1. When I go to work in the morning, the bus is very crowded and there are so many people.

A young beauty came up at the second station, followed by a man. It looked like they didn't know each other. He stood there for several seconds without speaking. The little beauty should be around 1.62cm tall, and I am 1.80cm tall. Basically a head taller than her. The kind of packaged soy milk that the little beauty is holding. He was standing right in front of me. Because it was so crowded, the little girl stood in the middle and couldn't grasp the armrest at all. Maybe she was afraid of spilling the soy milk, so she raised the paper cup of soy milk high above her shoulders and took a sip from time to time. I didn't have breakfast this morning. I couldn't stand the smell of soy milk. She took a sip and then relaxed her shoulders. The straw is just not far from my mouth, about 3cm at most.

After a while, I couldn’t help it anymore, so I opened my mouth and took a small sip, very lightly, so the little beauty didn’t notice. Then she took it over and took another sip, then raised it over my shoulder, and I took another sip. Take a puff. After a while, the soy milk should be gone, but I don’t know. She muttered to herself: "What a world, the soy milk sellers are all lying. They pretend to be so little and almost finished the drink in a few gulps." I almost burst out laughing at that time. When she raised the paper cup to her shoulder again, I sucked it step by step. As a result, because there was not much in it, I made a "gurgling, gurgling" sound when I sucked it. The little beauty turned around suddenly, and I was petrified at that time. I was holding her straw in my mouth. I was so stiff. I was so embarrassed at that time. MB, I have the idea of ????jumping out of the car. The little beauty said: "What are you doing? Does it taste good? Do you want me to buy you a drink? You look so handsome and you don't look like a poor person." Me: "..."

I still feel scared when I think about it now. The little beauty got off the bus at the next stop. Several people around me kept looking at me. I laughed at myself and said, "It's my girlfriend, joking with me." I just finished speaking. The man who got into the car with the little beauty spoke up: "What are you talking about, brother? I let you drink the soy milk, and you also want a man. She is my girlfriend, okay?" Me: "Ah, what are you doing? Don’t you want to get off the car?” The brother said, “She’s here, but I’m not here yet. I still have a few stops to go. Are you a little too shameless? There are so many people, so I won’t say anything.” You want it too. Can it be mine?" I said in a low voice, "It's yours, I don't want it." I jumped down just as we reached the station. . . Sweat all over. Too panicked. Too confusing. So unsettled.

2. One time I suddenly thought of going swimming, so I bought a cheap pair of swimming trunks in the supermarket because there was no other color but red. As a result, I didn’t expect my swimming trunks to fade. When I was soaking in the pool, wisps of red oozed out from my lower body, rippling in the water... An uncle swam past me and looked at the red spots underneath me. "Blood", and looked at my naked upper body. For a moment, his expression was very contradictory... -

3.-Let's talk about my childhood! Everyone knows the big 28 bicycle with a large beam, right? When I was four or five years old, I would sit directly on the beam of my father's bicycle, sideways. Over time, my feet would become numb, which was very uncomfortable! Finally, one time when I went to my grandma’s house, I suggested sitting in the back seat because that way my feet wouldn’t go numb! Agreed! Haha, let’s go! ! As a result, something happened when we arrived at the destination...My father forgot about me, took his legs off from behind, and then kicked me off...

4.-I heard from a friend that he was in college A boy with low EQ finally met a girl he liked, and the two started dating. Once the girl was sick, the boy accompanied her to the infirmary for a drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and there was no movement. The boy wanted to break the silence, so he asked: "Are you cold?" "Cold" "Cold, can I cover it for you?" The girl blushed and whispered "Okay" and the boy stood up. . . . . . . . . . He covered the drip bottle with his hand.

5. When I was a child, I always bullied my sister because of how old I was. One night, my father came over to cover us with quilts, and he was shocked to find my three-year-old sister sitting upright in the dark and looking at me who was sleeping soundly! Why aren't you sleeping yet? Dad asked.

My sister hurriedly said: Hush! Keep your voice down, wait until she falls asleep and beat her!

