The least thing in life is some wonderful humorous jokes, which can make us happy physically and mentally, relieve worries and relieve boredom. Next is the "Humorous Jokes" I carefully prepared for you, welcome to watch! Humor Short paragraphs (popular articles)

1. Background: Male majoring in medicine, female majoring in liberal arts. The two of them chatted through text messages on weekends (omitting a few hundred words). Liberal arts girl: Qing Qingzi Pei, I think long and hard, even if I don’t go, Zi Ning won’t come. (Implicit complaint ING) Medical male: Please speak Chinese... Liberal arts female: If I don’t come to you, you won’t come to me either. ? Medical male: ?...?

2. The old man fell down on the road. A young man who looked like a student stepped forward to help him. The old man said in horror: ?Comrade, classmate, you? Which university is it from?

3. I never use my own account when buying things on Taobao. Instead, I register a vest. The information is 19 years old, female, dance school, and then the avatar is changed to a super one from Baidu. I am a young model, and then I registered a QQ to correspond with Want Want information, and put many semi-nude photos in the QQ album. So when I was bargaining with merchants, I said Wangwang was not easy to use, so I added QQ. Usually, merchants who added my QQ would end up giving me less than half the price! Do you still contact me often? (@Scriptwriter Li Zhenghu)

4. New Fraud Law First, wear a suit and glasses, hold a portfolio in your left hand and a pen in your right hand, then look serious and walk calmly. Pick a middle school at random, walk to the back door of a class, and then scan with your glasses. If you see someone with his head lowered, walk up to him and knock his hand on the table twice. The student will consciously hand over his mobile phone, then calmly leave and rush out of the school...

5. Friend A has been attracted to a hot girl B for a long time, so he took the opportunity to ask her for a favor. After the affair was completed, Man A said: How should I thank you? Let me marry you!? B looked at his appearance carefully and said: How can you repay kindness with enmity?

6. Legend has it that , when you collect 7 dragon balls, you will get a wife. Then. . . You have to fulfill all her wishes

7. Whenever her husband feels annoyed, frustrated, disappointed, and powerless, the virtuous wife will say nothing, just silently run to max out her credit card, and then Put the bill secretly on his bedside, and he will immediately regain the courage and strength to fight. What more could a husband ask for when he has such a wife!

8. One day, the teacher yelled at the students in the class: "You are too stupid, your IQ is negative, my IQ is a hundred times yours!" "Student:? (100 times negative, more negative)

9. The teacher said: What does it feel like to be in love? The classmate said: Special step, it is an extraordinary feeling! The teacher said: Do you still want to be in love? The classmate said: Anta, never stop! The teacher said: How deeply do you love her? The classmate said: 361 degrees, one more love! The teacher said: What is your rank in the class? The classmate said: Red Star Erke, to be NO.1 !The teacher said: Who would love someone like you? The classmate said: KAPPA, if you love me, follow me

10. The manager had a hemorrhoid surgery, and colleagues made an appointment to visit the hospital together. . Seven or eight people, men and women, came to the ward. They all giggled at the manager, and no one was too embarrassed to ask about his condition. The driver, Lao Zhang, coughed twice and asked the manager seriously: I heard that the chassis had some trouble. Is it better now? Humorous paragraphs (classic)

1. Counterfeit mobile phone Advertisement: If you are rich but not educated, please use Nokia; If you want to get crazy, buy Samsung quickly; If you buy Siemens, you will be sick to death; If you want to buy Sony Ericsson, it is guaranteed to break in two months; If you want to die early, use waveguide; you can't find it If you want to get married, get a Panasonic; if you are not smart, don't play Dopod; if you want to find Steve Jobs, buy an iPhone4; if you want someone to love you, you must use a copycat!

2. There is a person who claims to be very good at chess and is always there Bragging in front of others. Once, someone asked him to play chess, but he lost both games.

Everyone who watched the chess game thought he had nothing to say, but they didn’t expect him to explain like this: The first game of chess is about the master failing to win the first game, and the second game is about the famous master producing a great disciple!?

　3. To be a man, be Conan. Became a shot, got a female voice; acted cute, pretended to be cool; learned chemistry well, and shot under anesthesia; played football well, played to the limit; got gay friends, seduced lolita; became broken He can handle major crimes better than the underworld; he can fly planes and dodge machine guns; he can stop explosions and cause avalanches. The most amazing thing is that he has a good girlfriend who he has only seen a few times in more than ten years but still misses him with all his heart.

4. The biggest difference between Newton and Jobs is: one invented things on top of the desk and the other under the desk...

5. Dear children, if This time your teacher confiscated your mobile phone, please boldly pick up the phone and call 110? The teacher forcibly confiscating your mobile phone is a crime of robbery. Regardless of whether you take your mobile phone or not, it is your private property. If it is collected in a dormitory, it is called home invasion robbery. If multiple people’s mobile phones are collected or mobile phones are collected multiple times, according to the criminal law, the sentence is 3 to 10 years! In addition, if he threatens you during the confiscation process, he will also be sentenced to two years. New year! Do you feel good?

