1. Parents should understand and comply with the laws of their children's physical and psychological growth. Parents should appropriately provide their children with opportunities to explore and practice, and do not block their curiosity by admonishing them as someone who has experienced it. Although children take detours in practice, their growth experience is hundreds of times stronger than parents’ preaching.

2. Strengthen emotional investment and close the relationship between parents and children. For teenagers who are both mentally and physically immature, their behavioral intentions and decision-making are greatly affected by emotional factors. What they like, what they don't like, and whether they like it or not directly affect their behavior. If parents were more emotionally compatible and close to their children, I believe that teenagers would no longer have that kind of disgust and betrayal psychologically, and their rebellious psychology would naturally be diluted or eliminated.

3. Parents should get along with their children equally. Do not use commands or reprimands, do not use rough and coercive methods to discipline children, and sincerely be a close friend of your children. A high school senior candidate once said: "Actually, parents and teachers always want to do our best, and they have their own reasons. But if we are forced to follow these reasons, I am afraid there will be certain problems. After all, times have changed, and we have our own ideas. , some things we can handle ourselves will not be communicated with adults. ”

4. Positive and encouraging methods replace simple and crude education methods. Social psychologists believe that deep in people's hearts, they most desire the praise of others. Praise is a kind of encouragement. It implants confidence and strength deep in people's hearts and sows the seeds of progress. It is a stimulant that makes people more energetic and energetic. Praise is also a kind of recognition. This kind of affirmation can make people firm in the direction of development. With one more word of encouragement, there will be one less deviant; with one more word of praise, it is possible to pull the wavering teenagers into the ranks of our expectations.

· It is best to provide psychological counseling to children

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· windymike | 2008-10-16 17:47:55

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· What does he like to do? Set aside one day a week for him to do what he likes. , but usually supervise his homework.

1. The influence of family and the inspiration of parents

Students live in families, and a good and harmonious family atmosphere will have a huge psychological impact on students, and even affect their lifelong development. It has the function of orientation and navigation. The important factor of family must not be ignored in the mental health education of children. Creating a family atmosphere that is conducive to the healthy development of children's mental health is a crucial issue. Every parent should attach great importance to it and pay attention to the following aspects.

(1) Parents should lead by example. The role of parents directly affects the mental health of their children. Parents must reflect on their own personal lifestyle and attitude towards life, pay attention to correcting their own bad personalities, and provide good care for their children at any time. Offer something healthy.

(2) Establishing a harmonious and pleasant family atmosphere will inevitably have a positive impact on the formation of children's healthy psychology. Maintain respect for the elderly and good neighbors, love and help each other, sympathize with other people's difficulties, and treat everyone optimistically. A good quality in a thing.

(3) Establish a stable family life order. Parents should reasonably arrange housework activities for their children, so as to cultivate their children's quality of life of being trustworthy, loving life, hardworking and thrifty. This will promote and protect their children's good mood and character, and prepare them psychologically for dealing with people and the world correctly in the future.

(4) Parents should express their feelings reasonably, grasp the balance between love and severity, and distinguish true love from unprincipled coddling, doting, and indulgence. Love should be expressed in a measured and measured way. Be sensible, but being strict does not mean being arrogant, scolding, or scolding at every turn. You must respect the child's personality and meet the child's legitimate needs, but you must also be able to resist the child's unreasonable demands, and patiently cultivate civilized behavior, good quality, and behavior. .

(5) If the family door is opened, let the children have more contact with nature, more contact with society, more contact with peers, reduce preaching, and strengthen children's exposure to society, economy, and politics.

(6) Be good at inspiring and inducing students' psychology. If you ask students to do something, it is best not to rigidly specify how to do it, but to find ways to arouse the child's interest and let him do it voluntarily and consciously. . Although children are young, they are also people with independent personalities and have a certain sense of self-esteem and honor. However, their will is still relatively fragile and their psychology is not stable enough. Any inappropriate criticism or accusation, or simple denial, may hurt or frustrate them. The lack of enthusiasm for learning makes them depressed, tired of studying and truant, and even abandons their studies. Therefore, try not to put pressure on your children, give orders, and don't rigidly stipulate "what not to do" or "how you should do it." For things you ask your child to do, tell him what you want you to do or encourage him to continue doing it through praise. For things he is not allowed to do, be patient and explain the reasons, and then let the child decide whether he should do it or not. In the future, if he makes the same old habit again, you should tell your child: You have to keep your word, and your parents believe you! In this way, children's self-esteem and self-motivation are continuously cultivated, so that children can overcome their "rebellious psychology" and continue to make progress.

