1. Late at night, my husband did not come home. The daughter anxiously called her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, so there must be another woman!" The mother comforted her softly: "Silly boy, be good, don't think of the worst, maybe he was in a car accident!

< p>2. An old man went to see an underwear fashion show for the first time. When he saw the thong, he sighed: In the past, you could only see your buttocks by opening your pants, but now you can only see your pants by opening your buttocks.

3. One day, A couple was riding a bus, and the sun was strong. The bus made a turn, and the woman was hit by the sun. She asked her boyfriend to change, but the bus turned again, and the girl was hit by the sun again. After going back and forth several times, she asked to change. The man finally got angry: I won’t change, I’m not a sunflower!

4. There was a mental patient who always thought he was a mouse. He finally recovered under the treatment of a doctor. On the day he was discharged from the hospital, the doctor came to the door. They sent him to the door, and suddenly a cat ran towards him. He was so frightened that his face turned pale with fright. The doctors asked him strangely: "You are no longer a mouse, why are you still afraid of cats?" He said: "I know I am not a mouse, but does the cat know?" "

5. Two mental patients, one in red and one in green, escaped from the hospital. The two ran and ran, and finally climbed into a tree. After a while, the man in red emerged from the hospital. He jumped down from the tree and rolled around. Then he raised his head and said to the person above: "Hey, why don't you come down? The man above answered him: "No!" I'm not familiar with it yet..."

6. When I went shopping with my colleagues and saw the price of baby milk powder, the girl sighed and patted her chest deeply: "You must live up to your expectations..."

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7. A man and a woman were in a panic on the train. The man said to the woman in front of the toilet door: "Sister, please let me go first, I can't hold you anymore!" The woman made a cry that sounded like asking for help: "Brother, I should go in first. You still have something to hold on to, but I have nothing to hold on to. My legs are sore!" "

8. There is a small shop in front of my house. The advertisement broadcast every day is "The boss's wife has run away. The boss's wife has run away. The boss has no intention of running the business. The shop is to be cleared." "After a month, it changed to: "The boss's wife is back, the boss's wife is back, the boss is celebrating, and there are big discounts and rewards. "The next month is: "The boss lady ran away again, the boss lady ran away again..."

9. A girl was caught cheating in a college exam. The invigilator ordered her to leave the examination room. The girl lay on the table and cried. . The invigilator quickly comforted: "It's okay, it's not like you won't be allowed to take the exam for all subjects. Go back!" "The girl cried even louder, and the teacher had to say: "Stop crying, it doesn't count as cheating, right? "The girl was still crying, with runny nose and tears. The teacher was helpless: "How about we copy more? "The whole class fainted!

10. Tang Sanzang: Bajie, run two steps to show me the master. Zhu Bajie: Master, why do you suddenly want to see your disciple running. Tang Sanzang: Hey! So ashamed! ! I grew up in a temple and have never eaten pork or seen pigs running around. 11. A: My wife’s breasts are big on one side and small on the other. B: What’s wrong with that? ? My wife is smaller on one side and smaller on the other.

12. This morning, my boyfriend touched me in a daze. After touching me twice, he suddenly turned me over and turned my back. He started touching it, touched it twice more, and then turned it over again. I pushed him awake angrily: "What are you doing, turning people around so early in the morning?" The boyfriend was fully awake and said aggrievedly: "I was confused just now and touched it. I thought I touched my back, so I turned over and touched it. I found that it was still my back, so I turned over again." ”

13. Two beauties were talking in the elevator about which cosmetics have the best whitening effect. At the same time, there was a black man listening silently. Suddenly the black man started talking to the two beauties. Said: "It's useless! I've tried it, but it doesn't work! ”

Here are some funny jokes for you.

One day, Cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so she took off one piece after another and disappeared.

There was a bun walking on the road, and she felt very hungry, so she ate it herself.

One day, she was walking on the street. Said: "Ah! My legs are so weak! "

One day, Dousha Bao was walking on the road when he suddenly got into a car accident and his belly was broken. Before he died, he looked at his belly and said: "Oh, it turns out I am Dousha Bao. .

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I had a match stick. I suddenly felt itchy when I was walking, so I scratched it, but it caught fire with too much force... I went to the hospital for emergency treatment, and when I came out, it turned into a cotton swab... …

One day Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor. He bled a lot and turned into red beans. The pus kept flowing and turned into soybeans. The wound became scarred and finally turned into black beans.

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There was a grenade. One day after it finished eating, it cleaned its teeth and suddenly found a thorn in the middle of its teeth. It pulled it out with force, and it exploded...

There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear: "It's so cold!" "

After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the hairs on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said: "It's really cold! ”

The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. He replied: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook... Someone thought I had been electrocuted. He picked up the wooden stick and gave me two sticks.

The little penguin asked his grandma one day: "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "

"Yes, of course you are a penguin. "

The little penguin asked his father again: "Dad, am I a penguin? "

"Yes, what's wrong? "

"But...but...why do I feel so cold? "

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt very hot. It said, "It's so hot. I want to take off my clothes." ”

Then, it peeled off the skin.

As a result, the banana behind fell down.

One day, the three little pigs wanted to avoid the big pigs. The wolf chased and built three huts. The big bad wolf easily destroyed the grass house, the wooden house and the brick house. The three little pigs tried their best to escape, but they were still caught by the big bad wolf.

The little pig said desperately to the big bad wolf: "You can do whatever you want, we gave up, it's up to you. "

At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and drooled: "Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is! ”

A gecko got lost in front of a securities company. At this time, a crocodile crawled over and planned to eat it. In desperation, the little gecko stepped forward and hugged the crocodile’s legs. legs, shouting loudly: "Mom! "The crocodile was stunned, and immediately burst into tears: "Son, you've only been trading in the stock market for half a month and you've lost weight like this? ! "

The flight attendant advised passengers to wear seat belts

"The last time the plane made an emergency landing, those who didn't wear seat belts were bruised and bruised. ”

Question: “The one wearing a seat belt”

Answer: “It’s okay, they are all sitting fine, just like living people.” ”

Boyfriend and boyfriend went shopping together.

Girlfriend: Ouch, my feet are so sore.

Boyfriend was very nervous: What’s wrong? Did he step on it? Arrive at Lemon?

The father and son are taking the bus.

Son: Dad, when will it arrive?

Father: It will be there soon.

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Son: When will you stop?

Father: Stop when you get there