6. I went to a bar with a few technical geeks in my dormitory, but I drank alone with a few girls and came back drunk. The next morning, I heard someone say from the next door dormitory: "Those guys in your dormitory are really awesome. They stole a tricycle last night!" I was shocked when I heard that. I stole something, so that's okay! I went back to the dormitory and scolded them! As a result, they complained. Answer: If you weren’t insisting on staying inside, why should we steal...? (@草思东)

7. Pan Shiyi’s Weibo post ridiculing “Jobs’ death” was created by netizens A new housing price measurement unit "pan" (one pan = 1,000 yuan/square meter) was introduced. Recently, due to the price adjustment incident in Taobao Mall, netizens also created the "horse" rental unit in Taobao Mall. One horse = 160,000/year. Ghost: How many properties does a friend have? Answer: I have thousands of pans and hundreds of horses.

8. Man: Yeah, there’s a nosebleed! Woman: You deserve it, who told you to poke it with your finger! A few days later, woman: Yeah, my aunt is here! Man: You deserve it, who told you to do it? I poked it with my finger~(@Laugh too much and you will get pregnant)

9. A buddy is named Wu Jiawu, and a new colleague in his office is named Deng Yushi.

10. Violent sentences: 1. I don’t even want the basin of the water that was thrown out. 2. Because of you? I’m sorry? I decided to be with you? It doesn’t matter?! 3. I’m just used to having you and I’m not indispensable without you. 4. Don’t smile at me with your pirated Mona Lisa smile. I asked you what’s going on lately? Always nauseated? 5. The only liar in the world is sincere because he sincerely lied to you. 6. Mistress, thank you for taking away a man who is not worthy of my love. 7. I am not a social person. But there are people in the society. Short humorous jokes (selected articles) )

1. A thin person will never understand the sadness of a fat person standing on the scale, and a fat person will never understand the desolation of a thin person when he is easily pushed down.

2. In front of the meat stall, the urban management took 2 kilograms of meat and handed over 100 yuan. The butcher said: I can’t find it. I’ll give it to you next time. In front of the vegetable stall, the urban management officer took two bags of vegetables and handed them 100 yuan. The vegetable vendor said: I can't find them. I'll give them next time. In front of the fruit stall, the urban management officer took a watermelon and handed it 100 yuan, and got 85 yuan back. Later, people never saw the fruit seller again?

3. Everyone must understand one truth: falling in love does not delay learning, but what delays learning is... secret love!

4. Because the husband thinks that there is no hope of becoming famous in this life, he places all his hopes on his daughter. He often urges her to study hard so that one day she can become famous and start a family. One day, as soon as the husband came home, his daughter, who was in primary school, shouted excitedly to him: "Dad! I am in the newspaper!" The husband was both happy and excited: "Ah? Tell dad what newspaper it was in?" The daughter said: "I'm in the newspaper!" Put the newspaper on the ground and stand up.

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5. I found a very interesting thing. Those female classmates who usually say that they don’t understand anything, speak softly in every word, and don’t seem to say a single curse word, always accidentally You will see them in the arms of a man in a bar or in front of a hotel (especially common in college); and those girls who are like buddies usually use foul language and act a bit hooligan, and usually stay at home after class. Like a true lady.

6. It is said that once, an acting competition to imitate Chaplin was held somewhere. There were always thirty or forty people participating. Chaplin himself also participated anonymously. As a result, he won Third place, Chaplin thought this was the biggest joke of his life!

7. The company is recruiting a general secretary, my colleagues are responsible for the preliminary examination, and I am responsible for the re-examination. A beautiful woman didn't know anything but her colleague let her pass the re-examination. What was the comment on the first examination? Don't get me wrong, buddy, I just want you to see the best beauty. Can you stop her and don't take advantage of the boss? I burst into tears at that time. These are true brothers. Later, my colleague sent the girl a text message, "I really want to recruit you, but the examiners for the re-examination are too cheap." And then? The two of them got together

8. If I were a real estate developer , now develop private garages immediately, and the advertisements have the theme: Apple, Google, Amazon, HP, Disney, Harley, Barbie, and Youtube were all created in garages, with the slogan: Buy a garage worth 10 million and earn back 100 billion A gimmick with a market value of ?, and a few successfully learned lines to fool the owners of small and medium-sized enterprises who are keen to show off, it will definitely work.

9. Best friend: Why do you fall in love with your husband? He is not worthy of you at all. He has no money and is ugly. A certain woman: On the day of the blind date, an old lady fell down next to him. Without thinking, he picked her up and ran to the hospital. When I came back, I asked him if he was afraid of being taken advantage of. He said that he should do it. At that time, I thought, such a kind person is so rare. Best friend: Oh, it’s rare. What happened to the old lady later? Girl: How? She became my mother-in-law?