2. Believe in children, appreciate them and cultivate their self-confidence step by step.
An educator once said: "Appreciation brings pleasure to interest, interest brings motivation, motivation brings achievement, achievement brings self-confidence, and self-confidence brings greater achievements." As long as we observe carefully, every child has his strong points. Parents should learn to appreciate, treat every child with admiration and trust, give children confidence and strength, and let them carry out bold imagination and creative activities.
Children can't do without the appreciation of adults, because children can most keenly feel the attitude of adults towards themselves, and the attitude of adults is the basis for children to make value judgments on their words and deeds. Appreciation is an indispensable external driving force to stimulate children's inner tension.
Many parents always think that their children are still young, which is not good, which is not good, and they don't trust their children. This understanding of parents will directly affect their parenting attitude and parenting style, which is related to the development of children. Therefore, as parents, it is very important to trust children. First of all, we should believe that although children are young, they have great learning and development potential, which is proved by modern scientific research institutions. Parents with this understanding can generally cultivate their children more freely and often say to their children, "Son, you can do it!" " "Children know themselves through what others think of them. As long as parents think they are good at it, children will naturally have self-confidence, take the initiative to use their brains and dare to explore and try, thus achieving rapid development. In addition, it is also important for parents to believe that every child has a positive heart. Parents can take a positive attitude in educating their children, support and encourage them, and keep them optimistic and full of confidence in their development. Many parents who teach their children well have summed up this valuable experience.
3. Cultivate children's self-confidence through encouragement.
In psychological theory, the best persuasion method should be "influence-information-influence". In the process of persuasion, the information should not be directly conveyed to the other party, but should be "influenced" after the information in order to receive substantive results. Apply this principle when educating children. When a child makes a mistake, he must first imagine the way to correct it. If you don't leave criticism and scolding in three sentences, or directly point out the reasons for failure, children will protest against the content of correction in disgust, even negative, so that they can't effectively help children face problems.
Encourage children more, but pay attention to evaluation methods and standards according to their personality characteristics. Children's own experience is limited, self-awareness is vague, suggestible and malleable. His self-confidence was originally based on others' reflection on him. Therefore, children should be encouraged with smiles and praise. Children are very motivated, and they like and want to be praised by adults most. The more encouraged they are, the more confident they are to finish it. However, there should also be encouraging methods. For example, parents should encourage a child to finish painting hard, because "you are great" and "you are serious" have different effects. The former method is to let children pay attention to the results, while the latter method is to encourage children to pay attention to the process, so that children will be more serious and work harder to complete their own paintings in the future. Therefore, the words of encouragement to young children must be concrete and practical, rather than general praise such as "you are really smart, you are really kind, and you are great".
There should be appropriate standards to evaluate children. After all, children's development is a gradual and tortuous process. When children are found to have some shortcomings, they should be encouraged and patiently helped to analyze the reasons for not meeting the requirements and their own favorable conditions, and constantly correct them in future practice.
In the process of children's participation in activities, as long as there is progress compared with the previous period, both teachers and parents should immediately give affirmation, so that children can feel their own abilities and experience the happiness of success, thus helping children to establish self-confidence.
In fact, each child's qualifications are different. Never compare him with others, but with himself. When parents can freely use positive thinking, constantly discover their children's advantages and constantly pay attention to their positive aspects, they can effectively amplify their growth and progress, and such children will become more and more confident.
If parents say, "I believe you can do it." After the child succeeded, the parents said, "It's amazing that you folded your clothes neatly!" Children will be more willing to do things next time. As long as the children do it, they will be affirmed and encouraged. Parents should be good at discovering children's little progress and success, giving them more respect, trust, affirmation, encouragement and proper appreciation, so that children can accumulate positive emotional experiences.
A famous person once said, "If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident." This shows that the positive parenting attitude of adults has a great influence on children. When talking about children's psychological characteristics, Mr. Chen Heqin, a famous educator in China, pointed out that "children like success" and "children like praise". For example, a three-year-old child likes to show his "works" to his parents, hoping to get praise. By the age of four or five, this kind of praise will be stronger. Parents should make use of children's psychological characteristics, and give affirmation and encouragement no matter what children do. We should also be good at discovering children's little progress and success, giving them appropriate appreciation and letting them accumulate positive emotional experiences. And encouragement also includes accepting children's failures and shortcomings, because children learn through mistakes and failures. Therefore, as long as children make efforts, parents should give affirmation and support and treat their children's faults with tolerance. Don't always stare at children who are not doing well or not doing enough, and find fault. Parents who criticize their children too much will make them feel inferior.
