In the early 1970s, I was born in a military family in northern Jiangsu, with three brothers, and I was the second. When I was a child, my family's economic conditions were not very good. I can only eat meat once a week, which is called "improving my life", but I didn't feel bitter at that time and thought that life should be like this. My childhood was spent fighting happily with my brothers.
My parents have always regretted losing the opportunity to go to college. "I must go to college", this ideal was imperceptibly planted in the hearts of our three brothers by my parents when I was very young, and became the original motivation for my later study.
In the second grade of primary school, because of myopia, I couldn't see the blackboard clearly, and I was often criticized by my teacher for not listening carefully. But at that time, I didn't know I should tell my parents and teachers that I couldn't see the blackboard clearly. I just knew it was "myopia". This state continued until the third grade. At this stage, my exam results are very poor, and I am often criticized by teachers and parents. I feel that my classmates also look down on themselves, and my self-confidence has been greatly hit. This became the first setback in my life.
It was not until a conversation with my father later that he found out the reason, gave me glasses and found the class teacher to communicate. The anxious look in my parents' eyes at that time is still fresh in my mind. Soon, my grades came up and I was in the top ten in almost every exam. The teacher's praise and the love in my parents' eyes have restored my confidence, and my life is still full of sunshine.
Junior high school has been admitted to provincial key points and continues to be a good boy in the eyes of teachers and parents with good grades. At that time, seniors admitted to Tsinghua and Peking University were often invited back to school to give reports on their learning experience. Seeing them surrounded by many admiring eyes under the podium, I was envious. The simple goal of "going to college, becoming like them and returning to my alma mater" is becoming clearer and clearer.
Although most of the motivation factors at that time came from the external evaluation, it still injected great impetus into my study and growth. And learning is a very happy thing for me, because of the "goal" motivation and successful experience. In addition, because of my good grades, I often have the patience to help my classmates answer questions, and my experience in peer communication has been relatively successful.
Until the second year of high school, I met the second setback in my life. The solution and repair of this setback still depends on "goal motivation" and parents' love.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I chose science, because my classmates and teachers around me thought I got better grades in science, and the number of students enrolled in science universities was larger, so I was better than liberal arts. They all thought I should study science. However, I really hope to apply for English major and dream of working in diplomacy or foreign trade in the future. But I didn't realize the value and significance of this dream to my life at that time, so I followed the crowd and chose science.
As a result, the inner conflict caused by this choice finally caused serious consequences: soon after the second year of high school, the weariness of learning began to arise and gradually increased, and often caused headaches. I go to bed or read martial arts novels as soon as I have a physics and chemistry class. My grades in science have dropped sharply, my work has been listless, and my self-confidence has been seriously frustrated. My parents didn't blame me blindly, but after careful understanding, they helped me to go through the formalities of suspension from school. After dropping out of school, all the psychological stress and symptoms disappeared at once.
During the nearly one-year suspension, I began my first in-depth self-reflection in my life. All along, I live in the expectation of others, and the self-evaluation system is basically based on external factors such as parents' expectation, classmates' envy and teachers' love, and lacks independent value judgment standards.
This "drop-out incident" made me realize that I want to "do what I like" and I should have my own values. I shouldn't go with the flow, go with the flow, and my self-concept gradually becomes clear in reflection.
Through such reflection, my learning goal becomes more and more clear and becomes a conscious and internal goal, instead of pursuing the satisfaction of external evaluation factors. In the second half of the suspension, the desire to go back to school is getting stronger every day. After dropping out of school, with the consent and support of my parents, I chose liberal arts again according to my own wishes, and finally I was admitted to the university with ideal results.
Thanks to my parents, they don't know psychology, but they help me regain my confidence by the most intelligent means, get through the first psychological difficulty in my life, and let me really start thinking about the meaning and self-worth of life for the first time.
