1. A colleague just bought a car. One day when he was waiting at a red light on the road, someone smacked the car window angrily. When the colleague rolled down the window, the man scolded: "Do you know how to drive? I can't see what's going on behind me." The car is going in reverse!” When my colleague saw it, he forgot to pull the handbrake!
2. Making money is like fetching water from a bamboo basket, spending money is like cutting off the water with a knife, income is like summer precipitation, and expenditure is like water from the Yangtze River. Looking at other people’s bankbooks makes your mouth water, and looking at your own bankbook makes your face full of tears. When will you wait? Once you become prosperous, I will treat you to drink mineral water
3. You are a seed that has taken root and sprouted in my heart. I will be happy because you are happy, happy because you are happy, and I will cherish you. You are not allowed to move from your place in my heart in this life or the next!
4. Pay attention, the God of Wealth has cast a spell on you. As soon as you go out, you will be hit by good luck; if you stay at home, wealth will come to your door; if you open the window, money will float in. at home. You can’t hide from it, just accept it!
5. Because of your flawless whiteness, I believe in fate; because your characters are square and round, I believe in justice; because of your special identity, I believe in fate; because of you, I gave up the fragrance. , chose the fishy smell; because of you, I gave up whiteness and chose darkness; because of you, I gave up suffering and chose happiness; only because of you, my life is so regular, see you in the same place, My beloved stinky tofu, remember it.
6. What should I do if the temperature is too high? Take a spin in the pool. What should I do if it’s still hot after the transfer? Take a lick on the ice cream. What should I do if it’s still hot after licking it? Stand in front of the electric fan. What should I do if it’s still hot after standing? Take a look in the air-conditioned room. What should I do if I still feel hot after watching it? There is no other way. It seems that there is only one trick: calming down and naturally cooling down. May you fight against the scorching heat and have a cool summer!
7. I will hold you in the palm of my hand and serve you with all my heart; I will hold you in my arms and raise you with all my heart; I will use all my body and mind to give you the best care: Ding I want to raise you into a cute little fat pig.
8. I am about to graduate from college, and the school is recruiting a lot of people. A certain person has never received any awards in school and is always rejected when applying for jobs. In desperation, I wrote in the column of personal awards: I have won many awards while in school. Master Kong’s “one more bottle” reward.
9. In view of your contribution to our friendship this year, we hereby present you with the Year-End Special Contribution to Friendship Award. The prize is a warm hug and a warm blessing. I hope you will continue to work hard towards the Lifetime Contribution Award in the coming year!
10. I just sent a text message to Xishi: I wish the most beautiful woman in the world happiness every day. Xi Shi felt guilty and passed it on to Diao Chan. Diao Chan felt guilty and passed it on to you. If I had known this, I would have sent it directly to you!
11. Happiness, stop right here! Shouldn't you stay at the home of the person who read the text message? You also need to tell him that there is a friend who has been thinking about him, remind him to take care of his body, and wish him good luck and peace!
12. With a wave of my hand, your worries turn to ashes; with a smile, all your sorrows are thrown away; with a wave of my hand, you are enveloped in happiness; when my text message arrives, happiness follows. Run behind you!
13. Sorrow is a tax on your mood, and worry is a tax on life. To manage your life, you must avoid taxes reasonably. The happy zone is the duty-free zone. Please increase your understanding of friendship coins, use the happy pick-up card, and then smile. Overdraft your credit card, learn to manage your finances emotionally, good luck can be superimposed, happiness can be doubled, and you are the winner in life!
14. The mother bought a parrot for her son. The son asked: Is this parrot male or female? The mother replied: Mother. How do you know? The son asked again. The mother replied: Didn't you see the lipstick on this mouth?
15. My salary has increased, my face is smiling, my waist is strong, I dare to shout when I see acquaintances, I want to taste abalone and bear paws, I dare to go shopping after get off work, I feel itchy and hiccup when I meet the opposite sex. The fight was loud. I didn’t expect prices to go crazy again. Alas, it was all in vain!
