EQ, an "exotic" language, can't escape the fate of being misinterpreted unilaterally in the rapid localization after the good things from western academic circles were introduced into China. The familiarity of EQ is accompanied by the process that its rich connotation is dissolved and its deep meaning is superficial.
At present, in the process of popularization, "high emotional intelligence" often becomes synonymous with "balance", "flattery", "HuiLaiShi" and "Taiji", and even combines with folk vulgar relations such as "rough and dark" as an implicit expression of "sophistication" and "communicative competence", which is somewhat ironic.
In order to prevent good ideas from becoming utilitarian tools, it is very important to clean up the root causes.
Emotional quotient (EQ) usually refers to emotional quotient, which mainly refers to people's qualities in emotion, emotion, will and frustration tolerance. From 65438 to 0995, Daniel Gorman, then a science journalist in The New York Times and a doctor of psychology at Harvard University, wrote the book EQ: Why EQ is More Important than IQ, which attracted worldwide attention and discussion. The author absorbs the previous research viewpoints and puts forward that "EQ" includes five aspects:
1. Know yourself: Know your own emotional changes and examine your inner experience.
2. Self-management: Adjust your emotions appropriately so that they can be properly expressed.
3. Self-motivation: mobilize and stimulate your emotions to achieve your goals.
4. Identify other people's emotions: feel the needs of others and lay the foundation for communication.
5. Dealing with interpersonal relationships: regulating the emotions of yourself and others, and managing interpersonal relationships and interactions.
However, in some people's understanding, "emotional intelligence" is equivalent to "interpersonal skills", and the five-layer connotation of "emotional intelligence" has been separated to only one layer. In fact, the most important EQ ability is not interpersonal relationship, but "self-relationship": the core of EQ is to know yourself objectively and comprehensively, to be able to detect the appearance of certain emotions, to be able to detect the changes of emotions at all times, to be self-aware and to examine the inner experience.
Being the master of emotions can dominate your life. We will encounter unhappy and dissatisfied things at any time in our work and life. If there is no rational and conscious self-guidance and control, let your emotions vent, or even pass on your anger to others, it will easily lead to destructive and harmful behavior. In fact, what really hurts you is not the thing itself, but the negative or positive emotional reaction generated by your view of the thing.
Some people are misled to pursue popularity and zero bad reviews. In fact, they only imitate superficial skills such as making relationships, and at most they become what others call "good people" and "scheming bitches". Only when your personality can keep up with your skills can you really handle your relationship with others.
People with high emotional intelligence will not deliberately "please others", but take care of themselves, cultivate their inner self and focus on their mental model and growth direction. The relationship and contradiction with others are actually your own inner cognitive thinking and habits. So:
If you have a firm self-awareness and self-awareness, you won't be influenced by others, and naturally you won't care too much about whether others like you or not, and you don't need to rely on external praise to affirm yourself.
If you are clear about your value pursuit and life choice, and know what kind of person you want to be, you will not be confused because of temporary difficulties, and your confidence will not be affected because others' views are inconsistent with yours.
If you have a strong heart and a strong will, you can motivate yourself, get yourself out of the low tide of life, and treat temporary gains and losses with honor and disgrace, because a higher sense of mission does not allow you to stagnate.
The broader and more confident you are, the more tolerant and receptive you will be to others. Because you are rich and satisfied inside, you don't have to impose your own values and requirements on others, and there will be fewer contradictions and conflicts caused by cognitive differences.
The deeper you know yourself, the more you know that everyone is different, so that you can better grasp the sense of boundaries with others and respect others and their values and needs.
The more you look at yourself, the more you can look at and evaluate your mental model, transform and change your perspective and style of looking at and explaining problems through correct attribution, overcome your own limitations, and better control your life.
Therefore, "emotional intelligence" is not a trick, and it is even more impossible to soar. Instead of turning to the heart, it is better to deliberately emphasize external skills, understand and examine yourself, and upgrade your mental model, so as to better control yourself, better understand others and get along with others.