are. Your whole body is covered with ice!" As a result, the other one said, "I'm sorry, I'm Popsicles.

"20: Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who played ball for a long time. He said: I am so tired, I feel like my whole body has softened... 21: This diver's movements are very difficult. , he did a three-and-a-half-turn front flip and a three-and-a-half back flip. MM got lost looking for a university. MM: How can I get to the university? Only by studying hard can you go to college. 23: The director and the section chief were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't do it... The section chief was dismissed soon after. At the meeting, he said: You can’t handle anything big, so what’s the use of you? 24: Miss: It’s hard to do business now! Boss: Why? Miss: “Bird flu…” 25: A woman was robbed. The robber trembled and said, "I am from XX school. I have just graduated. I have not found a job. I really have no money..." After hearing this, the robber burst into tears and said, "Sister, I am also from XX school. Please get your student ID card. The ones who were robbed earlier were from XX school. Don’t worry, Allah will never rob one of your own! "26: I want to have sex with my girlfriend, but she said I can't do it without taking a shower. She promised to wash "part of it" in the cold weather. After washing, my girlfriend was very shy and said: "My dear, you are so lazy, you can wash it with me..." I finished listening. Fainted, I just brushed my teeth~~~ (a very taboo joke) 27: A blind beggar was begging on the street wearing sunglasses. A drunk man came over and thought he was pitiful, so he threw a hundred yuan at him. After walking for a while, the drunkard turned around and happened to see the blind man looking at the sun to tell the authenticity of the hundred-yuan bill. The drunkard came over and took back the money and said, "You don't want to live anymore, how dare you lie to me!" The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm so sorry. I'm here to check for a friend. He is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am mute." "Oh, that's it," so the drunk man threw down the money and staggered away again... 28: Bird flu - it's all caused by "God's shit"!!! There are two kinds of people who get birds. The probability of flu is extremely high - 1. "Beasts"; 2. People who are "worse than animals"... 29: A: Hey, how did you learn to smoke? B: I learned it when I ate the forbidden fruit from Adam and Eve. approximately , the more he watched, the more angry he became, and wanted to humiliate them, so he politely stepped forward to say hello, and said to his girlfriend Xinhuan disdainfully: "You don't mind my used goods! Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend laughed and said: "Every inch on the outside is old, but everything on the inside is brand new!" "31: When we broke up, she gave me a kiss, and the feeling was as real as the People's Daily... 32: I just saw something like a news scroll bar at the top of my senior sister's computer screen, and the text on it passed very quickly. I’m curious: Is this the lyrics? Senior sister: Why did it go by so fast? Senior sister: Jay Chou! 33: I’m so blind that I only stepped on shit. Give it to you. Husband: I’m so blind that I only stepped on shit. Shit: I’m so unlucky! I was stepped on by both of you while I was lying there... 34: College Entrance Examination Chemistry Question: A and B can transform into each other. B can produce C in boiling water. C can be oxidized into D in the air. D has the smell of rotten eggs. What are A, B, C, and D? My answer: A is chicken, and B is Raw eggs, C is cooked eggs, D is of course rotten eggs! 35: Which one is the worst, rubber, tiger skin, or lion skin? Answer: Eraser. 36: Question: One of the three heads. What is the foot? Answer: A monster with three heads and one foot! ! ! 37: Why does the ant leave no traces in the sand? Answer: Because it is a horse. Bicycle! Ant came home from the desert, but his family knew that he was back! Answer: Saw his bicycle parked downstairs... 38: One day a female drug addict was arrested. Arrested at the police station, the police saw a tattoo on her hand and asked her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on your hand. Is his name Xiaoliang... ah... is it? Come on, tell me... Did he take drugs? Tell me quickly. I saw the female drug addict raised her head and said to the police with angry eyes that this was hate... 40: One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went for a drive, and the car was almost out of gas. There was a gas station nearby. As she was driving past, a sudden gust of wind blew her boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her: "I'm going to pick up the hat, you help me come on." As soon as her boyfriend ran away, he heard Xiaomei shouting from behind him: "Come on! Come on!" 41: An orangutan passed through the woods. , accidentally collected the excrement of a gibbon, and the kind-hearted orangutan cleaned the ape and separated it. Soon they fell in love, and others asked how you got together? The orangutan replied: 'It's ape dung (fate).' 42 :: There was a fat man...jumped from a tall building...and turned into...a dead fat man...43: There was a duck named Xiao Huang. One day he passed by He was hit by a car on the road and shouted: "Quack!" From then on, it turned into a cucumber... 44: There is a penguin whose home is very far away from the polar bear's home. If he had to walk, he would have to walk for 20 years. arrive. One day, Penguin was very bored at home and was going to play with the polar bear. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he found that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door was still locked. It had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" After the polar bear opened the door, guess what? What did he say? "Let's go to your house to play~" 45: The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there are not that many." This..