This is a very influential psychological popular book, which occupied the The New York Times bestseller list for 18 months and was reprinted countless times. In this book, Gorman discusses the generation of human emotions and the results of different emotional control through countless short stories that happen around us and can resonate with readers. Turn the profound EQ theory into a life skill that everyone can understand and master easily.

About the author

Daniel Gorman, known as the "father of emotional intelligence", is a doctor of psychology at Harvard University, specializing in behavior and brain science. He is a researcher of the American Association for the Advancement of Science and has won the highest honor award and lifetime achievement award of the American Psychological Association for many times.

core content

1. what is emotional intelligence?

2. How do we manage our emotions?

3. How do we manage other people's emotions?

Foreword

What I read for you in this issue is EQ, and the subtitle is why EQ is more important than IQ. I will tell you the essence of the book: EQ can help us manage our own and others' emotions and make it easier for us to succeed.

in our traditional concept, we always think that the most important thing is to study. As long as you get good grades and get into a prestigious school, you are successful.

However, in recent years, there have been frequent incidents of students killing or poisoning in prestigious schools, and the most well-known case is the poisoning case of Fudan University. He poisoned the water that his companions drank just because of some trivial things in life, which caused an irreparable human tragedy. Since he is high flyers of Fudan University, his IQ must be very high. What is the essential reason for the tragedy? After reading the book EQ, we will know that it is actually because they don't know how to manage their emotions, in other words, their EQ is not high.

The author of this book, Daniel Gorman, is a doctor of psychology at Harvard University. In 1995, he wrote the book EQ, which received a great response. He occupied the The New York Times bestseller list for 18 months and reprinted it countless times. It is precisely because of this book that the concept of EQ has gone out of the ivory tower of psychological research, gone to the public and become a popular word. More importantly, Gorman put forward the view that EQ is more important than IQ, breaking the long-standing IQ determinism.

In this book, Gorman discusses the generation of human emotions and the results of different emotional control through countless short stories that happen around us and can resonate with readers. Turn the profound EQ theory into a life skill that everyone can understand and master easily.

ok, let's talk about the core content of this book. I will explain it to you in three parts. The first part is what is EQ? The second part is how do we manage our emotions? The third part is how do we manage the emotions of others?

Part I: What is EQ

First, let's talk about Part I: What is EQ?

The book EQ points out that a person's success follows the 28 rule, that is, 2% depends on IQ, 8% is determined by other factors, and the most important one is EQ.

So, what exactly is EQ? Gorman pointed out that emotional intelligence is our ability to manage emotions. In other words, people with high EQ have the ability to know and manage their own emotions, as well as the ability to know others' emotions and manage interpersonal relationships, which can make us deal with people more smoothly.

For example, when we are reprimanded by our leaders at work, people with high emotional intelligence will not argue with them in a hurry. Instead, try to control your emotions, listen to the leaders quietly, and wait until the leaders are in a stable mood before they express their opinions. In this way, they not only expounded their own opinions, but also solved the problem better in a harmonious relationship.

Part II: How do we manage our emotions

After knowing what EQ is, we should know how to manage our emotions.

In order to manage our emotions well, we must first know our emotions, and we must have the ability of self-awareness. That is to say, when an emotion breaks out, we can jump out of ourselves and become a bystander, and then look at our emotions from the perspective of a bystander, so as to realize our emotional state.

For example, the book talks about an example of controlling anger. If you are driving on the highway and a car almost hits you, the situation is very dangerous and you are scared out in a cold sweat. After being scared, of course, you will be very angry. This anger will make you have the idea of revenge. You slam on the accelerator and rush up. If another car behind you honks at you, you will vent your anger on the driver of that car. If such emotions are allowed to go on, the consequences are simply unimaginable.

So at this critical moment, if you can be self-aware of your emotions, for example, you can think, "I'm angry now, maybe I shouldn't be angry. It's too dangerous to drive angry." Then, you can think about the problem with a questioning attitude. You can think like this: "He can't want to bump into me on purpose. I don't know him. He must be in a hurry."

or you can think like this: "driving so fast on the highway, this man is simply killing himself. I won't argue with him! " Will you still be angry after thinking like this? Certainly not, which shows that you have successfully controlled your emotions with reason.

With the ability of self-awareness, it is actually like turning on the self-help button, so that we can control negative emotions and make them develop in a direction that is beneficial to us.

Part III: How do we manage others' emotions

Finally, we should know how to manage others' emotions.

in order to manage others' emotions, we must first know others' emotions, and then we can control others' emotions on this basis. Secondly, we should have empathy.

so, what is empathy? Empathy is the ability to understand other people's feelings, and to put it bluntly, it is the ability to empathize.

Let's read another case in the book, which happened on a Japanese bus. One day, a tall worker got on the bus and walked unsteadily because he was drunk. While walking, he cursed and waved his fist, pushing a woman with a baby to the ground. The passengers were so scared that a young man was about to rush forward and do a good job. At this time, a war would soon break out.

At this moment, someone suddenly uttered the ecstatic voice "Hey!" Just like seeing an old friend reunited after a long separation, the drunk was startled to find that it was a thin old man waving to him with a smile. The drunk angrily crossed over and shouted, "I don't know you!" " The old man smiled and asked, "What did you drink?" "I drank rice wine. Wow, it's none of your business!" The drunk continued to roar, and the old man said gently, "Well, I like rice wine, too. Every day, my wife and I warm a small bottle of rice wine and take it to the yard." The old man kept talking, from rice wine to the garden. As he spoke, the drunk's clenched fist loosened and he collapsed next to the old man, muttering in his mouth, but his voice became smaller and smaller.

Here, the key for the old gentleman to resolve this storm is that he first knows the drunkard's emotions, and then he accurately grasps the drunkard's psychology, so as to attract the drunkard's attention by talking about his favorite rice wine. At the same time, he tries to keep in line with the other's emotions. The old gentleman says that he also likes rice wine, which makes the drunkard feel understood. On this basis, he also tried to divert the drunk's attention, talked about his own garden, let the drunk's tense nerves relax, and finally successfully controlled the drunk's emotions.

Actually, it is empathy that inspires our enthusiasm to help others, so we will put ourselves in the other's shoes and try our best to take effective actions. At the same time, empathy can also help us to accurately grasp the psychology of others, so that we can maintain emotional consistency with others, so that others can listen to our words and accept our influence, and then we can have a chance to let their emotions follow us.

Therefore, with empathy, we can manage other people's emotions well.

Summary

Speaking of this, the content of this book has basically been finished. Let's summarize it together:

First of all, what is EQ? Emotional intelligence is our ability to manage emotions. In other words, people with high EQ have the ability to know and manage their own emotions, as well as the ability to know others' emotions and manage interpersonal relationships, which can make us deal with people more smoothly.

secondly, how do we manage our emotions? We must first know our emotions and have the ability to be self-aware of our emotions.

finally, how do we manage other people's emotions? First of all, we should know others' emotions, and then we can control others' emotions on this basis. Secondly, we should have empathy and the ability to understand the feelings of others.

that's the main content of our book EQ. I hope that through study and practice, everyone will know how to manage their own and others' emotions, so that we can be people with high emotional intelligence, thus making our life easier to succeed.