One day, two sparrows were sitting on a tree bragging. The big sparrow said to the little sparrow: "I'm so good. I can do any kind of moves, like swooping, circling, anything difficult." I don’t know how to move? "
The little sparrow was very dissatisfied, but could not think of any good way to make things difficult for it. There happened to be a female butcher cutting meat under the tree, so the little sparrow Said to the High Sparrow: Aren't you awesome? Then do you have the ability to fly down and get a piece of meat from the butcher?
The High Sparrow smiled and said to Little KS, then he swooped over to the table and took a piece of meat. The meat was about to fly up the tree, but the butcher caught him right away. The butcher was very angry and pulled out the big sparrow's feathers one by one. The big sparrow just shouted HELP, but the little sparrow couldn't stand it anymore and flew away all of a sudden. He went down and bit the butcher's hand. When the butcher's hand hurt, he let the big sparrow go.
The big sparrow flew up the tree with all his strength. The little sparrow said: Now you are not bragging, right? If not If I save you, you will die a long time ago. But the big sparrow said: Who wants you to save me? I am about to take off my clothes and have sex with him.
One day the county magistrate invited guests to breakfast and said: Today I treat you to fried dough sticks and porridge. You are welcome. The waiter said: Do you want a big bowl or a small bowl of porridge? The county magistrate said: "I am treating you. Of course, everyone will have a big bowl of feces."
The woman sat down on a bench in the park. Seeing no one around, she straightened her legs and relaxed on the bench.
After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "My dear, how about we take a walk together?"
"You are so brave," the woman said, "I She’s not the kind of woman who flirts with others!”
“So,” the beggar said, “what are you doing in my bed?”
The plane will leave soon
< p>A group of passengers who had just boarded the plane were asked to get off by the staff because the plane parts were broken and needed to be repaired. After a while, the staff member came again to tell the passengers that they could board the plane and that the plane would fly immediately. The passengers asked strangely: "Is it repaired so quickly?" The staff member said: "It's not repaired, it's just that someone else dared to fly the plane." "Forgot to open the door
I once worked in a small bank in Cambria, England, which was even at its busiest time
There were not many customers. One day no one came. At 3:30 in the afternoon, the manager asked an employee to close the front door. After a while, the employee came back and said, "It's so nice." p>
Sorry, sir." He said awkwardly, "The door was closed, I forgot to open it this morning."
Burning pig hair
A company. It is stipulated that smoking is prohibited during working hours. One day, Xiao Wang smoked and smoked. Seeing no one around, he lit a cigarette. He was smoking vigorously when he heard the sound of footsteps. He casually put the cigarette to his ear and pretended to read the newspaper. Colleague Xiao Chen walked over to him. Xiao Wang sniffed it and said, "Xiao Chen, do you smell it? It seems to smell like burnt pig hair." Xiao Chen took a closer look and realized it!
Angel with six fingers
The painter who painted the murals for the church painted the little angel with six fingers.
"When have you seen an angel with six fingers?" the priest said angrily.
"No," the painter replied, "but have you seen a five-fingered angel?"
2. Two Japanese people discussed the crowding of the subway. One said: "It's too crowded. My wife was squeezed last week and had a miscarriage!" The other said: "What's this? My wife was squeezed and got pregnant last month!!"
3. In the forest little animals chatting.
The monkey said: "The elephant farts - name a song."
The kitten said: "Who doesn't know, it's Ku Juji's 'I Want It So Much' "
At this time, the little turtle crawled over and said: "I thought it was Tao Jiji's 'dang'..."
4. A woman's cheating husband suddenly came home. The husband hurriedly jumped out of the window and escaped, blending into the crowd of morning joggers. Some curious people asked: Why are you not wearing clothes? The answer: streaking! Never seen it? Someone answered: I have seen streaking, but I have never seen streaking with condoms!
5. Child: “Mom, what is this?”
Mom: “This is rat poison. .
”
Child: “Mom, is our mouse sick?” "
6. Two boys walked into a coffee shop. A said: "This environment is really nice! B said: "Yes, let's eat the hamburgers we brought here." Just as the two were about to start talking, the waiter came over. "Sir, I'm sorry, we can't eat the food we brought." ": "Why? "This is what we have stipulated!" "After that, the two exchanged hamburgers and started eating.
