A very funny slip of the tongue...
1 In the unit's congratulations, a leader said: "I wish everyone good health..." He held it in, he ran out of words.
2 Once I helped my boss book a hotel and wanted to ask if they had any services such as free Internet access, but I couldn’t think of a good way to say it, so I asked the other person: “Excuse me, do you have any services here? What special services?"
The other party: "What? Special services, we are a regular hotel!"
-__-!!!!
3 Old dormitory I got out of bed and looked for my slippers for a long time, but there were none. I asked everyone: Why are my slippers gone?
4 While shopping, a friend suddenly exclaimed: "Wow! 'Virgin Bookstore'!" I was shocked. When I looked up, I saw a plaque with four big characters written on it
——Foreign Language bookstore-__-!
5 I once went to the mutton skewers
I stretched out 4 fingers and said to the boss, "Here are three mutton skewers."
The boss was confused, "How many?" ”
I stretched out 3 fingers and said “4”...
6 Our general manager’s surname is Zhou. One time he called me while I was driving. I opened my mouth when I was nervous. Said: "Premier Zhou..."
7 My surname is Zhu, and I manage the company. Someone once hit me: "Chief Chicken, are you in the pig?" I scolded the guy at that time
8 I was queuing up in the cafeteria and heard a boy next to me say: "Here comes a bowl of 'bullet cauliflower' Soup!” (Seaweed and Egg Drop Soup) Haha, I laughed so much that I sprayed soup.
9 One day, I was eating very slowly and very hungry at a rice noodle shop
Finally I couldn’t hold it in any longer and slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if I didn’t get the rice noodles, I would flip the table over. !
The result was: "Boss!!!! If you don’t serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!"
The whole store was silent for 3 seconds and then burst into laughter under the table... It’s embarrassing ...
10 When my parents quarreled, my dad said angrily: "I'll get you out of here!"
11 When I was playing basketball in high school, A acted selflessly after getting the ball. Passed to B, B easily scored. After a while, B got the ball, and A shouted to pass the ball to him. But B throws the ball himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blinded just now...
The whole audience burst into laughter
12 In my impression, the squad leader in elementary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom There was a lot of noise in the room. After maintaining order several times, the squad leader finally had no choice. He stood up and slammed the table and roared: Whoever makes noise again, cut his mouth off!!!... The whole class was silent
13 University When we were playing, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was doing, and he said excitedly: "Manchester United lost, and Beckham got two yellow plates and was sent off!"
14 If you don't have the Golden Hoop, don't win it. Porcelain Activity
15 When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture about a new type of material and said: "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to old materials... Oh no, performance and function... …"
16 When I was in military training, the company commander shouted the command - "Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"
17 College At that time, I heard a girl ordering:, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, don’t put the potatoes!
18 In the second year of high school, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just been transferred from Nanchang. His accent was very strong. His son went to the Department of Architecture at Tsinghua University, which was also the purpose of his visit. He was very proud of his son. He always told us about his son and said this every time, "My (son) son is a frog (Tsinghua University)." ) University Toad (Architecture) Department". ． ．
If moths get to frogs and toads, wouldn’t they become snacks? ． ．
19 While cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go and cut the carrots into diced meat!"
20 A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write the festival section? I answered: Add a festive stanza under the prefix "草" and remove the prefix "草"! Everyone burst into laughter! I didn’t react for a moment~~~~~~~!
21 When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me which year I graduated.
I originally wanted to say the year 2000, but I got excited and said: "Two thousand years ago...
What was even more shocking was that the examiner actually said, "A student of Confucius." ”
22 After more than 10 minutes of class, my deskmate raised his hand and said: Teacher, I want to go to the toilet.
The English teacher said very unhappily: How old are you to go to the toilet? Toilet?
22 A classmate of mine has been reviewing for the Level 3 computer science test. One day while playing football, another classmate dribbled the ball to the baseline and heard him shout: Enter! (Cross! )
23 I remember once when I went to a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost? The boss was stunned on the spot
24 The physics teacher said: " This is a thick spring. I push it from both ends to see if it becomes dense (constipated)? ”
25 I heard from my classmates,
Once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins,
said to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.
The boss actually asked: Would you like three fresh dishes or spicy ones?
Then the classmate was stunned and said, "I'm afraid I can't stand the spicy ones." p>26 A college senior who majored in educational psychology. She was late... walked into the classroom and glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked her to answer the questions on the blackboard. The senior sister hesitated for a long time and said: "
27 A very close male classmate of mine fell to the ground. In order to express concern, I asked: "Does your fall hurt?" but accidentally said "You fell to death," sweat~~~ The brother stood up, patted him, farted, and said, "You're not dead." , I'm still panting!" I fainted directly
28 I was drinking with the leader and others, raised my glass and loudly said: "Let us die together!" My head was too hot at the time...
