First, you will have a bad temper, quarrel, lack of security, lack of trust in others, try your best to study hard and have a deeper understanding of things.

Second, social phobia, fear of positive communication, dare not speak. When you think of a good topic on a certain occasion, your mind is blank. Exercise yourself more and overcome mental difficulties. Let's keep learning and making progress to build self-confidence, so as to overcome phobia and fear.

Third, distrust of marriage, fear of betrayal, communicate and understand with the other half as much as possible, don't step into the original state of the family, treat marriage with a positive attitude and overcome fear.

Fourth, be normal to the other half and their families and don't try to change them. We should face up to everyone's differences, gradually strengthen our heart, ability and economy, and support ourselves to get rid of the bad influence of family background.

The subject's question is too broad. When I was a child, a lot of improper education from my parents would bring different injuries at that time.

It is suggested that the subject can buy the book "The House of Origin", and conscious words are the beginning of getting better. In any case, our parents gave us life, so we should be grateful, and others can become better through their own efforts!

Each of us is hurt to some extent by the family we came from. If we have psychological sequelae when we grow up, I think we can try the following suggestions.

First, face up to the harm of being born in a family, instead of accusing and complaining that it is a mistake. Each of us can't live without our original family. family of origin itself is not perfect, so we should face it and face it squarely.

The second is to repair with a positive attitude, and constantly make up and correct on the road of life growth, so that it tends to be positive and correct. I believe I have this ability.

Third, don't let the shadow become an obstacle, and try to expand the area outside the shadow. Learning is the best way.

By doing so, it may be possible to avoid secondary injuries and develop towards a better side. Beijing Happiness Charity Foundation

Any harm has advantages and disadvantages. The injury of birth is even more so.

For example, if a father's infidelity hurts a child, the sequelae may cause the child to hate men all his life or not to get married. ...

It is also possible that he is interested in studying male psychology, thus entering the hall of psychological philosophy and eventually becoming a master of helping others. ...

The harm of being born in a family makes people feel wronged. This kind of person will suffer all his life, have no feeling of happiness, and will continue to torture the person who is best for himself.

A happy childhood can cure your life, but an unfortunate childhood needs a lifetime to cure.

From Freud's theory of personality and instinct, the influence of family background on the formation of individual personality is mentioned, and the world view reflected by subconscious mind is also inseparable from a person's childhood experience.

Childhood experience is also an important period to shape a person's character. At this stage, if you don't get enough love from your parents, you won't get the emotional connection you need. This lack of emotion will accompany you all your life. When I grow up, I feel insecure, pessimistic and anxious, and I don't know how to refuse. I will be more thorough when I enter such an intimate relationship as love.

If you grow up in an environment with serious lack of love and extremely negative family influence, you will have irreversible psychological trauma, and the stress reaction will cause real trauma to the prefrontal lobe of the brain. This situation will not only be accompanied by lifelong gray memory; It is easy to repeat these behaviors in adulthood, such as alcoholism and domestic violence in the family. When such children grow up, they are more likely to have these behaviors, or they are more likely to be attracted by such people, fall in love with love rat and love rat, or have some masochistic tendencies.

The slight influence is that people are sensitive and pessimistic in all aspects of life and interpersonal communication, which affects the formation of normal and healthy interpersonal relationships. In daily life, some ordinary people are used to trivial things in social and interpersonal relationships, but they may never learn them well.

When you grow up, it is easy to have such problems in social links:

1, intimacy

It's easy to fall in love with a certain type of love rat/love rat. For a certain kind of people, they will always be attracted. This type is often similar or opposite to parents' personality. Such people will awaken the memories and experiences of the subconscious, and at this time, they will have a special feeling, which is reflected by some points about childhood in the subconscious. They often think that this is love and attraction, so they always choose to be with such people, even if some qualities are obvious shortcomings in the eyes of others. Because a certain part of childhood lacks emotional connection, when you grow up, you will want to find and satisfy those things. Therefore, in intimate relationships, people who often attract them have some obvious shortcomings and personality defects. They will be with the same type of people again and again, and they will become anxious and questioning because the other party doesn't reply to the news. They will try their best to behave well, work hard, or make bottomless concessions when there are contradictions and conflicts. These are all setbacks and conflicts in childhood. I have always wanted to change the opposite person and get complete love, just like I wanted to get the love of my parents when I was a child. Such feelings often have no good end and are not cherished.

