1.

Friend Yuan Lin and her husband Xiao Chen divorced, and friends were shocked at the news.

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Yuan Lin and Xiao Chen were once recognized as perfect couples by friends. They were college classmates. After graduation, Xiao Chen worked as a fund manager in a securities company and had a successful career. The gentle and beautiful Yuan Lin became a full-time wife, taking care of a pair of handsome twin sons at home, and the family was rich and happy, a proper winner in life.

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After the divorce, Yuan Lin invited several of our close friends out to get together. After listening to her crying, we learned that this "perfect family" had been experiencing serious domestic violence.

Xiao Chen is under great pressure at work, and likes to have a few drinks. After drinking, he often has conflicts with Yuan Lin because of trivial things, ranging from insulting to starting a fight.

Although Yuan Lin has been suffering from domestic violence from her husband, she can't persuade herself to leave him. She said that she wanted to give her children a complete home and didn't want them to be affected.

Moreover, after more than ten years of marriage, she has already given up her job, and now her only self-worth is what others think is a perfect marriage and a happy family. Let her reveal her scars to others, she can't do anything.

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However, the life of lowering herself to the dust didn't make her relaxed for a moment.

I don't know when the husband will attack again; Wronged herself, living in this once warm but now caged home day after day, constantly regretting, resenting, blaming herself, and even completely denying herself, made her feel depressed.

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She once sought help from a psychologist, hoping to improve their relationship. The psychologist told her that your husband is ill and his behavior is morbid, and it is impossible to change it by changing the way of communication. You have to leave him before he hurts you and the child more seriously.

Yuan Lin rejected the doctor's statement at that time, because Xiao Chen has always been a good father in front of children. It was not until she learned that one of the twins had repeatedly experienced violence at school that she finally understood that no matter how they concealed it, no matter how they pretended to be a loving couple in front of the children, the children would always know what their father had done to their mother, or they had already begun to imitate their father.

She finally made up her mind to get a divorce.

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Looking at the gaunt appearance of Yuan Lin, who was once beautiful and confident, and recalling the inseparable and affectionate appearance of the two when they were in love, I have been thinking that before entering the intimate relationship, everyone looked like five good young people, kind and beautiful, considerate and tolerant. Over time, why do many people lose themselves beyond recognition? Did intimacy change us, or did it reflect who we were?

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In different interpersonal relationships, we get different experiences. Some relationships are comfortable, some are nervous, some are dispensable, while others inspire people's hidden side.

In the intimate relationship of love and marriage, we are particularly affected, so why do we often sigh like this? How could I do this? It's not like me. I wasn't like this before. In fact, you are still you. It's just that this intimate relationship has brought out the secret you.

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The exciting side of love can be positive or negative. Some people throw out the evil they planted in their childhood or past experiences in their personality in the name of love. Turned himself into a paranoid, control freak or a violent perpetrator.

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2.

When I was a child, a very familiar sister who lived in a community with me gave birth to a second child this year. This elder sister and her husband are married for the second time. After she divorced her ex-husband, she took her infant daughter and married her current husband. My sister is a beautiful woman, and she had many suitors when she was young. Her first marriage was also the result of her own choice. However, she met an inhuman person. Her ex-husband was an empty-faced person who completely ignored her family. After the divorce, she married her current job and lived a stable and comfortable life.

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This incumbent is a technician's eldest brother, with an average appearance and not too much romantic feelings. Everything is based on safety, stability and practicality, so my sister always complains that he has no emotional appeal and no taste. Even for a while, she often ignores her husband and children and has fun with some friends.

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until three years ago, my sister was diagnosed with a disease caused by endocrine disorder that was difficult to cure, and her life suddenly fell into despair. At this time, her husband, who has been unknown, has become her strongest reliance. He still can't say any sweet words, but he just takes time off to accompany her to see a doctor every time, delivering meals to her in hospital, reading books and newspapers for her, widening her heart and cheering her up. My daughter also understands a lot under the influence of her father.

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Sister finally realized that only her husband had been silently enduring her nervousness, chattering and going her own way, and always loved her unconditionally.

And she has always been too headstrong. Her freewheeling and selfishness have hurt the people who deserve her love most invisibly.

In fact, her so-called romance and emotional appeal are just looking for an illusory sense of existence. For her lover and relatives, she is the most important place. Isn't that enough? The awakened sister finally understood the true meaning of happiness. She treated her husband sincerely and actively cooperated with the treatment. At the same time, her condition was greatly improved, and she was successfully pregnant last year and gave birth to Erbao.

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Now, my sister, although her beautiful face still can't escape the traces of years, compared with the previous gorgeous, she has more beautiful, calm and gentle years.

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Although love and marriage may inspire our dark side, fortunately, more people know themselves through love and marriage: I am such a person, so it will make the other person comfortable/uncomfortable, so women/men think so, so I can do this for the other person, so it turns out that with such people, I will feel happy and have a sense of belonging. We influence others and are influenced by them until we find the point where we agree with each other, feel comfortable, relaxed and safe with each other, and then we say that we have found that one. ?

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it may be fast, it may be slow, and you may have said goodbye before you arrived. But we are all looking for, hoping, slowly knowing what we need and what we can give, and then finding our own happiness.

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3.

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The poet Roy Clift wrote in his poem:

I love you,

not only because of your appearance,

but also because of,

when I am with you,

my appearance.

I love you,

not only because of what you have done for me,

but also because of what I can do for you,

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I love you,

because you can bring out,

my truest part.

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Yes, good love and marriage will heal us and make us grow.

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just like a technician's eldest brother is older than his sister. He understands that because her ex-husband failed her, she felt worthless, neglected and unloved, so she was aggressive, unreasonable and particularly emotional. Although my brother-in-law will quarrel with her and get angry with her, he is always there when she needs it, standing firmly behind her.

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He made his sister realize that a mature marriage should love, respect, understand and support unconditionally. And my sister finally accepted this kind of values and sincerely returned to the family.

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a bad marriage will make us consume each other and hurt us.

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Just like Xiao Chen Yu Yuanlin. When he was gentle, he regarded her as a queen, and when he was cruel, he beat her half to death. Does he love her? No, I'm afraid he just wants to have her.

His affection for her is like a little boy who loves his toys. He can't allow toys to be taken away, and he will treat them wholeheartedly when he likes to play. However, toys are toys. When he is tired and angry, he will step on them mercilessly.

In the marriage with Xiao Chen, Yuan Lin lost his self-worth and consumed his life with resentment, remorse and regret every day.

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Intimacy is a mirror

If you haven't entered an intimate relationship, remember to know more about each other. Although we all present our best appearance when we are in love, we should rationally try our best to look at each other's family, friends, past stories and the dribs and drabs when we get along, and see if they are in harmony with you.

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if you are married or in a stable relationship, you have to learn to accept one thing, everyone is imperfect, the other person is, and so are you. If something goes wrong, don't be too busy blaming each other. Positive communication and sincere face are the solutions. Don't forget, you are each other's mirrors. You can reflect each other's best appearance and evoke each other's darkest appearance.

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If this relationship and this marriage are very important to you, then love your partner sincerely and love for yourself. Don't say it's for children. Don't pretend how important it is for you to keep your family intact, so that you sacrifice your feelings and your happiness.

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If this relationship makes you unwilling to be burdened, then be honest with yourself and each other and decide whether to separate for yourself. Even if you are separated, you will feel at ease. Blaming each other will only get you into the mire of anger, resentment and lasting harm.

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Love and marriage can be a good medicine to cure pain, or a poison to destroy people invisibly.

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Good medicine or poison, sometimes, just between our thoughts.