29 Once, our newspaper photographer came back from an interview with a certain female celebrity. At the meeting, he talked about how he got to know this celebrity. The boss looked at a lot of photos on the table and joked: I think you are the same. He has a royal photographer, but the boss’s southern Mandarin is unclear and he pronounces the word “roy” as “日”. From then on, this poor photojournalist was called the “daily photographer” and he worked overtime. , of course it becomes a "night use".
30 Boss, do you have a toilet paper card?
31 We have a colleague who is on a business trip and the dealer needs to urinate during the meal. , the dealer said that there is a restroom opposite. If you tell the door when you go, we can eat for free in order to save 20 cents. Our colleague walked straight away and confidently said to the toilet man: "I'm here." For food! ”
32 I work in the logistics department. During the Chinese New Year, customers called me to check when the pre-holiday goods would arrive. Because the past few days during the holiday were so confusing, I couldn’t figure out the contents of the order, so I just said I asked: What are you?
33 I have a friend who has just watched "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" and is very interested in the "dog-beating stick method" and often jokes with others.
One day, he kicked someone else as usual and shouted: "Kick the dog!" Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked him again and shouted: "Dog kicks!" ”
34 When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays.
I wanted to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.
Because I was still a child and it was my third time. I was working part-time so I was very nervous
I originally wanted to ask the manager if he needed part-time work, but I thought it would be more subtle to ask if he needed manpower
The result was: "Manager, you guys Do we need any thugs here? ”
At that time, I almost found a hole to crawl in
35 Once I went to a vegetable market to prepare for a dinner. A Korean friend ordered lettuce and asked for 2.4 yuan. He gave it all the change he had. He went to the hawker, but he still lacked a dime, so he said to the hawker - "I gave you all my hair, so there is no more hair." "
The hawker was speechless for a long time before replying -
"I don't want your hair anymore.
”
36 Managers usually say to smokers in meetings: Smoking will be strangled to death!!
37 I remember when KFC came out to spread its wings, because I didn’t watch it, I just listened. From what others said, I always thought Liu Xiang was an endorser of KFC. When I arrived in Ken, I told the waiter that I wanted Liu Xiang to spread his wings.
After the KFC Sudan Red incident, I went to KFC. >The waiter asked, what would you like?
I didn’t even think about it: a pair of Sudanese reds
The waiter immediately looked like he was choked
39 years ago A few days after get off work, I went to a small shop with some colleagues for dinner. There were quite a lot of people in the shop at that time, and a fat waiter was very busy. A colleague shouted: "Waiter~~", and the girl ran away. He came over and said, "What kind of accounts do you guys settle? ", we all poured it out at that time. When we go to this restaurant to eat in the future, we will call "waiter" when ordering, and then when we are leaving after eating, we will call "order!" ! "
40 I met a colleague in the bathroom at noon. Suddenly I didn't know what words to use to say hello, so I asked by accident: "Have you eaten? After asking the question, he was very annoyed and embarrassed. His colleague replied: "I have eaten. What about you?" "I'm dizzy~~~~~~
41 My colleague wanted to ask about the exchange rate between the currency and the yen, and he immediately said, how do you exchange the currency for the yen?
42 Dormitory The brothers watched "Prison Break", and there was a scene where a man took out a razor blade from his mouth to kill someone. The boss suddenly said: "I K, I can still speak even if my mouth is hidden in a razor blade, so I'm convinced." . . "
43 One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother didn't move for a long time, and my mother said something like this in a hurry:
"Did you hear that? !Tell you to move the table two kilometers to the side"
=_=!!!
44 After the union chairman gave an impassioned speech, the last sentence reached: Comrades, let We did a better job this year than next year!
45 Our teacher is very good. One day he said: "Take out the homework, let's check the answers and mark the correct ones." , and then write the correct answer on it..."
46 I called Jiumi's friend and learned that he was applying for "suspension with pay"
47 There are so many beautiful people in the country, Inducing countless heroes...
48 When I saw the trailer of "Pirates of the Caribbean", I couldn't think of anything else. I remembered "Megatron", but I couldn't remember that his team was called "Decepticons". Because I was so excited, I exclaimed a little, "It's so handsome, it's Nan Decepticon!" ”
The terrible thing is that it was suddenly very quiet at that time without any movie sound effects. Numerous people stared at me and burst into laughter...it was so embarrassing!
49 Dinner with a group of friends
p>One of them was so depressed that he drank a lot of beer, then stood up with a red face and shouted
Brother!
I guess I originally wanted to say that brothers are not here to do it
At that time, there were more than a dozen people at our table all lying down
50 is so tiring, even eating shit All my energy has been used up...
I laughed so hard that I was hurt inside...