Although you had difficulties at home after you were born, you didn't abandon you. Despite the bad conditions, you managed to raise you. I had an accident, but I survived. I found a decent job and recovered from a serious illness. Work is relatively leisure, and you can play gambling when you have time. When gambling, you won't get deeper and deeper because of the occasional petty profit and lose everything. Parents care about you and introduce you to women. When the company has business problems, you leave in time. Even if you are unemployed, you still have spare money to buy futures. Although you can't see clearly, you are not blind. Farming has chosen the most potential place, and even the government is willing to develop it. With such luck, what are you thinking about suicide? Live in a down-to-earth manner, and the good days are yet to come.