2. Social relations

When interacting with others, people who lack love are more likely to show excessive kindness to others' little efforts; Think the worst of everything, habitual negative interpretation style, fear that others don't like themselves, always worry that they will not perform well in public, be too self-centered, be speechless when facing the object they like, and prevaricate in the dream job interview. In any case, I am blaming myself, blaming myself for all the negative and bad things. By default, I am not good enough and not loved enough. I always feel that I need to pay more to please others, and I can't establish healthy interpersonal relationships in social interaction. Some unhealthy personalities are often formed: dependent personality, compulsive personality, avoidant personality, flattering personality, impulsive personality, borderline personality, and even anxiety and depression.

how to improve

From a practical point of view, this kind of influence cannot be completely changed by oneself, but there are many ways to reduce the negative influence. At the same time, these injuries are not entirely negative. Research has proved that everyone has the ability of self-healing and can learn special advantages from adversity. Different experiences have also shaped a special you and some unique advantages. Those setbacks and pains you have experienced will make you have a deeper and more acute ability to complex environment and relationships.

1. Face yourself and your family. Parents can only take care of you within their own knowledge and ability. Ignorance, unconsciousness and some uncontrollable factors are not what they want. Being too harsh on family and parents is actually a harsh criticism of yourself. You are still suffering.

2, accept the status quo, the past can not be traced back, learn to face the reality when it is impossible to force, and the trauma caused is irreversible. When you feel sorry for yourself and feel wronged, scholars love themselves more.

3. Rebuilding attachment is a positive and effective way. Some people will leave their original families and circles, change their lives in another city, or establish their own social ties, choose their favorite friends to establish friendships, and choose healthy partners to establish their own families.

Objectively speaking, you should know that the past experience has passed, and it is a short part of your life. You have to walk a long way. Your past cannot be changed, but your future is your own choice and shaping. Even if you stand in ruins, you can build your own bright and warm home with people who really love and like you.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Everyone can't choose their favorite parents, and most people's parents are ordinary people among all sentient beings. They also have joys and sorrows, love and hate. Parents are under too much pressure to raise their children in their daily lives. They used to be high-spirited teenagers and looked forward to a better life in the future. But I have no choice but to be polished by the stone of life. Helpless to live an ordinary and ordinary life. The problems in Born into a Family are as follows: (1) Parents often quarrel. When I was a child, my parents often quarreled in front of us, from blushing to thick neck to knocking over a table of good food. Finally, mother closed the door and sobbed. Father's face is full of anger to clean up the mess in this place. When we were young, we were shivering in the corner, afraid that our parents would not want us. That feeling, that fear, is a spiritual memory that can never be erased in the future. (2) The father cheated and the mother forbeared. As we grow up, parents gradually reduce their quarrels, not because their feelings get better, but because their quarrels are more hidden. More often, they are in the cold war. This silence also hurts children's children. Facing parents who don't care about each other, don't bother each other and are strangers. The child feels like an extra. He doesn't understand why parents don't compromise and hurt each other. In this atmosphere, my father chose to work in other places, and people need warmth in a foreign land. At this time, there happened to be a heterosexual who was caring and attentive, and the balance of feelings naturally tilted, and my father cheated. Sensitive mother sees everything in her eyes and makes a scene. Prestigious elders in the family came forward to mediate. Parents are reconciled again, and the family seems to be calm again. (3) The father is eccentric and blames the children. Everyone can't make everyone like themselves. Including their own parents. When you try to be kind to your parents, you will think of them. They are ill, so you give up your job and drive from the eastern end of the big city to the western suburbs to take him to the hospital for examination. He has an operation, you accompany him in the hospital with your young children, and go home to sleep in the early morning. Buy his favorite breakfast by car in the morning, and then take it home for him to eat ... so many things are common, and you do nothing but repay his kindness. But he blames you for many things you didn't do well. Turn a blind eye to your own efforts, you are sad, and more is chilling. Born in a family, the sequela of his heart when he grows up is that he will have a flattering personality and dare not say his true thoughts. I wronged myself, I dare not be too kind to my spouse, I dare not believe in eternal feelings, and I am afraid that I will be hurt. The injury of being born in a family has caused pain in the heart, which may be difficult to heal in this life. I hope all parents in the world are kind and loving, and they will get along well for a hundred years. Even if their feelings are gone, they will try to reduce the harm to their children. After all, that kind of injury is unforgettable and has a great influence on their character.

Being born in a family has a great influence on our lives, but most of us have not learned how to keep close contact with family members and remain independent psychologically and emotionally.

After people leave their original families, most of them have established some new intimate relationships, such as the relationship between parents and children, the relationship between colleagues at work and the friendship between friends. Whether an adult's life is happy or not depends largely on whether he can handle the various influences of his family background. These contradictions are reflected in the details of the mode of getting along.