6. One of my classmates is a Christian, and he feels a little obsessed. The school had to do morning exercises in the morning, and he felt that teachers had to get up early to do exercises, otherwise it would be unfair. So I ran directly to the principal to negotiate. The principal was stunned for a moment and said: Where did you come from? My classmate lovingly said: I am sent by God to save you. principal: I met the old man next door. The old man said to my grandpa: "Go fishing!" My grandpa said: "No! I'm going fishing." Then the old man said: "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" I was petrified... -

8. I didn’t pay attention when washing the dishes and dropped the bowl on the floor. It was okay, but it only lost a corner on the edge and became a small chip. Then continue washing the dishes. Without paying attention, my right hand passed through the gap... and it broke. I just thought: Is it really that fast? It can break your hands. Then I tried it with my left hand and it broke too. I thought: It is indeed fast enough. If I use this bowl to eat, my mouth will soon be in trouble? Then I had sex and tried it with my mouth... My lips were also broken... -

9. There was a couple on the bus. The woman let a pervert touch her, but the boyfriend showed no expression. After arriving at the station, the boyfriend grabbed the pervert out of the car, beat him skillfully and then left with his girlfriend. A website analyzes the reasons for voting. 75% of people voted for "This guy is waiting for his skills to cool down..." -

10. There is a bun shop near the subway station, and the business is very good. There is a train ticket sales point next to the queue every day. Today I was queuing up to buy steamed buns to eat. When I was about to get there, I heard two men behind me saying: "Wow, it turns out this is a steamed bun shop selling train tickets...ah, over there!"

11. I just sent a drunk guy home, and along the way he asked me to get a massage. When it was delivered to the door of his house, his wife opened it. My friend looked at it and said to me: "This, this, this lady looks like my wife, haha." Her wife's face twitched when she saw her, and it was inconvenient for her to get angry when she saw me around. Help him into the living room with me. He said he needed to go to the toilet, so he went in alone. As soon as he saw his wife, he answered the phone and slammed the door angrily and left, wondering. This guy came out of the toilet and said to me: "I just called my wife and told her that the company was working overtime and she wouldn't be going back."

12. Once I went to a dungeon to refresh the map with warriors... Half an hour later, a message suddenly came out on the loudspeaker and almost shocked me to death: "Students from Zhejiang XX Mine Affiliated Middle School, the principal is here." Run quickly...

13. To buy a pair of gloves, the boss wanted 35. I said 30 and I wanted it, but the boss refused and insisted on 35. After several talks, he refused to give in. Let me think about it. Forget it, I gave Zhang 50 and he quickly found me 35...

14. In high school, our toilet had a door that could be opened by itself. , but it can only be opened inward, but not outward. Many people have a habit of kicking the toilet door with their feet. Most people kick it at about knee height. I have a classmate who has practiced martial arts, probably to show off, or to maintain safety. Due to his flexibility, he always raised his feet high and kicked them at about chest height. One evening, this person went to the WC and walked to the door. Without thinking, he just lifted his feet and kicked them. Then our dean was kicked hard by my classmate and sent back to the bathroom.

15. After taking my wife for a prenatal check-up, the nurse said: You 32. Come and get the checklist. Wife: January 32nd or February 32nd. Me (weakly): February 1st. Nurse (sweat): Yes~yes~-

16. I was on a plane a few days ago. When I got on the plane, I noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to me. According to the rules of conversation, I blurted out and asked, where are you getting off?

17. I was cooking in the rice cooker in the dormitory last night. Porridge, suddenly my roommate rushed into the dormitory and said: Oh no, the hospital leaders are leading a team to check the illegal electrical appliances in the dormitory. They have already arrived next door. What should I do with the pot? In desperation, I hid the pot under the quilt and waited for the teacher to arrive. , he said: Well, I still trust Xiaolei (himself), so I won’t look in your cabinet.