4. Constructive criticism
When children lack self-confidence or lose confidence, parents can say "hmm!" Well done. "or" you must have done it with your heart! " The words waiting for support are the so-called "probation period" in the previous paragraph, and finally encourage him: "If you pay more attention, I believe you can do better next time. "Only with this positive and constructive attitude can children make continuous progress and be more confident in communicating with their parents. It is important to be specific and clear about the goal. 26 manifestations of children's lack of self-confidence
5. Correct problem solving mode
Self-confidence has a great influence on children's intellectual development, so parents should pay attention to some matters that must be paid attention to when educating their children. For example, children should have the ability to adapt to various situations, even if they encounter complicated and annoying problems, they should remain calm and find the right solutions, so that their intelligence and self-confidence can grow completely.
In the process of educating children, parents guide children to face problems, think positively, process information, formulate solutions and schemes, and solve problems effectively.
6. Improve parents' ideas
Most parents don't care about "self-confidence", but only care about their children's school performance and academic performance. Therefore, when a child's academic performance or academic performance is not ideal, he will often be severely accused or punished, which will make the child feel ignorant and guilty, thus destroying his self-confidence, leading to his lower and lower grades and lack of interest in learning.
7. Use self-suggestion language
Cultivate the effect of children's self-language suggestion, let children think for themselves, "I want to think for myself" and "I want to do it myself". After self-language suggestion, children will inevitably use their own abilities to achieve their goals.
Many parents have the wrong idea that children must have professional knowledge to build self-confidence. Actually, professional knowledge is not important. Some children have no confidence in themselves, mainly because their parents underestimate their abilities, or regard their strengths as shortcomings, which makes children psychologically dwarf themselves. If parents can find out the crux of children's loss of self-confidence, they can prescribe the right medicine and induce their children.
However, confidence is by no means easy to get. However, as long as you have tasted success, it is accompanied by incomparable joy and firm confidence in yourself. Therefore, it is the easiest way to build self-confidence by letting children taste the joy of success first. Of course, the only way to enhance self-confidence is to constantly encourage children to try, express themselves, challenge themselves and enhance their self-concept.
8. Avoid comparing other people's children with your own children and make no negative comments.
Every child has his own characteristics and unique place. It is necessary to guide parents to understand their children's characteristics, foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and help children succeed in some activities, thus promoting other aspects of development. Never compare blindly, don't compare your children's shortcomings with others' advantages, and don't compare many children's advantages with your children's shortcomings. Teachers and parents should seize each child's own bright spot, guide them to see their own progress, and make them believe that they have advantages and strengths, so as to establish self-confidence of "I can do it, I am great".
9. Let the children do it and let the children do it themselves.
Although children are young, they have great potential for learning and development. Parents should believe that every child is self-motivated, so in daily life, they should consciously let their children bear some responsibilities, such as eating by themselves and cleaning their own rooms. Let children do what they can, which not only exercises their hands-on ability, but also gains self-confidence. Parents should provide their children with more opportunities for activities and performance.
Children generally grow up to two years old, and their movements and words develop to a certain extent, and their self-awareness begins to sprout. At this time, they often show a strong sense of independence and are eager to do everything themselves. People say that "newborn calves are not afraid of tigers", and babies are ignorant and often overreach themselves. But this desire to "do it yourself" reflects the exuberant vitality of children and shows an original demand for self-affirmation. We often see infants and young children stubbornly shouting "I grew up, I grew up!" " In this case, parents should not suppress their children, let alone say "you can't!" " Instead, we should make use of this self-awareness and desire of infants and young children to be good at guiding and giving help to meet their "do-it-yourself" needs.
In addition, children develop through activities, so parents should provide opportunities and conditions for children's activities and performance, so that children can freely carry out various activities. Activities can not only promote the development of children's body and various abilities, but also make children have a sense of control over the environment and gain the joy of success, thus enhancing their self-confidence. If parents always confine their children to a narrow space, or do nothing for them, it is tantamount to depriving children of the opportunity to build self-confidence through activities, which will easily lead to low ability, dependence, timidity and inferiority.
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10, guide children with tolerance and patience, and allow children to make mistakes.
Children's experience and ability are limited, and they are easy to face difficulties and setbacks in many things. Therefore, adults should have a tolerant heart towards children, instead of pursuing perfection and correctness in everything. For example, a child took a cup to pour water, and his hand slipped, and the cup fell to the ground and broke. Anxious mothers may get angry and anxious and start scolding their children: "Why are you so disobedient?" Why did you get the cup? Look, the cup is broken! "The child was already panicked when he broke the cup, and it would be even more sad to hear his mother's reprimand. He may think, "I'm not good, I'm not good, I'm stupid, I can't even hold the cup steadily." "This kind of negative emotional experience is repeated repeatedly. How can children's self-confidence be established?
