『1. Independent thinking』

The most successful people are those who are best at independent thinking.

The word independent thinking is overused. However, considering the social nature of human beings living in groups, our thinking is constantly disturbed by various factors. No matter how wise a person is, they dare not say how much independence their thinking has.

But we know that if we cannot think independently, it will reduce the quality of our thinking and make us live under extreme depression and tremendous pressure.

Don’t be depressed, be happy; don’t be stressed, be relaxed and cope with life.

You must master the basic skills of independent thinking.

『2. 7 factors that hinder our thinking』

To learn to think independently, the first step is to figure out what factors hinder our thinking.

The first one is ubiquitous interpersonal control. There are always people who try to control you and expand their living space.

The second is the natural control of the social environment. Human beings are social beings and are naturally affected by the surrounding environment. To realize that today is right but yesterday was wrong is to discover one's previous stupidity as the environment changes.

The third one is the control of daily habits. Inherent habits constitute our way of life, but it is precisely this kind of habit that makes our IQ shrink.

The fourth one is natural emotion control. People are people of true nature, with natural feelings of joy, anger, sorrow, and likes and dislikes. But being too emotional will reduce our rationality and make us slaves to our emotions.

The fifth one is inherent concept control. As people grow up, experiences form daily concepts and solidify our brains. The higher the degree of solidification, the more rigid our thinking becomes.

Sixth, personality control. The higher the degree of socialization of a person, the easier it is for him to adapt to the environment. But this kind of adaptation has an impact on our individuality, so humans naturally have an instinct to resist socialization.

The seventh one is the inherent defective control of the brain. We all understand many things, but the brain doesn't work as you expect. It always follows inherent patterns.

Aware of these obstacles that hinder our independent thinking and regular scanning and retrieval, over time, we will advance our thinking and develop the ability to think independently.

『3.Interpersonal control』

Feng Lun once gave an example. For example, if you accidentally break a traffic law while driving, you should be fined 50 yuan. But the traffic policeman on the scene is your friend. He immediately waved his hand: Brother, I am here to let you go.

Wow, you are so happy. After all, you are your brother. You can save 50 yuan at once and you will be proud! But to save face, you need to pay the bills.

Not long after, the traffic police buddy came to you: Hey, brother, your younger brother and sister are idle at home and have no work. Can they be arranged in your company?

Let’s arrange it, but it will cost an extra thousand yuan a month.

The wife of the traffic police brother arranged to join the company. But within two months, the traffic police called: Hey, buddy, what's going on in your company? Why is the management so chaotic? Your sister-in-law is bullied every day in your company. Isn’t it because her education is low? People with low education are still human beings and have human rights!

Look at this... you have no choice but to talk nicely on the phone to discuss: Look, brother, can we do this? My sister-in-law will not come to the company, but I will keep her salary. I will pay her 24,000 yuan a year!

Feng Lun said: Look, it’s just a matter of 50 yuan. I asked you to do it. I pay 24,000 yuan a year for a big cave, and people are still unwilling to do it.

Why is this? It’s because of interpersonal control.

『4. How to deal with interpersonal control? 』

Some people control others through interpersonal interactions. It's just that I helped you, and you have to help me out of love. But when he helps you, it is a simple effort, or even a generous act, but if you help him, you will fall into a black hole of affairs and often fail to meet the other party's expectations.

Interpersonal control is everywhere.

If you care about face too much, want to please others too much, long for others' approval, are too worried about being despised by others, are too indecisive and dare not refuse when things happen, in short, you are too fragile, you will inevitably become a person of interpersonal control. prey.

How to deal with it?

Start by downplaying your feelings of anxiety, fear, and guilt.

Secondly, you must accept adult business rules, not easily trouble others, and refuse anyone's random requests. All your actions and abilities in this world are valuable, and so are others. Always respect the value of others as well as your own. When this business law becomes your life principle, you will no longer encounter interpersonal control.

『5. Environmental Control』

Interpersonal control is easy to break, but environmental control is more difficult.

There is a video online, showing a group of people outside the clinic, waiting for treatment. At this time, a lady came. She was surprised to find that there was a bell outside the door of the consulting room, which beeped regularly. Every time the bell rang, all the people waiting for treatment stood up and bowed slightly - in fact, these people waiting for treatment were all stooges, arranged by the experimenter to confuse the only experimental lady.

At first, the lady refused to follow the crowd and sat alone. But the ringtone became more and more urgent, and the people around me stood up regularly, becoming more and more nervous and serious. Finally, the lady couldn't bear it anymore, so she stood up and bowed.

In this way, the personnel who induced the experimenters left one by one, while new patients continued to arrive.

Soon, outside the clinic door, there were all real patients. All the patients followed the lady's actions and stood up and bowed when they heard the bell.

This is called the herd effect, also known as the herd effect.

Since childhood, we have lived in a group environment. Our teachers asked us to follow the herd, go to the classroom together, and go to the playground to do exercises together. Those who act independently will be severely punished.

Over time, we have become accustomed to following others - but as we know, those who achieve success are those who refuse to blindly follow others and jump out of the herd effect.

How to break out of the herd effect? It is nothing more than clarifying the difference between real social rules and fantasy. The real rules are nothing more than the boundaries of individual rights - interestingly, the people with the strongest herd effect are the ones who least respect the rights of others. They will think that power is unlimited and personal rights are nothing. But in fact, as long as you realize that power is only exercised within its inherent scope, your mind will become clearer.

『6. Habit control』

The third one is to break through the control of inherent habits.

For example, we are accustomed to saving money. We would rather live far away from the company and run around endlessly every day. We are as tired as dogs, exhausted and exhausted. It may seem like you are saving money, but because you are overtired, you no longer have the energy to study and progress, and you lose more and better opportunities.