I secretly felt lucky, but the teacher went on to say: Just see if you use the electric blanket. As a result, I was written off. T_T-

18. The cat pounces on someone. He has a new girlfriend, and he is in love with his concubine. He wants to visit his girlfriend at home. His girlfriend knows that he often talks dirty words, so he repeatedly tells him not to talk nonsense, and someone happily agrees. . After the meeting, the man responded freely and did not reveal any secrets. His girlfriend's parents were very satisfied. After dinner, in the dead of winter, my girlfriend’s parents also insisted on sending her off to the roadside. Someone was quite moved, and blurted out, “Uncle, don’t send her away, go back quickly, and show my auntie how cool she is!” -

19. Today, my boss asked me to delete all the CS in the Internet cafe. I have been busy all night. As for why CS should be deleted? In fact, the reason is this. Today's temporary inspection by the Public Security Bureau has been reported before. I have been acting as a scavenger for several days, driving out all creatures under the age of 18 from the Internet cafe. So when we watched the police officers coming from a distance, my boss and I were not nervous at all. But it's a pity. When the police uncles just stepped into the door of the Internet cafe, a group of people playing CS in the Internet cafe happened to shout excitedly: "The police are coming! The police are coming! The police are in the dog hole! Come on, brothers! Kill them!" "All right. I admit that at that moment, not only the faces of the police officers turned green, but the boss and I also looked horribly green. -

20.818 There is an elder sister around me who has done very funny things. She had a mobile phone and a PHS. One day she got a new mobile phone sim card. A colleague asked her what the new number was. She said she had forgotten it, so she used the phone with the new sim card to dial her PHS. While dialing, she continued chatting with her colleagues. After her PHS phone rang, she picked it up and asked, "Hello?...Hello?...Speak. If you don't speak, I will die!" All the colleagues present were petrified. After that, she hung up and said, "I'm crazy. I called and didn't say anything."

21. My wife went on a business trip and didn’t come back for several days. She secretly sent me a text message during the afternoon meeting. The leader next to me slept like a dead pig. It was so funny~ But there was a telecommunications problem, so the message was not sent to my mobile phone until midnight. I almost jumped off the building...

22. My husband left. I was playing peek-a-boo with my three-year-old daughter at home in the evening. I hid behind the curtains and saw my daughter lying on the sofa. In front, he said to the dark sofa: Auntie, come out quickly, I see you...

23. I remember that in high school, I was studying in the evening, and a buddy was sleeping in the last row. I woke up suddenly, turned off the light, and went to sleep. At that time, the whole class was dumbfounded.

24. Worried about the names of future children, those with the same generation. The cousin of the eldest uncle's family is named Chen Guandong, and the second uncle's cousin is called Chen Guannan. Yesterday, my mother said that my third uncle’s cousin had a baby named Chen Guanbei. Damn it, the family is sinister! Third brother is trying to harm me. But I just read "The Golden Age", and while I admire it, I secretly plan to call it Guanzhong. You can't tell your little cousin this.

25. When I was in my junior year, I once had lunch with my boyfriend in the school cafeteria. There were so many people, and I finally managed to get a seat facing each other. A couple sitting behind me were also facing each other. The boy and I were Back to back. Suddenly, the couple started to quarrel, and they seemed to think that the boy's rice was not delicious. I didn't care, and continued to eat happily. As I was eating, I heard a popping sound, and suddenly I felt that my back, starting from the hair, felt very hot. Just by feeling, A pot of spicy rice noodles was placed on my head. I was petrified for a minute and was numb from the heat. Then a male voice whispered in my ear: I'm sorry, she was going to hit me!

26. I have a friend. He said that his college classmate once went to the university cafeteria to eat. At that time, he was holding a lunch box and hesitating about what to eat. He muttered: Should I eat chicken or fish? That The cafeteria lady urged him to choose quickly, but he slapped his head and shouted, let’s eat chicken! The cafeteria lady was stunned for three seconds and gave him a sausage. . .

27. The big cat at home gave birth to 6 kittens. They were very cute. Since they were just born, they hadn’t even opened their eyes yet. One kitten couldn’t find its feeder for some reason. , or the competition is too great and you can’t get it.

One day, the big cat went out to eat. I went to check and found that the little kitten was holding the other kitten's tail and sucking there.

28. A classmate told a story about her middle school days . During class, a boy fell asleep on the table and was discovered by the teacher. The teacher was very calm and asked his deskmate to pay attention. . . . This is really a wash set. . . The deskmate took off his coat and put it on the sleeping boy. . .

