Author | Hu Xiaoyao

The topic we are going to talk about today is that the most important step in life planning is to know yourself.

in 2 BC, the ancient Greeks carved "know yourself" as an inscription on the doorpost of the temple of Apollo. Socrates, the great thinker of ancient Greece, even regarded this sentence as the motto of his life. Just like the historical origin of this sentence, it is profound and endless in itself.

knowing yourself is a great project, because it means knowing what kind of person you want to be and what kind of mission you want to achieve. The former is to be a man, and the latter is to do things. Therefore, only when a person knows himself clearly can he become adept and calm in dealing with others.

To fully understand ourselves, we must be a conscientious person in life, constantly reflect on our words and deeds, constantly sum up what kind of person we are, and find out our strengths and weaknesses. Self-observation is a prerequisite for self-education and self-improvement. It includes three aspects: first, the observation of one's own appearance and physical condition, including appearance, demeanor and health status; The second is the observation of self-image, which mainly includes the words and deeds in the environment and the ability to adapt to society. The third is the observation of one's own spiritual world, including one's own personality characteristics, hobbies, political attitudes, moral and intellectual level.

The following is analyzed from seven aspects:

First, observe yourself from a bystander's perspective

Give an example:

Williams, who graduated from Harvard University, is a senior engineer who develops game software. In one year, he changed three jobs, but he was not satisfied. Once, he happened to meet a software developer on the plane, and he was about to change his fourth job, so he chatted with the boss.

Williams talked eloquently about his ideal. I want to develop the most popular game software in the world, and I have been talking about not finding anyone who really appreciates me because of my talent. After listening to Williams' talk, the boss was very interested in him and immediately invited him to join his team.

However, Williams' new job ended after three months as usual. His boasting can't hide his shortcomings and disadvantages of not paying attention to practical operation. When the boss realized this fact, he resolutely dismissed him. However, he still didn't understand why he was abandoned again. So he returned to his alma mater, Harvard University, and sought comfort from his former mentor, Professor Andrew.

Professor Andrew said to him, "When you feel that you are underqualified and in great pain, have you ever thought about it carefully? Is your talent really as high as you think?" Are you really qualified for those imaginary jobs? If you meet the first person who doesn't appreciate you, the other person is as blind as a bat, and you are unlucky to meet the second person who still can't see your talent. Then, when the third, fourth or even hundredth person you meet still doesn't value you, whose problem is this? " Hearing this, Williams suddenly realized and bowed his head in shame.

in fact, more often than not, it's not that others don't give you a chance, but that you don't see your own strength clearly. Therefore, only by observing and evaluating ourselves objectively and fairly from the perspective of a bystander can we have a correct understanding of ourselves.

So, you know now that to learn to be your own bystander, you should not only discover your emotional changes in time, but also give yourself correct guidance as a bystander. What you have to do is not to be a bystander, but to be an enthusiastic bystander. Because you are helping yourself, what do you have to save yourself?

Second, accept your imperfections

In The Boston Globe, there was a message from a Harvard professor to graduates, one of which was: "Don't pursue perfection excessively, and don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Life is not just work and study, it has many, many things. " The professor wants to tell people that they don't have to demand perfection in everything.

For example:

herbert simon, a famous American social activist and professor of psychology, once said, "The best is the enemy of the good." To this end, he told his own story. When he was very young, he once scratched his exercise book in order to correct a word in his homework repeatedly. Finally, he had to change a new exercise book and rewrite the completed homework, which took him half a day. To this end, he was distressed and couldn't find what was wrong. At this time, grandma told him a story: a fisherman caught a pearl from the sea, and he was very happy. However, to his regret, there is a small black spot on the pearl. The fisherman thought, if I remove this little black spot, wouldn't this pearl be perfect? So he scraped off a layer of pearls, but he was dismayed to find that the black spots were still there. So he scraped off another layer, but the black spots were still there. In this way, he continued to scrape until the black spots disappeared, but the pearls no longer existed.

