Two orioles are singing and the green willows are singing, but I don’t even have a partner! Male and female rabbits are running around, and I don’t even have a partner! I urge God to cheer up, but I don’t even have a partner! I sat up in shock while dying of illness, I didn’t even have a partner! When I see injustice on the road, I yell, I don’t even have a partner! I ask you how much sorrow you can have, I don’t even have a partner! I asked my relatives and friends in Luoyang, but I didn’t even have a partner! This song should only exist in heaven, I don’t even have a partner!

My Mac will run out of power in five hours, my iPhone will run out of power after half a day, and my iPad will run out of power in one day. Only a single charge by my boyfriend can last for a long time, including eating and drinking with me. Shopping, being cute, making fun, swiping cards, singing, dancing, being a driver, and other smart functions ~ So what does it mean to have Apple, Donkey Brand, and Grandma Mud! A true luxury is having a useful boyfriend. Agree with the repost~

What if one day I suddenly and unexpectedly die... No one will be on QQ, no one will post on Weibo, this ID will be black forever, and the children I know on the Internet will only I will think that I am disconnected from the Internet... The gay friends in the third dimension do not know the gay friends in the second dimension, and my mother does not know that I have opened Weibo... How should I tell those guys who I care about but don’t know me that I am dead? News...

With her own house, an unmarried woman seems to have become a few years younger out of thin air, and has the patience to slowly choose a lover. A man asked a woman for advice: Let's rent a house to live in first, and then buy a house after we get married and save money, right? The woman replied: Then I might as well rent my husband first.

When China becomes stronger, all foreigners will be asked to take CET-4 and CET-6 in Chinese! Classical Chinese is too simple, and you have to use a writing brush to answer the questions. This is an advantage for them. If you want to annoy me, each person has a kitchen knife and a turtle shell to carve oracle bone inscriptions. The title of the thesis is called "On Three Represents". I listened to all Jay Chou's songs and only listened to "Nunchaku" once. I told him that he was speaking at a normal speed! For reading comprehension, I used the Book of Changes, for the oral exam I was asked to sing Peking Opera, and for the experiment I was asked to make dumplings...

I 10 can’t stand it anymore, I miss you so much, I want to see you every day, you 8 leave it to me Come on, I will never let you down again, let you always be by my side, I love you to the point of love, I will never be half-hearted again, I swear I will only raise you as a puppy in this life. Pig! Repost this picture within 10 seconds, love is "perfect" and "happy till old age!"

A: "What kind of horse only has two legs?" "B:"? have no idea. ” A: “Obama. " B: "..." A: "What kind of mouse only has two legs? "B:"? have no idea. ” A: “Mickey Mouse. " B: "..." A: "What kind of duck only has two legs? ” B: “Donald Duck! ! ! ” A: “Wrong, all ducks have only two legs.” ” B: Vomiting blood!!

Reasons to find a short girlfriend 1. You can hold her and kiss her 2. It will be easy to carry her if she has sprained ankles 3. You can see her wearing nice high heels anytime and anywhere 4 .You can carry it on your shoulders when watching the fun. 5. She is a sweet bird, and there is no pressure when walking together. 6. When she fights with her husband, she can dodge flexibly. 7. She is always younger than her actual age, and she can act like a spoiled child even when she is old. 8. Maintained. The fragile nerves of boys.

The most awesome person selling roasted chicken is Qin Shihuang; the most awesome person doing electric welding is Welding Emperor; the most awesome person selling candied haws -- Tang Taizong; the most awesome person. The one who sells steamed buns - Rong Momo; the most awesome one who sells braised pork - Lu Zhishen; the most awesome one who sells door curtains - Panjinlian; the most awesome one who sells weddings - Xi Menqing; the most awesome one who sells Viagra ——Shi Jin.

A few people were chatting together. The people who smoked said that I was a smoker, the people who practiced swordsman said that I was a swordsman, and the drunk people said that I was a drunkard and a tourist. People say that I am a tourist, but the ladle seller says: You guys talk first, I’m leaving!

"Hard Words from Girls Everywhere" Beijing: I will destroy you; Shanghai: I will sneeze at you; Hebei: I cover you with a white towel; Yunnan: I poison you to death; Guangxi: I kill you; Hubei: I strangle you to death; Jiangsu and Zhejiang: I rub you to death; Xuzhou: I slap you to death; Hunan: I kill you; Fujian: I will cover you to death with a hat; Chongqing: I love you to death; Hainan: I will smash you to death with a coconut; Xinjiang: I will strangle you to death with a silk scarf; Inner Mongolia: I will soak you to death with mare's milk!