2. Get training and guidance from teachers in school

(1) Love influence method.

Love is the solvent that dissolves psychological barriers. Only persistent love can arouse students' psychological excitement and stimulate their ambition. The less they love, the stronger their rebellious psychology. Therefore, we must fundamentally change the situation in which students receive passive education. We must be emotional and rational with students, so that they understand that the reason why teachers are "severe in responsibility" is entirely because of "deep love." If students once understand that everything parents or teachers do is for the healthy growth of students, they can greatly reduce their rebellious psychology. Love should go deep into the hearts of students and see the arrangement and change process of students' hearts. With love, we can respect students, treat students' mistakes correctly, and turn criticism into students' internal driving force for self-motivation; we can teach students in accordance with their aptitude, be strict with ourselves, and avoid all external factors that induce rebellious psychology; we can guide students to understand and create own value. For example, forcing students to stand, reprimanding loudly, sarcasm, and turning over old scores can easily cause students to develop antagonism and rebellious psychology. Teachers should get rid of these bad practices, give them more love for education, help them recognize right from wrong, create favorable conditions, promote their good deeds and save their mistakes. Move their hearts with love and guide their actions strictly to avoid rebellious psychology.

(2) Trust encouragement method.

Trust is the psychological sustenance students place on teachers. Once a teacher behaves in a way that causes students to lose trust, the loss of the teacher's prestige and the emergence of students' rebellious psychology are inseparable and inevitable deficits. Trust is the bridge of friendship between teachers and students. If we cast a trusting gaze or a hint of expectation during teaching, especially in certain small aspects, students will have a strong desire to express themselves. In teaching, poor students should give priority to asking questions, giving priority to blackboard performances, giving priority to reading homework, and giving priority to tutoring, so that they can be proactive and enterprising in the trust of the teacher and avoid the occurrence of rebellious psychology. Teachers must also respect students and protect their self-esteem. Students must be treated equally, and one must not be treated favorably. For each student, one must not only see his shortcomings, but also be good at discovering the positive factors in him, and then take advantage of the situation. Only by allowing students to develop a sense of trust and equality in teachers can we effectively avoid students' rebellious psychology.

(3) Success incentive method.

Students’ rebellious psychology mostly comes from acquired poor grades, repeated failures in exams, low mood, and boredom with studying.

It plays a decisive role or direct motivation in reverse psychology. Specifically, in the process of receiving education, teenagers will generally feel a sense of satisfaction, enrichment and joy when they understand and master certain information or concepts; while they will generally feel doubts, anxiety and worry about information and ideas that they do not understand. . Compare these emotional feelings about new concepts and information with the knowledge content and attitudes stored in the original cognitive structure. When the original bad emotions cannot be effectively overcome and eliminated, the bad emotions will become more intense, thus Lead to behavioral intentions to resist content and information about educational management. When this tendency becomes more and more common, rebellious psychology will gradually transform into a rebellious behavior. For this reason, as the third component of rebellious psychology, behavioral intention plays an obvious role in rebellious psychology, that is, it is the preparation for the transformation of rebellious psychology into rebellious behavior, and it is directly affected by rebellious emotions. Fully understanding the composition and function of rebellious psychology will not only deepen our understanding of the essence of rebellious psychology, but also have great significance for us to find solutions and effectively prevent the occurrence of rebellious psychology in teenagers.

Causes of teenagers’ rebellious psychology

The factors that influence teenagers’ rebellious psychology can be summarized as follows:

First, subjective factors. The emergence of adolescent rebellious psychology is first of all closely linked to the special physiological and psychological development of adolescents.