If the mother has the wisdom of education, she will accept the child's fault, first check whether the child is injured, then ask about the process of the matter, and then clean up the broken glass with the child. Use the cleaning process to educate children about safety knowledge. For example, broken glass is sharp and easy to cut your hand. Don't touch it with your hands Be sure to wear shoes when cleaning to prevent yourself from being hurt by broken glass. After cleaning up, the mother will affirm the children's efforts to do things by themselves, then teach them how to use the glass safely, encourage them to keep trying, and learn to pour water from the glass with their mother.
At this time, the child experienced difficulties and setbacks, but these difficulties and setbacks have turned into valuable experience. Under the careful guidance of his mother, the child completed the positive emotional experience of the goal, which helped him develop the desire to continue trying. Through such repeated efforts and experiences, children's self-confidence will continue to develop. The reason why teenagers are not confident.
Therefore, parents must cherish their children's efforts and encourage them from the heart, especially when their children encounter difficulties and setbacks. Let them understand: nothing is smooth sailing, as long as you work hard, you will be able to overcome difficulties; Only those who constantly overcome difficulties can make progress. Never criticize, deny or reprimand your child blindly, which will make your child doubt his ability, feel "self-incompetence" and lack self-confidence.
1 1, no substitution, no overprotection, and let the children suffer setbacks.
If parents do everything instead, or treat their children too delicately, it is extremely unfavorable to do all kinds of things for their children and try their best to solve all kinds of problems.
Childhood is a period of rapid development of various abilities. Parents should seize this opportunity, patiently and carefully cultivate and train their children's ability, and let them accomplish some tasks independently. Too much concern, protection or frequent denial of children's ideas will not only make children feel their own abilities and lose their successful experience, but also make them feel at a loss when they encounter difficulties due to the lack of necessary self-care ability, operational ability and communication ability, thus forming a bad character of laziness, inferiority and retreat. 49 Ways to Cultivate Self-confidence (2)
Children develop through activities. Parents should provide all kinds of opportunities and conditions for their children to operate freely. Let them learn to do their own thing: get up in the morning and let him dress and wash himself; Let him carry his schoolbag at school. Don't always feel sorry for your child and don't let him do anything. At home, let the children help do some housework within their power, such as serving food and cleaning the table; Go out to play, try to let the child move by himself, and don't interfere too much with his interaction with the child.
Children's autonomous activities can not only promote the development of body and ability, but also produce a sense of control over the environment, gain the joy of success, and thus enhance self-confidence.
12, giving children the opportunity to make decisions.
Making a decision is both a right and a responsibility. Although children are young, they are independent people like us adults and have the right to make decisions.
"The value of life lies in choice." But parents often forget this. They don't let their children make choices. They can't help but choose for their children. Therefore, children can only do what their parents decide. But the impact of this approach on children is long-term. On the one hand, children get more and more resources, on the other hand, their enthusiasm for life is getting lower and lower. They feel this and want to say "no" to their parents.
What should we do? In fact, on the one hand, we should have rules at home, on the other hand, we should let the children make their own decisions, think of their own countermeasures and make their own plans. For example, if a child doesn't want to wear clothes taken by his mother in the morning, his mother can give him two sets of clothes to choose from, one or the other; What route to take for a walk and discuss with the children; Reading at night or going to the children's house to play; Let the children decide whether to go to Donghu Park or Children's Park on Sunday. Before buying toys, books or food, talk about the conditions and make a purchase plan, and then let the children choose for themselves.
Research shows that children who always make decisions by their parents often lack the ability to judge and choose, lack the sense of responsibility and even don't know how to be responsible for themselves when they grow up. Therefore, parents are advised to give their children more opportunities to make decisions and let them learn how to make decisions.
A child who often makes decisions for his own life is full of vitality. Although he will encounter some setbacks because of his inexperience, those setbacks will become rare experiences, and finally, coupled with a sense of accomplishment, he will feel that his life is colorful and valuable.