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "I'm sorry, but there are still none." "That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly. . On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have a hundred buns!!" "The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" 46: Xiao Ming said: "Akang, let me ask you, "A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become?" Akang said: "I don't know, what is the answer?" Xiao Ming said: "Hey! Hey! The answer is "mung bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are stupid!" 47: The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution? Student’s answer: Make the lunch box blue. 48: There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal condition. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital for treatment and said to the doctor: “I poop whatever I eat, watermelon and watermelon, cucumber and cucumber! "The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think you can only eat shit!" 49: On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?" The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars can 'shimmer'!" 50: There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he The polar bear said: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the hairs on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said: "It's really cold!" 51: Q: The chief of the African cannibals eats What? A: People! Q: One day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be vegetarian. So what did he eat? A: Eat a vegetable! 52: There were two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time, one of them shook, wow! It’s so cold~! The other sausage said in surprise, Huh? How can you talk if you are a sausage? 53: One day, a buck ran faster and faster. At the end, it turned into a high-speed buck. 54: One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountains to pick fruits. She announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together." All the children ran to pick the fruits. When the gathering time came, all the children gathered. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?" Xiaohua: "I am washing apples, because I picked apples." Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?" Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes, because I picked apples. Tomatoes. "Teacher: "The kids are great! What about you, A Ming?" A Ming: "I was washing my shoes because I stepped on poop." 55: The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question when he stood up. Silent. Teacher: Xiao Ming? Teacher: Xiao Ming Teacher: Xiao Ming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer? At least give it a squeak! Xiao Ming: Chi~56: An elephant asked a camel: ‘Why does your breast grow on your back? ’ The camel said: ‘Stay away, I won’t talk to a thing with a penis on its face! 57: How to make the drink bigger? Recite the Great Compassion Mantra 58: Xiao Ming: How many times is it today? Xiaohua: It’s minus 3 degrees! Xiao Ming: No wonder it’s so cold.

59: A little boy came home from school and peeped out of the window to see a woman lying on the bed, rubbing her breasts wildly and shouting, "I want a man, I want a man!" The next day, the little boy walked out of the window and found a man lying on top of the woman. So the little boy went home and lay on the bed, rubbing his breasts wildly and shouting, "I want a bicycle, I want a bicycle!" 60: Once upon a time, there was a bird. He would pass by a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn!!! After the bird flew over... ....I thought it was snowing and it was so cold... 61: There was a polar bear who had to wear sunglasses to see because the snow was so dazzling, but he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he crawled over with his eyes closed. I crawled and searched on the ground, crawling and crawling until my hands and feet were dirty before I found the sunglasses. After putting on my sunglasses and looking in the mirror, I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda. 62: The nature class teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Doesn't anyone know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said: That's because the mind is naturally cool. 63: Xiao Ming lost one leg in a car accident, Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident, Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident, Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident, in fact Xiao Ming It's a dog.64: One day, A, B, and C went out to play together and wandered on the road for a long time. Later, A said, it was so boring, and I really wanted to play B. Then C glanced at A and dragged B to the alley to beat him. 65: Three little rabbits poop. The first poop is long. The second one is round. The third one is actually triangular. Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hands. 66: When will Taiwan want to be reunified? When buying instant noodles 67: One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" Dad said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?" 68: When Xiao Ming came home, the dog next door Suddenly ran out to bite him, and he angrily picked up the bamboo to beat it. When the dog's owner saw Xiao Ming beating his dog, he was unhappy and said: Beating a dog also depends on the owner, haven't you heard? At this time Xiao Ming said: OK! I will spank your dog while watching you. 69: Chongchong: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil? Xiaohua: No, I’m useless. Chongchong: Are you really useless? Xiaohua: I’m so useless! Chongchong: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless. 70: How did the ant die after falling from the Himalayas? Answer: Starved to death. Because it is too light, it takes a long time to float down... 80: Why is the puppy getting smaller and smaller? Answer: Because it goes further and further. 