1. In adolescence, as the brain matures and becomes sound, brain functions become more and more developed, the judgment and analysis functions of thinking become more and more obvious, and the scope of thinking becomes wider and richer. In particular, the way of thinking and the perspective of thinking have gone beyond the simple and single positive thinking in childhood and developed towards reverse thinking, multi-directional thinking or divergent thinking. Especially in the process of contact with social culture and education, young people gradually learn and master methods such as reverse thinking. It is the development of adolescent thinking and the formation and mastery of reverse thinking that provide the psychological foundation and possibility for the emergence of reverse psychology.

2. During adolescence, the sexual development of adolescents gradually matures, and the resulting sexual characteristics become more obvious and prominent, and then gender and sexual awareness are gradually strengthened and established. The gender consciousness and sexual consciousness caused by sexual development further produce weaning psychologically, and then form an increasingly strong consciousness of individuality, independence and adult consciousness. It is the formation of these consciousnesses that make them think that they have grown up and should manage themselves and decide themselves. In the face of teachers' education and parents' advice, they intentionally or unintentionally avoid, resent or even deviate. Teachers’ tireless teaching, parents’ earnest persuasion, etc. have long been dispelled by a strong sense of independence and a sense of adulthood.

3. Although physical and psychological development have made great leaps in adolescence, their physical and psychological development are unbalanced and even contradictory. This kind of contradiction and imbalance is mainly manifested in physical maturity and psychological immaturity. Specifically, in the psychological cognitive development of adolescents, due to lack of experience and experience, their understanding is unstable and easy to waver. ; Although their thinking is independent and critical, their cognition of things and problems are too biased, resulting in one-sided, extreme, stubborn and extreme understanding. Teachers' normal education is often viewed from the opposite perspective, and the teacher's persuasion, requirements, and criticism, and the parents' guidance, reminders, and supervision are regarded as "control", "stuck", and "pressure", which are difficult for oneself. It is an injury to one's own self-esteem, and thus puts oneself on the opposite side of the teacher.

Second, objective factors. The objective factors for the formation of adolescents' rebellious psychology are specifically reflected in the following aspects:

1. The influence of negative family factors. The family is the fundamental environment for young people to grow up, and it is the first place in life where they receive education. Different education methods in the family will cultivate children's different psychological qualities and personalities. The bad education methods in some families directly affect the formation of rebellious psychology in teenagers.

This is because the purpose or goal of our education is to facilitate the healthy growth and development of the educated, which is consistent with the wishes of the educated. Moreover, education and the educated are interdependent. The educated need our guidance. The role of the educator's educational guidance is specifically realized in the effective socialization of the educated and the continuous improvement of healthy development capabilities. Correctly solving this relationship and establishing a love for educational work, especially ideological education work, in the guiding ideology will lead to active exploration in our educational content, forms and methods, and dedicated work to respect young people. This will then reduce the psychological aversion of young people and weaken and eliminate their rebellious psychology.

2. Strengthen emotional investment and close the relationship between the educator and the educated. Whether it is psychological theory or a large amount of social reality, emotions are an invisible hand that drives people's behavioral tendencies and practices. Some things are not logical and do not meet scientific requirements, but due to emotional factors, they invisibly influence certain behaviors of people. This is the charm of emotion. For teenagers who are both physically and mentally immature, their behavioral intentions and decision-making are greatly affected by emotional factors. What they like, what they don't like, and whether they like it or not directly affect their behavior. Experienced educators all know that students are very enthusiastic about learning, largely because they like a certain teacher. If we, the educators, were more emotionally compatible and close to the people being educated, I believe that the psychological aversion, betrayal, and rebelliousness among young people would naturally be diluted or eliminated.

3. Strengthen the guidance of peer groups. Any group will produce a kind of psychological pressure on the individual. This pressure or the pressure of the survival and growth environment on people. Positive groups have a shaking force on the normal psychology of individuals. To this end, strengthen the correct guidance of peer groups. Timely detection of bad habits and early correction of them is an effective way to prevent rebellious psychology and bad habits from arising and expanding. In particular, it is even more necessary to effectively control and guide the "leaders" in the peer group.

4. Strengthen the analysis and guidance of social and cultural phenomena. Faced with the complex cultural phenomena and social problems in society, teenagers often do not have the correct cognitive abilities. They are often driven by curiosity to imitate, and it is difficult to discern their essence or the positive and reasonable factors contained in them. This requires our educators to grasp these phenomena and problems in a timely, effective and accurate manner, put them in front of the educated, deeply analyze their essence and reasonable components, help young people construct correct cognition, and avoid blind follow. This can also prevent and eliminate rebellious psychology.

