The first letter

Dear Catherine:

Dear Catherine:

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you for so long. I feel lost, without direction and compass. I keep bumping into things, which is a little crazy, I think. I've never been lost before. You are my real north. When you are my home, I can always go home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think that there have been some mistakes, and I am waiting for God to make up for them. But I'm much better now. This work is helpful to me. Most importantly, you help me. Last night, you came into my dream with a smile, always holding me like a lover and shaking me like a child. I only remember a feeling of peace in my dream. I woke up with this feeling and tried to keep it as long as possible. I am writing to tell you that I am on a journey to peace. Tell you I'm sorry about a lot of things. I'm sorry that I didn't take better care of you, so that you didn't feel cold or scared or sick for a minute. I'm sorry, I didn't try to find the right words to tell you how I feel. Sorry, I didn't fix the screen door. I fixed it now. I'm sorry to have quarreled with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize. I'm so proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more about everything you wear and the way you arrange your hair. I'm sorry, I didn't catch you with such great strength that even God couldn't pull you away.

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you for so long. I feel lost, I can't find my way, and no one shows me the way. I bumped into it and was at a loss. I've never done this before. You were my direction. You are my home. As long as I have you, I can always find our home. Forgive me, I was angry when you left. I still think that God made a mistake. I've been waiting for everything to start again! Now, I am much better. Work helped me, and most importantly, you helped me. Last night, you walked into my dream with a smile, hugged me like a lover and shook me gently like a child. In my dream, everything is quiet. When I wake up, I can still feel this peace. I really want to have this feeling forever. I want to tell you, I want to leave, for that peace. I also want to tell you that I regret many things. Regret that I didn't take better care of you, which kept you cold, scared and sick. Forgive me for not finding the right words to express my feelings. Forgive me for never fixing the screen. Now, it has been fixed. Forgive me for quarreling with you. Forgive me for not apologizing to you again. I'm so proud. Forgive me for not praising you with more beautiful words? Your clothes every day, your hairstyle every day. Forgive me for not holding you tight and let God take you away.

All my love, G.

People who love you, g.

The second letter

The second letter

Dear Catherine:

Dear Catherine:

There is not an hour in my life without you. I repaired ships and tested them, at the same time, memories flooded in. I was thinking today that when we were young, you left our world and went to a bigger world. I'm much more scared than I admit. I told myself that you would come back one day and tried to think of the first words I would say when I saw you again, so as to overcome my fear. I must have tried 100 possibilities. What did I say at the end? Not much. My mouth will say nothing but kiss you. When you say "I will stay", it says everything. Okay, I'm starting again. I've been imagining what I would say to you if you came back.

You will always be in my heart, no matter how to repair a ship or try a sea voyage, memories will flood in. When we were young, you left this world and went to a bigger world. I don't want to admit how scared I am. I struggled and comforted myself that you would come back; I've been thinking about what to say to you when I really see you. I've practiced it countless times. What did I say at the end? Didn't say anything. I have nothing to say but kiss you. When you said I wanted to stay. That's enough. I started again. I've been imagining what I should say to you when you come back.