People often feel that the water lily is lying in the muddy marsh, which really doesn't reflect the noble identity. I don't know that without the mud, the water lily will sleep forever, let alone what is noble and beautiful. Defects and beauty coexist, and your defects may be exactly your advantages, but also an important and even indispensable factor to enhance your image.

The most common misconception that people walk into is "act like others". People who are not confident, in particular, always look at others with great respect and admiration, and always think that they are inferior to others. Such a person can't accept his present situation from the heart, let alone accept himself, because he thinks he is imperfect and perfect is someone else. In fact, no matter who you are, it is the scenery of others. You are dissatisfied with yourself, and maybe in the eyes of others, it also has a bright spot.

Third, learn to appreciate yourself, and then reinvent yourself

Forbes, an American business magazine, is one of the magazines with the same influence as Fortune and Businessweek, and David Mack was the editor-in-chief of the magazine. In a meeting, he announced that he would fire an employee, but he didn't announce who it was on the spot. After the meeting, an employee followed David nervously. At first, David didn't care, but when he went to his office, the employee was still trembling behind and refused to leave. So David asked him what he wanted, and the employee replied nervously, "I feel that my performance in the company seems to be very bad. Is it me you want to fire?" David gave him a look and then said slowly, "I haven't decided who to fire. Now, since you reminded me, it's you." In this way, the employee was fired on the spot.

There is a saying: "It is not because of setbacks that we lose ourselves; But because we lost ourselves, there will be so many failures. " Obviously, the employee who was fired by David lost himself because he didn't know how to appreciate himself. If he doesn't even know where his value is, how can others affirm his value?

Everyone has a talent for being different from others. This special talent is like a sleeping giant, waiting for us to wake up.

Appreciating yourself is definitely not excessive narcissism, let alone treating yourself as a flower and others as withered weeds. Self-admiration, self-conceit, headstrong, and complacency are not the attitudes that individuals should hold when appreciating themselves. To appreciate yourself, you should reflect on yourself on the premise of having self-knowledge, and at the same time strengthen your self-belief and self-confidence, and make a correct evaluation of your own ability and go your own way. Only in this way can life have no regrets.

Fourth, find the road that suits you

I don't advocate "Cannikin Law". I think that a person's ability and quality are determined by the shortest plank in his life, but whether life is mediocre or outstanding is determined by the longest plank.

For example:

The late 199s was the era of the rise of computers. At that time, people agreed that the future was the information age. As long as they mastered IT technology, they could make themselves outstanding. As a result, many young people blindly rushed to their IT dreams, and at the same time lost their precious time and energy, and even lost many opportunities to succeed in other fields.

Percy grew up in that era. He liked painting since he was a child and dreamed of becoming a famous artist in the future. However, in the few years when computers became fashionable, he put down his brush at the suggestion of his family and devoted himself to the study of computers in full swing, and studied hard for two years.

In these two years, Percy's computer skills have not become outstanding, and he still doesn't understand: Will IT industry really replace all other industries in the future? Percy, who has been entangled in contradictory thoughts for two years, not only failed to win the honor of being a rookie in the IT field, but also greatly regressed his original excellent painting skills because he had no time to practice painting.

Later, IT was proved to people that the IT fashion and enthusiasm at that time were infinitely exaggerated, and not everyone had a chance to become Bill Gates. The confusion in Percy's mind has also become clear and clear: even if the future really becomes an era in which information dominates everything, art and other fields will not disappear. So, he picked up the brush again and began his own experience. In his view, those two years of computer study did help his life, but if he spent the most passionate and dreamy precious two years on artistic creation, he might make greater progress.

In life, many people are doing things that they don't want to do or can't do every day, and then they are troubled by bad mood and fall into a vicious circle of life because their self-orientation is wrong from the beginning. We thought we were that kind of person, or suitable for that kind of life, but we didn't do it well and we couldn't do it well. We have been trying to change, but we have failed again and again, which means that our positioning for ourselves is wrong, or that the desired change is inconsistent with our self-identification.