1, such as husband-wife relationship: from an insecure family, I want to find a sense of security in my spouse.

When we choose a spouse, we emotionally hope to get what we didn't get in Origin and Fate, such as parents' affirmation, feeling our unique needs and so on.

We are all burdened with these unfinished emotional burdens, hoping to be solved in a new marriage or family.

If we don't get the satisfaction of our families in family of origin, we will only care about what we want and have no ability to pay for the choice of spouse. Although this view is a bit pessimistic, if we are brave enough to face our own problems in Origin and Fate, we will have new motivation to love again.

2. For example, parent-child relationship: The parenting style we experienced in Native House left an irreversible wound. I have thought about it several times. If I become a parent myself one day, I will definitely not do so.

But in real life, instinctive conditioned reflex inevitably repeats the same parenting style. Before we learn new educational ideas, we can only use the old methods in our minds. This is the influence and inheritance of intergenerational relations.

These intangible family influences will inevitably affect children. They will listen to their parents, observe their behavior and unconsciously imitate their behavior.

To sum up, the harm of being born in a family is lasting and irreversible. To block the impact of trauma, we need to face up to the problem and actively repair it.

"Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives; Unfortunate people have been healing their childhood all their lives. " This famous saying by Adler, the founder of individual psychology, awakened too many ignorant hearts like an alarm.

Moreover, there is an important core concept that needs to be cured: if the trauma cannot be forgiven, learn to let go and take full responsibility for your life.

Parents are also ordinary people. They are all more or less branded with the times. All people trapped by the times can't be perfect and can't give what they don't have.

Just like now, we are inheriting and merging, learning and creating, inheriting good family style, abandoning dross and undertaking the beautiful mission of optimizing family genes. Good wishes!

I am @ Evian Psychology, a national second-level psychological counselor, focusing on the field of mental health, and I like to write warm words. You can leave a message in private if you have any questions.

There is no perfect family, just like there is no perfect person. Each of us comes from a different family, which will be unique. We have both advantages and disadvantages. Will be timid, impatient and cowardly. As long as it is a relatively normal family, it will not cause you too much psychological trauma. Each of us needs to keep an upward state all the time in the long journey of life. Keep learning and being aware, and we will continue to grow and become better ourselves! !

We usually go through two families in our life.

One is the family that accompanied us when we were born and raised, including mom and dad, maybe grandparents, brothers and sisters;

The other family is the family we formed when we grew up.

The first family is our family of origin.

The second family is our second family.

However, each of us is deeply influenced by our family background, and our behavior habits and values are influenced by our family.

Especially when we are adults, think back, whether you are unconsciously imitating some behaviors in Origin and Fate, even the behaviors you hated and resisted at that time; Or do something opposite.

Because the influence of family background on children is reflected in the following aspects:

Cognition ~ early life experiences and views on the surrounding things;

Emotion ~ family's emotion and attachment style;

Consciousness ~ parents' consciousness, subconscious, etc.

Behavior ~ parents' marital relationship and the way of dealing with people.

In real life, different parenting styles have different effects on children:

Mother is strong, she won't let go, and her father is away. In such a family, it is easy for children to have no opinions and develop giant babies.

If the father is too strict, children are usually timid. Unless a child is determined and has a strong ability to resist setbacks, it is easy to feel inferior, insecure and afraid of authority. When you grow up and work, you may not be able to handle the relationship with the leader well.

Families with disharmony between parents tend to make children feel insecure and prone to social obstacles. In particular, parents at home often quarrel and have domestic violence, which has a greater impact on children. When children grow up, they are full of fear or hopelessness about marriage, which is likely to copy their parents' mode of getting along.

Children raised by parents with bad temper are either passive Nuo Nuo or as grumpy as their parents.

Families with mental deficiency often can't see the positive side of things, and parents often have negative emotions, which often have a lot of negative effects on their children and are easy to cultivate cynical people.

Children who grow up in a family environment with many constraints are often cautious for fear of making mistakes.

At this time, many people will worry that they are from a poor family and have no hope in the future.

Of course not! Because we have grown up, we have enough ability and motivation to get rid of ourselves that were bound before.

Keigo Higashino once explained to his family background:

"Everyone wants to be born in a good family, but they can't choose their parents. What kind of cards are sent to you, you can only play as well as possible. "

In fact, all bad experiences will become our resources and motivation. When you believe in yourself and try to change, we are reshaping our lives. We try our best to change the bad aspects, but we will continue to pass on some good characters and experiences, which will be the most precious wealth for future generations.

I hope I can help you.