16. A man went to the supermarket to buy milk, and was shocked to find that the price of milk had increased, and the increase was exaggerated. So he asked the waiter: Why is it so expensive? The man replied: The price of a cow increases when her husband gets married
17. Let me tell you something, I met a fortune teller that day. He said that I have bad luck this year, but there is a way to solve it, that is, telling a fool about it can eliminate the misfortune, so I sent it to you, fool!
18. Bajie had not returned from Huazhai. At this time, a man who looked exactly like Bajie came over. Sha Seng: Second senior brother is back. Wukong: It’s a monster.
Tang Monk: Send a text message to ask, the one who replies is Bajie, the one who doesn’t reply is the monster
19. The nights are getting longer, the weather is getting cooler, the days are getting shorter, and the leaves are turning yellow. Please take good care of yourself and don't catch a cold or runny nose; send more messages if you have nothing to do to convey our warm friendship; if you sneeze, it's okay, it means that I am thinking of you!
20. Someone posted on a forum and asked: I like a girl at the bank counter. Is there any good way to chase her? Reply: Go save money, then leave without taking the bankbook. She will definitely stop you: Hey, your bankbook! The host looked back and smiled: It’s your bankbook!
21. A girl in the mall was weighing herself on a smart computer. She only heard the computer say: "Your height... weight... is too thin. Please pay attention to your nutrition!" My girlfriend watched After arriving, I had to stand up and try. After standing for a long time, the computer suddenly prompted: "Please line up and get in one by one!"
22. The wolf is a big star in the entertainment industry. The dog came to him and said he was happy to serve him: he brought tea, water, made the bed and folded the quilt without taking any money. The wolf was served comfortably. One day he finally couldn't help it: What's the benefit of doing this? The dog said sincerely: Brother, I also want to learn acting. Let me be your substitute sometime. . .
23. I would like to give you a pure natural supplement, which is mild in nature, does not contain any pigments and additives, is curved in shape, and has the effects of benefiting your energy, nourishing your skin, enhancing your charm, and pleasing your body and mind. Its scientific name is: Smile. Remember to smile always!
24. A homeless man was walking at night and was stopped by a robber. The robber shook his dagger and shouted: Money or life. The homeless man was so frightened that he thought to himself that he couldn't even support himself with one life, so why would he need another life? Why not be honest and ask for money? So the homeless man said to the robber: Give it back. return. Still need money.
25. Let me give you a puzzle, it’s very difficult! Said: Xiao Ming's father has three sons. The eldest is called Da Mao, and the second is called Ermao. So what is the name of the third? If you said his name is Xiao Ming, you are wrong. Of course the third child’s name is Sanmao, because Xiao Ming is a girl. Hahaha. It made me laugh so hard, it’s so interesting!
26. A male colleague joked with a female colleague: I met your husband today and he said he kissed you on the mouth last night. Is that true? The female colleague became anxious when she heard this: He kissed me on the mouth? ! He was bragging!
27. I want to tell you a good thing. I heard that getting married is very cheap now. So, go get married with me and I invite you. How about it? Don’t you feel very honored? , if you don’t let me treat you, then you have no choice but to treat me to McDonald’s!
28. Don’t be sad. When you are sad, I feel sad. My eyes are sad, my mouth is sad, my nose is sad, my hands are sad, and my legs are sad. Sad, every organ in my body from the inside to the outside is really, really, clearly and clearly sad. God, transfer your sorrow to me, and let me grieve for you.
29. The couple was robbed when they went out. The wife was so tough that she drove the robber away. The wife looked at her husband proudly and said, "Awesome, why don't you praise me?" The husband murmured: Wife, you. . . What a man you are!
30. Become a workaholic, strive to shine at work, and have a stubborn and tough energy like that "fighting King Kong". The boss will definitely appreciate the professionalism, but we must also take into account our health and learn from each other's strengths. Great recipe for work!
31. We need to be a smart workaholic and work hard regardless of the workload - when the boss is here; be crazy about work - when the boss is watching; take extra care of the body - when the boss is gone. time. Let’s be smart workaholics together!