Challenge your most stubborn habits every month. Go to places you have never been to and see scenery you have never seen before. Read a book you never imagined you would read and meet unexpected people.

A habit is nothing more than an inherent way of life. Lifestyle changes, habits will naturally change.

『7. Emotional control』

Fourth, you must know what you want and try to get rid of emotional control.

Tsai Kangyong once wrote a passage for those who are trapped in strong emotions:

The school is terrible and the classes are boring. Will you refuse to study and read from now on as a protest? Kill Wrong direction. They fail to teach, that's when they screw up their job. If you refuse to study and read, you are screwing up your life. This is not protest, it is self-mutilation. The object of your protest has no feelings, and you yourself suffer the consequences. Just like if you eat at three bad restaurants in a row, are you going to go on a hunger strike to protest?

I understand the truth. If I can’t do this, how should I achieve nirvana?

Easy to handle, keep one rule in mind: express your emotions, not the expression of them.

For example, you can tell the other person: Your behavior makes me very unhappy, do you understand?

Instead of yelling: What do you want to do? If you dare to do this again, believe it or not, I will slap you... You must remember to let the other party know your emotions, rather than using extreme emotions to provoke the other party to fight.

『8. Inherent concept control』

The fifth one is to break through the inherent concept control.

For example, you firmly believe that the rich are unkind, and suddenly you hear someone say: Did you know that the rich man Zuckerberg is so shameless that he bought a piece of land and went to court to sue to evict the land? Aboriginal people on.

As soon as you heard this, you immediately exploded. Look, I knew Zuckerberg was not a good person. He keeps saying he welcomes refugees, but he wants to drive the poor out of their homes. It is really hypocritical!

When you hear news that is consistent with your own ideas, accept it immediately.

But this news is false.

It cannot be said to be false. The actual situation is that Zuckerberg really sued, and this is true. But in fact, there is only one resident on that site, and Zuckerberg is suing jointly with his only neighbor.

Who are they suing?

The joint lawsuit between Zuckerberg and his neighbors is just a ploy. The purpose is to find out the owners who may have property rights disputes on the land he purchased. Because land property rights are extremely complicated, some people sell land to you and claim that they own all the property rights, but in fact, their seven aunts and eight aunts far away from the ends of the earth may all have partial property rights. If these people are not found, there may be trouble in the future.

But if you want to find these people, it is simply impossible. How do you know who they are and which country they are in? How much equity do you own in the land you purchased?

You can’t find it if you look for it, and you can’t find it if you don’t look for it. Therefore, it is common in the United States to sue and let the court help you find it. If someone is found, then everyone should sit down and discuss quickly to see what should be done about this matter.

What you believe or don’t believe is just an inherent concept.

And your ideas are just the accumulated habits when you were growing up in the past, and there is a big distance between them and the real world.

『9. Concept control』

To break through the control of old concepts, we must maintain a spirit of skepticism.

Once you firmly believe something, you are probably wrong.

『10. Personality Control』

The sixth one is to break through your own personality control.

Human growth is a process of accepting social concepts while confronting them.

The most perfect life is to go through many vicissitudes but still maintain the innocence of the soul. But sometimes, the growth in life is not so ideal. Often, despite all kinds of hardships, one still does not change the stupidity of the past.

To pass this threshold, we must understand human nature. This is commonly referred to as empathy. Stop assuming that everyone is the same as us. They each have their own experiences and difficulties. When your thinking can accommodate different thinking patterns, this level is passed.

『11. Control of inherent defects of the brain』

The last step is to combat the defects of the brain.

The brain has its fixed neural operation mode. We think of others when we see the best, but the brain cannot change its original intention. We vow to gain wisdom and freedom, but the brain still runs in circles within several inherent grooves. Therefore, many people, after swearing for a long time, their brains simply do not cooperate.

This level sounds very difficult.

But actually, this level is the easiest. As long as you remember the three infinite loops when the brain is running, you will be fine:

The first infinite loop: the brain is obsessed with everything inherent in us to the extent that it cannot stop itself;

The second infinite loop: the brain doesn’t pay much attention to what we gain, but it keeps looping around what we lose;

The third infinite loop: the brain uses itself as the measure of all things, everything Focus on yourself.

Even the most intelligent people go around these three traps every day.

But a wise person knows that he is in a ditch and will face his mistakes with a smile. But people who are alienated from wisdom have difficulty realizing that they are wrong.

『12. Independent thinking is a process』

Repeat the previous content and gain the ability to think independently, which requires roughly passing seven levels:

The first is breakthrough Interpersonal control,

The second is to break through environmental control;

The third is to break through habit control,

The fourth is to break through emotional control;

The fifth is to break through the control of ideas,

The sixth is to break through the control of personality,

The last is to have a long-term confrontation with the natural deficiencies of the brain.

At this point we can understand that the so-called independent thinking is not a solidified state, but a continuous process.

Every wise man must make mistakes. Even if he has the ability to think independently, if he is not careful, he will fall into the pit of interpersonal control or emotional control and think that is not so independent. .

What state must be reached before we can have a glimpse of the realm of independent thinking?

The answer is uncertain.

What is certain is that the longer you think about this aspect and the deeper you immerse yourself in it, the clearer your brain will become and the faster your thinking will become. Your life and career will become easier and easier. On the contrary, the opposite is true.

If you want to become a person with high emotional intelligence in interpersonal relationships, you need to learn to understand feelings and know how to communicate. How to truly achieve this ultimately depends on clarifying these four key questions:

How to improve your emotional sensitivity and truly understand the other person’s feelings?

How to control communication with high emotional intelligence and make people feel appropriate and comfortable?

How to gain trust quickly and build good relationships with ease?

How to chat with anyone and become a popular person?