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What is the meaning of "embarrassment" in "I am actually embarrassed to advance and retreat"?
The word "embarrassed" in "the advance and retreat of a minister is actually embarrassing" is synonymous with ancient and modern times. The ancient meaning of "embarrassment" is "being in a dilemma", but now it means "describing the appearance of difficulty or embarrassment"

I. Sources

Chen Qingbiao in the Western Jin Dynasty

Second, the original text

Seize the sacred court and bathe and purify. Wei Xiao, a former satrap minister, paid tribute to Xiao Lian, and later became a secretariat minister, Xiu Cairong. I have no master to support, and I would rather die. Under the imperial edict, worship the minister, seek national favor, and wash the horse. The accusation is despicable. I serve the East Palace and can't report it to you. I am a minister, but I don't take office. The imperial edict is sharp, but the minister is dull. County persecution, urging ministers to go on the road; The State Council was anxious to light the spark. I'm going to run with a letter, when Liu was sick every day; If you want to cheat, tell me not to: I'm really embarrassed to retreat.

Third, translation.

By the time the Jin Dynasty was established, I had been politically civilized. His predecessor, Tai Shoukui, recommended his deputy commander as Xiao Lian after his inspection, and later Ci Rongshi recommended his deputy commander as an outstanding talent. Declined politely to accept the appointment, because no one took care of his grandmother. The imperial court made a special decree and appointed me as a doctor. Soon after, it was entrusted by the state and appointed me to wash the horse for the prince. It is beyond my sacrifice to serve the imperial court for a person of humble origin and status like me to serve the prince.

I will report the above difficulties and refuse to take office. But the imperial edict was urgent and stern, accusing me of evading orders, deliberately delaying and being arrogant. The county magistrate urged me to hit the road at once; It is more urgent for state officials to come to the door to urge than for a meteor to fall. I really want to obey the emperor's will and go to Beijing to take office, but my grandmother Liu's illness is getting worse every day; I want to obey my own affairs for a while, but reporting complaints is not allowed. I'm in a dilemma. I'm embarrassed.

Extended data:

First, the creative background

Shi Biao was originally the Langguan of Liu Chan, the ancient ruler of Shu Han. In the fourth year of Jingyuan in the Three Kingdoms (263), Shu was destroyed, and Shimi was the minister of national subjugation. Sima Yan, the son of Si Mazhao, abolished the Wei Yuan Emperor and was called "Emperor Wu of Jin" in history.

In the third year of Taishigong (267), the court adopted the policy of appeasement, tried its best to win over the old ministers of Shu and Han, and recruited an Smith to wash the horse for the prince. At the age of 44, Shimi took the Jin Dynasty as an excuse to "rule the world by filial piety" and went to Chen Qingbiao to express his ambition and asked to be suspended on the grounds that his grandmother had no owner to raise him.

Second, appreciate

There are three reasons why Shi Biao "resigned":

First, Shi Mi does have the problem of supporting her grandmother Liu. As the article says, "Grandmother has no ministers, and her years are endless."

Secondly, Shi Biao, as an old minister of Shu Han, naturally has nostalgia. In addition, he also thinks that Liu Chan, the master of the Han Dynasty, is a figure who can be "in Qi Huan" and is a little unconvinced by the destruction of the rulers.

Third, the ancients said: officials are treading on thin ice. When the emperor is happy, I am your confidant; The emperor is not happy, and I am your shame. Shi Biao can't have no worries about the lessons of history. The Jin Dynasty was just established, and Shi Biao didn't know much about Emperor Wu of Jin Dynasty. He was a blind official and knew the fortunes of the Jin Dynasty. Therefore, Shi Biao's "resignation" does not mean that he doesn't want to be an official, but that it is not suitable for being an official at this moment.

Three. Brief introduction of the author

Li Mi (224 -287) was born in Wuyang (now Pengshan, Sichuan) in the Western Jin Dynasty. Prose writer in the early Jin Dynasty. He is the author of ten pieces of Narratology, so he won't pass them on. There are biographies of Li Mi in Huayang Guozhi and Jin Shu.