7. The anger of Tsinghua boys
★ The most shocking "eyeball" incident
In the summer of 2002, a beautiful girl who grew up with me and was my childhood sweetheart came to Beijing to visit me, and she specified that she was going to Tsinghua University. Since there was only one bicycle available for requisition, my boyfriend at the time had to take me with him in the front and the other in the back. I drove into Tsinghua University with that beautiful woman. When I walked to Xicao, I met a guy. He stared at me for a few times and didn't say anything. When he passed us, he suddenly saw another guy sitting behind us. mm, and she is a beauty. Immediately, the gg’s eyes widened and he shouted from the bottom of his heart: “Fuck! "
Wow, that "fuck", I still hear it in my ears now that I think about it. I have never heard such a powerful voice in my life...
8. Part 1 My daughter, who is in the first grade of elementary school, wrote an essay for the first time. The title was "My First Time Doing Housework." The essay was about helping her mother wash clothes. According to the teacher's request, the parents had to sign the essay after it was written, and her father, who is a screenwriter, read it. Finally, I wrote a sentence below: The above plot is purely fictitious.
9. The mother asked her five-year-old daughter: What birthday gift do you want this year?
Little. The daughter immediately replied: I want a box of birth control pills!
The mother asked: ?! What are you doing here?
The younger daughter: I already have four dolls and I don’t want any more. .
10. The fly family went to the toilet to eat.
While eating, the little fly said dissatisfiedly: "Mom, why do we always eat shit! ? "
The mother fly gave the little fly a slap in the face and said angrily: "Don't say such disgusting things while eating! ”
11. After a bachelor’s wedding night, the bride struggled to come out holding on to the wall and cursed: “Liar, he said he had thirty years of savings, I thought it was money!” ! "
12. The truth about the bridal chamber
A pair of friends A and B met for a drink before marriage.
A said: I asked my fiancée, and she blushed and whispered that she My breasts are like oranges. I thought to myself, oranges are just oranges. We are too ordinary, and I would be able to chew on oranges for the rest of my life.
B said: I also asked my unmarried daughter-in-law, she is popular. With a straight face, she told me her breasts were like eggs. I thought to myself, eggs are just eggs. Our family is poor and one egg is enough for a lifetime.
The two of them chose to get married on the same day and get together for a drink the next day. < /p>
13. A male and female friend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a line: the one who crosses the line is a beast!
When she wakes up, she finds that the man really has not crossed the line.
The woman slapped the man hard: You are worse than a beast!
In an ancient mountain village, an ancient village was discovered. Because they have been isolated from the outside world for generations. , like people in a paradise, the outside world has a strong interest in them, so a beautiful female reporter went to this backward mountain village to interview the locals.
The person she interviewed was a man in his 50s. Old man, after learning about their isolated life for generations, the female reporter was greatly surprised, and then became curious, so she planned to describe the joys, sorrows and joys of their isolated life.
"Excuse me. What is the happiest thing that has happened to you over the years? " asked the curious female reporter.
"One winter, the sheep of the third family next door were lost. "The old man said.
"The sheep is lost. Is there anything to be happy about? "The female reporter was even more curious.
"After the sheep was lost, dozens of us went up the mountain to look for it with torches. After searching for three days and three nights, we finally found it in a corner of the back mountain." The old man took a puff of cigarette and squinted. Said with eyes closed and endless aftertaste.
"What happened after you found it?" the female reporter asked curiously.
"It was already very late when we found it. We set up a tent in the snowdrift to rest. It was very windy outside. We felt very bored. So everyone took turns to get on the sheep. It was so cool ! ”
The female reporter obviously felt a little embarrassed and wanted to avoid the topic. So she interrupted the old man and asked if there were any other happy things?
"One winter, the new wife of Lao Ma's family got lost in the mountains." The old man said.
"Have you found it?" the female reporter asked.
"Dozens of us searched for three days and three nights, and finally found it in the corner of the back mountain. So we pressed down the tent to rest. The wind was very strong at night in winter. We were all very bored. So we took turns having sex with Lao Ma’s new wife, which was really great.” The old man said, tapping the dry pipe in his hand.
The female reporter felt even more embarrassed. She decided to avoid the subject. So she asked, was there anything worth being sad about during these decades of isolation?
The old man's face suddenly changed, his hands began to tremble, and he could hardly hold the dry tobacco in his hands. Two drops of turbid tears rolled out of his deep-set eyes. His lips trembled several times, and his body seemed to be trembling. After a long silence, he said,
. . . .
One winter, I lost it. . . . . . .
14.
