What is the driving force for two people to fall in love and find a partner that leads them to finally live together and maintain it that way? I guess most of the answers should be emotional answers like "love each other", "get along", "he (she) will be good to me". Now I want to put aside these and look at the union of two people from a rational perspective. The problem, of course, is that first of all, it may seem a little impersonal, and secondly, real life will never be driven by pure rationality, just like the "ideal gas" in physics class.
From a game theory point of view, the final combination of two people focuses on the contrast of interests between the two parties. Let's take a simple example first. Suppose I have a family property of 5 million, and you only have a family property of 500,000. According to the current law, after we get married, the property will be owned by both husband and wife. 275w per person, this is obviously a disadvantageous exchange for me, at least in terms of property.
In this case, the most ideal situation is equivalent exchange, that is, "a good match." The interests of all parties are safeguarded without any loss, social resources are effectively allocated, and a Pareto advantage state is achieved. This is why in life we ??often see strong alliances and talented men marrying beauties, while a female doctor marrying a migrant worker will only become sensational news. But from the perspective of society as a whole, this will intensify the Matthew Effect and hinder social fairness. In addition, most people in the lower classes will not be content with this combination, so we need to find ways to change the status quo.
The combination that is beneficial to you is of course to use less to win more, use small to gain more, and use your existing conditions to win the best possible partner. In this game, the financial resources, power, education, connections, and even appearance, health, body, age, etc. of both parties may become their bargaining chips. I think there are several ways to achieve a satisfactory marriage. .
First, the safest way is to work hard to improve your own value! Each of us has many characteristics, but not all of them will be recognized by the current mainstream social values. For example, in the 1960s and 1970s, it was the red and professional workers’ sons and daughters who gained recognition from society. Many children of cadres were vying to find soldiers to marry. In the 1980s, society began to value intellectuals, advocate emancipation of the mind, and freedom of thought. At that time, if young people did not write poetry, they would be regarded as monsters, just like you do not surf the Internet now. When we improve our self-worth, the first thing we should do is to have a correct judgment on the current and future mainstream value orientation of society. If you are popular and expert or don't like red clothes and weapons, you will be regarded as crazy. On the other hand, if If you are a fund manager, I believe you will attract a lot of admirers. In addition, today's proud people may not be so prosperous in the next ten years, so at the same time, we must have a long-term perspective. We must know that the marriage certificate you signed will determine the rest of your life. Indefinite contract!
Secondly, change can change. For example, people search for beauties online all day long, but not all women can become beauties. It is not easy for most women to become beauties. Plastic surgery requires investment, and makeup is not fundamental. Tao, the most important thing is that beauty is an asset that has limited vitality for women, and it is not a smart deal for men to marry a pure beauty. In addition to appearance, body shape, age, which are not easy for us to change, there are many things we can change, such as improving personal abilities, charm, education, academic ability, communication skills, persuasion, judgment, etc., as well as power, financial resources, Influence! Why are so many men in their forties so popular? That's because while their personal inner qualities are approaching the peak of their lives, their external age and appearance are not yet considered by others to be the father of the woman next to them. Therefore, men at this time are a dangerous item for marriage. To sum it up, it’s what Kai-Fu Lee said – be the best version of yourself!
Second, the most speculative way is to increase others’ expectations of oneself. Marriage is a futures trade! When we value a person, we are actually optimistic about her (his) future. Your relationship with the other person only lasts a few years, or only a few months or even a few days, but from the day you get married, you have to commit yourself to the other person. In the next few decades of life, and you have never had a serious life with her (him) before (don’t talk about cohabitation with me, it is far from the elements of marriage), you have no way of knowing what the other person will be like in a few years. Whether you are wealthy or begging for food, you cannot know whether the other person will be gentle or indifferent to you in a few years. You may not know his past, but you cannot not care about his future, because this is the realization of your investment. In the longest futures trading, you are buying the other party or your mutual future! What you can do is to make reasonable expectations about him based on the existing information you have. A rich family means more ideal material conditions, a higher level of knowledge means more and more generous employment opportunities, and a stable job means With a long-term source of income, having nothing means being prepared for the northwest wind. There are always countless possibilities before a person realizes his future. In this case, we are allowed to speculate. This is also our operating idea. What we have to do is to strengthen the good expectations and make the other party believe in his positive possibilities.
You may not have a millionaire fortune, but you cannot have a enterprising mentality. You may not have a high-level job and a high salary, but you cannot have a down-to-earth and diligent style! You may not be Kai-Fu Lee now, but you must make others believe that you can become Kai-Fu Lee! This is the key and the bottom line - if you are on the weak side with a huge disparity in interests, this is already the bottom line for the strong side to accept you. Remember that futures trading is also a risky trade. Send a word, pretend to be the best B!
Third, the most effective way is to take advantage of the situation. In the comparison of interests between two people, not only the above-mentioned hard capital will become your bargaining chip, but sometimes personal personality and hobbies will also become their respective bargaining chips. For example, if you are married to Bill Gates, if you get married now, you will probably not marry the second richest man in the world (assuming they are of the opposite sex), because you do not expect to improve your asset status through the other person, so at this time you You may want to use the other person to improve your own happiness, or you may want to make your life more meaningful through the combination of the two. In the same way, we often see the combination of rich people and political circles in life. One party hopes to improve its social status through the other party, while the other party hopes to improve its economic status, or the rich and the underworld seek asylum by marrying, etc. If the characteristic that the other party is looking for happens to exist in you, for example, if you happen to be the leader of the underworld, then it will become your bargaining chip in the comparison of interests. The more chips you have, the greater your chances of winning. Your purpose is to make up for the non-existent or deficient characteristics of the other party's value orientation. Of course, the right to speak about this characteristic lies in the hands of the party with relatively stronger overall strength. If the two parties are evenly matched, there is still room for mediation. After understanding this, the only thing left to do is to work hard to cultivate or express these characteristics. Of course, this is not a foolproof strategy, and this is an obvious buyer's market. If you change the target, these characteristics may be worthless immediately. For example, if you are old and confused, If you try to seduce a high-ranking official's daughter as a young man, it's likely that there won't be much sales. So again, pretend to be the right person!
The actual situation is definitely not that ideal, because not everyone is extremely rational, and it is difficult for people to remain rational at all times. We still have many times when emotions overcome reason, and these times often lead to If you make a mistake, you will pay a heavy price for it. In "Lust, Caution", Tang Wei's momentary act of sensibility cost the lives of six people, including himself. I hope that such a scene will only appear in movies.