32. It is said that money cannot buy time. Well, today I will risk everything. I will sell you all my time in exchange for all your money. Don't refuse, I am doing this voluntarily, prepare the money, I will take my time to find you in the afternoon!
33. In the desert wilderness, you are full of pride, looking up to the sky and roaring, and your voice resonates in the sky. When the song starts, look at the clouds moving in all directions, hold the sword in your hand, and ask who is the hero. Alas, I have advised you to lower your voice many times, but you refuse to listen. Look, you have attracted the wolf now, right?
34. I heard that your return rate has been quite high recently. I was very puzzled, so I secretly took a look at you, only to find out that it was because you had gained weight. You really couldn’t see it all at a glance. Take care of yourself, my friend.
35. That day you went to the street without permission. Some people wanted to hug you, some wanted to take a photo with you, and some wanted you to perform on the street. I understand your feelings, stand up and say loudly: Let’s release this little monkey to nature.
36. When I miss you, I don’t dare to call you, for fear of hearing your voice; the sad thing is that I always miss you, but I can’t always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up the phone and dialed you, hello? Why isn't it you? faint! It turns out that my mobile phone is in arrears!
37. You know, when I miss you, I bite my fingers. Since I fell in love with you and developed this hobby, I have never used nail clippers, and my nails are still very clean. This is the price of love!
38. Dear, if you don’t contact me again, And he didn’t apologize to me and admit his mistake, so I have to ship it! I will send Sister Feng’s package to you. Don’t worry, it’s free of charge and non-refundable! Remember to check on time, I am sending express mail, it will be very fast! Enjoy! Well, let’s see if you dare not contact me in the future!
39. My friend, you deceived me, you know, it deeply hurt my weak heart. You bullied such a good person like me, why are you so bad? Don’t you know what’s going on? Think about it, think about it again! Oops, you really have such a bad memory! You said you would contact me, but why haven’t you contacted me yet? Text me back quickly!
40. The father took his son to take a sauna. The bathtub was very slippery and the child accidentally slipped. He grabbed his father's penis to prevent him from slipping. The father was in pain and cursed casually: Fortunately, you came with me. , If I come with your mother, I will throw you to death.
41. The five principles of life are: Smoking is good for your health, gambling is good for your mind, shaking your head helps you get rid of worries, fighting is good for your hands and feet, and going to bed is good for birding. If you follow these principles, you will live happily until you grow old!! !!!
42. The couple was walking and saw a condom thrown on the road. The wife picked it up and put it in her pocket. What did the husband want with the used condom? My wife was displeased because no one saw her take it home and wash it before using it. Afraid of asking for more.
43. Announcement: Since you have dominated my heart for a long time and made me lose my mind, when my career progresses and my economy improves, I will hold you tightly and escort you to the Civil Affairs Bureau to sign and sign! This text message before Chinese Valentine's Day is a warning to you.
44. Job search! Major: Love. Specialties: Washing dishes and washing pots. Ability: I love you without saying it. Salary requirements: Your sincerity. Ideal contract period: Never change jobs! Chinese Valentine's Day and Happy Valentine's Day!
45. Love is a kind of giving. No matter how wide the galaxy is, I will turn into a Jingwei to fill the sea. No matter how far the journey is, I will be a foolish old man and move the mountains. Even if your heart No matter how strong I am, I will turn into water droplets to penetrate the stone. No matter how annoying you are, I will still grind the needle with an iron pestle to transmit the telegraph. May you be happy in this life. Happy Chinese Valentine's Day.
46. As the Chinese Valentine's Day approaches, I sincerely tell you: It's not your fault that the remaining warriors are left, and don't be sad if you are the remaining guest; what will happen if you fight with the remaining Buddha? The last one is king, and you are not the only one!
47. Not every flower can represent love, but roses do; not every tree can withstand dryness, but poplar does; not every pig can receive text messages, But you did it; not everyone likes pigs, but I did it.