Someone kept a parrot, which was very aggressive. One day, the owner put a chicken at home into its cage. The parrot and the chicken fought, and the chicken died. But the parrot was fine and said, "You are looking down on me!" After a while, the owner got another eagle and put it in its cage. As a result, the eagle also died, but all the parrot's feathers were gone. At this time, it spoke again: "Damn it, I can't beat him without being shirtless." !"
15. There is a person who likes police dogs very much. . . . One day I saw an article in the newspaper about the sale of a police dog. The asking price was 100,000. The gentleman took out his long-term savings and remitted it to the person selling the dog, and the person said that he would send someone to deliver the dog to the gentleman's house in 3 days. Three days later, the gentleman was waiting at home filled with joy. When someone rang the doorbell, he opened the door and saw a young man standing in front of him with a stray dog. He asked, "What can I do for you?" The young man said, sir, I'm here to deliver a dog to you. You ordered it some time ago. The gentleman was very surprised. Isn't this just a stray dog? There was a police dog there. He immediately called the man who sold the dog. The man told him in a low voice, "You know?" It is plainclothes
16. The three mice tasted wine from the United States, Japan and China. The American drinker took three steps and fell down. The Japanese drinker took two steps and fell down. The Chinese Erguotou drinker raised a kitchen knife and shouted "T M D, where's the cat?"
17. My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes horseback riding every day. As a result, Ma lost 40 pounds in one month.
18. Bus IC card
This happened a few years ago. At that time, card swiping was just implemented. When the bus arrived at the stop, a tall woman came up. Her IC card might be on the It was in the back pocket of his jeans, so as soon as he got in the car, he leaned his butt against the card machine. After a beep sound, he got into the car. This woman was followed by an old lady, who was not tall. She felt strange. Why did she only need She could get on the bus by leaning her butt on that thing, so as soon as she got on the bus, she tried her best to lift her feet and leaned her butt against the card machine. She tried several times but failed. At this time, the driver said, "Auntie." , what are you doing, hurry up and put your coins in and get on the bus."
The aunt said, "Can't that girl get on the bus just by leaning her butt over here?" Haha, that’s what happened. The driver couldn’t laugh or cry, so he could only explain to him that the girl used an IC card, but the aunt didn’t understand that Xiami is called an IC card, so she still struggled with the driver, “You are too unkind young man. A beautiful girl sticks her butt to you and you let her in. My old lady sticks her butt to you so many times and you don’t let me in. What do you mean?” Everyone in the car laughed. The driver couldn't get off the platform because of him, so he could only wave her up to let her in.
19. I heard wrong
A foreigner took a 50 yuan note and The conductor waved in front of him: Have you seen it? Have you seen it? ...
The ticket seller was stupid, so he simply took out a 100 ticket and showed it: Have you seen it?
Finally, I figured out that the person wanted to go " Jianguomen!"
20. In a fashion store, I saw an impatient young man saying to a beautiful girl: "Do you mind saying a few words to me?" The girl asked curiously. Asked: "Why?" "My wife has been in this store for more than an hour, but if she sees me talking to you, she will come out immediately..." Before he could finish speaking, his wife had already walked quickly She walked out of the fashion store and left with him on her arm.
21. A woman who likes sweets and is very fat! This woman has a hobby: she hates ants and will kill them on sight.
When asked why, he said: This little thing loves sweets so much, and his waist is so thin!
22. There were two birds on the tree. The hunter raised his gun and shot down one. It was a hairless bird, and while he was wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: MD, I just stripped her naked, and you shot her down!
23. On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to a strange man sitting next to her: Don’t you know I’m pregnant? The man looked very nervous and said: But the child is not mine!
24. A man went to the toilet after drinking. When he came back, he said to his companion: "The business of this hotel is so good that there are even two tables in the toilet!" Then he continued drinking. Immediately, a group of people rushed into the room, held the man down and beat him. The companion hurriedly asked why, and replied: "This kid came to our private room to pee!"
Ex-husband
A couple divorced because of a bad relationship. Later, after the divorce, the wife remarried; when she remarried, she did not realize that her ex-husband was very rude, so she went to the church where they were getting married to find trouble - he walked up to the groom and the bride< /p>
Meet, and then say one sentence to the groom:
It’s nothing special, they are all second-hand goods used by others!
As expected, the groom’s face suddenly changed and he was very unhappy!
As for the bride, she should look at her ex-husband gently, then look at the groom, and then say something to the groom:
"It doesn't matter! Only the front inch is old. "Everything in the back is new!"