13. Adjust parents' expectations of their children.
Modern emotional theory holds that under normal circumstances, a person's self-confidence is directly proportional to his success rate. The more successful he is, the higher his expectations and the stronger his self-confidence. On the contrary, the more times he fails, the lower his expectation and the weaker his self-confidence, especially for children who are competitive, have poor willpower and are easily influenced by the outside world. Nowadays, many parents want to make their children famous at all costs, but they don't put forward too high requirements according to their wishes, such as letting their children learn piano, playing erhu and mental arithmetic. If you fail in your studies, adults will also feel dizzy and hurt their self-confidence. From the four hot issues of modern education reform, as parents, we should correctly handle the relationship between ability and learning, learning process and learning results, short-term goals and long-term goals, teachers and children as the main body, and the educational methods should seek the needs of children's recent development fields, step by step, and conform to the characteristics of children's age and physical and mental development. For example, if it is found that the expected value is no longer suitable for children, it should be adjusted in time. The pressure exerted exceeds the acceptable limit of children, which will bring unnecessary pressure to children. Of course, if parents' expectations are lower than children's abilities, children can't give full play to their potential. What I want to mention here is that I personally don't think it is necessary to force children to read and write in preschool.
The strength of self-confidence is closely related to the environment and education, especially the role of education. As the saying goes, "seeing young people from childhood", a person's performance as a child has a far-reaching impact on the future. Self-confidence education is a complicated and long-term work. To truly realize the value of this kind of education, it is necessary to start from the specific problems of children's lives and let children experience their feelings and changes in specific lives. Teachers and parents should fully understand the importance of self-confidence to children's growth, so that the talents we cultivate can meet the requirements of the development of the times. Let's cultivate children's self-confidence and let all children have self-confidence.
14, help children set specific achievable goals, and don't set too high expectations and demands.
If the result of children's efforts is to achieve their goals, they will have positive self-evaluation; On the other hand, it will produce negative self-evaluation.
In early childhood, parents' expectations and requirements for children are the standards of children's behavior. If the standard is set properly, it will help children form a suitable "ideal self", let them experience successful experiences and have confidence in their abilities; If the standard is set too high, children will fail again and again, leading to frustration of failure again and again. Children will lower their evaluation of their abilities, accumulate negative emotional experience of "I can't do it", and easily make children lose self-confidence. In addition, some parents always want to educate their children in one step, which is unrealistic, ignoring that children's development is a gradual and tortuous process.
Children never attend meetings, and it's the law of development from doing badly to doing well. Excessive and urgent requirements are not conducive to children's development.
Therefore, parents should help their children to set specific and achievable goals. For example, children always want their families to feed themselves, so they set the goal of "sitting at the table and eating by themselves"; If children can't do things, they will set the goal of "learning to collect toys by themselves"; If the child doesn't like reading, set the goal of "cultivating reading interest" and accompany his mother to read every day 15 to 20 minutes.
The cultivation of children's self-care ability is often a channel to build self-confidence, and it is also the easiest for parents to implement in their daily lives. When children are comfortable with their own life process and don't need any help, their self-confidence will also be improved.
Parents' expectations and requirements for their children are generally high and understandable, but they can't expect too much. Parents should adapt to the standards set by their children's development, consider their own characteristics and abilities, and not always subjectively demand too high standards for their children. If the standard is too high, children will fail repeatedly, resulting in frustration of continuous failure, and accumulating negative emotional experience of "I can't", which will easily make children lose confidence. In addition, some parents always want to educate their children in one step and are eager to achieve success, which is unrealistic, ignoring that children's development is a gradual or tortuous process. It should be noted that children will never attend the meeting, from doing badly to doing well. This is the law of development, and it is not conducive to children's development to ask too much and act too hastily. Moreover, some parents who want their children to become talents often hope that their children are better than others everywhere and are used to horizontal comparison. For example, some parents go to kindergarten to watch their children's activities, and whenever they find that their children are not as good as others, they say to them; "Look, so-and-so sings better than you!" "So-and-so draws much better than you!" ..... with the advantages of others than their own children. The original intention of parents may be to stimulate children to catch up with others, but this horizontal comparison is precisely the self-esteem and self-confidence of children. Because there are obvious individual differences in the speed and direction of children's development, the younger they are, the greater the individual differences, and children have their own advantages and disadvantages in their development. It is very unrealistic to ask your children to be better than others everywhere. Parents should never make such a comparison.
15, pay attention to and protect children's self-esteem and enhance children's self-esteem.
More praise and less blame will help to improve children's self-esteem, because children with high self-esteem are full of confidence in their own activities, while children with low self-esteem are unwilling to participate in group activities, thinking that no one loves them and lack self-confidence. Therefore, as teachers and parents, it is forbidden to satirize children with sharp language, to compare the advantages of other children with their own shortcomings, to punish or disrespect children in front of others, to ignore children's words, and to abuse authority, so as not to damage children's self-esteem and make them feel inferior and lose self-confidence. Therefore, we should pay special attention to protecting children's self-esteem, helping children develop their sense of self-esteem and establish firm self-confidence.
Enhancing children's self-esteem contributes to the development of self-confidence. To enhance children's self-esteem, I think we can start from the following aspects:
(1) Teach children to respect each other.
