As soon as 3-year-old Jojo got up, his mother prepared steaming corn porridge for him. Jojo looked at the corn porridge and frowned and protested, "I don't like this."
My mother immediately tried to convince me like a salesman: "This corn porridge is really delicious. It warms its stomach after drinking a bowl of porridge in the morning, and it can grow. " It's a pity that Jojo is unmoved.
Mom can't help it To make Jojo drink a bowl of porridge, she added sugar and raisins. But Jojo took a bite and said she would never eat again. At this time, my mother got angry and began to preach: "why are you so ungrateful?" Other children want to eat, and mothers don't even do it! "
Jojo immediately replied, "Then you can give it to someone else's children."
Seeing that all her efforts were in vain, my mother was very angry. She patted Jojo's ass and made him hungry. But it didn't take long for mom to blame herself and feel guilty. Jojo came back after playing for a while and said she was hungry.
At this time, my mother was a little proud: "I told you to eat long ago, but you didn't eat." Are you hungry now? " Then, it is 10 minute sermon. Jojo stared helplessly at the clock and looked at it in confusion. Finally, when his mother's sermon was over, he took the biscuit and ran away quickly.
The next day, Jojo didn't compromise, as if yesterday's mother's words were ignored. This made the mother feel particularly lost: "The older the child, the harder it is to take care of it. He began to rebel when he was only 3 years old? "
We observe the mode of getting along with parents and children around us, and there are more or less the shadows of Jojo and mother. Parents don't listen to what they want their children to do. A little older, children even become particularly lazy, do not do housework, do not care about learning. I'm not worried about my grades either. It seems that it has nothing to do with me.
When I was a child, it didn't happen. What's wrong with children now?
Psychologist Rudolf Drex believes that there are two main reasons for children's lack of sense of responsibility and self-motivation:
1, social change
In an increasingly progressive society, the status of women has improved, even on an equal footing with men. In the relationship between husband and wife, the father lost control of his mother, and both parents lost control of their children. Because mothers no longer set an example of obedience. In this way, children will develop themselves more than obey.
There are few opportunities to cultivate a sense of responsibility and self-motivation.
Children pay too little and get too much in the family. Parents give selflessly, but they don't teach their children how to contribute. Children don't need to be responsible for family affairs, so they have no chance to cultivate a sense of responsibility and self-motivation.
3. Lack of important perception and skills
In addition to the above two reasons, jane nelsen, the author of Positive Discipline, also believes that if children lack important perception and skills, it is easy to make bad behaviors, which makes parents feel worried and angry. These perceptions and skills include:
Self-confidence: Believe in your ability and feel "I can do it".
2 sense of value: I feel valuable-"Everyone needs me, and my contribution is valuable."
3 influence: I feel very influential-"I can influence what happens to me."
4 * * * Emotion: Can understand other people's emotions, and be self-disciplined and self-controlled, and don't do anything that hurts others' feelings.
⑤ Communication skills: Strong interpersonal communication skills, good at cooperation, and establishing friendship on the basis of communication and listening.
6. Control: Being able to control yourself and control the development direction of things.
⑦ Judgment: Use wisdom to judge and evaluate the situation.
If a child has the above seven abilities. Then, his bad behavior will soon disappear by itself.
When the child rebelled and disagreed with the decision made by his parents. Many parents and children interact in the following ways:
1 control
Like Jojo's mother mentioned at the beginning of the article, it belongs to the control type. Children must act in their mother's way. He has no choice, everything depends on his mother's arrangement.
2 chong ai
Listen to the child and give him whatever he wants. Around the children all day, parents give in at the first time when they encounter differences.
Then what else can we do besides these two?
Jane nelsen put forward a positive parenting method, which respects both children and ourselves. Moreover, through this method, children are helped to develop the necessary perceptual ability and life skills, and cultivate a sense of responsibility and self-motivation.
This book provides many practical methods to help children develop their abilities, cultivate good habits and cooperate with their parents. )
Controlling parents lack kindness and disrespect for their children. Spoiled types lack firmness and don't respect ourselves. We need active guidance, respect for children and respect for ourselves. Mother cuckoo picked out four kind and firm methods from the book for your reference:
Scene 1: The child talks back to you and shows disrespect for you.
At this time, neither punishment nor connivance is needed.
You can walk away and give yourself a positive pause: since I can't force you to respect me, I will respect myself.
Don't solve problems when you are angry, because when people are angry, it is difficult to analyze rationally, but they fall into the original thinking of "having emotions-losing their temper".
(2) Wait for both sides to calm down before solving the problem:
Understand each other's feelings: "I know you were angry just now, so you made a hullabaloo about."
Disapproving behavior: "But there are many ways to solve problems, and hurting others can't make things better. On the contrary, I feel very sad that you treated me like that. "
Find a way: "If you like, I can work with you to find a way to solve this problem."
Guide children kindly and focus on the solution, not the problem itself. This will neither let you control the child nor indulge him.
Scenario B: Children don't cooperate
Every time I encounter homework, my parents can be naive enough to doubt life. Sometimes you call him a hundred times, but he doesn't move in front of the TV.
If you want to win your child's cooperation, you must let him make his own plans instead of following your instructions.
You can ask your child when he decides to do his homework every day and how to arrange the time to watch TV and games. He would rather carry out his own rules and plans than obey your orders.
But this does not mean that children can always obey and act according to the rules every day. When children break the rules, parents should not fall into "control" and "connivance", start preaching and nagging mode, or simply ignore them.
(4) Ask children heuristic questions:
Helping children think and reflect, giving encouragement instead of humiliation and scolding, can help children learn skills from mistakes.
Mother cuckoo said:
Whether at school or at home, the primary factors that determine children's performance are: sense of belonging and sense of value. Punishment can't make a child feel valuable, and doting won't make him feel belonging. Only when he feels that he is capable, powerful and recognized will he cultivate a sense of responsibility and self-motivation.
Related reading recommendations:
Psychologist: The smarter the child, the more obvious his performance in infancy, and parents should pay more attention to it.
Is the baby's quick response a high IQ? Psychologists have given some suggestions on cultivating children with high IQ.