29. My computer password is: FUCK YOU, and yesterday my boss wanted to use my computer and asked me to send the password to his mobile phone...

30. General high schools There was an earlier morning self-study before the morning self-study. Everyone got up in a haze, washed up and walked to the classroom in a haze. At this moment, the female class teacher was already waiting at the door of the classroom. She was wearing red long johns around her neck and looking at each classmate one after another with her hands in her pockets. Everyone was holding in that self-study so hard...

31. I remember one time my classmate pranked me and stuck a monster patch on the back of my clothes while I wasn't paying attention. I was so stupid that I never noticed it. They posted it for several days without telling me... Later I finally found out, so I asked my aunt: Auntie, didn't you see this sticky patch when you were doing laundry? My aunt said: I saw it! I asked: Then why didn’t you take it off for me? The aunt said innocently: I thought it was a trademark. I was afraid that it would be damaged by washing, so I took it off and washed it. After it dried, I stuck it on again for you... -

32. I once met someone who had been there for many years. I had never met my primary school teacher. I was very excited and felt very friendly. I didn’t know what to think. I ran up to me and touched the teacher’s head excitedly. The teacher was also stunned at the time, and I was also confused. Then I said again Sentence...you have grown so big! At that time, I was so sweaty that I wanted to go to shit quickly...

33. One day, a group of young people with unknown origins came to a private room to celebrate their birthday. They were all well-dressed, thinking that it was another prodigal son of a high-ranking official who came to have fun. After asking, the lady didn't want service, so she sent me a platter and ignored me. In the middle of the night, JC comrades came over to check. (I just came for a formality and greeted them in advance. If I came here without saying hello, they would definitely meet their leader.) But I didn’t expect this group of people to be taking drugs. JC looked at a bunch of young people and asked me if we didn’t know them. Go up and catch him without saying a word. Then, comedy happened. A man with glasses was lying on the wall, his limbs making swimming shapes. The expression is very vulgar. JC went up and pulled him down. Man with glasses: Awesome, you can still recognize me even after I turned into a gecko.

34. Let me share an embarrassing story about a classmate: The classmate is also a girl. For a while, she felt something was wrong with her breasts and went to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor said it was breast lobular hyperplasia. My classmate was stunned for a long time and asked angrily: What did you say? Do I have lobular hyperplasia? Could it be that the only A-cup cup I have is also a result of growth? So besides hyperplasia, what else do I have?

35. My classmate’s father is a taxi driver. That day, two men reached out to stop the taxi: How much does it cost to go to such-and-such a place? About 10 yuan. Will the two of us go at 15? …… go! go!

36. It turned out that when I was in school, my deskmate was very playful. Once he was sleeping in class and was caught by the teacher. The teacher said xxx stand up. I pushed him awake and said, "The teacher asked you to stand up." But he stared at the teacher and refused to stand up. The teacher is anxious xxx, stand up! He still wouldn't get up and rolled his eyes at the teacher. The teacher has lost his temper. I can't control students like you xxx. Let's continue the class. I whispered underneath, xxx, you are really naughty for going against the teacher. xxx said: Actually, I want to stand up. But~~~~~~~~~~~~~~my legs are numb from sleep. . .

37. At the New Year’s dinner, there are a few tables with name tags, and everyone else can sit wherever they want. Then I heard a woman say: "Go and sit in front, there is your tablet there.

"I collapsed immediately...

38. Once during the mid-term exam, a classmate in our year was caught by our classmate while texting in the toilet, but he refused to reveal his accomplices. Duan was very calm. He used his mobile phone to send a group text message - "Come to the men's room on the second floor to get the answer", and then...comrades came from all directions...the whole army Submerged...

39. There are two fruit stalls in front of the school. A girl bought bananas at stall A. She kept squeezing the bananas with her hands while picking them, probably to see if they were ripe. The vendor at stall B said: Classmate, come to my place to buy.

40. I have a friend in the same dormitory who has a lot of girlfriends. Ask him in the evening: "Why do you like women so much?" ". "I have lacked maternal love since I was a child, and my parents are no longer around." "Then what should you do if you lack father's love? "This person said the regretful words "I have you". From then on, this person received great care in our dormitory -