One day, aqt and wsj were chatting together. Aqt said to wsj: Sister, don't go to work. Once you go to work, I will be away for seven days. Business. When wsj heard this, he said to aqt: Just be satisfied. If you fucking leak it, I will be out of work for ten months!
25. A girl walked into the management department of a large company and asked: "Do you want a female secretary?"
"We would love to hire you, miss, but the current economic crisis , I have no work to do.”
“I don’t care if I have work to do, as long as I have a salary!”
The only one in the department. A girl came to watch a basketball game. Suddenly, MM's skirt was blown up by the strong wind, and the boys from outside the department shouted: "Oh my God, the love is leaked!" The boys from the department said in unison with a sullen face: "Please, it's just a family scandal!"
Examiner: do you have a boyfriend?
Applicants: Yes.
Examiner: Is he in the local area?
Applicant: No, he is out of town.
Examiner: Sorry, our company cannot use you.
Applicant: Why?
Examiner: You will not feel comfortable working here for a long time. In addition, our company does not want the long-distance phone bill to increase significantly because of you.
(2)
Examiner: Do you have a girlfriend?
Applicant: None.
Examiner: Have you ever chased a girl?
Applicant: I chased you, but I didn’t catch up.
Examiner: Are you planning to pursue girls again after working?
Work hard first and ignore personal issues for the time being.
Examiner: Sorry, our company cannot use you.
Applicant: Why?
Examiner: Your public relations skills are poor and you lack self-confidence.
(3)
Examiner: Do you have a girlfriend?
Applicants: Yes.
Examiner: Is she beautiful?
Applicant: Not pretty.
Examiner: Sorry, we can't use you.
Candidate: Doesn’t it affect your company’s image if your girlfriend is not beautiful?
Examiner: That’s not the case. However, our company deals in art, and your aesthetic taste does not seem to suit our business needs.
(4)
Examiner: Do you have a girlfriend?
Applicants: Yes.
Examiner: Is she beautiful?
Applicant: Very beautiful.
Examiner: Is she your first love?
Applicant: Yes.
Examiner: Sorry, we can't use you. Because you lack the enterprising spirit to constantly pursue.
(5)
Examiner: Do you have a girlfriend?
Applicants: Yes.
Examiner: Is she your first love?
Applicant: No, I have talked with a few before.
Examiner: Sorry, we can't use you. Because you will soon change jobs.
(6)
Examiner: Do you have a boyfriend?
Applicants: Yes.
Examiner: Is he rich?
Applicant: No.
Examiner: Sorry, we can't use you. Because your job involves money, I'm worried that you won't be able to withstand the temptation.
(7)
Examiner: Do you have a boyfriend?
Applicants: Yes.
Examiner: Is he rich?
Applicant: Yes, he has his own company.
Examiner: I’m sorry, your boyfriend’s company doesn’t want you, let alone us.
Applicant: But, there is no suitable position for me in his company.
Examiner: What major do you major in?
Applicant: Secretary.
Examiner: Sorry, we still can’t use you. Pretty girls will affect our manager's work.
Applicant: But, I am not beautiful?
Examiner: That’s even worse. If you're not pretty, the manager won't be interested in you
If you don't have enough power, you can only do "that"!
There is a place in Shaanxi that is not only poor but also has a large population. The county sent an investigation team to investigate why the population was growing so fast.
A local villager replied: Our place is remote.
The leader asked: What does this have to do with the large number of people?
Answer: No electricity.
The leader was surprised: This is not directly related!
Village explanation: What can I do without electricity?
What is produced in Jiangnan?
When I was in high school, it was almost time to take the exam. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on the top and asked us to answer the minerals produced there below. After talking about a lot of places, the teacher suddenly asked: "What is produced in Jiangnan?" All the boys in the class answered in unison: "Beauties are produced in Jiangnan!"
MM fart: Can't have both.
A young lady and an old lady were sitting together on the train. The young lady wanted to fart but couldn't hold it in, so she pretended to wipe the car window with her hands and farted several times in succession along with the sound of the friction.
However, the old lady sitting next to her said to her: "The sound is okay, but what about the taste?"
The reason why the teachers resigned collectively
The second grade of Talent Middle School (5) All teachers in the class collectively submitted a resignation application to the Academic Affairs Office. The reasons are as follows:
Chinese teacher: During class, a classmate was reading a magazine. I confiscated his magazine and hit him on the head...
But when I turned around to continue During class, his deskmate burst out laughing and couldn't continue the class. I asked him, why were he laughing? Do you know what he answered me? The boy took out a copy of "Cihai" from the drawer and said to me: "Teacher, it's a good thing you didn't notice me reading, otherwise you would have smashed me to death..."