Insist on finding your own track, your own field, and doing what you like and are good at

Fifth, a good self-image

that is, how your subconscious thinks of yourself. For example:

On his 3th birthday, a young man named Henry sat by the river, watching the ups and downs of the river, thinking and reminiscing about his short and frustrating life: he didn't know if he still had the confidence to continue living.

Henry's parents died, and he lived in a hospice since he was a child. Because of his short stature, unattractive appearance and strong French country accent, he always looked down on himself and thought he was just an ugly and stupid countryman. Under such an idea, he didn't even dare to apply for the most ordinary job, so he had to stay in the asylum to help clean up.

Just as Henry was thinking about whether he should end this boring and meaningless life, his good friend who grew up with him in the asylum suddenly ran up to him excitedly and told him loudly, "Dear Henry, I think you should know the good news at the first time! I just heard a news on the radio-Napoleon once lost a grandson, and the features described by the announcer are exactly the same as yours! "

Henry couldn't believe his ears: "Is it true? I turned out to be a descendant of the great Napoleon? " Henry was suddenly refreshed. Reminiscent that Grandpa once rode on a tall and majestic horse, and with his short stature and charming French, he gave all kinds of commanding commands to thousands of horses. Henry suddenly felt that there was an irresistible force in his short body, and the thick French rural accent when he spoke now became both noble and dignified.

Early the next morning, Henry wore his best clothes and went to a big company with confidence-he got the position smoothly.

After decades of struggle, Henry has already become the president of this big company in his twilight years. He found out in various ways that he is not Napoleon's lost grandson, but it is no longer important to him. At a gathering of famous entrepreneurs, someone once asked Henry such a question: "As a successful person, what do you think led you to success in the end?" Henry didn't directly answer each other's questions, but told his own personal experience. Finally, he said: "To establish a positive self-image in my mind and drive all thoughts of belittling myself out of my life is an important prerequisite to lead me to success."

Harvard psychologists believe that "self-image" is the description of self in people's subconscious mind, and the understanding of "who I am" on the basis of self-knowledge or self-awareness. That is to say, everyone will have a recognition of himself from different aspects, such as appearance, IQ, ability, personality, career, future, etc., and countless creeds form an "automatic navigation system" that determines people's behavior and guides their own direction. It is a part of self-knowledge or self-awareness, and it is unconsciously formed according to one's past success or failure experience and others' reaction and evaluation of oneself.

A positive self-image is helpful for your growth and development, but if your self-image is negative or humble, it is necessary to reform it in order to make your life better. People who want to succeed need to adjust their self-image of inferiority, because it will hinder your development. When you always feel that you are useless and everything is inferior to others, you should take the initiative to change your self-image. What you need to do is to establish the belief that I am unique in this world. I must have the value of existence, and I must be able to find my own value of existence.

Sixth, delete "I can't do it" from my mind

For example, Eric, who was born in Connecticut, USA, unfortunately suffered from a strange disease-retinal disease at a very young age, which is extremely rare and incurable, so he was completely blind at the age of 13.

In order to help Eric build up confidence, his father takes him hiking every summer. Gradually, Eric fell in love with this outdoor sport. When he was a little older, he began to practice rock climbing and mountaineering. He said to himself, what does it matter if I can't see with my eyes? I will definitely climb the highest mountain. With the support of faith, Eric climbed higher and higher, and he kept looking for his own light in this way.

a few years later, Eric has become a minor celebrity in mountaineering. Later, with the support of the American Foundation for the Blind, he relied on the help of his teammates to guide the way with ropes and bells, and finally he successfully climbed the highest peak in North America-McKinley Peak. Even after conquering this mountain, he still didn't stop. His footprints spread all over seven continents: Kilimanjaro in Africa, Aconcagua in South America ... The world peaks were trampled under his feet. In 21, he also successfully climbed to the top of Mount Everest. Eric stood at the top of the world, and he became the 12nd.