A standard comes from the future, because the times are constantly changing, and modern people are actually short-sighted. When we think about this problem, we should realize that there must be some important qualities that can be changed with constancy.
Adults are often limited to their immediate needs. They are eager for quick success and quick success. In the rapid development of China society, people have been far away from Walden Lake and quiet happiness. The so-called happiness of being "human" seems so empty that people should keep their eyes on their feet and meditate on the "law of the jungle"
Another criterion comes from happiness, but the significance of discussing happiness and life seems too grand, and it is too simple to discuss what to do at that age. So we can talk about "success" and the joy brought by "success"
So what is important?
Some problems are hidden, which may make you suffer invisible losses;
Some problems are fatal and may cause you heavy losses;
Some problems are so common that they are deeply rooted in our times and a wide range of people.
We are oppressed, never dare to show ourselves, care too much about external evaluation, never dare to make up our minds, "shameless", eager for quick success and instant benefit, lacking patience, and never have the persistence and determination to do things well.
To cultivate a successful child, you should have the following qualities:
First of all, have full self-awareness.
I am good enough and important enough, so I have the right to cry, the right to laugh, the ability to refuse and object, I can make my own decisions, and I can naturally express everything. I can do anything because I know I am good enough.
This seemingly simple first step is actually very difficult. As we all know, people who can do things are confident. The so-called self-confidence is the individual's view of himself. However, in today's society and family, parents are worried, teachers are strict and competition is fierce. Carelessness will affect the establishment of children's self-confidence, what's more, some parents can't get dignity in the workplace and family, and all the shortcomings are made up by children. In this way, children naturally feel that they don't want to express, don't want to talk, they are not important, and finally feel that they are "not good enough", which is the biggest regret and mistake.
It can be expressed in the family now, and can only be expressed in the society in the future. Girls are not allowed to "SAO" and boys are not allowed to "cry". These seemingly reasonable words are depriving children of their right to express themselves.
As a parent, please respect all the rights of your child, treat him as an equal with you, respect his feelings, emotions and words, allow him to oppose you, resist you, allow him to reject you, restrain his desire for control, and allow him to laugh and cry happily. The child's feelings belong to him. Never please and serve you. Never pretend to be strong in front of children, let alone make them afraid of you, and win their heartfelt intimacy and love.
Secondly, on the basis of inner strength, on the level of success, shrink yourself.
In order to do things well, my ego can be lowered, and my ego can be less important at this moment.
Children should know that I am insignificant, I am not afraid of evaluation, I am nothing.
In modern families, many people regard children as the apple of their eye, and they don't want to experience any setbacks or adversity. They oppose schools and teachers from time to time, which makes teachers nervous. As children of ordinary people, the so-called "the prince is guilty of the same crime as Shu Ren" does not need to be specialized or treated differently. Recently, the case of "secretary's daughter" widely circulated on the Internet may be an ironic example.
Even if they are really treated unfairly or unfriendly, parents should pay attention to cultivating their children's "shock", which can withstand criticism and certain setbacks and pressures.
Some time ago, graduate students were bullied by tutors, which led to frequent cases of jumping off buildings. Parents should not only feel sorry for the absolute power and freedom of college tutors, but also reflect on the major shortcomings in supporting, guiding and cultivating their children during their growth.
In the final analysis, we still have to hold the view of "de-authoritarianism". No one, whether teachers, leaders or parents, has the right to criticize and bully you at will. Everyone needs to win respect with actions, and learn to resist and struggle when they can't win.
Moreover, in the process of cultivating children's growth, "self" is not so important, but a tool to achieve "goals". Because my heart does not need external feedback to confirm, my heart, in my early years, has been confirmed.
The events in Jiang Wen are regrettable. If a person is strong enough inside, he can be "cheeky", then he will naturally say "I am not great" or "I am great". He doesn't care much about the evaluation of the outside world and does his own thing with peace of mind. The important thing is: "I want to achieve my goal. "He knows that he is not important and doesn't need to care about other people's eyes (in fact, no one really cares about you).