As children grow older, the communication between peers will also increase, and the interaction between peers will also increase. If a child says to another child, "You are so stupid and ugly …", it may make the latter sad for a long time and hurt his self-esteem. If you hear a child say something unkind or impolite in life, we must resolutely stop it, even if he is angry and sad at that time. We should point out his mistake (you are so rude) and tell him that we don't want to hear such words again. This kind of education will not hurt children's self-esteem. Therefore, in the process of constantly improving their moral quality, we should pay more attention to cultivating children's good quality and self-cultivation, educate children to respect others, be polite to others, and don't hurt others at will.
(2) Learn to listen patiently
Professor Yamato, an American psychologist, believes that from the child's point of view, parents' careful listening helps children build self-confidence. When a child has a problem and made a mistake, from the perspective of parents, the first step to help the child solve the problem correctly should be the process of calmly listening to the child's statement. Of course, what children say is not necessarily true. But as a parent or teacher, we must listen carefully to every detail that the child says from beginning to end, so that the child can feel the importance attached to him; You can't just ignore it because you are busy, which will dampen your child's self-esteem and self-confidence.
(3) Give more encouragement and praise to children.
Encourage and praise effective educational means. Listening to good words is human nature, and children are no exception. For example, children like to show their "works" to their parents in kindergarten, hoping to get praise. We should take advantage of this psychological characteristic. Be good at discovering children's progress and success and give them appropriate praise and encouragement. For example, when a 2-year-old child draws a big circle and says "Grandpa Sun is out" in surprise, we must not ignore his small achievements. But after seeing his paintings, I should touch his head and say, "The baby is really capable and can really draw Grandpa Sun." When praised, he will devote all his enthusiasm and wisdom to strive for new success. Of course, encouragement also includes accepting children's failures and shortcomings, and giving affirmation and support as long as children work hard. This will enhance children's self-confidence.
(4) Active language induction
Don't talk about children's shortcomings. Even if you find that they have some shortcomings, don't say "idiot" or "why are you not as good as others", so as not to cause psychological pressure on them and dampen their self-esteem. We should use positive language to induce them to enhance their self-esteem and self-confidence.
(5) Adhere to positive education.
Because of children's psychological and physiological characteristics, words and deeds are often inconsistent. When this happens, teachers should insist on and attach importance to positive education. For example, some children cut other people's things and say they are their own because they like them. Treat such children, it is best to use the example of finding money to educate and guide, so the effect will be better.
16. Be yourself and be a happy and confident parent.
Children live and grow up in the family, and their parents' own situation has a subtle influence on their development. Cheerful parents will raise cheerful children, introverted parents may have shy children, and selfish and stingy parents can hardly raise tolerant and loving children. To educate children well, parents themselves must first become good role models.
To cultivate children's self-confidence, parents themselves must first become happy and confident people. Confident parents have enough sense of security to allow their children to make mistakes; Confident parents trust their children and can safely let them suffer setbacks; Confident parents believe in themselves and know how to let their children make their own decisions; Confident parents are optimistic and happy, and will often see their children's growth and progress. Being a happy and confident parent is the key to cultivating children's self-confidence!
17. Adjust the relationship between adults and children and strengthen the good relationship between parents and children. The relationship between children, teachers and parents largely determines his self-confidence. If children feel that their parents like him, they are interested in him, love him and respect him. Then he is likely to feel good about himself and have confidence. To cultivate children's self-confidence, we must first check whether the relationship between ourselves and children is conducive to the cultivation of self-confidence. If children feel that teachers and parents like and respect him, and have a gentle attitude, children feel good, often lively and cheerful, positive and enthusiastic, and have strong self-confidence. On the contrary, if teachers and parents reprimand their children too much, they are rude and indifferent, and their children will be depressed and lack initiative and self-confidence in the things around them. Therefore, as parents, we should say more words and behaviors of recognition and concern to our children, so that children can have the power of self-confidence because of their parents' recognition and concern. For example, "You really make us happy!" "You did a good job!" Wait a minute.
18, set an example. Create an environment to cultivate children's self-confidence, so that children can be "confident" in a subtle way. Usually, when I encounter something, I often say something encouraging to my children, "You can do it, you can do it." Because children's self-evaluation often depends on adults' evaluation, adults treat children with a positive and convincing attitude, and he will realize in his young mind that I can do what others can do. Teachers and parents are role models for children. Therefore, in front of children, we should be confident, optimistic, courageous, self-reliant and not timid. Establishing a good image for children and creating a good spiritual atmosphere are also factors that form children's self-confidence.