College entrance examination is an English major in finance and economics. The former goal of "going to college" under the tree has been achieved, but I don't realize that I have to make a new plan for my life and establish my life goals in the new stage. Therefore, what follows is the hesitation and confusion of losing the goal again. Four years of college are basically spent in this state. This lack of life goals and directions later led to my career development being very unstable for about six years after I graduated from college.
When I graduated, I "naturally" entered a central foreign trade enterprise and stayed in Beijing according to the psychological hints I have been cultivating. At that time, I didn't know to plan my career carefully. After working in this foreign trade enterprise for less than half a year, I jumped into a central financial trust and participated in the preparatory work of this financial institution. Later, because of the good opportunity and good performance, I became the department head in the second year, which is one of the fastest growing graduates in the same session.
This seemingly easy success has led to a sharp expansion of one's self-confidence and completely overestimated one's ability, but I didn't realize at all that most of these achievements and honors are the result of the halo effect of social role status. So when the national macro-control policy began to affect the trust industry in 1997, I suddenly found myself hitting a wall everywhere. The project that I used to be able to solve easily began to become so difficult, which became the first setback in my career.
Regrettably, in the face of this setback, I failed to make a correct attribution. I came to the conclusion that "this industry has reached its limit and it is time to change careers", instead of thinking deeply from the perspective of financial innovation. In fact, many colleagues who have persisted in this industry have made great achievements now.
Next, from 1998 to 200 1, I began to "jump ship" frequently, and successively engaged in securities, futures and capital operation industries.
Reflecting on the root cause of every job-hopping, it is basically due to the lack of long-term career planning and life goals, failure to learn to deal with setbacks, and failure to understand the strength and value of persistence. When encountering setbacks, they will unconsciously seek external attribution, thinking that changing the environment will improve. Although we have some economic accumulation and some successful experiences, in terms of self-evaluation, due to the lack of goals, we have never found a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment in realizing self-worth.
Until 2002, by chance, I was lucky enough to come into contact with psychology, and started to work with an old professor from the Institute of Psychology of Chinese Academy of Sciences to promote teenagers' learning strategies, and set up an institution to promote psychological achievements and train teenagers' learning ability and learning strategies.
In the past five years, I have attended postgraduate courses in educational psychology, group counseling, hypnosis and other courses, and participated in some personal growth workshops. In this process, I learned, reflected and grew up, and really realized the happiness of helping others and growing up. And gradually recognize yourself, establish your own life goals, learn to face setbacks correctly, understand the value of persistence and its significance to a successful life, realize the psychological attribution mode of "external attribution" when you are in adversity for a long time, and consciously get rid of it.
"Helping more people grow up happily" has become my life mission. In the process of realizing this mission, I feel more confident, happy and satisfied than ever before, which makes me realize more and more deeply that all my past experiences will become valuable assets in my career development and life. The goal is the compass of life and the energy source of motivation. A successful and happy life is based on clear and definite goals. Correctly treating life setbacks and learning to persist are the only "shortcuts" to achieve life goals. Successful people are more persistent than success!
Second, career prospects
According to my current work and business, I hope to have further development in the training and counseling of teenagers' learning strategies and the industrialization of psychology.
The growth of teenagers involves many factors, especially systematic problems such as family upbringing environment and school education environment. However, the reality is that as a mentor, it is difficult to make a difference in the system.
Therefore, the focus of counseling can only be on helping teenagers gain greater internal growth energy. Among them, it is more effective to directly start with the learning of the clients, improve their learning ability and academic performance, find back their self-esteem and self-confidence and find back the happiness of growth through effective counseling and training. Therefore, the cultivation of teenagers' learning ability and learning strategies will continue to be my focus.
At the same time, out of my professional interest in the financial industry, I began to pay attention to the progress in behavioral economics, financial psychology and other fields in recent years, and there should be a lot of industrialized things to do in this respect.
In addition, China's psychological counseling has just started, facing the dual needs of rapid development and standardized management. In promoting the standardized development of psychology industrialization, I will also keep the greatest concern and do my best.