48. Buy roses for yourself, forget it, you will be laughed at; buy chocolates, forget it, you will get fat; light candles, forget it, you have no lover; on Valentine’s Day, I wish you and the loverless Happy Valentine’s Day with me!
49. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: I am in love with you. When the boy asked again, it was still the same, so he had to say sadly: Can't the head be flatter?
50. When I see you, I am afraid of electric shock; when I cannot see you, I need to recharge; without you, I think I will lose power. Loving you is my profession, missing you is my career, holding you is my specialty, kissing you is my specialty!
51. Female: As long as you stop drinking, I will promise you anything. Man: OK, I won’t drink anymore. Woman: Very good. What do you want to promise? Man: Let me have a drink, wife!
52. As Chinese Valentine’s Day approaches, I wish all lovers in the world will finally get married! The majority of leftover men and women must not be discouraged! As the old saying goes: The leftover is king!
53. You and I are both angels with one wing. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly.
I came to the world just to find you. After going through all the troubles to find you, I found: Oh my god! Our wings are aligned!
54. I really shouldn’t waste my good youth in vain, so I have to bravely say to the person I have always loved deeply but she doesn’t love me: Fan Bingbing, let’s break up!
55. Happiness hugs you from behind, happiness kisses the corner of your mouth, sleep trips you up, life smiles at you, health is never late, move your feet easily, smile replaces worries, I wish you to be happy !
56. Remember on Chinese Valentine's Day: Consolidate old lovers, develop new lovers, protect young lovers, beware of insiders. I wish old lovers will not grow old, new lovers will not run away, there will be many young lovers, and insiders will not disturb you! Happy Chinese Valentine's Day.
57. I have been under a lot of pressure recently and am not in a good mood. I have entered a low state. I often suffer from insomnia and anxiety. I have become shy and autistic. I hope that friends who see me can invite me out to eat and sing. , watch movies, drink coffee or something, enlighten me. If you can, give me an S6, Bodhi, gold bars, silver ingots, mutton-fat jade, etc. Use love and tolerance to help me get out of my closed heart, heal my illness without treatment, and let me know that there is still true love in the world...
58. Eat well in the first month, not lose weight in February, piles of meat in March, few people chase you in April, love in May, sit at home in June, get fatter in July, feel inferior in August, 9 There are no measurements in the month, and the rest of October is miserable. Are you still reading text messages? Go lose weight quickly!
59. I really hope that the path has no end, and we can just keep walking hand in hand. Let us walk together through every Valentine's Day in our future lives. Happy holidays!
60. On Chinese Valentine's Day, the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl have a tryst. Man: Sister Weaver Girl, my brother misses you so much, come on, give me a kiss! Woman: Oh my, she is so shy. It would be bad for gangsters to see her. Man: Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid, the gangsters are all reading the text messages!
61. I really want to leave this world with you and live in seclusion in a place with green mountains and clear waters. It's just you and me there, with a green grassland in front of us. When I have nothing to do, I lie on the grass and watch you tenderly... eating grass!
62. The husband said to his wife: Last Valentine’s Day I gave you flowers and you said they were too wasteful and not affordable. This Valentine’s Day I will accompany you to a fashion store? The wife thought she was buying clothes, so she smiled and nodded. The husband then said: Go for a walk and lose weight!
63. Once upon a time, there was a love of Lanaha in front of me, but I ignored it. Now I regret it so much! I want to shout loudly now: I love tiger oil!
64. Dear, yesterday I drank water from the basin and kissed the cat on the mouth unintentionally. I still couldn’t find my way home. It is said that I suffered from cold syndrome. Do you know why? I waited for you to bring hand warmers, and when the weather turned cold, I almost froze to death.
65. The cause of the problem must be found at the root. For example, do you often ask why no one wants you when you are so good? It's probably because you're not good at all. Not only is it bad, it’s also narcissistic.
66. A simple and honest old cow witnessed the myth of love. A wide Milky Way, surging with turbulent love. A romantic magpie bridge entrusts endless lovesickness. See you at the same place on Chinese Valentine's Day!
