200,000 yuan, "online loan"+"credit card", which is my current total debt and source of debt. Because the epidemic affected my income, these three months gradually forced me to die, and I borrowed money from my friends every day. However, it is really difficult to find someone to borrow money in this market, not to mention that I don't know many rich people. Alipay and bank cards are overdue and spend every day in anxiety. I have read many suggestions from people who have the same experience online, saying that they should be honest with their families and their families can help. Looking at my parents' increasingly pale hair, I really can't bear to tell them, even if I tell them, it will only increase my sadness. My family is not rich (my father's bankcard passbook is only 7W). My parents are frugal, and they won't change things until they are completely useless. My family is poor, and there is a big gap with my relatives. I don't want my parents to bow their heads and borrow money from relatives. I want to bear my own mistakes, so I can't bear it, and I hope my parents won't be hit again.
In retrospect, I want to stab myself. I ruined myself.
When I was in college, I was a junior college student at home. Tuition is not high, and consumption is not high. At that time, I worked part-time every month and earned 600 yuan. In the eyes of my classmates, I am a very reliable person (because I am a local, many people are studying in other places, and I often take them out to play in the city, and I will help you if you need any help). After graduation (internship in junior year at the end of 20 15), I joined the Meituan (which is considered as a good salary among my peers), with a monthly salary of 4,000 to 6,000, which is quite good for those who just graduated and entered the society. My city is a small city with three or four lines. As for my job, I also study hard and work hard. In the eyes of my colleagues, I belong to the kind of young man who just graduated and works hard. A year later, I became a regular worker (formerly an intern), and my salary was improved, with an average of about 7 thousand a month. My work performance is often praised by the leaders, and the leaders intend to promote me. It can be said that this period of time is my brightest. It's not so glamorous as glamorous, but it's moving towards the abyss step by step. In these almost four years, I got my first credit card. When I got the first one, I got the second, third and fourth one. At that time, vanity and complacency went to my head, eating, drinking and having fun. I used to treat my friends when I went to bars, but now I pretend to treat my friends to drinks, and I will cash out my credit card when my salary runs out. At that time, I just wanted to prove it to others, and I didn't want to look down. So after a while, I found that the credit card was gone, so I went to touch the online loan. Because I don't know the loan routine, I only know that there are still a few months, and the interest seems to be less, so I borrowed it (Baidu has the money to spend 360 JD.COM to borrow Ping An installment music, and Sina Finance will wait immediately. ), so from 4.5 W to 10 W, the interest rate was getting higher and higher. Finally, the epidemic began to break out this year, and I found that I didn't. For me, this is not a small sum. I can pay the down payment for a house here.
I really want to stab myself with a knife, which serves me right!
I don't want to say anything else. I think I'm going to be depressed. I have been thinking about what to do and how to live every day during this time.