5. Positive and encouraging methods replace simple and crude education methods. As the saying goes: Good medicine is bitter in the mouth and good for the disease; honest advice is bad for the ears and good for the deeds. But social psychologists believe that deep in people's hearts, they most desire the praise of others. Praise is a kind of encouragement. It implants confidence and strength deep in people's hearts and sows the seeds of progress. It is a stimulant, making people more energetic and energetic. Praise is also a kind of recognition. A kind of affirmation can make people firm in the direction of development. I believe that with more encouragement, there will be less deviants; with more praise, we can pull the wavering teenagers into the ranks of our expectations. On the contrary, although criticism can help the educated recognize mistakes, it is psychologically unpleasant. As for crude criticism, it is even more counterproductive. For this reason, it is a good way to adjust the rebellious psychology of teenagers by using less criticism and more encouragement, less reprimand and more praise.

When it comes to students’ puppy love, different people have different attitudes: some advocate a firm ban! The reasons are very good: children are developing physically, but are not yet mature mentally. They have not finished their studies, have not chosen a career, are not financially independent, and are not yet qualified to start a family and have children. Falling in love at this time is still some time away from the legal age for marriage. It is a waste of energy, a delay in learning, and an impact on the future. It is really forbidden. Some people advocate acquiescence, and the reasons are very good: adopting acquiescence is a manifestation of full democracy and full respect for human nature.

It is said that parents in Europe and the United States find that their children in middle school are in love, and often share their happiness with their children, praising their daughters for being "sexy" and praising their sons for being "charming". If their daughters go out to meet a boyfriend on the weekend, their mothers will remind them to "put on a condom" - see prohibition Isn’t it too outdated?

Let’s look at the results of the attitudes of these two people: 1. Those who advocate a firm ban have proven through years of practice: the ban will never end! The incidence of love among middle school students continues to rise, and in some cities it is becoming more common and younger, and in some middle schools there are even signs of it becoming public. Some teachers had to admit: "You can't control someone who loves you, but you can't control them." Some middle school students said, "It's okay if you can't control them, but I want to do it if you prohibit them." Some teachers complained: "There is no reason to prohibit them. "It's because middle school students have early sexual development, and it's because social media is too stimulating with sexual information." Some students said, "Don't blame anything else. The most important reason is that our feelings are not respected, and teachers and parents don't take us seriously." "People!" 2. Those who advocate acquiescence attitude, from the perspective of the psychological needs of middle school students, student love is the first time in life, which is both joyful and uneasy, both happy and painful. The sensitive eyes and suspicious ears of the parties have accepted too much at this time. Environmental cues, many expressions and words left them at a loss. They have grievances that they want to talk about and doubts that need to be analyzed. They really want help that will allow them to neither give up their feelings nor violate social norms. They do crave democracy and respect, but they also crave help and guidance. At this time, the head teacher and parents cannot stand by and watch. Mere acquiescence cannot meet the growth needs of children. Some individual students may become pregnant or have abortions due to their ignorance about sex, causing great physical and mental harm.

To guide students on the issue of puppy love, we must first understand the psychology that causes students to have puppy love:

The first is sexual psychology. Due to their sexual psychology, adolescents like to be close to the opposite sex. When you meet someone of the opposite sex you love, love will arise spontaneously.

Second, it is the psychology of following fashion. The psychological development of middle school students is not yet mature, their social experience and life experience are limited, and they have a strong herd mentality and imitation. The "role models" of love in the mass media and real life have made them want to give it a try. As a junior high school girl wrote in her diary, "Xiaomei and Fang Gan got together, and Jingjing dated Li Jun several times. Seeing that so many classmates in the class were friends, I decided to get along with him. I really want to He, but I don’t know what I see in him. I’m just afraid that I won’t even be able to find friends in the future and will be called incompetent by my classmates.

The third is the psychological sustenance of couples who have been at odds for a long time. Arguing over trivial matters every day, or rushing around for work or worrying about money, often neglect the love between parents and children, leaving children unable to experience the warmth of the family for a long time, and easily leading children to seek sustenance from the opposite sex.

