September 28th is Confucius' birthday, so when is October 28th?
a: Confucius had a full moon.
One day, a medium-rare steak was walking in the street. Suddenly he saw a medium-rare steak in front of him, but he ignored him. Why didn't they say hello? A: Because they are not familiar with each other
Chocolate and pineapple fight, and chocolate wins. Why? A: chocolate bar
chocolate fights with pineapple, and pineapple loses. Why? A: pineapple cake
What fish is the most idiotic? A: Shark (Silly) Fish
The tortoise built a house in its turtle shell and got into it. {Guess a health care product} A: The tortoise in calcium in calcium tore down the house, built another house and got into it. {Guess a health care product} A: New calcium in calcium
The tortoise tore down the house again, built another house, and then got into it. {Guess a health care product} A: Super Calcium
Once, I went to buy breakfast. When I was waiting in line, I found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line, so I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please have a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" ..... For the first time in two years, I heard my boss laugh so loudly.
There is another one. In junior high school, we used an electric bell to ring the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell was ringing and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced out of his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ......
I went to a hotel once, and I was confused at night when I suddenly heard someone knocking at the door for questioning. Woman: Hello? Me: What can I do for you? Woman: I want to ask the handsome guy, how to write Kun in Kunming? Me: Oh, the last day above, the next one is more than ... (Sweat)! W: Then, shall we try it? I fainted, miss is not terrible, I am afraid that miss has culture. Dizzy.
The young woman reported: "I put my money in my bra and was stolen by a handsome guy in a crowded subway …" The policeman wondered: "You didn't notice such a sensitive place?" The young woman blushed and replied, "Who would have thought he was touching money?
A woman said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry that young demon, I will marry her father. From now on, my son will call you brother-in-law, so you have to call me mom! My husband fainted on the spot, so he behaved himself from then on ...
My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and turned into a beautiful woman and went home a few days later! When he entered the door, he said to his puzzled husband, "What's the matter? Don't know me? " The husband paused, then said with surprise, "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home."
one day, I suddenly discovered that I have a great aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt and a fifth aunt, but I don't have a third aunt. So I went to ask my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: did my third aunt die when she was young? My dad said angrily, your third aunt is your mother!
A girl met a gangster at night. The gangster asked fiercely, Stop! Why go? The girl didn't want to be robbed of money, so she said piteously, go and borrow money. The gangster still asked fiercely: What do you want to borrow money for? The girl was afraid of being robbed, and she said, there is no money to treat sexually transmitted diseases. The gangster roared: get out!
Mr. A found that his wife often had a short message from a stranger on her mobile phone, and the content of each message was the same: "Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me." At 1: 3 one night, Mr. A caught his cheating wife and the man who was having sex, and cursed: TMD, do you think I can't read that message? Read it backwards as "I'll take off your bra at 1: 3"! The boy said to the girl, "I fell in love with you at the first sight!" " The girl asked strangely, "When did you first see me?" The boy quickly explained, "It was the day of school. I saw you come to school with your family. The skirt you wore was very beautiful!"! ！” The girl was furious: "I didn't wear a skirt that day, and the one wearing a skirt was my mother!" "
A small bank thief managed to pry open the safe and found that there was no money in it. Instead, he put some jelly in it. The thief was puzzled, but he couldn't think of it for nothing, so he ate the jelly. The next day, Mr. Thief bought a newspaper specially to see how much influence he could bring by stealing a bank. Hey ~ Since it made headlines, the only sperm bank in our city was stolen last night!
The dog proposed to the bear, and the bear said, "I don't want to marry you, I want to marry the cat. "The dog was puzzled and asked," Why? " The bear said, "If I marry a dog, I will have a bear. If I marry a cat, I will have a panda!" "
There are three children sitting in front of the clinic-a big boy, a little boy and a girl. The nurse asked, what's wrong, little friend? Big boy: I swallowed a glass ball. The nurse asked the other, What about you? Girl: That glass ball is mine. The nurse asked again, What about you? Little boy: I will play next!
Somali pirates: "Three million dollars, one price!" Chinese official: "2.5 million!" Pirate: "Do you think I'm stupid? I know you said 25 is a curse! Chinese official: "Three million is three million! But the invoice should be written seven million! " The pirate's eyes filled with tears and his thumb stretched out: "It's still hard for you to rob money! ! ！” A new foreigner moved in next door to a buddy. One night, the foreigner knocked on the door for help and said, "My TV is broken, so I can't change the channel." The buddy looked down at his watch and said calmly, "It will be like this on TV all over the country from 7: to 7: 3 in the evening."