My favorite Ms. Li Yinuo, the head of the Gates Foundation in China, once said:
"Life is like a play, it all depends on acting. When you open your eyes, you are the mother, and you have to coax the children. The company is a leader. You have to deal with thorny problems quickly, call your mother, report good news but not bad news, interview you with the media and know that people are waiting for the institution behind you, dressed beautifully and decorated well. 20 years old, very personal. I think I want this and that. I am simple and stubborn. It's all superficial efforts, which touched me and made no sense to the world. Don't take yourself too seriously The important thing is, it's not without principles, but it's not about you.
If you want to say it, you have to say something. If you are in trouble, you should ask for help. Entrepreneurship is all kinds of challenges. You can solve the problem by repairing the plane while flying it. Look at the clouds stepping on the mud. Don't always think about the tip of the iceberg, think more about the earth under your feet. "
Enoch is a professional woman I admire very much. She tried to take a step forward, at the same time, she put herself down, regarded herself as a tool and tried her best to do things well. I only care about whether things can be done, whether it is worth doing, whether the posture is good or not, and slowly transform the little girl's things. Being born with one foot, joining the WTO with one foot and being a real idealist are all the most realistic.
Finally, will and behavior:
Perseverance, concentration and patience. Be peaceful and powerful, still water is deep. This is the simplest truth, but it is not easy to do it.
We hope that children will not always shout or give up halfway, otherwise their talents may be abandoned.
Director Akira Kurosawa once said to young people: "Boring writing must become your second nature, but the most basic thing is to be patient and write one word at a time. Too many people lack such patience. If you can sit down and write quietly all day, then you can write 3-5 pages. Stick to it and you can write hundreds of pages. I don't think young people nowadays know this trick. They want to finish at once and climb patiently step by step, just don't look up, but concentrate on the road under their feet. I told my deputy directors that if they gave up once, it would be all over.
As a parent, I actually understand that focusing on the silence of the moment is itself happiness and reward; Not being disturbed itself requires the protection of parents.
Take myself as an example. My writing started with the smallest and shortest film reviews. Over the past year or so, I have written 65438+ ten thousand words on the network platform. At first, I was very anxious, worried about poor writing and low reading. Learning copywriting for a while and writing chicken soup for a while are always obsessed with external feedback. I'm so anxious and thirsty that I can't seem to hold on any longer.
Later, I got more and more encouragement and recognition, but I personally look down on them. Maybe my job is just for myself, to care about the people who love me, and maybe I can leave it to my son in the future. So what does it matter whether I write well or read much? What I really care about is whether I think, whether I am sincere and whether I express myself.
One weekend afternoon, I made an appointment to go out, but I forgot the time because I was immersed in writing. As soon as I looked up, it was getting late and my outing was cancelled. However, I feel a kind of calm and immersed happiness. I finished my writing and work. There is a good saying: "writing is to turn over again, turn over yourself and turn over others." This is why we love writing. " It is experience, opportunity and life itself that devotes oneself to writing.
If your child is concentrating on something, whether it is polishing shoes or playing with soap bubbles, please don't interrupt his present happiness, which will also affect his future lifestyle. Get things done slowly and peacefully, from writing a composition to completing a business project. The joy of this achievement will attract him.
Being firm in heart, resisting external interference and keeping calm and safe at the same time are bound to achieve success and happiness.
Knowing these truths makes me clear and happy. I think parents' own life and work actually conform to these laws. As Rousseau said in Walden, "We are busy and live hard every day, but we always lose something unconsciously.". Sometimes, all we need is a quiet heart. "
Energy from passion and love will naturally emerge and gurgle out between breaths. This is a temperament that haunts the whole body from belief to pursuit. Let's try our best to cultivate our children into people who are full of energy and love, have no distractions, have deep still waters and can accomplish things.