Mathematics teacher : A classmate who never failed the exam was able to use high school knowledge in the homework he handed in... I asked him if he did the homework himself, and the classmate actually answered me that he didn’t know. Please tell me, it’s true. Well, I continued to ask him and asked him to honestly explain who did it for him. Hey, he had a reason and answered me: "Teacher, I really don't know who did this homework. To be honest, I went to bed early last night..."
Physics teacher: Do you know how many lessons I taught just one clockwise and one counterclockwise lesson? Five classes! !
Yes, that’s what I told them. If they still don’t understand, I told them to look at their watch. Wherever the hour hand goes, it is clockwise, and vice versa. However, when the whole class counts, they are either mobile phones or electronic watches... If I don't resign, I will teach them these two words for the whole semester?
Physical Education Teacher: Why don’t I resign? Those boys actually gave me gifts! ! No, it’s right to give gifts. I don’t mean that it’s wrong for them to give me gifts, but it’s wrong for them to give me gifts.
Why am I getting more and more confused as I talk? Let me put it this way, although I am a little slimmer and my skin is whiter, I am still a male teacher, right? But on Women's Day a few days ago, those guys actually gave me a box of hair removal cream... and... and... they told me not to wear woolen pants in the summer anymore. Damn, those are my legs. hair!
Biology teacher: I really don’t want to leave, but... you know, I have a heart disease and can’t stand the excitement, but can I not be excited? Yesterday, in the unit exam, according to the requirements of the syllabus, I asked the students to look at the bird legs on the teaching picture and write the name of the bird and its living habits. But just as I was talking about the content of the exam, a classmate stood up and walked out the door, muttering: "Damn, there are questions like this, I won't take the exam..." Do you think such students need education? I stopped him and asked him his name. He actually pulled up his pants, exposed his legs and said to me: "Come on, look at my legs and write my name..."
Art teacher: As you know, I have just been assigned to this class.
Yesterday during class, I heard several classmates shouting "beauty" as soon as I entered the door. Do you think it was irritating? I am a teacher, how can they disrespect teachers so much? ...Yes, it would be wrong of me to resign just because they called me "Beauty." But when I was looking for someone who called me "Beauty," those classmates shouted to me again: "What are you looking at? Not shouting." You!”
History teacher: I really can’t teach those students. During class, I asked a question: “Do you know who Wu Zetian is?” The first student answered me that he and she were I wasn’t familiar with it. The second classmate told me that he was one of his online friends, and the third classmate said that he had her QQ number and would ask her on QQ after class... And one classmate actually took out his cell phone and said that he wanted to ask her right away!
Geography teacher: Take a look at their test papers for yourself. The top of the five famous mountains in our country is Zhao Benshan, the most famous river is Pan Changjiang, the coal in our country is all (black), and the iron capital of our country is Yes (hard), how can I still go to class?
English teacher: When I talked about independent structure, according to the textbook requirements, I specially taught them this example sentence: "Our teacher comes into the classroom, book under arm." (Our teacher comes into the classroom, book under arm.) The book entered the classroom), but during the exam, all the students translated it as "the teacher entered the classroom with a book under his crotch"...
Music teacher: I am in class, demonstrating A song... After singing, all the students applauded. I was very happy. I was thinking that the other teachers might have wrong teaching methods... But they gave me a negative answer before I could finish thinking about it. They shouted: "Teacher, that's great, you are the best teacher of all." The best ventriloquism among them, this is the first time we heard such a similar duck call! ”
Chemistry teacher: Me? Are you asking me? I haven't started class yet, but other teachers have been forced to resign. If I don't resign, will I have to bear their pain?
It is said that one day, God had nothing to do and was walking around in heaven, and then he came to the gate of heaven.
There was a long queue, and the Archangel Peter was sitting at a table, registering those who were going to enter heaven.
As soon as Peter saw God, he was overjoyed and shouted: "GOD! It's so good of you to come. I have to go to the toilet. Can you take over first?"
Then Peter After leaving, God sat down at the table.
At this time, there was an old man standing in front of the table. God looked at the old man's gray hair and skinny and weathered face, and for some reason he had a very deep feeling.
God gently asked the old man: "What was your occupation during your lifetime?"
"Carpenter." The old man replied.
God was very shocked and asked quickly: "Do you have a son?"
The old man's face suddenly became very sad: "Yes, but he is in many places." He left me years ago and I never saw him again."
