Professor Li Juan mainly helps parents understand, understand and deal with problems from the physical and psychological changes and behavioral performance of children starting from adolescence to answer questions. Based on the many practical experiences she and her son had, as well as the many lessons learned from encountering obstacles and blood and tears, combined with psychological theories, the whole class seemed to me to be approachable, full of human fireworks and very down-to-earth. I don’t know how other people feel, but I feel like I gained a lot.
I myself prefer reading books on psychology. A few years ago, I read Teacher Zhang Defen’s "Meeting the Unknown Self", which is actually an introductory book on psychology to get to know yourself. I read Wu Zhihong some time ago. The teacher's "Why Family Hurts People" and "Thank Myself for My Imperfections" are both good psychological works. They both discuss the impact of close relationships in the original family on a person from childhood to adulthood. Establishing many emotional causes and handling methods in intimate relationships with your lover and children is very helpful for self-awareness and growth. After all, in addition to material needs, most of us pursue happiness at the most fundamental and ultimate level. needs.
Because I have read these books, combined with what Professor Li said today, the theoretical knowledge can be integrated and connected. Some time ago, I read part one or two of Teacher Yin Jianli's "A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher". Some of the psychological descriptions and ways of getting along with children during the period also have a lot in common with today's class. In addition, Professor Li's twelve-word golden words "I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you" were also passed down from Hawaii in the book "Zero Limit", which is about transcending limits and clearing everything to evoke power. Super incredible chanting. It turns out that these twelve golden words can not only be used to generate self-perception and power, but also be used to deal with intimate relationships sincerely and attentively. This is indeed a particularly good discovery for me. Very happy.
Professor Li talked about the impact of the original family on a child, the impact of a poor relationship between parents on the child; the damage caused by long-term neglect of the child; and the impact of verbal and physical violence in the family on the child's character. Twisted and more. There is one example that impressed me deeply. It tells the story of a girl who suffered from depression as an adult that was so severe that she suffered from insomnia and self-mutilation. Later, she sought treatment from Professor Li. During the treatment process, she uncovered the root cause of the girl's illness, which was what the girl's father said to the girl when she was eating: "Look." You are almost as fat as a pig and you are still eating! If you continue to eat, you will not be able to get married." This sentence became a shadow in the child's heart. However, when Professor Li found the child's father and told him about it, the father had already forgotten it. I once said this sentence and found it very strange. Finally, the father realized and sincerely apologized to the child and asked for forgiveness. The insomnia and depression that had troubled the girl for many years gradually healed.
I think this incident is very typical, and it also reminds me of myself. I am a troubled and troubled girl in adolescence.
? I am the third and youngest child in my family. My father is away from home all the time because of his work. Although my father is very strict in my impression, I always remember that my father loved me very much and praised me when I was a child. I still remember those words. My mother is different. When I was a child, I grew up in a rural area. My mother had to take care of a large family and there was a lot of farm work. My father was not at home and all the pressure was on my mother alone. I was the one who was always ignored when I was a child. I seem to have a very strong impression. I have had little close contact with my mother, and am very lonely and lacking love.
To this day, I still remember my mother saying, "I originally planned to have a boy, but it turned out that I was born a girl. At that time, your brother was still telling me that the cry of this little girl was very nice, so let her keep her." ! Hahaha" was a joke at the time. I don’t know how many times I repeated this joke. My mother was not a patriarchal person. She kept repeating this joke in my ears when I was a child, but she I never knew that this sentence left an indelible hurt in my heart when I was young, although I may have chosen to forget the hurt in my consciousness at that time. But until I grew up, I felt that I was a redundant person, not someone they wanted. This sentence also accompanied me through my adolescence and most of my life, where I had low self-esteem and pain.
All the struggles and rebellions in adolescence, being an enemy of the world, wishing that everyone would just leave me alone and let me fend for myself, I can still feel the scars on my heart at that time. It's a dull pain. At that time, I felt that everyone disliked me, isolated me, and ridiculed me. In fact, I never looked at myself favorably at that time. All the weird things she does are to prove and find her presence in this world! I don’t want to be ignored, I want to be seen by the world. That poor little girl was so helpless and lonely. If I could travel through time and space and be an adult now, I would love to go back and hug her, touch her head to give her warmth and care...
As time goes by, the little girl who was in endless pain and no one knew about her... He has grown up, is married, has a family, and has a lovely daughter. Nowadays, I have gained a lot of knowledge through reading and have gradually healed some of my scars. However, when encountering problems, such as problems in an intimate relationship, sometimes I will instantly transform into the injured little girl I was at that time, crying hysterically and inexplicably. , just like a few days ago when I had a small problem with Mr. Huang, I suddenly burst out and couldn't control myself. In fact, subconsciously, I hoped that he was my childhood mother, and I needed her warmth and care. This may have happened to me many times when I was very young. I cried to express my desire for my mother's warmth. It’s just that this demand is always ignored. Instead, I am considered to be fooling around and in exchange for being left out to wake up...
Therefore, subconsciously, I feel that this scene seems familiar but I don’t know where I have seen it. This is probably in my forgotten childhood. Because it was too uncomfortable, the memory chose to forget. But this wounded emotion can be reawakened from time to time in intimate relationships under certain conditions in adulthood. Turn me into a biting monster.
Now I am an adult in my thirties, and my mother is old and has worked hard for us all her life. It is impossible for me to ask my mother to apologize like Professor Li went to the girl's father. Of course, I'm not that serious, but through today's class, I found the causes of some of the pains I suffered from my adolescence until now, just like I found the causes of the illnesses I had suffered for many years. Know how to resolve, know how to cope, know how to reconcile with the pain. To truly accept and forgive those reasons is to slowly reconcile with the pain. It’s self-healing.
In fact, during the period from childhood to adulthood, as the closest person to whom they are most attached and trusted, you not only bring them into the world and give them good material and environment, You also need to sincerely respect her, pay attention to her, and give her enough love and freedom. In fact, it is very difficult to be a parent, coming to this world for a while. We should not only try our best to realize our own self-worth, but also be responsible for another life. How difficult it is to protect him or her from physical and mental harm!
I forgot which book it said that children are sent by the gods to help you, and they can help you grow. In other words, your child is your god and a person who is destined to you. In fact, I particularly agree with this sentence. I am grateful to God for giving me a lovely daughter. Through her, I have indeed become aware of many things about myself that I never knew.
Sometimes hugging and talking to her is like hugging and talking to my childhood self. The warmth and love that had been ignored and missing in the subconscious wanted to be expressed in her. My daughter can also feel this, and her relationship with me is particularly harmonious. How could this not be a kind of compensation!
Thank God for the arrangement! I learned so much through an inadvertent adolescent psychology class. I am also grateful to myself for breaking through all the gloom in my heart and not being gloomy. I always believe in the sunshine! As long as there is sunshine in the heart, it will generate warmth and resolve the coldness in the heart!