The priest played golf, and the nun watched. The first shot missed, and the priest scolded, "TMD, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" " The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest." As soon as the voice fell, a thunder chopped the nun to death. The priest wondered: why am I the one who cursed? Why did I chop the nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of God from the sky: "TMD, I missed too!" "
My 7-year-old niece insisted on taking a bath with my 2-year-old adult, saying, "Aunt, why are your breasts so small?" I sweated wildly: "It's not small, how small!" My little niece gave me a pitiful look and said, "Nothing, mine is very small ~" < P > One day, my brother went to the primary school attached to Normal University to play basketball, and he heard a junior girl ask a junior boy on the playground, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gave me money from 3 yuan every day, of which two and a half dollars were for you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not? ! ！”
Old people share their inheritance before they die. He said to his eldest son, "Your daughter-in-law is going to have a baby soon, so I'll leave you the passbook." He said to his second son, "You are going to get married soon, and I will leave you the house.". Finally, I said to my youngest son, "I don't trust you the most. I don't have a girlfriend yet, so I'll leave you the most precious legacy." The younger son was secretly pleased, and the old man said, "There are more than 3 young girls in my QQ number friend bar, and the number is * * * * *."
In the human body class of the Academy of Fine Arts, a girl angrily threw her pen on the ground, scolding the male model: I'll be older and younger for a while, so I don't want anyone to draw it!
after scrimping and saving, a girl bought a brand-name handbag and excitedly gave it to her companion: "Look at these two letters, LV! Have you seen it? " The companion said, "Cut, is this pinyin? I learned it in elementary school. Every time my wife quarreled with her husband, she went to the toilet for half a day. When this happened more often, her husband asked her curiously, "What are you doing in the toilet?" It seems quite Japanese? " The wife said, "Brush the toilet!" The husband asked, "Can I get rid of the gas by brushing the toilet?" The wife said, "I don't know, anyway, it's all your toothbrush."
My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 6 points in the exam today". Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad if you fail in the exam next time!" " The next day, my son came back: "Sorry, brother!" "
A leader set the telephone number of Xiao San as "the mayor" in his hand. Every time Xiao San calls, his wife says, "Hurry! The mayor called! " After the leader answered the phone, the mayor asked me to go. When I was leaving the door, my wife told me in the back, "Do it well!"
Xiao Li wants to immigrate to America. The leader asks him, "Are you dissatisfied with your salary?" Xiao Li said, "Satisfied." "Not satisfied with your house?" "Satisfied" "Is that the internet environment is not satisfied?" "Satisfied" and "dissatisfied with medical care and children's schooling?" "All satisfied!" "If you are satisfied, why do you want to immigrate?" "Because there is dissatisfaction allowed!"
China leaders and American leaders are more loyal than their bodyguards. The American leader ordered the bodyguards to jump from the 1th floor, and the bodyguards knelt down and said, "Come on, I have family." . So the president of the United States relented. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China would jump without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly grabbed him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have family."
joke: just as the director entered the office, the wife of the director of the office broke in and waved a pair of women's briefs and said to the director, "My husband came home at night wearing women's underwear, so you must take care of it." The director nodded again and again, shoving briefs into his pocket. When I came home at night, the director's wife found the briefs in the director's pocket when she was washing clothes, and said to the director, "Don't joke like this in the future, because people have been looking for it all day."
When a male classmate went to a certain place on business, a female classmate went to see him. The two chatted about his salary. The gay man asked, "How much do you pay after tax? "Female classmate face a red, whispered:" sleep with old classmates also mention what money, you go to bed first, I'll take a bath.
someone asked the doctor, "Excuse me, doctor, how can I live to be 1 years old?" Doctor: "First, give up drinking." Someone: "I never drink." Doctor: "Second, abstain from color." Someone: "I don't like women at all." Doctor: "Third, eat less meat." Someone: "I'm a vegetarian!" " Doctor: "Then why did you live so long?"
On the plane, I saw a beautiful woman sitting in my seat. So I asked a gentleman, are you from 36A? Mm blushed and replied: I … I'm from 36B … I'm Genghis Khan: Sister … I think … I think you misunderstood, I mean my seat is by the window 36A!