67. I have a bad character, lack of appearance, low education, and poor qualifications. Besides being my own boss, what other options do I have?
68. Greetings arrive uninvited, sending wild signals of joy; cold loneliness is driven away, the body is warmed and the heart is at ease; troubles are tied into a knot, bad luck is driven away; laughter is fascinating, and there is no happiness at all. Antidote; if you pretend to be serious, I'll throw you a bunch of banknotes!
69. On the night of Chinese Valentine's Day, the Cowherd complained that the Weaver Girl was an unfit mother and gave birth to a child without milk. Weaver Girl said aggrievedly: My child is pitiful. The Cowherd said proudly: Fortunately, I am raising a cow...
70. The theme of the script I wrote for you is: Signal. Protagonist: Me and you. Stage: mobile phone screen.
Scene: Chinese Valentine's Day, I miss you in the distance, press your thumb lightly, my thoughts have been sent, you can receive them when you turn on the phone!
71. Do you have a TV over there? Now hurry up and watch CCTV Zhao Benshan was killed, pol.ice blocked the Northeast, 19 people died, 11 people are missing, and 1 person was deceived!
72. One day in geography class, the geography teacher asked me: What are the four oceans of the earth? I answered: Teacher, you are wrong, it should be the five oceans, namely Pleasant Goat, Beautiful Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Goat and Warm Goat!
73. Today is Chinese Valentine’s Day. Is there someone to go shopping with you? Is there someone to accompany you to enjoy the autumn? Is there someone to accompany you to go boating? Yes, yes, that person is me.
74. I have a very bad temper. One day my classmate stepped on me and I asked him to wait at the school gate after school. When I was taking a walk after dinner, I saw him waiting from a distance, and my anger was mostly gone.
75. On Chinese Valentine's Day, if you have a lover, continue to be sweet. If you don't have a lover, don't be discouraged. If you have a goal, work harder. If you don't have a goal, continue to search. I want a romantic candlelight dinner and a real reunion under the moon. Yuelao sends you a message in a low-key manner, keeping it confidential!
76. I like your big eyes the most, they are so clever and cute. I like your soft hair the most, they are so smooth and shiny. I like your good voice the most, they are so clear and sweet: Meow. Meow meow... If you are happy, remember to forward my message with your soft little hands...
77. The temperature has begun to rise again. I would like to share with you the three best things I have experienced personally. A good way to relieve the heat: First, think about the person you like, and your heart will feel cold! Second, I think about my bank balance, and my heart feels cold... Third, I think about my age, and the cool breeze blows on my back!
78. If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea leaves and you were boiling water, would you brew me? If I were a car and you were the driver, would you drive (marry) me? If you were money and I was a bankbook, I would definitely take (marry) you.
79. Female: Husband! The man was so focused on watching TV that he didn't notice his wife's call. The woman said: Husband, father-in-law! The fierce man turned around: Old lady, what do you want me to do? Before he finished speaking, a pink fist hit his head and face.
80. A lady walked into a store, pointed at the cosmetics and said to the shopkeeper: What is the use of this? The shop owner turned around and called another young woman: Mom, come and let her take a look at your skin!
81. Escaped Bin Laden's surveillance, avoided the crowds of the US election, escaped the violent explosion of the mine disaster, and bypassed the tsunami attack in Southeast Asia. I went through all kinds of dangers just to say to you: Happy Valentine's Day, my friend!
82. I suddenly had a stomachache at work. I ran to the toilet. I just took off my pants and farted. I found that I didn’t bring toilet paper, so I had to put on my pants and ran out to get the paper. Then there was a trap next door. Brother, I said leisurely: This quality is so awesome, I have to come to the toilet to fart...
83. It’s the Chinese Valentine’s Day again, my wife is tasteless, my lover is too tired, and my lady is too expensive. Why not hold a class reunion and break up the couple?