God stood up: "Well. Have nails been hammered into his hands and feet?"
The old man looked at God in surprise: "Yes, but, God, how did you know?"
God? Hugging the old man, he was so excited that tears filled his eyes: "Oh! Dad, I finally found you!"
The old man's face immediately glowed with joy: "Oh, I really can't believe it. You've grown so big! Is it really you?"
Interview
Three people are waiting for the interview. The examiner called the first candidate in, handed him a photo of a man, and asked him to look carefully and name his noteworthy features. A few minutes later, the examinee said: "This person has only one ear."
The examiner said: "This is a profile photo."
The examiner showed the same photo to the second candidate. Candidates read it and asked the same question.
The second candidate picked up the photo and looked at it carefully for a while and replied: "This person has only one ear."
The examiner was unhappy and replied: "This is a side view. !”
He also asked the third candidate to look at the photo. A few minutes later, the examinee said: "This person wears contact lenses."
The examiner was slightly surprised, so he checked the information.
"You're right! How did you see that?"
The third candidate said: "It's easy. He can't wear ordinary glasses because he only has one ear."
Christian
One day, an atheist was walking in the forest and admiring everything that evolution has created.
What a magnificent tree! What an impressive river! What a beautiful animal! "He admired in his heart. When he was walking along the river bank, he suddenly heard a noise in the trees behind him. When he turned around, he saw a three-meter-tall bear charging towards him! Shocked, he turned around and fought along the path. He ran away desperately. . .
He tried to run faster,
Oops! .
When he turned over, the bear was already in front of him, and his right palm was raised high.
, God! "He shouted
Suddenly, time stood still, the bear froze, the forest was silent, and even the river stopped flowing...
Amazing light shone on him Thunderous voices rang out from all directions, "You have denied my existence for so many years, taught others that I do not exist, and even attributed everything I created to the accident of the universe. Do you now expect me to rescue you from this predicament? Can I count you as a person who believes in God?
The atheist raised his head with difficulty, looked directly at the light, and said: "It would be too hypocritical for me to ask to be a Christian now, but maybe you can turn this bear into a Christian." ? "
"Very good", the voice said
The light faded, the forest was filled with the usual sounds again, and the river was flowing again...
Only Seeing the bear kneeling on his knees, with his paws on his chest, he lowered his head and said, "Lord, thank you for giving me the delicious food in front of me."
I committed a crime against my husband. Many crimes
1. I ate apricots while riding in the car in the morning. There was no place to throw the seeds. Nowadays, we are talking about spiritual civilization and we can’t throw them away. But there is no trash can in the car. I have no choice but to give them a hug. I threw it into my husband’s neck. After I got off the car, I gave him a sweet smile and told him that I had licked the nub very clean and there was no residue on it. I threw it into my husband’s neck. The things I passed include: plum cores, scrapped tickets, and one-yuan coins (I promise I didn’t throw this on purpose, I dropped it by mistake)
2. Sometimes when I take the 22 bus at work, There was only one seat in the car, so of course my husband let me sit. I got off earlier than my husband every time. When I got up, I said loudly: "Grandpa, please sit here!" "It made everyone in the car look at him.
3. When there is something good to eat, spit on my husband's portion first. Then he doesn't want to eat it and gives it all to me (actually, he gave it to me in the first place) (eating), later he learned this trick, spitting on my food first, and I picked it up and ate it, saying it was delicious.
4. Recently, none of us dared to speak in front of me. The other person yawns in front of him, because as long as one person opens his mouth, the other person will "pop" at that big mouth.
5. When sleeping at night, pretend to be very affectionate and close to him. 6. Walking on the street, suddenly pretend not to recognize him, then introduce yourself to him, and then sell him what you are holding.
7. When we were at home, we often played the game of eucalyptus and koala. He spread his arms and pretended to be a big tree, and I hugged his neck and rubbed him. I jumped up and clamped my legs tightly around his waist. I said I was a koala and sniffed his face to see if there were any leaves to eat. After a while, my husband would shout, "It's broken, the bark is broken." It was about to fall off. When I saw it, haha, I didn’t have the strength to hold him up. I gradually slid down, and then his pants...
8. When my husband comes back from working overtime in the evening, I can listen early. When you hear the sound of him opening the door, act like a puppy and sniff him up and down.
9. When eating, deliberately serve him a lot of rice, which is much higher than the bowl. Then I took my empty bowl and said pitifully to him: "Master, enjoy your meal." ”