81: Once upon a time, there was a horse! It fell into the sea while running. So, it became a "seahorse"! Another horse friend of this horse went to find the horse that fell into the sea, but ended up falling into the river. Later, he became a "hippopotamus". The third horse is a white horse. In order to find two missing friends, it came to the city with chaotic traffic. It was run over by several cars in succession, causing several black stripes to appear on its body. As a result, it turned into a "zebra"! In order to find the companions of the first three, the fourth horse came to a factory one day and was transformed into an "iron horse". But later, those horses still couldn't escape the fate of being eaten, and they were all turned into "sand horses". They were so rampant that no horses were spared, and it became a horseless world... Then, a group of people saw After this joke, I couldn't help but say: "It's so cold." Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone compiled it into a lesson. We called it "Marseille Lesson"! 82: Xiao Ming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank. Xiao Ming begged him for a few more days of grace. The people at the bank said: It must be paid back tomorrow, otherwise... 2 fingers will be chopped off; the day after tomorrow... 4 fingers will be chopped off; On the third day...Xiao Ming: Do you not have to pay back the money? No, you will become Tinker Bell by then. 83: A man met God one day. God suddenly became kind and planned to give the man a wish. God asked: Do you have any wish? The man thought for a while and said: I heard that cats have 9 lives, so please grant it to me. 9 lives! God said: Your wish comes true! One day, the man was bored and wanted to die. Anyway, he had 9 lives, so he was lying on the railway track. As a result, a train drove by. People are still dead. Why is this? Because that train had 10 cars. 84: A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and there is bad news! After reading your test results, I discovered that you have potential homosexual tendencies! ! And it’s hard to cure! This guy said: Oh my God! What about the good news? The doctor said shyly: I found you quite cute. 85: A hunter went hunting with his hounds. He wandered in the woods for a whole day but found no prey. It was getting dark, but he was unwilling to keep riding in the forest. The horse suddenly said: 'You don't even let me rest, you want to exhaust me to death! ? The hunter was startled when he heard it. He immediately rolled off his horse, pulled the hunting dog and ran away. When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath, the dog patted his chest and said to him: "I'm scared to death. The horse can actually do this." say! ' So the hunter was frightened to death on the spot. 86: Who among the wolf, tiger and lion will be eliminated when playing the game? The reason for the wolf: Momotaro (eliminated the wolf) 87: One day A picked up a mirror and looked in the mirror and said; The person looks familiar, B said; Really? Let me look at it (taking the mirror), it’s me! You don’t even recognize me? 88: Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping. B asked A: Where are we going? A doesn't answer. B asked again: Where are we going? A still doesn’t answer. B asked again. Tomato A turned to Tomato B and said: Aren’t we from tomatoes? Why do we talk? 89: Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water. The black cat rescued it. The white cat said something to the black cat. Q: What is this sentence? 'Meow' 90: A: "Do you know what I was doing in the Internet cafe last night?" B: "What were I doing;" A: "Online surfing;" B: "..." 91: Two flies went to eat. The younger one asked the older one: Brother, why do we eat shit every day? The older one said: Don’t say such disgusting things while eating! ! 92: Lu Su in a straw boat: "Can I really borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming?" Zhuge Liang: "Believe me." Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried..." Zhuge Liang: "No need." Lu Su : "But, don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?" Zhuge Liang: "It's a bit awkward to say that... Is there something wrong?" Lu Su: "Yeah, I'm worried that the enemy is shooting rockets..." Zhuge Liang: "Hey!? Zijing ￣￣Can you swim￣￣￣I can't￣￣￣" 93: Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to stuff them into his butt and then take them out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating. 94: The hospital has set up 100 channels to prevent patients from escaping, but two mentally ill patients still want to escape from the hospital. Yu Yehei worked hard to climb over the wall. At the 30th wall, they asked, "Are you tired?", "No." So the two of them continued to turn outwards. At the 60th wall, they asked, "Are you tired?" "No." So the two continued to turn outwards, and at the 99th wall, they asked, "Are you tired?" "Tired" "Okay, let's Turn back." 95: Xiao Ming: By a certain stream, four boys, Dabao, Daxiong, Dazhi, and Dawei, took off their clothes and were playing in the water. Suddenly someone was electrocuting fish by the stream. All four boys were electrocuted. arrive! Guess an electrical appliance. Akang: Hmm... I don’t know~ Xiao Ming: The answer is ‘television’ (electric four chickens)! hey-hey! 96: Xiaoluo: Dad, why do we have humps? Camel Dad: Because there is no water in the desert, only humps can store water! Xiaoluo: Dad, why do we have long hair? Camel Dad: Because the wind and sand are strong in the desert, we must rely on it to block the wind and sand so that we can see! Xiao Luo: Dad, why do we have thick hooves? Camel Dad: Because the desert is full of sand, so we can stand firm! Xiaoluo: Dad, last question, what are we doing at the zoo? 97: The hen was hatching an egg, and an egg came out of its butt. The hen asked, "What are you doing?" The egg said, "Your farts smell so bad..." 98: There was a person named "Du Ziteng," the teacher asked during roll call. "Where's Du Ziteng?" said the classmate, "He has a stomachache." 99: My girlfriend invited me to watch a movie at her house. After arriving at her house, she wrote the word "movie" on the wall with a pen, and the two of us sat on the toilet and watched it. 100: One morning, a certain officer, who was known for his strictness, asked a soldier during morning training: "Are you cold?" The soldier replied: "Not cold!" The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you trembling?" The soldier replied: "You're freezing!"