84. Don’t be lazy on Chinese Valentine’s Day. Loving you is inevitable. Kiss your face, throw emotional bombs, hold your hand quietly, release romantic smoke, love will invade and occupy your heart. Chinese Valentine’s Day is coming, listen. I promise: I will love you forever!
85. The man said to his wife: Honey, you will accompany me to watch the World Cup for more than a month. Wife: If you don’t watch it, you’ll have to stay up late and suffer. Man: As long as the Chinese team scores one goal, I will buy you an LV. If you score one goal, I will buy you one. Wife: I love you so much, husband, I do! Wife: It’s been more than a week, why hasn’t the Chinese team played yet?
86. When I came home from get off work at night, I saw a domineering car coming from the other side with high beams on. So I used low beam and high beam alternately to remind him, but the guy didn't bother me and still went his own way. MD, I really want to kill you with an electric car!
87. There are two things that others cannot take away. One is the food you eat in your stomach, and the other is the blessings you hide in your mobile phone. Be a foodie with blessings on your phone, and you will be happy throughout your life!
88. One person buys meat: Boss, one hundred yuan for beef for dogs! Then he said to the people in line: If you don’t mind if I jump in line! The man replied coldly: Of course, since you are so hungry, you can come first.
89. We had dinner together again. This time I became smarter. When we were almost done eating, I pretended to be drunk. As a result, I was shocked to find that these *** were digging into my wallet. Damn, Why don't you die! ! !
90. MM, I wish that on this Valentine's Day: the boss will obey you, the car will let you go, the flowers will smell fragrant to you, the handsome guy will accompany you, and love will be sweet to you - GG I miss you to death !
91. A girl went to the ranch to practice milking, but everyone else milked a bucket, and she only milked a little. She was anxious, and suddenly she said: Miss, you milked in the wrong place!
92. You understand me better than the mirror, you are more knowledgeable than Zhuangzi, and you are wiser than Sun Tzu, so I always call you Jing (Jing) Zhuang (Pretend) Sun Tzu!
93. There are so many bamboo boards. I won’t praise you for anything else. I will praise you for looking like a flower. Although you look like a flower, you have to droop. You can take a bite of Goubuli’s little bun. Can eat three!
94. Fish said: “I open my eyes all the time so that I can’t leave you.” Water said: “I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up. "Guo said: "You're almost done yet you're still so stubborn."
95. Don't worry when you check in at the railway station without any paper. The train will remind you: Wipe your pants, wipe your pants. Pants wipe! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!
96. Although you follow me closely with eager eyes, and although I don’t want to reject you, I still have to say: Little dog, stop following me. I really just have a dog in my hand. White radish instead of the elongated meat buns!
97. I have no intention of falling in love with you, and I am willing to take care of you for the rest of my life. I dreamed of you last night. Your charming beauty made me feel helpless. My heart cannot be calm. I said: I---sent---wrong--!
98. I have never been a thief, but I want to steal happiness for you! I have never cheated anyone, but I want to deceive you for happiness! I have never harmed anyone, but I want to deceive happiness for you. !I have never relied on anyone, but I want to give you peace!
99. Last month, one of my sisters borrowed 1 yuan from me to have plastic surgery. Now I have no idea what he has become. ah! My ￥￥￥
100. The past was called loneliness; the present is called happiness; tomorrow is called expectation; forever is called love; wandering in the vast sea of ??people; waiting for the epiphyllum to bloom again; life is because of you. Wonderful; I love you right now!
101. Do you still remember eating roast duck together? You like to eat duck. As soon as the food was served, you rushed forward and stuffed it into your mouth like an arrow. I whispered: Why can't you see the duck? You pointed to your mouth proudly and said: ***Here.
102. I want to give you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to give you comfort, but I haven’t learned how yet; I want to kneel down for you, but the ring is still in the safe; I can only send you one.
103. A rock singer once sang: Find a girlfriend or get a dog? Today it’s up to the golden bird to say this: have a boyfriend and get a dog at the same time.
104. If you blink your eyes, I will die. If you blink again, I will come to life. If your eyes keep blinking, I will live and die!
Organized by: zhl201704