< p> Non-mainstream super funny

1. If being beautiful is a mistake, I have made a big mistake; if being smart is a sin, I have committed a heinous crime. Being a human being is really difficult.

But you are fine, you are right and not guilty, I really envy you

2. Don’t always ask why others don’t want to pay attention to you, don’t want to talk to you, because they care about you too much and don’t want to talk to you. Are you realistic? Do you believe it?

3. I don’t want to hit you anymore. You go to the zoo to see if there is a suitable job for you. You can easily be shot by the police if you run around on the street like this.

4. I have been friends with you for so long. You have always cared about me, but I often cause you trouble. I really don’t know how to answer you. Therefore, if you live as a cow or a horse in your next life, I will definitely pull grass for you to eat.

5. I want to watch you talk, but why do you bury your face in your butt? …oh? Sorry, I didn't know that was your face, so where did your ass go?

6. You personally commanded the Yangtze River flood fight. You walk up to the dam, tear open a small bag of white items and throw the pieces into the breach, and the flood quickly subsides. You raise your arms and shout: Anerle sanitary napkins, super suction power! Lock in moisture! Never let anything slip!

7. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly reached out to the barcode scanner and saw the screen display: Pig Trotter Yuan. You thought the machine was broken, so you turned your face over to take a look, and the screen showed pig head meat!

8. There are some things you should know! The sky is used to blow wind and rain; the earth is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove the greatness of mankind; and you: "It is used to stew vermicelli.!"

9. God saw that you were thirsty and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; however, He also saw that there are no idiots in the world, and by the way, He also created you.

10. When the flowers bloom in spring, it is your smile; when the sun burns in summer, it is your enthusiasm; when the fruits in autumn mature, it is your harvest; hehe! Puppy Bear, this way you can hibernate peacefully!

11. With you in my life, my days are full of infinite vitality; with you along the way, I am not afraid of lightning strikes; just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; without you, so good Who should be fed pig food?

12. You are the best among all the people in the country. You rode a bench to the moon. You are the best in the world. You drink from a vat instead of a cup. From ancient times to the present, you are the best. You scare people to death when you go shopping. What do you say? It doesn’t matter, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!

13. Looking at you as a jade tree facing the wind, handsome and graceful, loved by everyone and blooming like a flower, you must be the best among scum and the best among beasts

14. When it comes to IQ, you are out of luck, but when it comes to meanness, count three hundred years forward, three hundred years back, and a total of six hundred years, and no one will surpass you! You fell down at the age of nine and reached your peak at the age of twenty! You don’t have to be eighty years old, you are already toothless to the extreme!

15. Starting from tomorrow, the city has decided to eliminate all mentally handicapped young people who are ugly and detract from the appearance of the city! (Classic sentence) Pack your things quickly and go out to avoid the limelight. Don’t tell anyone that I informed you. Remember! No need to say thank you.

16. Living is a waste of air, dead is a waste of land, half-dead is a waste of renminbi. Without you, this world would be beautiful no matter what! ! ! !

17. Classic curse words: The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman.

18. There are so many weapons in China, but you don’t learn swordsmanship; instead of learning how to use the upper sword, you learn how to use the lower sword; there are so many moves for lowering the sword, so you learn the drunken sword; instead of learning the iron sword, you learn the silver sword. sword! Finally, you have mastered the unique skill of martial arts: Drunken Silver Sword! Finally, it reaches the state where man and sword merge into one - Swordman

19. Look, your little face is so thin that you don’t even look like a pig! If you throw you into the toilet now, you will vomit in the toilet. If you throw you into a black hole, the black hole will explode itself!

20. It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal. It’s just a dream, but it’s so real. You lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down. I finally can’t help but say to you. : Next time you fart, say it!

21. A barber pressed the customer's head against the faucet and washed his hair vigorously. The customer felt so painful that he asked, "Is there anyone outside?" "What are you doing?" "If there's no one, just kill me with a razor.

”

Internet funny non-mainstream

1. If you are not your guest, you will be your prisoner. Love is a fight to the death anyway.

2. What makes me sad is not that you are not here, but that you are everywhere.

3. I was quite mean when I was young, and I am quite young now.

4. Your acting is so real, how can I believe it?

5. Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are all different.

