1, ask a question that makes the other person comfortable.
On the one hand, don't ask questions that can be answered in one sentence. Why? After the other party answers a sentence, the conversation ends. He will feel that he is a conversation terminator and even has the responsibility to find a new topic to continue the conversation, which will make the other party very uncomfortable.
For example, someone asked me, "Have you read Red and Black?" I said, "No." He asked again, "Have you read Dumas?" I said, "No." Immediately, I felt like a fool. I thought: Should I say something else? What else would he think of me? Alas!
So, a better question should be: "What kind of books do you usually bring when you are on vacation?" You see, this kind of problem is not much better?
Compare the following two different chat methods: chat terminator and questioning method, a chat expert.
This is the first aspect of a good chat. Ask open-ended questions, not "yes" or "no" closed-ended questions.
On the other hand, don't ask too wide and deep questions. For example, someone once asked me, "What do you think of the trend of house prices?" I felt pressure at once. He threw me a systematic question and I didn't have the strength to answer it. So this person's better question is: "What is the trend of house prices in your place in the last year?" This is a problem that makes people feel comfortable. This kind of problem is weak when it is weak, and strong when it is strong. I can answer it in any way. I will feel very relaxed.
Note that the skill of this way of asking questions is not a closed question that prohibits you from asking yes or no, but a requirement: you should ask questions that will allow him to play freely.
In practice, closed questions and open questions are often used interchangeably.
What do you mean by interspersed use? Suppose you ask me an open-ended question that puts me in a dilemma: "What is the trend of house prices in your place in the last year?" I replied: "In the second half of last year, it generally rose by more than 15%." In order to keep the rhythm of the conversation going back and forth, you can follow my words and ask a closed question: "Do locals buy more or do foreigners buy more?" I replied: "outsiders buy a lot, and northerners should be the most." ……"
See, this is the problem of using openness and closure in free penetration. The key is that in a group of conversations, you should be able to ask questions that let the other person play freely and advance and retreat freely.
Step 2 Ask and answer questions
Usually we respond to questions thrown by others by asking and answering. If you can extend the answer to the other person's question and say some other information related to the answer, this is "one question and two answers"
For example, when Ruan Cishan, the famous mouth of Phoenix TV, met John Key, the new Prime Minister of New Zealand, his first sentence was: "I heard that your arm was injured. Are you better now? " The Prime Minister smiled and said, "Nothing." People who can't chat may think that this has answered the question. But the prime minister is a good conversationalist. He didn't finish, but went on to say, "I was celebrating the Spring Festival of the Year of the Ox in China, and I accidentally slipped, supported the ground with my hands and broke it. They gave me a plaster, and the money from this plaster auction was donated to a charity foundation. " This is a typical question and answer. The Prime Minister threw out so much information at once that it was easy for Ruan Cishan to pick up the conversation.
If you are a conversationalist with the habit of asking and answering questions, the other person is really relaxed. When the other person asks you, "Do you like rainy days?" You can answer "I like it", but you can actually add "My boyfriend and I met on a rainy day. If the drizzle is accompanied by Jiangnan water town, it is very artistic. " When the other person asks you, "Will it be so cold in your hometown?" If you answer "not so cold", you can actually add "this winter is really rare in our place. However, I am wearing a hot suit today, and the latest technology seems to be really hot on me. "
This is the second skill: ask and answer.
3. Listen carefully, and then expand.
The third skill is: listen carefully, then expand, expand, expand, and the material you expand comes entirely from what he says.
Expanding ability is based on real listening. If you can put the other person's words into yours. If you can, the other party will immediately feel concerned. But some people listen, just waiting for their chance to speak. Some people's listening skills stay at a very elementary level, such as nodding while listening, repeating his last words, or looking into each other's eyes, and so on. Please forget all these skills. When a person is really listening, he doesn't need to deliberately show these listening skills.
Chatting is talking on the basis of listening. Chatting is a technology to expand keywords. The so-called extended keyword is: after the other party has finished a paragraph, you don't want to summarize or concentrate. Summary centralized closing. What you need to do is to use your divergent and jumping thinking to grasp the key words in the original information and expand a bunch of new information.
In that crowded situation, the other party simply can't understand the logic of every sentence. Like you, he heard a bunch of keywords. When he heard his sensitive keywords appear, his body and mind shook and the conversation continued.
Therefore, people who can chat are good at quickly grasping the looming information points thrown by the other party, expanding, expanding and expanding. Although everyone at the scene was talking and laughing, in fact, everyone seemed calm like a duck swimming in the water, but under the calm water, the flippers were flapping desperately. Everyone is desperately playing extended games.
In this question and answer, the stranger slowly became a friend. Chatting is an extended game. Don't make a long speech in small talk. If you really have sharp and profound opinions, blog.
These are the three basic skills that run through every social chat. However, skill alone is not enough. To carry out an interesting social chat, we need two important psychological hints: "I am the host" and "We are friends who have never met". This kind of mental state will make your atmosphere fully open, turn passive into active, and let the other party relax during the conversation and feel concerned. Wow, you are the only party celebrity.