"Thirty Only" Marital intimacy is the scene: "Exchange of Needs". Different needs of both parties cannot avoid the failure of marriage. There is a concept in social psychology, which is the "social exchange psychology" proposed by the Horsman scholar. "Learning", he pointed out that the existence of any relationship relies on the exchange of resources to achieve balance. The resources exchanged are not limited to spiritual or material levels. If the scales are tilted today, there will be a rift in the relationship. Material pursuits can be filled with money, but spiritual satisfaction cannot be bought by money. Everyone values ??and pursues different things, such as: Xu Huanshan in "Thirty Only" pursues his ideals; Wang Manni desires material things in her heart, while Zhong Xiaoqin wants the feeling of being loved, cared for and accompanied.

Intimacy is an exchange of "needs", which may sound harsh, but when we feel that we no longer get peace of mind, a sense of accomplishment, and satisfaction from the other person, we will start to think about this. The significance of maintaining a relationship, and even considering other possible relationships. The finale of "Only Thirty" allows us to see how the relationships between three pairs of men and women went from seemingly perfect to broken, from dull to full of life. It is difficult for most people to detect emotional rifts. They always wait until a problem occurs before they think about how it happened. But he was blinded by the chaotic emotions of the moment and couldn't see the crux of the problem.

(1) Long-term suppressed "demand"

Xu Huanshan is an artist who designs fireworks. He needs to gain "self-worth" through free creation, but Gu Jia manages the company. , Everything he did to educate his son never "truly" expressed his inner feelings. Gu Jia is a full-time wife who is good at controlling the overall situation, leading the company and family, and pursuing what she wants unilaterally, what she calls a "better life." For example: Even if the house has been mortgaged, you still want to buy hot-selling brand-name bags as a stepping stone to get into the wife's circle, lower your profile just to let your son enter a top kindergarten, sell high-quality bags to raise money to force your son to learn horse riding, saying that you want to provide for your son. Preparing to study abroad is actually to solve the company's financial gap. Rift: Huanshan said to Gu Jia, have you ever felt that my work was not worth it? Since I opened this company, the first sentence I heard about the work was, how much does it cost? How much profit? Ending: Xu Huanshan cheated on his wife, but didn't think it was all his fault. He was later imprisoned due to an explosion, and Gu Jia divorced.

(2) Not communicating each other's "needs"

Zhong Xiaoqin grew up in a wealthy family. Her hobby is raising cats, and she longs to be "taken care of" in her relationship. Chen Yu was betrayed by his father in his childhood. He took on the responsibility of taking care of his naughty younger brother at a very young age and took beatings for his younger brother. He has lacked love since he was a child, rarely received attention, dared not think about what he wanted, and did not know how to express love to others. His hobby is fish farming, which is the opposite of Xiaoqin. In addition to their differences in interests and personalities, the two had many conflicts. Chen Yu often focused on work and was too lazy to communicate with Xiaoqin. He was cold and violent towards her. The home was like a pool of stagnant water with no human voice. In addition, Chen Yu hates "troubling" others very much. He is dissatisfied with Xiaoqin for always running home to live when he is on a business trip. He also doesn't like Xiaoqin's parents coming to the house to cook. He feels that Xiaoqin has not grown up. In fact, he is angry at Xiaoqin. An extension of the "jealousy" of a happy family.

Rip: Chen Yu insisted on not having children within five years of marriage. He believed that neither of them were ready to be parents, and was even more afraid that he would not be able to fulfill the role of "father". However, Xiaoqin believed that it was the children who knew His father did not welcome him and the baby stopped. Ending: Zhong Xiaoqin divorced on the first day she turned thirty, but the two still lived together. Xiaoqin began to notice Chen Yu's kindness and silently did things for her. Because someone began to pursue Xiaoqin, Chen Yu recognized his indifference and selfishness, began to change, and respected Xiaoqin's interest in raising cats. The two learned to communicate, saw each other's needs, and finally remarried.

(3) Hiding the real "need"

Wang Manni is a senior salesperson for a luxury brand. She works hard to take root in Shanghai. She spends half of her monthly salary just renting an apartment. She has no savings in the past eight years. When she went on a European cruise, she used her credit card to "pay in installments" to upgrade her cabin. She did not spend money within her own ability. It is obvious that Wang Manni is obsessed with money. Breaking point: During a European cruise trip, Wang Manni met Liang Zhengxian from the executive class. He was rich and gentle, in line with her expectations for a partner. But when the other party asked for an "open relationship," she, who longed for marriage, fell into a "self-conflict": she still needed a clean love to reflect "the value of a woman."

Ending: Realizing that he has packaged material needs into love fantasies, he puts aside his pursuit of material things and chooses to study abroad to seek self-worth. In relationships, we will magnify our efforts and rewards, and we will weigh the pros and cons to decide whether to stay in the relationship. First of all, we must know what our needs are? And, what are the expectations for this relationship? When a relationship cannot meet the needs of two people, people will feel tired and empty in the relationship. Therefore, by facing your own needs and paying attention to the other person's efforts and needs, you will be able to understand your position and value in this relationship.