According to students' psychology of early love, a series of educational measures can be taken: first, popularize psychological and physiological classes, explain to students the developmental characteristics of men and women in adolescence, the similarities and differences in the personality and psychology of men and women, and secondly, encourage students to participate in collective social activities. : Spring outings, social practice activities, sports competitions, literary and artistic activities, etc. Third, use thematic class meetings to let students discuss "how boys and girls should interact normally" and issue the "Eight Proposals and Eight Don'ts" rules for male and female students in the school:

1. Contact partners: We encourage male and female students in the same class to interact more. We do not encourage male and female students to interact across classes or grades, let alone across schools or even across industries.

2. Scope of interactions. : Encourage male and female students to interact in groups, and do not encourage male and female students to interact individually.

3. Social occasions: It encourages male and female students to interact within the school, and does not encourage male and female students to interact outside the school, especially in entertainment venues.

4. Communication content: Students are encouraged to communicate more about study, work and other healthy content. It is not recommended to talk about food, clothing, and play.

5. Communication form: Students are encouraged to focus on communication. Spirituality is valued over material things, and students are not encouraged to socialize and give gifts.

6. Social behavior: We encourage male and female students to be civilized and behave appropriately, and do not encourage physical contact between men and women.

7. Guidance on relationships: It is advocated that men and women should take the initiative to listen to the guidance of their elders when interacting with each other, and it is not recommended to interact behind the backs of elders, especially guardians.

8. Real and virtual interactions: It is recommended that male and female students interact in a real environment, and it is not recommended that male and female students interact online.

The fourth is to hold a symposium between student representatives and administration. At the meeting, some students asked: How do school leaders view the issue of students’ first love? The school leaders seized the opportunity to educate on the concept of love: first of all, they affirmed that first love is a very normal behavior during the growth period of teenagers, but they also let students understand that love is the most sincere admiration for both men and women, with the purpose of getting married and building a family, and requiring both parties to bear certain responsibilities. It is by no means a fashionable thing to devote considerable time and energy to moral obligations and social responsibilities. Teenagers who are not yet financially independent and mentally immature are very blind, adventurous and impulsive when they break into the field of love. Falling in love too early can easily distract study energy and delay good study time. Moreover, because teenagers' physical and mental development is not perfect, their social experience and life experience are insufficient to deal with a series of complex emotional problems that arise in early love, and it is easy to act hastily, resulting in Lifelong regret. Therefore, it is recommended that everyone use reason to defeat emotions and let go of unwanted relationships as soon as possible. Or bury this feeling deep in your heart and wait until you grow up and mature mentally to see if there is any possibility of continuing it.

The activities have a great impact on students. A senior girl in high school wrote in her diary: I have been worrying about how to deal with so-and-so’s pursuit these days! After listening to the talk from the school leader, I decided to tell him to bury this feeling deep in his heart and wait until he grows up and matures mentally to see if there is any possibility of continuing it. Haha------

I believe that in formulating love education strategies for middle school students, three prerequisites must be clear: (1) The prerequisites of democracy and respect must be clear. Democracy and respect are the essence of modern education. We gave up the strict prohibition policy not because we were unable to control it, but because the prohibition policy violated the democratic nature of modern education. (2) Clarify the premise of “student development-oriented”. When formulating educational countermeasures, we cannot be satisfied with smooth performance, and we cannot stop at temporary high scores and utilitarian goals such as college entrance examinations. Instead, we must be responsible for the happiness of students throughout their lives and their all-round development. (3) Clarify the prerequisites for the development of the times. The times have advanced, society has opened up, and the subjective consciousness of middle school students has greatly awakened. We must adapt to this trend. We must not use feudal reading glasses to view the interpersonal interactions of the new generation, nor use utilitarian weights to measure student interactions. pros and cons. Our students must adapt to China’s social environment after China’s accession to the WTO, and our children must adapt to the changed realities of marriage and family in China.

Because I use a combination of emotion, reason and rules to deal with the individual phenomenon of students’ puppy love, most students can correctly handle the normal relationship between men and women, and correctly handle the normal relationship between men and women. Distinguish between friendship and romance. So devote yourself to learning. It is well received by parents.