6. There are women who don’t eat in this world. There may be several women, but not even one who is not jealous.

7. Some people have a strong aura that makes people want to be strangers to them for the rest of their lives.

8. The bad news is that you’ll get a hair out of the pepper and egg rice bowl. The good news is, it’s not rolled

9. We are walking so fast that our souls can’t keep up.

10. You can see the words I type on the screen, but you can’t see the tears I shed on the keyboard.

11. When life lacks fighting spirit, I really want to give up. I have a love rival here to try.

12. As a thin person who once fully understood how to eat without getting fat, now I finally fully understand the feeling of getting fat when I eat.

< p> 13. I am a perfectionist, and I will not clean the room until it is completely dirty.

14. If I hadn’t persuaded myself, I would have fallen out with the world a long time ago.

p>

15. I can’t see clearly when my voice is hoarse, so could you please speak louder?

16. Don’t think that I am a cynical little ruffian. In fact, I am. The affectionate liar.

17. I have a habit of putting a dagger on my bedside table before going to bed, just in case someone comes in in the middle of the night and can’t find the knife to stab me.

18. If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card

19. Don’t look back, I only love your back.

20. You are all the flowers of the motherland, I see you. Just pinch one.

21. Look at you! Look at your back and scare away thousands of troops.

22. Your husband. Already in bed elsewhere, you are forced to get out of bed

23. If you are a flower, no cow will dare to poop in the future!

24. Women are more capital than men. Pretending to be better than that is called perversion

25. The greatest tragedy in life: Beauty grows old, and heroes go bald.

26. You keep your secrets, but I keep mine. Love.

27. There are no free pies in the sky, but there are free bricks.

28. The tongue lasts longer than the teeth, and the software lasts longer than the hardware.

29. My wife said she wanted to see lightning, so I used a kitchen knife to chop the wires.

30. I even believe the advertisements. You must be stupid by reading!

31. Those deep feelings are not just a simple sentence. I think you can explain it clearly.

32. Human life is like shit. Sometimes you have worked very hard but all that comes out is just a fart. Non-mainstream posts are funny

1. I want to be thin and become a flash of lightning to light up all the fat people

2. Don’t think about the favors you have done to others, because no one will remember except you.

3. My principle is: I will not offend others unless they offend me; if they offend me, I will get angry!

4. Thank you, thank you uncle, thank you to your whole family, thank you to the eighteen generations of our ancestors.

5. Iron pillars can be ground into needles, but wooden pillars can only be ground into toothpicks. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

6. There is no right or wrong in many things in the world. The more people do it, the more people will distinguish right from wrong.

7. Every time I take the elevator and hear the "ding" sound of the door opening, I feel like I am in a microwave oven, and sometimes there are acquaintances inside.

8. Be a good person and " "Four things can stand": it can stand looking, it can stand testing, it can stand questioning, and it can stand investigation.

9. The only reason why I am fat is that my body is too small to accommodate my full personality.

10. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock; I like your personality, but not your gender!

11. Have you been copied today? Your whole family has been copied...

12. You think you have trampled me under your feet, but you don’t know that I can cut off that tree at any time. Your head

13. A woman’s innocence cannot be faked, unless she is pure at heart

14. When the child saw the handkerchief, he replied, “There is a woolen handkerchief.”

15. You are not a reusable bag, so don’t always pretend and pretend and pretend.

16. When I find my wife, the first thing I will do is kiss her for three days. Ye, I want to ask, where have you died these years?

17. Although the green hills are left, there is still no firewood.

18. I can’t bear to eat porridge every day. I went to the vegetable market yesterday and walked around. I think I’d better continue eating porridge.

19. Geography teacher: What would happen to our world if the earth stopped rotating? Student B: Even if the earth stops rotating, we will still continue to rotate around the center with Chairman Hu as the center

20. I received a text message on my mobile phone. There is a monkey in the zoo that is extremely ugly. When I see people vomiting, one day I went there and I vomited, and one day you went there and the monkey vomited.

21. Although the famous flower has its owner, I will loosen the soil! Talk about mood phrases

22. Sorry! I'm already dead! But thanks for coming to see me! I will also visit you at 12 o'clock tonight!

23. Loneliness is the carnival of one person, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people

24. Shiitake was walking on the road and was hit by an orange. Shiitake said angrily: "It didn't grow. Eyes, go to hell." Then the orange died. Because the bacteria killed the orange, the orange had to die.

25. Life is like angry birds. When you fail, there are always a few pigs laughing.